by Emily Forbes
‘I’m not the right man for her,’ he said. ‘Kitty is looking for someone who can commit to her, someone who will promise to never leave her. I don’t believe in happily ever after. We’d be a terrible combination.’
‘You think?’
Joe nodded. He’d given this a lot of thought over the past couple of weeks, and no matter how much he might wish things had turned out differently he knew he wasn’t the right man for Kitty. He was not what Kitty needed. ‘Trust me, I’m not the man she needs and I really don’t want to ruin a perfectly good friendship.’
Cam laughed. ‘There’s no such thing as a friendship between a man and a woman. You’ve heard that saying. Men will always muck it up by wanting sex.’
Cam definitely had a point, but Joe couldn’t agree with him. He was desperate to bring this conversation to an end before he admitted to something that had disaster written all over it. ‘Wanting and having are two different things, my friend,’ he said, ‘and it’s the having that mucks things up. Better Kitty and I stick to what we do best. It’s worked for us so far.’
‘OK, mate, whatever you say.’ Cam’s expression was sceptical as he covered the barbecue and knocked the lids off a couple more beers.
Joe knew he didn’t believe him, and he couldn’t blame Cam. Even Joe was not convinced, but he knew he couldn’t give in to his desires no matter how much he wanted to. He really couldn’t risk ruining his relationship with Kitty over his crazy ideas. Surely, given time, he’d get this ridiculous feeling out of his system and life would go on with Kitty being none the wiser.
* * *
Twenty-eight weeks. Only twelve to go.
Kitty was no longer thinking of her life in terms of days of the week or even months of the year—everything had been reduced to weeks of her pregnancy and the associated milestones. At twenty-eight weeks she was two-thirds of the way there. The baby was putting on weight, her skin was filling out and she was constantly on the move.
Last week she had volunteered to be a patient at one of the student sonography clinics held at the hospital and she had asked to find out the baby’s sex. She was having a girl.
But she had hugged that knowledge to herself. She’d had to share every little piece of this pregnancy with Jess and Cam, and for the most part she’d been happy to do that, but it was nice to have something that was hers alone. She felt a little guilty about keeping the secret, and on occasion she’d had to be careful with her language to ensure she didn’t use ‘she’ in reference to the baby too often. An occasional mention could be passed off as a figure of speech but she had to remember to use ‘he’ at times too. But in her opinion there was no harm in having this one secret. It wasn’t going to hurt anyone.
Cam didn’t want to know the baby’s sex and Kitty knew it was better to keep her secret than to risk spoiling the surprise for Cam. And not knowing hadn’t stopped Jess from starting to decorate the nursery. She had gone for a white palette with pretty pale apple green accents, which she said she could team with pink or navy depending on whether the baby was a boy or a girl.
The baby kicked as if knowing Kitty was thinking about her. She put a hand on her belly and smiled. She was happy. She was doing a good thing for her sister, growing a beautiful baby—and she’d even patched things up with Joe. Things were back on an even keel with him since her birthday dinner. As far as she knew, he was still seeing Victoria but she was trying not to let that bother her. She’d avoided going out with the hospital staff since that night. She used fatigue and the fact that she wasn’t drinking as her excuse, but she really didn’t want to put herself in a situation where she would have to see Joe and Victoria together. As long as she didn’t have to see them together she could pretend it wasn’t happening. Ignorance might not be bliss but it was better than the alternative.
And she was finding work tiring. Being on her feet for hours on end while carrying around an extra six kilograms was exhausting. She hadn’t put on a lot of weight but six kilograms was just the beginning and it felt like a lot on her small frame, meaning she was happy to spend most nights on the couch.
She was due for a break and, unlike her pre-pregnancy days when she’d often skipped or shortened her breaks, now she looked forward to them and made sure she sat down for a few minutes to give her feet and ankles a rest. Her Saturday night shift had been busy and she didn’t expect it to get any quieter. She grabbed a sandwich and a piece of fruit from her locker and took it outside.
