by T. A. White
"How much control did your sire have over you?" I asked, my voice calmer than my mental state, which had turned into a gibbering fool begging me not to consider this.
"I was not a typical case," Liam said after a long pause.
My gaze went to Nathan. "How about you?"
Nathan looked from me to Liam. "He could compel me to act against my will if necessary."
"Still? He could do that still?" I asked, not looking at either of them.
"It would be much harder than it would have been a few centuries ago," Nathan said. "But that is not how the relationship is typically handled between sire and yearling. Most only use the compulsion to help the yearling gain control in the first few years."
"But not all?"
There was another hesitation. "No, there are cases where such a relationship is abused."
That was the way of the world. The strong taking advantage of those who couldn't protect themselves. I never thought I'd be the one who couldn't protect myself.
I looked at Liam, fear in my eyes. "You're asking me to trust someone who has never shown me he deserves it. If I drink from him and he gains control, there is nothing preventing him from taking over all aspects of my life."
He could force me into a clan, get me to quit my job. Hell, he could force me to kill my family, and there would be little I could do to stop it.
"I know you don't believe me right now, but Thomas isn't like that. I can't guarantee he'll never compel you, but he'll do it only when it's in your best interests."
That was little comfort. I hate when people say “it's for your own good”. That's like saying you're too stupid to know what's best for you. Maybe what I've chosen, while not the smartest way, is the way that works for me. My entire life I've been a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, and I'm tired of it. Going my own way, while difficult and often dangerous, was still better than giving up who I am for a false sense of safety.
A small part of me wanted to refuse. It was only a day's difference; it couldn't matter that much in the grand scheme of things. Only, I knew battles were won in moments. Show up just a few minutes too late and you might arrive just in time to pick your dead off the ground. Every second counted, and I wouldn't do anything to knowingly prolong this. Not when Caroline's mental and physical wellbeing were at stake.
I looked away, not willing to argue his words. It would accomplish nothing.
"Do you need me here for this next part, or can I wait in the car?"
Liam looked like he wanted to say more as he examined the set of my face. He sighed and then nodded, gesturing at Nathan to accompany me.
We didn't speak as we headed to the car. Eric had managed to accomplish a minor miracle in this neighborhood and snagged a parking spot just down the street. I opened the back door and slid over until I was sitting on the opposite side of the car from where the murders had taken place while Nathan climbed into the front passenger seat.
"Aileen."
"I don't want to talk about it," I said, staring out the window. "Talking about it won't help."
There was a sigh. "Alright. I can understand that."
Good. The rest of the time passed in silence as I stared out at the buildings in front of me, wishing my life was different.
*
Eric parked in front of the mansion, he and Nathan exiting the vehicle without a word, leaving Liam and me sitting in the darkness. Liam was motionless, his eyes on me. I didn't bother looking at him, not in the mood to argue, or banter, or whatever it was we did.
"I'm not doing this to punish you," he said, speaking for the first time since he'd gotten into the car.
I didn't respond, letting my silence speak for me. I felt like a rebellious teen brought to heel and about to face the music. It was not a good look on me, but I couldn't force myself to act in a more mature fashion. Not when I felt my choices and freedom slowly slipping away.
"After your little escapade, the wolves no longer trust that I can control you. We need them as allies. This will bring you more fully into our ranks and give you a little breathing room when it comes to them. With Thomas as your sire in truth, they will trust he has a handle on you." Liam's gaze turned towards me, his gaze burning into the side of my head.
Sensing he wanted something from me, I pulled myself out of the deep morass of self-pity I'd been indulging in. "You don't have to explain, Liam. Baby vampire, here. I won't know any better anyway."
With those final cutting words, I shouldered my way out of the car, walking towards the house. There was a pop of air, and then Liam was stalking along beside me.
"You’re being stubborn and childish."
"Whatever you say, enforcer."
I took my time mounting the steps, feeling like a death row inmate going to my executioner. Liam's frustration kept pace with me as we entered the mansion.
"Where are we going to do this?" I asked, stuffing my hands in my pocket and looking around the luxurious entry way with feigned boredom. "I assume you already called ahead to let him know."
Liam's gaze rested on me, thoughts hidden just beneath the surface of vivid azure eyes. "Follow me."
He turned and led the way through the mansion until we were at the section Nathan had warned me about that first night. The area he said was monitored by both cameras and magic. Guess it served as Thomas’s place of business, or maybe they did all their weird drinking rituals here.
