My lip quivered as I took in the image of the side mirror hanging on by little more than the electrics. My baby was thoroughly fucked.
“What the fuck happened?” I cried out as I headed back into the house, slamming the door shut on the sight behind me. If I looked at it for one more second, I’d lose it. I was used to seeing cars in various states of disrepair, but other people’s cars. Not my fucking Monaro.
I met Dad halfway down the hallway.
“What happened?” I asked again.
“How am I supposed to know what you did to your car? It is a perfect example of what I’ve been saying though. If you hadn’t been so irresponsible last night, it would still be undamaged, wouldn’t it?”
I rolled my eyes as he used the opportunity to start his lecture again, only now I was too awake to ignore him and too sore and sorry for myself to put up with it.
“You need to think through your actions. How long do you think Sinclair will keep you on as a driver without a licence? If you lose that job, then what will you do? ”
His words made me think of Phoebe. Of Alyssa. Of the life that I wanted to have; the one I wanted to deserve. The one I absolutely didn’t deserve if I made stupid-arse choices like getting behind the wheel while I was drunk. It put the damage to my car into perspective a little, and my fingers unclenched from the fists they’d formed.
“I always told you not to settle down and ruin your life, didn’t I? I said to make sure you practised safe sex. You obviously didn’t listen to me.”
Even though talking to him about whether or not I wrapped my cock was the last thing I wanted to do, the statement made me think of the fact that he hadn’t told me about Phoebe and Emmanuel. He’d known about the pregnancy, about everything, and had kept it quiet. Mum had explained her reasons, but Dad . . . he wasn’t bound by any such promise or desire to protect a relationship with Alyssa.
While he’d been something of a surrogate father to her while we were younger, just like her Dad had been to me, things had changed around the time she and I had shared our first kiss. From that moment on, Dad seemed to view her as a threat to my dreams and had not been overly welcoming toward her.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Your mum promised Alyssa.”
My gaze cut to his. There was no way that was the reason. “Don’t pull that bullshit cop-out answer. Why didn’t you tell me?”
The corners of his eyes pinched together and he frowned. It seemed like he was issuing some silent challenge. I didn’t back down though. After a moment, he raised one brow. “I didn’t want you to be trapped.”
My hung-over brain took a minute to process the intent behind his words. “You think Alyssa was trying to trap me?”
He lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “She wouldn’t exactly be the first girl to use that trick to get what they wanted. There’s plenty of girls out there willing to do anything to land men like us.”
The ache in my ribs burned as my heart pounded against my chest without relief. My cotton-filled and swollen head throbbed in time with my rapid heartbeat. “Why would you even think that?”
“You made it clear that you had dreams elsewhere and then suddenly she came here and announced she was pregnant with your child. Come on, son, it doesn’t take a genius to work it out.”
I stood as tall as I could, until I towered over him. The movement sent stars bursting behind my eyes, but I didn’t care. “You don’t know shit about her.”
“I know she’s manipulative. Most of these girls are, son.”
With great effort, I bit back on my rage and didn’t just lash out at him with my fists like I had with others when they’d spoken about Alyssa.
“Watch what you’re saying.” My voice was a low hiss squeezed through my clenched teeth.
“You only have to look at the way she has all the boys running around after her. It’s like she’s the queen bee or something.”
“Back off her,” I seethed, as my fingers curled into my palms.
“You’re making my point for me.”
With my fists still clenched tightly at my sides, I closed the distance between us until my face was inches away from his. “Fuck off,” I spat at him.
“You have her so high on a pedestal you can’t even see how much she schemes to get her own way.”
“She schemes?” The tight rein I’d had on my temper snapped. “You think it was a fucking scheme that I decided to stick my unprotected dick in her? You think it was a fucking manipulation that I was too much of a prick to take her calls when she needed me the most? You think it was a fucking ploy of hers that I haven’t been able to have a single night’s sleep without her living in my dreams? You think she somehow arranged for visions to show up in the middle of every fucking race to distract me? ’Cause you know what, Dad, I can’t fucking see how she could have arranged any of that shit. I can’t see how she had one ounce of control in any of those things. And I don’t see how she’s ever fucking tried to do anything other than try to make me a better person.”
“So, Josh wasn’t the one that beat you up that day?”
His question threw me and I took a backward step. “What?”
“After the formal, when I had to take you to the doctor. You were spouting some bullshit story about how you were mugged, but I’m not stupid. I know it was that boy Josh.”
I blinked at him, trying to figure out what that had to do with anything. “Why does that even matter?”
“Well, you break up with Alyssa and then suddenly her big brother is beating you up. Tell me how that’s not manipulating the situation.”
“God, you’re a fucking idiot. If that hadn’t happened, I might have had to think long and hard about whether or not to go to Sydney. That made my decision easier. So if Alyssa was trying to trap me, why the fuck would she send Josh around here?”
Dad stared at me in stunned silence.
“You really wanna know why Josh came here? Because he fucking thought I raped her, that’s why. Because all the shit you put in my head about not being trapped by our relationship bubbled to the surface on what should have been the best fucking night of my life and we argued about it. She took off in tears with a ripped dress in her hands and Josh filled in the blanks the way he wanted to.”
