She giggled at my very lame attempt at humor. Man, I really wished she’d go. I wanted to see who’d been texting me, but my mum had done a pretty good job of raising me not to be rude. I also had a fair idea of where this conversation was heading and I wasn’t looking forward to it.
“You can stay with me if you like.”
And there it was.
“Thanks,” I said, doing my best to keep my voice warm and friendly, “but I’m good. It’s part of the American experience, crashing at a motel, yeah? I’m hoping to find a Howard Johnson. I see them all the time on the movies and figured I’d check one out for a lark. We don’t have those back home.”
For all I know, we did. But it was the first American motel chain name that popped into my tired, frazzled, tormented brain.
Timpani pursed her lips, and then circled my wrist with her fingers, and wrote a string of numbers along my inner forearm with a pen. She actually wrote on my arm with a pen.
“That’s my number,” she said, smiling up at me. “Call me when you get tired of being alone.”
My phone vibrated into life in my hand with a received text message, and there wasn’t a hope in hell I could stop my Oh thank God, before it burst from me.
Timpani pursed her lips again and tottered out of the recovery room. I swear if she swung her hips any more she would have dislocated her lower spine.
I let out a sigh, feeling more relieved than I probably should have, and looked down at the new message on my phone.
It was from Brendon, and it was short and to the point: Get your arse outside.
I hadn’t expected the sun to be so low in the western sky when I followed his instructions and got my arse outside. Where had the day gone?
I also hadn’t expected to find Brendon sitting behind the wheel of his car in the parking lot. My eyebrows shot up my head. I gaped at him. What the hell?
Grinning, he got out of the car.
I reversed the direction of my eyebrows, greeting him with a frown. “What the hell are you doing here?”
He laughed. And accepted my fist bump before giving me a rough hug. “My cousin is in trouble. Where else would I be?”
I knew the words weren’t random. Nothing Brendon ever did was random. The greeting mimicked my own, delivered to him last year when I arrived unexpected from Australia when Tanner was in hospital.
“Are you alone?” I asked, casting his car a quick look. In Australia, Brendon had driven a very clapped-out hatchback. Since moving to the States and setting up his personal training business, he drove a SUV. The SUV sat gleaming in the sinking sun’s rays, looking like a sports car disguised as a family car, complete with an Ironman booster-seat in the back.
“Yeah. Tanner is at home with Mandy.” He paused. “And Chase.”
My heart jumped into my throat. She was at Brendon and Amanda’s place? I let out a ragged breath. I think I may have even slumped a little. Relief rushed through me.
“Where did you think she’d be?” Brendon studied me, clearly surprised at my reaction.
I scratched at my beard and shook my head. “I don’t know. I was really hoping she’d still be here with me until I fucked up.”
Brendon narrowed his eyes and tilted his head toward the car. “C’mon. Let’s get out of here so you can tell me how you fucked up.”
Hitching my duffle bag farther up my shoulder, I snorted. “When you put it that way.”
We walked to his SUV and climbed in. “When did you decide to come to LA?" I asked as I buckled up.
Brendon started the ignition and grinned at me. “When Tanner and I were eating ice cream.”
“Okay.” I didn’t believe it. I don’t remember the last time my cousin ate junk food. Actually, that’s a lie. I do. Tanner’s second birthday party. Brendon had two slices of cake, a cup cake, three lollies – what you guys in the US call candy – and a whole can of lemonade. “Now when did you really decide?”
He laughed, and then didn’t answer for a while, focusing instead on joining the busy traffic streaming past the animal hospital. “Where’s your hotel?”
I told him, not in the least surprised when he laughed again. “Let’s get you somewhere closer,” he said.
I grunted. “Absolutely. Maybe then you’ll tell me why you’re here. And how Chase is going? And if she ever wants to talk to me again.”
“Whoa.” He shot me a surprised look. “The last thing I heard her say about you was that the pair of you had lots of sex. Are you really that bad at it she’d never want to talk to you again?”