We stopped in front of a dark wooden door that felt as imposing as any principal's door I'd ever had to knock on. Guess this was it. My skin felt clammy with sweat, and my heart raced as my stomach tried to twist itself into knots.
Liam's hand on mine stopped me from twisting the knob. His eyebrows were furrowed as he stared unseeing at the door. He seemed to be wrestling with an internal demon.
"Shore up your mental defenses and maintain a sense of self," he said in a soft voice that barely reached my ears.
He let go of my hand and stepped back. I gave him a questioning look over my shoulder as I opened the door and stepped through. His expression was impenetrable, giving me no notion at what was going through his head or what that warning was meant to do. Help me? If he'd wanted to help, he could have made it so this wasn't a requirement.
Left with those cryptic words, I turned to the room, a home office, by the looks of it. One that fit in an opulent mansion filled with vampires. Despite the fact it had a raised ceiling and was done in dark shades of brown, the place managed to seem inviting. On one side were floor to ceiling bookcases filled with an impressive number of books, as well as items that Thomas must have picked up on his travels.
The desk was on the other side of the room in front of oversized windows looking out on the topiary gardens. It was made of simple lines and clear of any clutter. Thomas stood with his back to me, hands clasped behind him, as he stared out at the garden. His dark hair curled against his neck, and he was wearing a charcoal gray suit that lovingly flowed over his body.
He'd been wearing a similar suit the first time I met him, and I could see how the younger me had fallen for his suave charm. He'd managed to seem sophisticated and charismatic in that bar full of twentysomethings wearing tight jeans and polo shirts. He'd seemed different from the people I'd hung out with for the past year, and I'd been reckless and desperate to forget the war.
"Why did you give Nathan the slip?" he asked without turning.
The window cast a reflection against the dark, and I could see a wisp of a woman, pale faced and exhausted looking. His reflection's eyes moved slightly so he could study me, watching me without seeming to.
I shrugged, not caring if the gesture translated or not. "I had things I needed to do that I couldn't with him shadowing me."
"Things like visit Caroline Bradley's mother?" he asked.
The question threw me. They couldn't have known about that, or else they would have pulled me off the street rather than allow me to wander further.
My surprise must have shown. "We had surveilla
nce set up in case her daughter decided to visit. Unfortunately, our people didn't realize you were to be apprehended until it was too late."
Huh. Lucky me.
I glanced at the chair, considering sitting for just a minute before discarding the idea. I had too much energy to try to confine myself to the chair, and I didn't like the thought of him towering above me.
"How did your visit with your mother go?" he asked, his voice idle. His apparent lack of interest didn't fool me. He either knew exactly what had happened, or he found the answer to be important. I didn't know him well enough to tell which it was.
"Why does that matter?"
His shrug was negligent. "You’re the only vampire currently maintaining a relationship with your human family. I'm curious what such a relationship looks like."
"You didn't see your family once you became a vampire?" I asked.
His gaze turned back to what was outside the window, the expression on his face turning distant. "It was a different time. Magic was the same thing as evil. My family wouldn't have welcomed me back home. They would have tried to stake me and drag me out to meet the sunlight—for the good of my soul."
Put that way, my problems with my mother didn't seem so dire.
"My mother senses something different about me, but I can't tell her what that is. It’s led to tension."
"Yes, certain humans are able to discern on some level when the supernatural world encroaches. She must be a sensitive."
I huffed, my laugh not quite humorous. "She seemed to like Liam well enough."
"Liam is centuries old and has had much practice in hiding his true self. You're barely a candle against the vastness of his existence."
Well, that put me in my place quite nicely.
Thomas turned from the window, his face grave as he studied me. He stepped closer to his desk, reaching to pick up a goblet of what I suspected was bloodwine. He took a sip, his eyes never leaving me. I stayed very still, not knowing what he was looking for, but feeling like I was on the precipice of something dangerous—something that could snap me up and make me bleed before I could even think to defend myself.
"What is it you want, Aileen?"
I started. "I thought Liam would have told you."
His arched eyebrow and as his lips twitched with amusement. "Yes, he's informed me of the situation."
"Then you already know."
One finger tapped against the glass as he stared at me, some of that otherworldly stillness invading and making me very aware that this was the master of the city—a being that had left his humanity behind long ago.
"That is not what you want," he said after a long moment where my instincts begged me to find the nearest exit and flee. "I'm interested in knowing what it is you want."
I tilted my head, confusion stealing through me. "I don't understand."