To her left she spotted Joe, sitting on the retaining wall that separated the garden bed from the ambulance bay. Victoria was standing in front of him, partially obscuring Kitty’s view, but she only needed a glimpse to know it was him. Kitty tried to ignore the feelings of jealousy that swamped her. She hated feeling jealous, but she hated seeing Joe with Victoria even more. She was still blaming her hormones even though she knew it was really about the almost-kiss. She was having trouble forgetting that.
She’d been an idiot. She’d nearly ruined their friendship. Of course he’d hesitated. She’d crossed their boundaries. She was relieved that he didn’t seem to be holding her faux pas against her, but she couldn’t forget it and she couldn’t deny that she wanted to know what it would be like to kiss him properly. She’d been dreaming about it. All her searching on the internet had reinforced the idea that her hormones were running wild in this trimester but she couldn’t help but think it was more than that. She couldn’t get the idea out of her head. She wasn’t having fantasies about any other men. Just Joe.
She contemplated going back into the hospital but she really wanted some fresh air. She bit into her apple as she turned right, away from Joe. She didn’t think he’d seen her and she certainly didn’t want to see the two of them together. It made her feel lonely and diminished her happiness. Jess had Cam and Joe had Victoria, but she had no one.
As if to cheer her up, the baby somersaulted in her womb. She was active tonight, Kitty thought as she put her hand on her stomach. She wasn’t alone, not right now, but even the baby was only hers temporarily. This pregnancy was of her choosing, it was what she wanted, but she knew that, ultimately, she wanted to be part of a couple. She wanted to be loved. She wanted a family of her own one day. But for now she needed to focus on the pregnancy and hope that her time would come.
She finished her sandwich and wrapped the apple core in the left-over packaging, then with one final glance in Joe’s direction she went back into the hospital. She threw her rubbish in a bin at the triage desk and went to wash her hands, glancing around the waiting area as she dried them. The ED waiting area was empty, the ED quiet; Lisa was the only staff member Kitty could see, which meant that all the other staff were busy in treatment rooms or were taking their breaks. Kitty was walking towards the desk when the entrance doors slid open, admitting a very thin, dishevelled man in a pair of dirty jeans and a grubby T-shirt. Scabs covered his forearms and he was scratching at them agitatedly. He scanned the department as he entered. His eyes were wide, his pupils dilated, and his movements were jerky and frantic. Kitty recognised that look. The familiar look of a methamphetamine user.
His gaze landed on Kitty and he started yelling as he advanced towards her in an unnatural, nervous gait.
‘Help me! They’re tracking me, they’re going to kill me!’ His scratching gathered intensity and he had picked off several scabs. His arms were now bleeding.
Kitty was stranded on the wrong side of the desk. The desk was separated from the waiting area by a glass window and access to it was via a pair of doors that needed a security code to open. The desk resembled a bank counter. Lisa was the teller, safely barricaded behind the glass, but Kitty was exposed and vulnerable. She wanted to seek refuge but she was afraid to move, worried that any movement might trigger a reaction in this man. A reaction she wasn’t at all keen to witness.
She reached slowly into the pocket of her scrubs and retrieved a pair of surgical gloves, p
ulling them on carefully as she glanced at Lisa, knowing they needed back-up and knowing Lisa would push the button to call for help.
She reached out a hand, silently begging him to stop, praying that back-up would arrive before he got to her. ‘It’s all right, no one is going to hurt you here. You’re safe.’
He continued to look around but he stopped walking. He’d stopped almost level with the door that Kitty could have escaped through. If he took one more step in her direction he would effectively block her access to safety.
Kitty had to risk it. She knew Lisa could push another button that would open the door and let her in, once Kitty got close enough. She looked at her. Lisa nodded and moved towards the button as Kitty moved towards the door. Towards the man.
‘Stay away from me!’
