by Emily Forbes
She couldn’t talk to Jess. Or to Joe. The closest she had to a confidante now was this little baby. Lizzie was only ten weeks old, hardly a substitute for Joe or Jess, but she was the next best thing. This was bonding time for the two of them. She wasn’t officially the baby’s mother any more, but she was the closest thing to a mother that tiny Lizzie had.
Unless, or until, Cam remarried.
Kitty couldn’t stand the idea of Cam replacing Jess, but she knew it was ultimately a possibility. Cam was only young. He had the rest of his life in front of him.
Kitty wiped a tear away. She was crying for everyone she’d lost. Including Joe.
She stood up to wrap Lizzie and tuck her into her bassinette. She didn’t want to think about Joe. She didn’t have the energy. Cam might replace Jess, but Joe would surely replace Kitty, and she didn’t want to think about how that would make her feel. There was only so much she could handle at the moment, and that didn’t include thinking about her relationship with Joe.
She knew she had pushed him away. She’d been scared of losing him but she’d gone and done it anyway, just as Jess had warned her, leaving her more miserable and even lonelier than before.
CHAPTER TEN
KITTY HAD RETURNED to work but she still hadn’t moved out of Cam’s house. Joe had no idea how long she was planning to stay there. Did she have any intention of leaving? He didn’t know, but he knew she was avoiding him. The only time he saw her was when they were at work. She was a shadow of her former self—her wide smile was absent, her dimples gone, her curves shrunk. She’d shut down completely and shut him out.
He’d called around to Cam’s house—he refused to think of it as Kitty’s even though she still lived there—several times, checking on them both, wanting to make sure they were coping. He’d tried to time it around Kitty’s days off, wanting to see her, but every time he’d visited she’d made an excuse and avoided him.
But Joe was refusing to give her up.
She’d made a decision but he wasn’t going to sit back and let her throw away their relationship. She was too important to him. Their future was too important to him.
So he’d enlisted Cam’s help in order to see Kitty. That had been a major exercise in subterfuge. He’d had to anticipate her every rebuttal and plan a response. He had to co-ordinate with Cam to make sure someone was home to look after Lizzie so Kitty didn’t have that excuse, and he had to make sure Kitty wasn’t either at work or asleep.
He knocked on Cam’s front door and invited her to brunch. ‘There’s something I need to tell you,’ he said, hoping her curiosity would outweigh any reluctance.
‘Now is not a good time, Joe.’
He could tell from her voice that something had upset her and immediately his protective instincts kicked into gear. If Kitty needed him he planned on being there for her, and this time he wasn’t going to let her fob him off.
‘Come for a walk with me to the beach then. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.’ Maybe walking would be better than sitting at a café. There would be no one to overhear them and Kitty wouldn’t feel as if he was cross-examining her.
She hesitated, and he was preparing his speech to plead his case when she surprised him be agreeing. ‘OK.’
He waited while she found her shoes and her keys. He heard her tell Cam she was going for a walk and would be back soon.
‘Tell me what’s happened,’ Joe said as they hit the sand.
‘Cam had a letter from the fertility clinic asking him what he wants to do with the remaining frozen embryos.’
Joe hadn’t realised there were surplus ones. ‘What are his options?’
‘He can destroy them, donate them to a couple who need them or he could keep them and use them.’
‘What does he want to do?’
As Joe asked the question he realised what the issue could be. Why Kitty was upset. Was Cam’s decision not the one Kitty wanted? Joe fought off a wave of panic—was Kitty thinking about offering to be a surrogate again? He knew she’d want to have as much of Jess as possible, which could include another baby, but if she went down this path again she was effectively putting her own life on hold once more and to Joe, that meant his life as well. He loved her but was he prepared to wait for ever?
His heart was in his mouth as he asked, ‘What do you want, Kitty?’
That was the crux of the matter. What did Kitty want?
A life with him or a life with her sister’s children?
She had to choose. He had to offer her a choice, and she had to make it.
* * *
Kitty had missed Joe. She’d missed everything about him. His kindness, his smile, his hands on her body, his lips on hers, his ability to listen without judging, his ability to make her feel better. It felt good to be back by his side. To confide in him.
She wanted to slide her hand into his as they walked. She wanted to feel connected to another person, but she wasn’t sure if they had that relationship any more. She wasn’t sure what they’d done to their friendship. Had they completely destroyed it? Had she?
She shoved her hands into the pockets of her shorts instead and kept pace alongside him on the sand.
He’d asked her what she wanted.