“I didn’t know.” It didn’t escape my attention that his voice didn’t hold an ounce of apology.
“No, you fucking didn’t. So shut the fuck up about shit you know nothing about.”
He huffed but then collected himself and tried to appear in control of the situation again. “There is no point arguing about the past. However you will need to learn some respect if you expect to stay in our house. You will apologise to your mother and if I hear of you doing one more thing to upset her, I will kick you out on your arse.”
“Yeah?” I raised my eyebrow. “Well, if I ever hear you disrespecting Alyssa again I will kick your arse.”
He shook his head and curled up his nose. “You’ve still got it bad for that girl, don’t you?”
“If you mean do I still love her? Then yeah, I do. And I’m going to go fucking tell her that right now.”
CHAPTER TWO: PIECING IT TOGETHER
DESPITE MY WORDS, when I turned away from him I went in search of Mum first. As pissed as I was at Dad, some of his words had made sense. Not the shit about Alyssa of course—that was utter bull. But about the way I’d treated Mum. Ever since I’d left for Sydney, I’d been an absolute fucking jerk.
After a short search, I found her in the laundry. The way she was hiding behind the door made me think she might have been trying to avoid me. The thought made my heart ache almost as much as my ribs did.
“Want a hand, Mum?” I asked, trying to make my voice as apologetic and sincere as I could through the pounding in my head. I wasn’t sure how to go about mending things with her. Truthfully, she probably didn’t expect me to try, but I needed to grow a pair and grow the fuck up or I would never deserve Alyssa. I’d certainly neve
r deserve Phoebe.
Mum turned to me. For a brief second, shock flittered across her features before being pushed down again. “No, thank you, love. I can manage.”
There was no doubt in my mind that she wanted to chew me out over my stupid-arse actions the night before, but just like when I was a child she’d leave me be because Dad had already had his say. She offered me a smile, which I was certain was supposed to be a peace offering for both of them.
“Fine, don’t say I didn’t offer though.” I smirked at her as I jumped up to sit on the laundry bench. It took me a moment to catch my breath after I had, and I wondered what the hell had happened. Before I could ask, Mum spoke again.
“You seem in a better mood than you were last night,” she observed.
I shrugged. The truth was that I wasn’t, but I was willing to try to be. If I didn’t think of my car, or the shit Dad had said, I could stay in an almost decent mood. At least to the outside world. In my head, it was a different story. “Not really. But I gotta deal with this shit sometime, don’t I?”
She shook her head as she folded a towel. “Declan, you really should watch your language.”
And that’s when I knew things were okay between us, because she was at ease enough to admonish me again. “I know, Mum. Look, about last night—”
She cut me off with a wave of her hand. “I don’t expect you to be perfect, Declan. I know you’ve got a lot to deal with. Just try to remember that Alyssa does too and you’re going off the rails will only add to her stress.”
“I know. I think I might have really fucked things up last night. I . . . I can’t remember what I did after I left the Gold Coast though. Between Dad and my car”—the thought of the damage entered my mind and I wanted to whimper—“I know something bad happened. Dad mentioned something about me being dropped off?” I let the statement hang in the air as a question and a request for more information.
“You really shouldn’t drink so much,” Mum lectured in response.
I frowned that she hadn’t filled in the blanks. “I know.”
“I thought we’d raised you better than to get behind the wheel like that?”
A knot of emotions rose in my throat, and I swallowed hard to shift them. The words were not that different from what Dad had said. Except where his comments were armed missiles of rage and bullshit, fired with a precision strike to rile me up, the soft disappointment that echoed through Mum’s voice broke my heart and ramped up my guilt.
I hung my head. “I know. It was stupid.”
“You’re lucky you didn’t kill yourself or someone else.”
Without raising my gaze, I nodded. My lips turned down into a frown as I considered her words and the truth in them. Who knew what I could have done—had done, considering the damage to my car. I really was such a fucking idiot. “Never again, Mum. I promise.” I drew a cross over my heart with my fingertips like a kid.
She grabbed my chin like she used to when I was younger, and forced me to meet her eyes. “That’s all I need to know.”
I offered her a half-hearted smile.
“Alyssa called for you earlier, but I didn’t want to disturb you while you were sleeping.”
There was an emotion in Mum’s voice that made me wonder whether she thought I’d have a reaction similar to the one I’d had when she visited me in Sydney—when I’d been so off my face on drugs and booze and had been trying so hard not to think of Alyssa and home. When I’d threatened to kill my own flesh and blood just for mentioning Alyssa’s name. God, I was such an arsehole.
All traces of my slightly decent mood were washed away. Although I wanted to apologise to Mum, I knew words wouldn’t make a difference. The best way to do it was exactly the same way I would win Alyssa back—not fucking up again. Proving through action that I could be better. That I could do better.
One thing Mum’s words gave me was hope. Alyssa had called for me. Surely that meant she was still talking to me . . . for the moment at least.
If I’d fucked up too badly, and she didn’t want to speak to me anymore, surely she’d just cut all contact like she did when we were in London. She wouldn’t call just to tell me to fuck off out of her life, would she?