Kitty froze. He’d taken her movement as a threat.
She raised her hands, intending to convey she meant him no harm. Her heart was in her mouth and she could feel every beat echoing through her body. Adrenalin coursed through her, triggering her fight or flight response. She wanted to flee but there was nowhere to go. This man was blocking her escape route, and the only thing between him and her was her pregnant belly.
She couldn’t risk it. She had to get out of there. She was terrified, afraid to turn her back, but she had no other option. She was trapped. She couldn’t go forward. She could only go back.
Kitty slid back a step, but he took another lurch forward.
‘What are you doing?’ he yelled at her.
She hesitated. She didn’t want to upset him. He was drug fuelled, erratic and unpredictable. Who knew what he was capable of?
Kitty took her eyes off him momentarily, searching to see if help was coming in any form. Surely minutes must have passed since Lisa had pressed the alarm? Where was everyone?
He was watching her. ‘Who’s there? Is it them?’ He turned his head to look over his shoulder and Kitty took another step backwards but she wasn’t fast enough. He had turned back to face her, catching her movement.
He advanced towards her, reaching behind his back as he walked. Kitty froze. She was terrified.
He brought his hand forward and Kitty’s eyes went wide. He was holding a large knife. Light reflected off the blade, glinting ominously.
Kitty couldn’t move. She was so frightened she’d lost voluntary control of her limbs, her muscles stiff and unresponsive.
He lunged at her, and Kitty was surprised by the speed of his movement and the power of his skinny body. She felt a blow to her chest that was hard enough to knock the wind from her lungs. She felt herself falling, and the last thing she remembered was the shine of the overhead fluorescent lights reflecting off the blade of his knife.
CHAPTER FIVE
JOE HAD SEEN Kitty come out of the hospital. Out of the corner of his eye he’d seen her glance his way as he sat with Victoria, and seen her choose not to come and say hello. Things between them had been a little strained for the past few weeks. If he’d had to put a time frame to when it had started he would pick the night at the pub. The night he’d almost kissed her.
Not that she’d said anything. Nothing had been said about it by either of them, and he had to assume he was the only one dwelling on it. That he was the only one who considered it a missed opportunity. He wasn’t sure that Kitty had even realised what he’d been so tempted to do. For all he knew, she had been, and still was, oblivious to the whole episode—but it didn’t explain how she was behaving.
He’d thought that things might be back to normal when she’d invited him to her birthday dinner but there was still tension between them. He could feel it. And she was definitely avoiding him. She’d made excuses about why she couldn’t catch up with him. She’d blamed the pregnancy—she was tired or had appointments—but he wasn’t convinced that was the sole reason. He wasn’t certain it was to do with the almost-kiss but something wasn’t right.
Maybe he should have kissed her. Maybe that would have brought things to a head and sorted it out once and for all. God knew, he’d spent far too long thinking about the missed opportunity, and he’d thought the best way to get her out of his head was to date someone else but even that wasn’t working.
He wished she’d never mentioned wanting sex. He wished she wasn’t pregnant and full of raging hormones. Hormones that made her think of random sex with strangers and, in turn, made him think of sex with her. He wished things had stayed the same. But he was having a hard time thinking of her in a platonic sense now. Since she’d talked about wanting sex and his conversation with Cam, all he could think about was ‘could it work?’ But he knew, realistically, it couldn’t. It wouldn’t. It would be an unmitigated disaster. He’d mess it up for sure.
But that didn’t stop him from dreaming and wishing and imagining. It hadn’t stopped him from watching her out of the corner of his eye as she’d sat and eaten and very carefully avoided looking at him.
He knew she’d seen him, and he’d kept an eye on her even as he’d tried to continue his discussion with Victoria. He’d been busy trying to tell her that their relationship wasn’t going to work without really explaining why. He couldn’t, in good conscience, continue to sleep with her when his head was full of thoughts about making love to someone else. Not even if he knew that was never going to happen. Because the short answer was he couldn’t be with Kitty. He’d meant it when he’d told Cam he wasn’t the man Kitty needed.
