With slow steps she entered the bedroom. Not yet ten but the day had been filled with enervating events. Mrs. Patton’s chest pain. Tom’s latest attempt to force her to commit fraud. Rafe’s arrival. Her meltdown. The barrage of memories. Perhaps sleep could bring an escape from the fragments of the past slicing the walls she’d raised.
For what seemed like hours, she tossed and turned, seeking to escape from remembered kisses and caresses. Her body heated. She tossed the shirt aside and reached in the bedside stand for the vibrator that had become her man of choice, one who had no face or name.
She pressed the switch and placed the vibrating object over her pulsing vulva. The flow of blood increased. The tempo of her breathing changed. Soft moans arose. As she reached for completion a vision of Rafe appeared. The sensations ebbed.
Frustrated she set the vibrator aside. She pulled on her shirt, padded to the family room and turned on the television.
Why? Why did she need his physical presence to bring the release that had never eluded her before?
Manon straightened. There was a way as risky as walking on a rope over Niagara Falls. She could see Rafe, not for love, not for a relationship. For sex. She could handle sex.
* * *
When his alarm went off at five fifteen, Rafe yawned and stretched. He hit the button to turn off the annoying noise. With a groan he forced his groggy thoughts to center on getting up and dressed.
Another cold shower was needed but this time to wash away the remnants of sleep. A night of restlessness marked by sudden jolts and vivid images of his impact with the road had left him tired. Twice the scene with the light and Tom’s face had appeared. Had returning to Fern Lake been a mistake?
After the shower and dressing in a suit, he grabbed his jacket, gloves and keys. A yearning look at the coffee maker made him shake his head. Later, he decided. He headed to the garage for his bike.
By six fifteen he left the lab. His stomach growled. Food and coffee were his immediate needs. He hoped caffeine would keep him awake. Wired was better than dragging through the day. He passed an alcove where vending machines promised hot beverages and snacks. He passed them and followed signs for the cafeteria.
The moment he opened the door and inhaled the aroma of coffee, he grabbed a tray. Lured by the many aromas, he moved along the line, pausing for orange juice. At the center section he waited while a cook prepared an omelet with ham, cheese and vegetables. If the scents meant anything, this was the best hospital food he had ever eaten. He filled two large paper cups with coffee and added a jelly doughnut.
At a table in the corner of the room, he devoured every bite. The large wall clock showed he had time before finding the office on the fifth floor. With the second cup in hand, he cleared the table and headed to the second floor and Gran Ruth. Maybe she could fill him in on the people he would meet today.
He dashed upstairs and entered the cardiac unit. There, he rattled the curtain of Gran Ruth’s cubicle. “Are you decent?”
“As much as anyone can be in a hospital gown. You’re early. First day jitters?”
“Not really. Lab appointment.”
“I’d forgotten.” She smiled. “Should go easier than any other first day you’ve had. CEO and Board president visited last evening. They’re glad you’re here.”
Her words reminded him of his first day at the private high school, the day he’d met Manon. “Ate breakfast in the cafeteria. Great food.”
“It is that.” She pointed to the wash basin on the overbed table. “Empty that.”
Rafe set his coffee on the bedside stand. He looked for a sink and saw none. “Where?”
“Utility room. Straight ahead to the desk, turn right and walk down the hall until you reach the second door on the left.”
He laughed. “Step by step directions are good for someone who has never walked these halls.” He lifted the basin. “Will take me two or three weeks to find my way around. Changes have been made since the last time I was at this hospital and never ventured beyond the ER.”
“There are floor plans on my office computer. Print them out and study.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He left the cubicle.
When he returned he slid the basin in the bedside stand. He hugged her and sat in the chair to sip the coffee. “You look much better.” Her color had lost the gray tinge. Her dark eyes twinkled.
“Feel a lot better.” She rested against the pillow. “A warning. You’ve a full day starting with a morning of meetings. I wish I could guide you. But I’m here so you’re on your own. In the middle desk drawer you’ll find a notebook with my opinions about what will happen in the meetings. Are you alert? You look whipped.”
“Had a rough night. New space. New noises.”
“Old flame?”
“That, too.” He raised the cup and sipped. “Someone told Manon I was dead. She fainted when she saw me.”
“Any idea who?”
“She can’t remember.”
Gran Ruth frowned. “I kept the news of your accident and survival secret because the police believed someone tried to kill you. After you recovered, I figured you had chosen a new direction. Maybe I should have spoken.”
Rafe clasped her hand. “Enough guilt. What can you tell me about the department heads I’ll be meeting?”
“I’ll start with the supervisors though your meeting with them is the last one. You’ll need to schedule time with the evening and night ones soon.”
“Tomorrow.”
“Good idea. All the day supervisors either have or are working on Master’s degrees. You’ll find them efficient. I’ll warn you about one, Janice Moore. Excellent nurse or I wouldn’t have kept her.”
“Why is there a question?”
“She’s the hospital’s unofficial welcoming committee, especially for new male hires.”
Rafe groaned. “Got you. I’ll be careful. I’m only interested in one woman and she’s not a nurse. Now about the other department heads.”