‘I want my family back,’ she replied honestly, knowing it was an impossible wish.
‘Kitty...’
‘It’s all right,’ she said, pre-empting his reply, ‘I know it’s not possible but it’s what I want.’
‘And is that why you’re still living with Cam?’ he asked. ‘Are they your family now? Is that what you want? Jess’s family?’
‘They are my family too,’ she protested. He couldn’t begrudge her that. ‘Lizzie needs me.’
‘I’m not disagreeing with that, but she is not your daughter. She is Cameron’s daughter. Your sister’s daughter. She is your niece. And you love her, as you should, but you should have daughters of your own. A family of your own. I know you want that.’
But that was the problem. She shook her head. ‘It’s not going to happen for me. Everyone always leaves me.’
‘I can make it happen.’
‘You?’
‘Yes. Me. Where do I fit into your life? Is there room for me? For us?’
‘Us? Is there an “us”?’
‘Of course there is. Nothing’s changed.’
She should be pleased to hear that. She’d been worried that he would cast her aside, move on, but in a sense this was what she’d really feared. That nothing had changed. And she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to be just friends. She wanted more. She loved him but she wanted her happily ever after, and she wasn’t going to get that from Joe.
He stopped walking and turned towards her. His face was serious, his blue eyes earnest. ‘You deserve to find your own happiness. With someone who loves you. You deserve a family of your own, a husband and children of your own, and I want to give it to you. You should be with me.’
‘What are you saying?’ She wasn’t sure she understood.
‘I promised I would always be there for you. I was there for you when your parents died, when Jess died... But I don’t just want to be there for you when things go wrong. I want to be there for you always. I want to be the one standing beside you in the good times and the bad. I love you, Kitty, and I want to give you a family of your own. A family with me. Let us build the life we want together. Marry me.’
‘But you don’t want to get married.’
‘I do.’ He reached out and took both her hands in his. Her racing heart slowed and calmed with his touch. She’d missed that, and she didn’t ever want him to let her go. ‘I was worried I couldn’t give you what you needed most—commitment—but the past few months have shown me that I want to try. I know you are the woman for me. You always have been, but the last few months have shown me just how much better my life is
with you in it, how much happier I am. I’ve missed you with every piece of me and I will do everything I can to make this work. I want to marry you. I only intend to get married once, I intend to do it right, and with you I know I’ve got it right. We can do this. Together. I know I can be the man you need. I need to know if I am the man you want.’
She loved him, desperately, but she didn’t know if she could do this. ‘I’m scared, Joe.’
‘Of what?’
‘Of losing you.’ She’d lost everyone she’d ever loved and she couldn’t bear to lose him too. Her heart couldn’t stand it. She’d lost too many people already.
But you love him. I know you do.
Jess’s voice was in her head and Kitty knew what she’d be saying if she was standing beside her. She could hear the words.
You have to make a choice. You can love him now and take a chance or you can send him away and know you’re losing him for certain. Make your choice but there’s only one choice that might give you the happiness you crave. The happiness you deserve. He’s a good man and he loves you.
‘I love you.’ Joe’s voice blended with the voice in her head. Jess and Joe, the two people she loved more than anyone else, were telling her the same thing.
But only one of them was still here.
He continued speaking. ‘I’ve never wanted to make a commitment because I thought I would never find the right person. What I didn’t realise was the right person was in front of me all along. That person is you, Kitty. I want to be beside you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you,’ he told her. ‘My parents were always looking for their next partner, they were never happy with what they had, but I’m always and only looking for you. I can’t be truly happy without you and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how I feel. Being yours. If you’ll have me.’
‘You won’t leave me?’
‘Never.’
Kitty was crying now.
‘Do you love me?’ Joe asked.
Kitty nodded. ‘Yes. I do.’
Joe dropped to one knee in the sand, their hands entwined, their fingers interlaced. ‘Kitty, I love you with every part of me. I want to share my life with you, for eternity. I promise to love you and adore you and never leave you. I want to make you happy, to make you laugh. I want to share my life with you as more than friends. I want us to be partners, lovers, parents to our children. I want us to be a family. I love you and I want to be your husband. Please, will you be my wife? Will you marry me?’
Kitty had to make a choice. She had to take a chance. If she didn’t she would lose everything.
She’d already lost too much.
She would take the chance. She would choose the man she loved.