But he’d still kept one eye on her as Victoria had railed at him and called him heartless, and even while she’d accused him of not listening to her or paying attention. He hadn’t admitted she was right.
He’d seen Kitty glance their way and choose to head in the opposite direction, and he’d seen her finish eating and disappear back inside the hospital. And, because he’d still been watching the entrance to the ED, he’d noticed a tall, thin man approaching the entrance, too. The man had been dishevelled and talking to himself, and Joe’s antennae had pricked.
He’d looked distressed and when Joe saw the guy go into the ED he followed, his suspicions alerted.
The ED doors slid open as they sensed him and Joe stepped inside and found himself in the midst of his worst nightmare.
The ED was virtually empty but despite the lack of people there was noise, chaos and confusion. It was out of proportion considering the emptiness of the space.
Movement to his right caught his eye.
Someone was falling. Fast. He saw their head hit the wall and saw them land in a crumpled heap.
And then he saw that the someone was Kitty.
The guy Joe had followed into the ED was moving towards her and Joe started running before he’d fully taken stock of the situation. All he knew was that he had to get to Kitty.
He sprinted towards her.
Subconsciously he registered that the guy wasn’t distressed. He was high.
Joe had seen what methamphetamines could do to people. He’d witnessed the rage it could induce, the psychotic episodes and the physical violence that ensued, and all he could think about was getting to Kitty before this guy did. He didn’t stop to think about what he was going to do. He’d seen it take four big men to subdue meth addicts before. He’d been one of those guys holding them down plenty of times so he knew the superhuman strength the drug imparted and there was no way he was going to let this guy harm Kitty. Not more than he already had.
‘Hey!’ he yelled. He had to distract him. The man turned and Joe reached out, instinctively trying to placate him. It was a ridiculous idea as he was obviously high, but Joe’s only thought was to get him away from Kitty. ‘What are you doing?’
The guy was still spinning, turning at the sound of Joe’s voice. ‘Stay away from me.’ His rancid breath assailed Joe’s senses and his pupils were so dilated that his eyes looked like two dark holes in his face. He lashed out at Joe as he turned. Joe felt a searing pain in his han
d and saw the light bouncing off a steel blade.
A knife.
He hadn’t anticipated that.
He tried to skid to a stop but his momentum carried him forward, straight into the path of the blade.
Pain burst through his abdomen.
The pain was similar to getting punched in the stomach and Joe had time to think it was strange—he’d always expected knifing pain to be sharp. He pushed the man away from him with a force he hadn’t known he had, and as the man stumbled backwards Joe looked down. The pain wasn’t excruciating. Maybe he hadn’t just been stabbed?
He put his hand over his stomach and it came away covered in blood. He could feel it now, warm and wet and sticky, soaking into his dark blue uniform.
Ahead of him, over the man’s right shoulder, Joe saw four of the hospital security staff arrive, followed by one of the ED doctors. The security guards threw a net over the man, who bucked and thrashed like a wild animal. It took all four guards to hold him down.
As Joe watched the man kicking and screaming under the net, red and blue light bathed the walls of the ED, flashing on and off and making the experience a little surreal as police cars pulled up to the department doors. The police rushed in, tasers in hand and guns holstered, but Joe could see that their holsters were unclipped and ready for whatever happened next. Joe knew they would have been through this process before. They all had. This was nothing new in hospital emergency departments country-wide.
But the police were not the front line this time. The security guards had managed to contain the man. They had his hands pinned behind his back but he continued to resist. Two policeman joined in as they attempted to subdue him, attempted to get him into a position where the doctor could administer a sedative. Six big men and one doctor. All to contain one drug user. And meanwhile Kitty was still lying sprawled against the wall. She hadn’t moved and no one had been near her. No one had so much as glanced her way. There was no one spare.