“Brian Jones, CFO, will want suggestions for budget cuts. Hold fast to what I’ve proposed. Jan Todsca, CEO, worries about the hospital’s reputation. Assure her for a small hospital our nursing staff is highly praised by patients, families and the doctors. The other department heads will argue for their departmental budgets. And the doctors will want new and expensive equipment.”
Rafe laughed. “In other words, just like every other hospital administration.”
“You are so right.” She sighed. “Wish I could be there to watch. My advice, stand firm and go get them.”
“On your command.” He rose. “I’m off to find those notes and print out floor plans.” He saluted and left.
After reaching the office, Rafe set the computer to print and started opening floor plan files. He pulled the notebook from the center drawer and studied Gran Ruth’s notes.
At eight thirty, Mrs. Martin, Gran’s secretary, appeared in the doorway. “Welcome. I printed out the agendas for your meetings. Do you need anything else?”
“Gran, Mrs. Patton supplied me with her notes. I can’t think of anything else at the moment.”
“Good.” The gray-haired woman nodded. “I’ll field all your calls and make notes on which ones need calls back.”
“Thanks.” Rafe gathered the notes. “Could you print out the memos for the past month?”
“Will do.” She paused in the doorway. “How is Ruth? I visited her last evening. Was alarmed.” She met his gaze. “I don’t want doctor babble but an honest opinion.”
Rafe stopped a smile from forming. “She looked less gray and her vitals were good. They’re running tests.” He lifted the notes and the agenda and followed the older woman into the corridor.
Moments later, he arrived in the large conference room for the first meeting. During the initial time, Rafe mainly listened and kept his comments to Gran Ruth’s notes. When they came to the business of computers, he nodded to the others. “I recently finished a project at a city hospital studying their comput
er system and helping make it function properly. I’m willing to do that here. We are mandated to have a computer system up and running.”
The CFO nodded. “One of the reasons you’re on board. We’re considering two systems. Once you have your department organized I’d like your input.”
Rafe nodded. “Give me a month.”
By the time the meeting ended Rafe had formed opinions of the others and knew which of the department heads he could depend on. Bringing Fern Lake General into the computer age was a challenge he savored.
He left the room, found the coffee station in the Nursing Office and walked to the small conference and waited for the day supervisors to arrive. The first part of the meeting dealt with introductions and a few of the problems the five women thought should be aired.
The oldest of the women leaned forward. “Are you coming in with a broom, cleaning house and bringing in your own people?”
Rafe flattened his hands on the table. “I have no people. Plus, my grandmother has developed an excellent staff. Other than moving the department into the computer age, I’ll wait to see if other changes will be needed.”
“Good enough.” Her smile released his tension.
“Let the evening and night supervisors know I’ll meet with them tomorrow. Seven AM for nights and three PM for evenings.”
Before long the meeting adjourned. All but one of the women left. Rafe gathered his notes.
Janice Moore sidled toward him and blocked his path to the door. Rafe braced for the encounter.
“I’m so sorry about Mrs. Patton’s health issues.” Janice’s toothy smile made Rafe feel as though she wanted to bite him.
“She’s improving.”
Janice stepped closer. “Allow me to welcome you to Fern Lake General.” She reached for him.
Rafe evaded and slid past her, hoping for a graceful exit. He wasn’t buying what she peddled.
The loudspeaker crackled. “Dr. Lockley to CCU.”
“Got to go.” Rafe dashed from the room and sped down the stairs to the second floor. His breathing rasped as he hit the door to the cardiac unit. Manon stood at the desk.
“What happened to Gran?” he asked.
“She’s fine.” Manon smiled. “They need a bed for an emergency and asked if she could be moved to the step-down unit.”
The muscles in Rafe’s shoulders uncoiled. He drew a deep breath and savored Manon’s scent. “So she’s on the mend.”
“Definitely. Just don’t bother her with hospital matters.”
“Even if she asks?”
“I’d say you should ignore her but I’m sure she won’t stop asking. No big problems.” She reached for the chart rack.
Rafe blocked her. “Are you free for lunch? We need to talk.” The citrus scent and the aroma of woman raised an erection he hoped didn’t show.
The ice in her blue-gray eyes made him wish he’d stopped with the invitation. For some reason, she didn’t want to talk. She reached for a chart.
Rafe crossed his arms. “Will you?”
“Why?”
Backtrack. Forget the real reason. “I’d like to catch up on what my friends are doing.”
“What about your enemies?”
“Seem to remember there was only one and unfortunately he’s in town.”
A look of disgust flashed in her eyes. “Be warned. He knows you’re here. I’m afraid he’ll spread stories about you and your reason for returning.”
“Still a gossip?” Rafe asked. There had been times in the past when Tom had used improvised whispers to harm others.
“He is. You need to be ready to counter him.”
“Why?”
“He cares what other people think about him.” She signed the chart and dropped it in the order basket. “Be careful.” She walked away.
Rafe followed her into the hall and caught her hand. “Come to the cafeteria. As well as old friends you could give me a rundown on your colleagues. Been warned not to ask Gran. What can you tell me about Janice Moore?”
Her peal of laughter caused passersby to stare. “She’s a good nurse.”