She had loved him for years and she didn’t want to live without him. She needed him, but she wanted him too. He was her best friend, her lover and she wanted him to be her husband. She wanted him to give her a family of her own. She believed him when he promised never to leave her, for he’d always been there for her when she’d needed him. He had already proved that he could commit to her. She trusted him—and she loved him.
She tugged on his hands and pulled him to his feet. She wiped a tear from her eye but she knew he’d know the tears were happy ones. He knew her so well. And if he didn’t, then the ridiculous smile on her face would surely have shown him how she felt.
‘I love you,’ she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close, ‘and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.’
He bent his head until his lips brushed hers. ‘Is that a yes?’ he whispered.
Kitty nodded. ‘Yes, my love, I will marry you. I promise to love you always, to be your family, your wife and the mother of your children, now and for ever.’
Joe wiped the tear from her cheek and kissed her again and in that kiss she could taste his promises and his love and, finally, she was complete.
* * * * *
If you enjoyed this story, check out these other great reads from Emily Forbes
ONE NIGHT THAT CHANGED HER LIFE
A MOTHER TO MAKE A FAMILY
WAKING UP TO DR. GORGEOUS
FALLING FOR THE SINGLE DAD
All available now!
Keep reading for an excerpt from REUNITED WITH HER PARISIAN SURGEON by Annie O’Neil.
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Reunited with Her Parisian Surgeon
by Annie O’Neil
CHAPTER ONE
SCENT. SOUND. TASTE. Even the air felt different in Australia; so did the sea water he was ploughing through. But as the days had bled into weeks, then months, Raphael had come to know that travelling halfway round the world hadn’t made a blind bit of difference. He was still carrying the same hollowed-out heart, weighted with an anvil’s worth of guilt. Leaving Paris hadn’t done a damn thing towards relieving the burden.
Volunteering had done nothing. Neither had working in conflict zones. Nor donating blood and platelets. He would have pulled his heart right out of his chest if he’d thought it would help. Working all day and all night hadn’t helped. And then there was money. Heaven knew he’d tried to throw enough of that at the situation, only to make a bad situation worse.
Jean-Luc didn’t want any of his money. Not anymore.
The truth was a simple one. Nothing could change the fact that his best friend’s daughter had died on his operating table.
He’d known he was too close to her. He’d known he shouldn’t have raised so much as a scalpel when he’d seen who the patient was. The injuries she’d suffered. But there had been no one more qualified. And Jean-Luc had begged him. Begged him to save his daughter’s life.
Raphael thought through each excruciatingly long minute they’d been in surgery for the millionth time.
Clamps. Suction. Closing the massive traumatic aortic rupture only to have another present itself. Clamps. More suction. Stiches. Dozens of them. Hundreds, maybe. He could see his fingers knotting each one in place. Ensuring blood flow returned to her kidneys. Her heart.
Her young body had responded incredibly well to the surgery. A miracle really, considering the massive trauma she’d suffered when the car had slammed into hers. All that had been left to do when he’d been called to the adjacent operating theatre was close her up.
No matter how many times he went through it, he stalled at the critical moment. There’d been two choices. He’d taken one path. He should’ve chosen the other. His one fatal error had built to that leaden silence when he’d returned to the operating theatre to see his junior lifting his hands up and away from her small, lifeless bo
dy.
They’d looked to him to call the time of death.
Raphael swam to the edge of the pool, blinking away the sea water, almost surprised to see that the sun was beginning to set. He pulled himself up and out of the pool in one fluid move, vaguely aware of how the exertion came easily now that he was trying to burn away the memories with lap after lap.
He was tired now. Exhausted, if he was being truly honest. Coming here to Sydney was his last-ditch attempt to find the man he had once been. The man buried beneath a grief he feared would haunt him until his dying day. He was driving himself to swim harder than he ever had before—churning the seaside pool into a boiling froth around him as he hit one side, dove, twisted, and then started again to see how soon he could hit the other—but his burning lungs did nothing to assuage the heaviness of his heart.
Love could.
And forgiveness could do so much more.
In fewer than twenty-four hours he’d see Maggie...
The years since he’d seen her last seemed incalculable. He remembered her vividly. A clear-eyed, open-hearted exchange student from Australia. Apart from Jean-Luc there had been no one in his life who had ever known him so well, who had seen straight through to his soul.
If, when they met again, she could see a glimmer of the man she’d known all those years ago he’d know there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
After toweling off in the disappearing rays of the sun, he tugged on a long-sleeved T-shirt and headed for the exit, already conditioned to look toward the white fence on the right, leading out of the baths towards the coastal path.
Le petit monstre de la mer.