by Amy Lillard
But he shook his head. “I’ve already had four cups today. Any more and I won’t be able to sleep tonight.” He chuckled, and she could tell that he meant no harm by his words, but somehow she was secretly crushed. He had ruined her little fantasy.
She supposed it was for the best.
Levi hung his coat and hat by the door and removed his ice-covered boots before padding in his sock feet over to the fireplace. “I left a message for Leah at the store number,” he said.
“That’s good. I suppose the store isn’t open today due to the weather.”
He nodded. “I suppose you’re right. And I called the police.”
“The police?” She was more than shocked.
“Jah. It was Owen’s idea. He’s my neighbor. He thought they might be able to stop by and let your folks know where you are. And that you’re safe.”
“That’s a good idea.” She figured she had worried her family enough as it was.
“How’s the baby?” Levi continued to warm himself in front of the fire but looked over to where Emmy rested.
Tillie had placed the baby seat on top of the coffee table, far enough away from the fire that nothing would pop out and hurt her, but close enough to keep warm. She was wrapped in the little yellow blanket that Levi had given her just after she was born. She looked warm and toasty and quite content.
“I think she is quite well-adjusted for a newcomer.”
Levi smiled at her words, and that made Tillie feel a bit warmer inside. It was crazy, and she had to get herself out of this fantasy that she had been creating in her mind.
“I mean, she’s good.”
He turned his full attention to the baby. “She looks better than good.”
His voice sounded a bit wistful, and she wondered if Levi was starting to have a few fantasies of his own.
Was that natural? Healthy? Or were they both getting caught up in the drama of being iced in so close to Christmas?
“A penny for them,” Levi said.
Tillie dragged herself out of her thoughts and turned her attention back to the man who was still hovering by the hearth. “I’m not sure they’re worth any more than that.”
He sat in the chair closest to the fire, and despite his earlier refusal, he picked up the cup of coffee and took a sip. He sighed. “That’s good,” he said, closing his eyes. “I never can manage to make decent coffee.”
“I’ll show you how,” she offered.
He shook his head. “Mims tried, Mamm tried, Mary tried. I guess I’m hopeless when it comes to coffee.”
“Well, you’ll have mine for another day or so, jah?”
“I believe so. It’s going to be at least tomorrow before we can get out, if even then. But I think the day after will be fine.”
And if the police could get word to her family, then she wouldn’t have to worry about their concern for her well-being. She could relax and enjoy the next couple of days.
Chicken.
She knew she was, but she was simply enjoying the peace while she had it. For soon, very, very soon, all that and the perfect little Amish fantasy she had created would be shattered.
* * *
“I told you I would do them, and I’m going to do them.”
Levi sighed and sat back in his seat as Tillie took their dishes to the sink.
“At least let me fetch you the water,” he said.
She nodded. “I’ll let you do that. It’s cold outside, and I’m sure you’re faster than me.”
He nodded, then gave Emmy one last look before hustling out to get Tillie a bucket of water.
“You are quick,” she said when he returned just a few minutes later.
He smiled at the compliment, somehow loving it and feeling silly for loving it all in the same moment. “Are you sure you’re up to this?”
“I had a baby. I didn’t get hit by a bus.”
“Fair enough.” And if Tillie was doing the dishes . . . He made his way over to where Emmy slept. Once again she was in the little fabric baby seat they had placed on one end of the table while they ate.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her words more like a hiss than a normal question.
“I want to hold her.” He really hadn’t given it much thought. He had just acted on it.
“She’s asleep,” Tillie protested.
Levi frowned, though in mock annoyance. “She’s always asleep.”
“She’s a baby,” Tillie replied unnecessarily. “They tend to sleep a lot.”
“I want to hold her,” he said again and started to undo the buckle that held her in place.
Tillie sighed, but didn’t argue. She turned back to the dishes, and he gently scooped Emmy into his arms.
“Fine,” Tillie said. “But if she wakes up hungry, you’ll find yourself in here doing the dishes.”
He brushed aside her protests and gazed down at the tiny baby. Would he ever tire of just looking at her?
Like he was going to get to see her at all after tomorrow. She would go back home and that would be that. His life would return to normal.
The thought was paralyzing. Normal was not a state he liked these days. Normal was alone and sad and lonely. As much as he had hated the thought of having Tillie and now her baby in his house, he couldn’t imagine them gone. And it had only been a day!
He needed to get ahold of himself, and fast.
In his arms, Emmy woke, her soft blue eyes searching his face for something, he had no idea what. Apparently she hadn’t found it, and she puckered up and started to cry.
“Shhh . . .” He tried to bounce her a bit like he had seen the women in town and at church do, but she was so tiny he was still afraid he might harm her. Not on purpose, of course, but she simply looked so fragile.
Except when she was crying. In that moment she looked angry.
Tillie sighed. He barely heard the sound over the baby’s wails and his own crooning, shushing sound. Then she dried her hands on a dish towel and held her arms out for her baby.
Her baby.