“So Gran said. Called her a welcoming committee of one.”
“Did she welcome you?”
“Tried. I ran. Lunch?”
“The cafeteria it is.”
Chapter 4
The moment Manon agreed to have lunch with Rafe, she wished the words unspoken. After hearing about their friends, he would want to talk about the things she had buried in deep recesses of her mind. She didn’t want to recall those days when life had been full of promise for the future, the one that had shattered. She needed to find a way to accept being alone with him. Time spent in his presence brought the same attraction she’d felt at their first meeting.
Motorcycle, leather jacket, then and now. Conflicted emotions steered her toward a repeat of those days. Not only had they been in the same classes but their July birthdays had been just a year and a few days apart.
Why did he have to be so appealing? She’d met men more handsome but none had tempted her the way Rafe had and did. Dark wavy hair with that tousled look made her want to run her fingers through the thick mass. Blue eyes, promised passion she had to refuse. Every minute in his company brought recollections of sweet, potent kisses stolen in times and places she wanted to forget.
They had woven fantasies of a happy-ever-after. Those dreams had turned into nightmares.
Manon caught her lower lip between her teeth. She needed no more fantasies. Twelve years ago, the dreams had shattered. How could a thousand shards fuse again?
She drew a deep breath scented with Rafe’s spicy aftershave and an aroma belonging to him alone. Her hands tightened on the strap of her medical bag. Spending too much time in his company could erode her control. Her desire to flee rose like a geyser. She halted.
Rafe turned. “Are you coming?”
“No.”
He scowled. Manon tensed waiting for an angry response.
“Why not?”
She couldn’t muster an answer she could express. Was she afraid of him? Possibly. Was she afraid he would burrow beneath the ice over her emotions? Probably.
“I can’t stay long.” Would that answer work? She really didn’t have time for a long lunch hour,
“Fine. I’ll take what I can get.”
Was that a threat or a promise? Her face heated. Control, control, control. She had grieved for him only to find the grief had no basis. Most days, sadness had been stronger than anger and disappointment. She braced her shoulders and forced those thoughts away. She wouldn’t walk that road again.
Though she usually took the stairs, the idea of being alone with Rafe in the dimly lit stairwell didn’t suit her. She halted at the elevator and pressed the button.
“The stairs are quicker,” Rafe said.
The door opened in time to prevent her from answering. She stepped inside the crowded car. Rafe followed and stood too close. Manon saw the way the women, some young and others old enough to be his mother, stared. Their appraisal bothered her and she didn’t like the feeling.
Don’t touch, he’s mine.
She couldn’t afford possessive thoughts. That dream was in the past and must remain there or she was doomed to make the same choice.
Rafe had always charmed women and even some men. Her shoulders braced. The random thought froze front and center. She nearly blurted the words. She tried to dislodge the desire to warn everyone and to stake her claim. She had no desire to trust Rafe not to hurt her again.
The moment the elevator doors opened, she bolted past Rafe. She had to escape. She couldn’t do lunch. She needed air. She needed space.
Rafe touched her arm. “Cafeteria’s this way.”
The panic lessened. “I need fresh air.”
“You’re running away.”
She knew she was. She glanced around and saw people staring. “I’d rather leave.”
“We could go to the diner.”
She couldn’t. The
diner had been where their study group had met. And after the sessions had ended, she and Rafe had found somewhere to be alone. With an abrupt move, she changed direction. “Here is fine.”
At the cafeteria, Rafe held the door for her. Her stomach knotted. She took a try and moved ahead of him and chose a light healthy lunch. Rafe’s choice of cheese fries made her think cholesterol. Someone should teach him about healthy eating.
At the register, she paid for her meal.
Rafe walked beside her. “You didn’t have to pay. My invite means my treat.”
She shrugged. “Dutch is my way these days.”
“I see."
She looked away. How could she let him pay for her meal? That would mean the connection she wanted to deny existed. He had taken money from her father and left town. Even thinking about that event made her gut churn. Speaking about that bribe hovered on her tongue. She couldn’t speak, not here in this room where others could hear.
Manon followed him to a table for two near the windows looking into the garden. She wished she had escaped. Instead, she was trapped. The interested glances of her colleagues and the sly looks of the nurses added to her uneasiness. Janice Stone glared. Manon was tempted to deny any interest in Rafe, but that would be a lie.
The clatter of dishes and the rise and fall of voices provided a cover for their conversation. Manon ate her soup and waited for Rafe to begin. She didn’t want to be the first to break the sullen silence.
He popped the last cheese fry in his mouth and swallowed. “How is Jay?”
“Rude as ever. Composing music for a Broadway show. You know how he is when he’s creating.”
“Doesn’t talk. Leave me be.” Rafe met her gaze. “Is he living in NYC?”
Manon laughed. “Too noisy. Too busy. He’s here and practically a hermit. Only emerges between creative bursts and runs amok socializing. Lives in the family house. Mom left the place to him. Really angered our father.”
“I’ll give Jay a call.”
She put her spoon down. “He’ll be surprised but he won’t faint.”
Shattered Dreams (Moonchild) Page 4