“She what?” I stared at him, gut clenching. “She said what?”
Of course, he did another one of those annoying stretches where he focused on the road rather than my question. I’m eighty-two percent certain he did it on purpose.
It wasn’t until we were coasting along with the rest of the northbound traffic that he finally answered me. “I decided to get my arse up here ninety-minutes ago, when Tanner and I came back from getting ice cream to find Chase pacing our living room, chewing on her bottom lip and looking more stressed than I’ve ever seen Chase look, while Amanda lectured her about some guy called Professor Perry. It seemed to me, given that Mandy was appalled every time she even said this Perry guy’s name, that whatever was going on, you needed help. Figured you’d stuffed up somehow and needed family to smack some sense into you.”
“Thanks.” I let out a shaky sigh. “I think.”
My gut continued to clench, a churning mess of uncertainty and guilt. Shit. Had I driven Chase back into Donald the Dude’s arms by being an overprotective moron?
Brendon gave me a quick smile. I didn’t miss the concern in his face. “I would have brought Tanner with me,” he said, “but I’m not sure how well this dog that you rescued is, and I didn’t want him getting upset if the news wasn’t good.”
My heart swelled at the sound of Tanner’s name. Damn, I was impatient to see that little guy. He put everything into perspective, made you realize how free of problems your life really was.
So I’d been out of line with the girl I was in love. So I’d been overprotective with her. So she was conflicted about me. So I’d pissed her off so much that after we’d finally moved to the next level of our relationship she’d bolted home. So there was another dude doing his best to muscle me out of the picture. Compared to surviving leukemia by the age of two, those things were inconsequential. Still, my bloody heart and soul ached over them. Stupid heart and soul.
“How’s he going?” I asked. “I can’t wait to see him. I made him an Ant-Man puppet. It fits on my pinkie finger.”
Brendon snorted out a laugh. “You really are special, you know that?”
I didn’t miss his sardonic emphasis on the word “special”. “You wish you could be as special as me.”
He laughed again, shaking his head. “God help me. Now talk. What’s the deal?”
“What do you know?” I asked.
“You and Chase did the deed, quite a few times apparently, she turned up at our place angry with someone, and I don’t think it’s just Charles, and Mandy is horrified by – I’m assuming, based on what I heard before I left – some kind of relationship Chase is having or had with this Professor Perry guy. That’s it.”
Fixing a blank stare on the tailgate of the car in front of us, I rubbed at the back of my neck. “Donald the Dude was her Art History professor at uni.”
“Donald the Dude?”
“Perry,” I said, the knot in my gut twisting tighter. “He was with Chase at LAX.”
“With with? Or just with?”
I gave a wry chuckle. “At the time, I would have said just with. She didn’t look overly happy when he touched her, that’s for sure. But the bastard hasn’t stopped calling and texting her since. She told me they had a thing while she was still his student, but it was over. The way he’s constantly trying to contact her, I don’t think he wants it to be.” I laughed again, the sound devoid of humor. “Or maybe it’s just because he real
ized he had competition when he met me.”
Brendon shot me a quick glance. “Did you know this before or after all the sex?”
“Before.”
“And he’s the reason why Chase is at our place? Angry and upset and allowing Mandy to lecture her? By the way, I should point out, they’re both signing. That should tell you something, right?”
“Fuck.”
“You could say that.” With a gun of the engine, he changed lanes before giving me another glance. “It’s more than this Donald guy though, isn’t it? You wouldn’t be here, looking the way you do, if it was just competition for Chase’s attention you were facing. You’ve done something stupid.”
I wanted to be insulted that Brendon would think that. I couldn’t be.
“Yeah,” I muttered. “I did. A few things actually.”
“Okay.” Brendon nodded. “Let’s deal with them one at a time. First dumb thing. What was it?”
In case you’re not familiar with Brendon, this is how he approaches life: with an unwavering determination to succeed. Add to the mix his optimism and firm belief he can achieve anything he sets his mind to and you’ve got a guy who doesn’t waste time getting stuff done. It’s one of the ways he and I are different. I joke about almost everything in life, he focuses on making everything in life exactly the way he wants it to be.