Reluctantly, Levi handed her over.
“Let me feed her, and you can have her back, deal?”
He smiled. “Deal.”
She took the baby from him and nodded toward the sink. “The dishes are all yours.”
* * *
While Levi finished the dishes, Tillie fed Emmy, burped her, changed her, and managed to get her back to sleep.
“You want to hold her now?” she asked as he came back into the room.
He shook his head. “I mean, jah, I do, but I want her to sleep as well.”
“Maybe tomorrow,” Tillie said. Though she knew the next day wouldn’t be much different than today. It would be weeks before Emmy would be the kind of baby Levi was dreaming of holding, but that he wanted to hold her at all filled Tillie with contentment.
And that was something she couldn’t get used to.
“Wanna play a game?” he asked.
“What kind of game?”
He went to the bookshelf there in the living room and started searching through the shelves. Until that moment, Tillie hadn’t paid much attention to what was stored there.
“I’ve got Rook.”
“That needs more than two players.”
“Dutch Blitz?”
“The same.”
“Sorry?”
She shook her head.
“Trouble?”
“Maybe,” she said. How long had it been since she had played a game with family or friends? Since before she left to go to the English world. Melvin wasn’t big on board games. He would rather play one of the fancy English games that required a special box, a controller, and a television set.
“Trouble is fine,” she said.
He stopped, turned to face her. “That didn’t sound fine.”
She made a face. “I’m afraid we’ll be too loud and wake Emmy.”
“Good point.” He studied the shelves for a moment. “We could read.” He held up his Bible.
; “You’ll read about Jesus’s birth?” she asked. It was one of the things that she loved and admired about her mamm and dat. He would read the Bible to her almost every night. And at Christmastime the whole family would gather round and Dat would read the story of Jesus from the Book of Luke. She looked forward to it every year. And the way things seemed to be going for her now, this would be the last year she would have that privilege.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Your whole face changed just then.”
She shook her head. “Nothing.” Just one more bad habit she had picked up in the English world. Lying. And the lie slipped easily from her lips. But she didn’t want to lay all her woes at Levi’s feet. He had done enough for her already.
He hesitated for a moment, as if he wasn’t sure whether to press the matter or not, then he sat down next to the lantern and pulled on a pair of reading glasses. To Tillie he looked even more handsome. He looked serious, as if this was worthy. And it was.
She sat back and closed her eyes and listened to his rich, deep voice as he read. He didn’t miss a word, and she wondered if he could recite most of it by heart. She supposed she could if she thought about it long and hard enough. The story was comforting and familiar. Mary and Joseph on their way to Bethlehem. No room in the inn. Giving birth in the barn. Laying Christ Jesus in a manger.
The story wove around her like the threads of a familiar blanket, until the rest of the world fell away. It was just her, the baby, and Levi. This was what she wanted. This peace and harmony. The feeling of well-being. Was that too much to ask from the people around her? Maybe it was. She had broken the rules.
She supposed that Joseph’s Mary had done the same. In her own way, of course. But Mary was forgiven by all because she had given birth to Jesus. Tillie’d just had an ordinary baby. An ordinary miracle.
But she didn’t want to think about rules and such as she listened to Levi. She only wanted this moment. The one she was in right then. How many times had she actually spent time in the time she was in? Not enough. She had lived her life thinking about what was happening next or what had happened before. So much so that she never lived in the time where she was living.
The thought was like a lightning bolt. It jolted her.
“Are you okay?” Levi asked.
She must have jerked or jumped. “Just a chill,” she lied. Yet another lie on her long list.
Levi placed a piece of ribbon in his Bible and stood. In seconds he had the fire roaring once again. The heat felt good, even though cold wasn’t Tillie’s real enemy. It was herself. Just how did one go about living in the current moment? She had no idea. Was it even truly possible?
“You’re very thoughtful tonight,” Levi commented.
“Just listening to the story,” she said. She supposed that was mostly the truth.
He nodded, though she wasn’t sure that he entirely believed her. That was okay. She didn’t entirely believe herself. Though she didn’t want to bring it up with him. She might have known him or who he was her entire life, and he might have delivered her baby, a most intimate act, but they were practically strangers.
Strangers who were stranded together for a short time. And after tomorrow, what would happen?
There she went again. Living in the future. She could neither put off tomorrow nor change the past. She needed to live in the time she had been given, the now, for a change. All too soon the opportunity would be gone. The world would encroach and she would be unable to put her worry for the future aside.
“Read me another story.”
He sat back down in his chair and adjusted his reading glasses. Then he started reading about God telling Jonah to go to Nineveh.
Tillie relaxed into the couch cushions and listened once again. “Interesting choice,” she said when he was finished.
He grinned at her, his face transforming into that of a schoolboy. “It was my favorite growing up.”
She could understand that. A fish big enough to swallow a man. Or was the draw the idea of following God’s instructions? Levi appeared to have followed God in his life. He had joined the church, gotten married. She supposed that made it all the harder to accept the blows of losing a wife and a child. He hadn’t said as much, but she could see it on his face.