“And you should probably find a way to thank Flynn for bringing you home.”
My attention shot back to Mum, all thoughts of London and the shit that went down there between Alyssa and me forgotten in an instant.
Flynn?
Flashes of the night before crossed my mind, but I couldn’t remember Flynn. I ran the few things I could remember over in my mind again and again. A nosy neighbour in a pink velvet robe over a floral nightgown. Kissing Alyssa. Josh?
Kissing Alyssa.
Even though I couldn’t recall it all—everything was a haze of fuzzy memories and drunken recollections—it was clear that whatever had happened, I hadn’t shacked up with some random chick. The certainty that I hadn’t broken that rule gave me another small glimmer of hope. Something told me that would be the most unforgivable of crimes, at least as far as Alyssa was concerned. If Danny Sinclair found out about the damage to the Monaro, or the fact that I’d been drinking before I’d crashed, I would probably be kissing my position at Sinclair Racing goodbye.
I would have to make sure the repairs were done to the car before I went back home to Sydney. Both Eden and Danny would be likely to stick their noses into my business to find out the dirty details otherwise.
As I wondered how the hell I’d find a good panel beater, and whether I might be able to get the car straight in, a thought struck me. I’d lost all track of time and had no clue how much time had actually passed since getting on the plane in London.
“Fuck, what day is it today?” I asked.
“Language, Declan. Honestly.”
A smart-arsed grin twisted my lips. “In that case, what day shall I call this beautiful sunshine morning my dearest mother?”
“Smart-arse,” she muttered under her breath.
“Language, Mother. Honestly.” I chuckled.
She stopped midfold and took a playful swipe at me.
I jumped down from the bench to avoid her. When I landed, a fresh stabbing pierced both my sides, causing a vice-like grip around my chest, and I couldn’t breathe.
“Fuck!” I wheezed as I doubled over, clutching my chest.
“Declan! Are you okay?” Mum’s voice cut through the fog of pain that had surrounded me.
I tried again to draw in a breath, but it felt impossible. My heart rate soared, each thump increasing the agony in my ribs. When I struggled to get enough oxygen into my system, panic clawed at my throat and made it even harder to squeeze any air into my lungs. Turning around, I grabbed hold of the side of the laundry bench and tried to focus through the pain and creeping dread. Tears pricked my eyes as I fought against the ache radiating from my ribs to encompass my whole body.
“Declan?” Mum’s hand came to rest on my side, ramping up the pain until it was almost unbearable, making it difficult to not cry out in response.
With a tender touch, she lifted my shirt. A horrified gasp crossed her lips. “Is this from last night?”
Distracted from my panic by her words, I followed her gaze to my left side. Fresh purplish-black bruises blossomed opposite to where the yellow-brown ones were just starting to fade. Fuck. No wonder I was so goddamned sore. Sucking down a breath, I shifted to get a better view of the bruises and winced when the lightest touch of my fingers sent a fresh wave of agony around my body. The pain swelled through me, twisting my stomach and making me want to hurl. Just the thought of the pain that would accompany the action was enough to make me swallow it down.
“I think you should see a doctor,” Mum said. The concern on her face was clear. Her eyes flicked to the dressings on my arm which covered a cut I’d earned in London after another night drinking and I could see the worry running through her mind. She thought I was going to end up killing myself.
If I kept on my current trajectory, she w
asn’t far off.
Dropping my shirt to cover the bruises, I tried to ignore the pain. “It’s okay.”
“Decl—”
“Really, Mum, I’ve had worse.”
Although she frowned, she didn’t argue further. “Did you want me to get you something to eat?”
It took me a second to connect her response to my earlier question. She was changing the subject, and I was grateful. “Honestly, Mum, I’m fucking twenty-two . . . I can handle getting myself some breakfast.” I looked back at her. “Thanks for offering though.” It was the closest thing to “I love you” I could say to my mum without handing my balls back in and requesting a pussy.
Leaving Mum to her chores, I headed to the kitchen but decided I really couldn’t face having anything to eat. Instead, I thought I’d investigate getting quotes on my car. Mum was probably right, I should go to the doctor about my new injuries, but if I didn’t book the car in before too long, I risked it not being done if I needed to head home to Sydney. Plus, the longer I left it, the greater the potential for the elements to increase the damage.
Knowing I needed to clean myself up and wake up properly before I could go anywhere, I headed for the shower. I was halfway back to my room with just a towel around my waist when I heard my phone ringing in my bedroom. My thoughts immediately went to Alyssa. Hoping against all odds that it was her, I raced down to grab it before whoever it was gave up. I didn’t even look at the display before pushing Answer and putting the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Declan, it’s Danny.”
“Oh. Hi.”
I heard him chuckle. “There is no need to sound so disappointed.”
“I was hoping it might be someone else, that’s all,” I said, trying to push the fact that I was talking to my boss wearing nothing but a towel out of my mind.
He hummed in response before moving on. “Now Declan, I was hoping you might be able to enlighten me on something?”
Taking not too deep a breath, I answered with care. I couldn’t help the feeling that I was walking into a trap. “Yeah?”
Deceive (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #2) Page 2