“First dumb thing,” I said. “I yelled at her about her hearing when we were rescuing Doofus from the road.”
“Doofus is the dog?”
“Doofus is the dog.” I swallowed. “She ran out onto the road to help me, and almost got hit by a car. When we got back to the side of the road, I yelled at her. A lot.”
“Why?” Brendon asked without taking his attention from the traffic. I was beginning to recognize the area, which meant we were getting closer to Anaheim.
“Because I’m thinking of ditching the whole vet thing and becoming an auctioneer and I was trying out my shouting voice.”
Before I realized what he was doing, Brendon pulled the car to the side of the road and killed the engine.
I frowned at him. He twisted in his seat, resting an elbow on the steering wheel as he studied me.
“What?” I asked.
“Y’know, it’s okay to get angry, cousin,” he said. “It’s okay to show you’re pissed off at a situation. I know you don’t think it is, that you have to smother your anger with lame jokes – normally ones at your own expense – but you don’t.”
I stared at him, not sure what to say.
“I remember when your parents got their divorce,” he went on, his voice calm. “I remember watching them – and you – hide what you were really feeling. Hell, I heard Mum and Dad talking about your parents’ split more than once, and they were of the opinion Aunt Rachel and Uncle Steven weren’t doing you any favors not letting you see how angry, how upset they were about their marriage breaking up. I remember you bottling up your anger until you looked like you were about to burst. I think that’s when you really started to throw out the witty jokes whenever you felt agitated or stressed. I get it. I do. But there are times when not looking like you’re taking things seriously can fuck things up even more. Talking with me, now?” He shook his head, his smile warm. “You don’t have to make jokes about yourself with me. You know that, right?”
I drew in a slow breath.
“Now,” he said. “Why did you yell at Chase on the side of the road?”
Chest heavy, I puffed out a sigh. “Because she scared the shit out of me,” I answered truthfully. “Because I thought she was going to get hit by a car because she couldn’t hear it and it would have been my fault because I’d put her in danger and couldn’t protect her when she needed me to.”
“So, was the shouting about how you fucked up, or was it the fact you shouted about her hearing?”
I shook my head. “I thought it was about her hearing until she accused me of being over protective.”
“Ahhh.” Brendon grinned. “And there’s problem number one. Chase does not want to be protected, Caden. Not ever.”
A dry chuckle fell from me. “I figured that out eventually. Unfortunately, not until after Second Dumb Thing and Third Dumb Thing.”
Brendon closed his eyes, pinching at the bridge of his nose. “Caden,” he muttered, shaking his head. He looked at me again, lips curling. “Okay, hit me with them. Dumb thing number two.”
“I forgot she couldn’t hear in her left ear and tried to apologize.”
He burst out laughing. I hadn’t expected that. “You forgot she was hearing impaired and then tried to protect her feelings by apologizing?”
“Yeah.”
“You forgot one of the defining aspects of the woman you love?”
“Way to make a guy feel good about himself, cousin,” I grumbled.
“And that’s it?” he asked, ignoring my feeble attempt at self-pity.
“I also whispered in her ear,” I said, “while we were . . . err . . .”
“Ahh,” he responded, saving me from actually saying what Chase and I were doing at the time. “I see. And you think you’ve offended her?”
“I don’t think it helped my case.”
“Your case is you’re an awesome guy with an awesome heart who loves her for her heart, not her hearing.”
The words sent something warm and fuzzy through me. Who said guys can’t emotionally react to statements like that? Showing it, however . . .
“Dude,” I said as a smile stretched my lips, “did you just say I have an awesome heart?”
Brendon laughed. “I did. I’m not so tough I can’t say what’s in my own heart. Have you thought that might be a good thing?”
“That I forgot?” I raised my eyebrows.
“That you’re not hung up on her hearing. That you don’t think of her as Chase who has a hearing impairment, but rather Chase who’s the only girl you’ve ever loved?”