“Have you ever thought about leaving the Amish?” She asked the question before she had fully thought it through.
“You mean live with the English?”
She nodded, though now she wished she could take the question back. It was really none of her business.
“No,” he said finally.
“Never?” She sat up a little straighter, as if that would help her understand better. “You never once thought about leaving and driving a car, or wearing blue jeans?”
“That’s not who I am,” he said simply.
The words were so straightforward they took her breath away. And she envied Levi. She had never known who she was enough to make such a quick decision. Or in his case never to be faced with doubts of the life he was living.
But truth be known . . .
“I would have never left if it hadn’t been for Melvin,” she said. The words fell quietly between them, accented by the crackle of the fire and the sound of the ice-coated trees creaking in the wind.
“And what do you do now?” he asked. “You don’t have to answer that.”
She smiled and shook her head. “I’m not sure.” But she was. She would have to return to the English world. And she would have to return to Melvin. What choice did she have, really? She couldn’t make it on her own in the world, and without Melvin as her husband, she wouldn’t be allowed to stay with her Amish family. “Except . . .” She nodded toward Emmy, who had started to fuss.
“Hungry again?” he asked.
“Looks that way.” Tillie stood and scooped her daughter gently into her arms. “I guess I really should be heading for bed.”
He looked to the clock on the mantel. “It’s past my bedtime too.” He stood and stretched. “I’ll see you in the morning.” The sentence almost sounded like a question, as if he half expected her to take off sometime during the night.
That wasn’t happening. She might have only one more day of putting the world on hold, but she planned to keep it at bay for as long as she could. All too soon she would have to face the reality of the situation she found herself in. But for now she was cocooned in a bright world with a caring man and her newborn. It was cowardly of her, but she planned to enjoy it for as long as she could.
Soon enough the world would come calling.
“See you in the morning.”
Chapter Seventeen
Tillie watched the melting ice drip from the rooftop to the soggy ground. The sun was out in full force, though she could tell from the frost on the window that it was still very cold outside. But the ice was no match for the sun, and soon the outside world would be at their doorstep.
Except it wasn’t her doorstep. It belonged to Levi. And she couldn’t pretend otherwise for much longer.
Thank you, Lord, for giving me this time, she prayed. She had needed a bit to clear her head. Not that she had succeeded. She still had nagging doubts and troubling problems, but at least she’d had a bit of respite.
But soon, she thought as the water continued to drip. Soon. Her family. The bishop. Decisions.
“It’s hard to believe it’s almost Christmas,” she said as Levi came into the room. Emmy was sleeping in her little chair, as content as ever. Tillie was so blessed to have such a sweet-tempered baby.
Today was Sunday, and Christmas Day was only a week away. Yet that seemed impossible.
Levi nodded. “I remember when I was little. It seemed forever until Christmas. Now they seem to go by quicker and quicker.”
Clouds filled his eyes, and Tillie hated the reaction. “I shouldn’t have brought it up,” she said apologetically.
He shook his head. “It’s not something I can avoid.”
“You want a cup of coffee?” She was on her
feet in a second.
“You don’t have to get me coffee to make up for mentioning Christmas.”
She sat back down. “I just know that it must be very painful for you.”
He took his usual place by the fire. For a moment she thought he might not answer, then, with his hands clasped between his knees, he gave a small nod. “It is. It was. But . . .” He didn’t finish.
But what? she wanted to ask but held her tongue. On that matter at least. “It’s so strange being back.” With the ice storm and the baby, it hadn’t seemed quite like Christmas as usual. When she had come back, that had been heavy on her mind, returning to her Amish home. But it just went to show that things could never go back, no matter how badly a person wanted it.
“Mims usually makes a gingerbread house, but I don’t think she did this year.”
Tillie thought about it for a second. “By herself?” Building a gingerbread house was something she had enjoyed doing with Jim’s kids. It was something of a family tradition for them. But as far as she knew there were no small children in Levi’s family.
He chuckled. “By herself. I suppose she should have gotten a Christmas job at the bakery. She could’ve decorated cakes and such. But she just does the whole house each year, with gumdrops and everything.”
Tillie smiled. “I love gingerbread houses. Except sometimes it seems like such a waste. I mean, it sits there for days and gets a bit stale.”
Levi looked at her in disbelief, but only after he spoke did she realize he was being silly. “Don’t you have an aunt to eat the gingerbread house?”
“An aunt? Like a person? Not little bugs, right?”
“So I guess you don’t have that sort of aunt,” he said with a nod.
Tillie laughed. “I have one, she just doesn’t eat the gingerbread house. But she brings food for everyone, and who knows how long it’s been sitting there.” She gave a pained smile. “One year she gave me a gelatin mold.”
“Gift wrapped?”
“Jah,” Tillie said. “Thankfully it was really cold that year and the gelatin had been set away from the fire, otherwise, I think it might’ve melted all over Mamm’s floor.”
“It’s the thought that counts,” Levi said.