“Who says she’s the only girl I’ve ever loved?”
He laughed. “Caden, I’ve known you since you were in nappies and I’ve never seen you so enamored. From the second you laid eyes on Chase you were gone.”
“Enamored?” I snorted. “You been reading a thesaurus lately, cousin?”
“Blow me,” he answered with a chuckle.
“No, thanks,” I shot back. “I’m watching my calorie intake.”
He shook his head, smile wide. “I think you’re the only one who’s holding onto Dumb Thing Number Two. Want me to sing that song at you? Let it go, mate. Let it go.”
For a moment, an image of Brendon dressed in a sheer and gauzy blue dress, prancing about in an ice castle filled my head. Thank God it was just for a moment.
He was right though. Chase Sinclair was the only girl I’ve ever loved.
He was also right about the fact I didn’t define her by her hearing. She was just Chase to me. When I was with her, I felt more content than ever. When I was with her, the world sang. When I was with her, everything was right and the way it was meant to be. I wanted to share my moments with her, my thoughts. I wanted to hear her thoughts on everything. I wanted to sit with her and watch movies. I wanted to exist in comfortable silence with her. She challenged me and completed me and made me like who I was when I was with her.
That had nothing to do with the fact she could sign, or that she had hearing difficulties, and everything to do with the fact she was Chase: snarky, witty, creative, intelligent, beautiful Chase.
God, what would I do if she never loved me back? If I’d destroy any chance of us being an “us” for real?
“So, Dumb Thing Number Three,” Brendon said, starting the car again. “What is it?”
I waited until he was back in the flow of traffic before answering. If we were still parked, Dumb Thing Number Three was likely to earn me a punch to the arm.
“Well?” he prodded, a few yards down the road.
Fuck. Here we go.
“While Chase was out buying . . . buying condoms I answered her mobile when
Donald the Dude called and told him she was too busy to get back to him.”
“Ahh,” Brendon said. “Now I understand.”
Guilt lashed at me. I slumped in my seat, staring glumly at the road. The sun was almost behind the horizon now, bathing everything around us in a garish blood-orange light.
“It gets better,” I said, watching as streetlights and business signs flickered to life around us. “I didn’t tell her what I’d done for two days and then when I finally did, I told her if she wasn’t going to protect herself from dicks like Perry, it meant someone else would need to.”
“Fuck a duck, Cade.”
My throat thickened at Brendon’s groaned response.
“Yeah,” I grunted. “Told you it got better.”
He flicked me a glance. “First things first. You need to apologize for being a dick.”
“What if I’m too late? What if Perry has swooped in and taken her from me?”
I wasn’t expecting his chuckle, nor his smile. “Caden, Chase likes you. Neither Amanda nor I ask her to get you from LAX or take you back. She does it off her own bat. And every one of those sock puppets you’ve made her are on full display in her bedroom. Amanda told me. Chase isn’t the kind of person who’d keep something given to her by someone she doesn’t like. That Thor one you made her is on her bed. Her bed. So while this Perry guy might be trying like hell to get back into her life, you’re in her bed every night.”
The invisible pressure that had wrapped around my chest since I woke in the motel room to find Chase not there, seemed to fall away. “So what? Do I swoop in and prove to her I’m the one she wants?”
“Swoop in and show her you’re the one she needs.”
I laughed. Life was not, nor ever had been about doing things half-arsed for Brendon. Go hard or go home was his motto.
“Bit tricky to do,” I said, “when I’m here in Laguna Niguel and she’s back in San Diego.”
“You have a phone, don’t you? Call her. Text her. Apologize for being an overprotective idiot. Don’t let her forget you. Be in her head. Be in it so much there’s no room for this Donald dude. And as soon as you can get to San Diego, get there.”
Squirming on my seat, I dug my mobile out of my pocket. It was fully charged now, care of the animal hospital’s power, but I was still incapable of calling or texting her. I let out a ragged sigh.
Undeniable (Always Book 3) Page 18