"It's simple. What do you want? You've made it clear that I stole your life, made you into the monster you are." He gestured to me with his glass. "What is it you want? What would you have been without my interference?"
I had never considered that question. "I suppose I would have continued on with my life. I would still be in the military."
Maybe I would have met someone by now, be on my way to a promotion. I didn't exactly know. I didn't often think about what might have been. It was a pointless exercise. All that mattered was my current existence. Everything else was just useless wishes.
"Somehow, I doubt that," he said, his lips curling.
Some of the exhaustion peeled away, and I gave him a glare. "What would you know?"
He gave a half chuckle. "Quite a bit. Let me remind you. You were lost, searching for something more. Your entire life you've been lonely, so alone that sometimes you couldn’t stand it."
"What would you know about any of that? You don't even remember that night."
"I know, because that was who I was searching for. Someone whose life was so meaningless that they would embrace the gift I had to give them. That they would risk everything to have it." He pointed at me with the glass he was holding. "I don't remember the exact manner of your making, but I do know I wouldn't have taken someone happy with their place in the world."
"You don't know anything," I hissed, my inner vampire taking control for a minute.
"I know you're lying to yourself," he said, his voice perfectly calm. "And you still haven't told me what you want."
"I just did."
"No, you told me what you thought your life would be, what you would do. You shared nothing about what YOU want."
"Why does it matter?" I asked, suddenly tired of these questions. "I'm doing what you guys want. Nothing else matters, right?"
The look he gave me was pitying, the kind you'd give someone you thought was too stupid to live. "You really have no idea who we are."
My mouth snapped closed, and I met his sympathetic gaze as I fortified my defenses, surrounding my heart with ice, determined to remain unfeeling.
"Can't we just get this over with?"
He slammed the glass down and was in front of me before I registered the movement, fangs exposed and a dark light in his eyes. He grabbed my shoulder, preventing my instinctive retreat. "No, Aileen, we can't." His voice was full of a forced patience. "This is not some feeding where you gulp a few drops down and send the donor on their way. You are asking much of me. This is a sacred bond, and I would know the person I am establishing it with before doing so."
Fear was a thick coating on my tongue. Memories flashed of the last time he was this close to me, his teeth buried in my throat and my life flowing out of me no matter how my mind fought. Paralyzed, with no way to defend myself.
My heart pounded in my chest until I could feel my pulse fluttering at my neck like a bird trapped in a cage. My hands went ice-cold, and I fought to keep from whimpering. Vampires didn't show fear. Even baby ones with more anger than sense.
His gaze focused on me as he registered the terror I fought to hide. His hand loosened and for a moment he looked sad before his mask slid down. He moved away, his form full of sinuous grace.
"Now, what is it you want from life?" he asked, his back turned toward me.
There was a lump in my throat that kept the words trapped inside. I took several deep breaths through my nose, clenching my hands into fists to hide their trembling.
My voice, when I forced it past that lump was subdued. "Caroline and my family safe. That's all I want."
His head bent, something I couldn't read in his posture. "That's good enough for now, I suppose," he said, in a voice so soft I wasn't sure if I was meant to have heard.
He was before me in an instant, moving with that supernatural speed both he and Liam possessed. My eyes fought without success to keep up with him.
A bloody wrist was held to my lips. I flinched but was held motionless by his hand at the back of my head.
"Drink and be mine," he crooned, his voice a deadly lullaby.
The blood was cool against my lips, and an icy tingle spread from where it touched, as my mouth filled with saliva. It's draw pulled at me despite my mental reservations. My will fought its lure in a losing battle.
His thumb massaged the back of my neck in a subconscious caress meant to be soothing.
"Come now, my dear. This is the path you chose." His eyes were all I could see, the glow of them filling every space of me, even as untasted blood dripped down my chin. The words were an echo of that long-ago night when the younger me died.
I gasped, the blood filling my mouth, flooding my taste buds with bliss and power. It felt like I'd stuck my tongue into a light socket and was trying to gulp down liquid electricity. Painful. Tingling. And, oh so, fulfilling. It felt like someone poured energy into me, filling me to bursting, until my skin struggled to contain itself.
Liam's words from before came back to me. I could see now, what he meant. Already the pieces that made me Aileen, threatened to submerge under the tidal wave that was Thomas. His power ate away at me, huge chunks at
a time. It was a struggle to retain myself in the closest to an out-of-body experience I'd ever had.
Someone could have walked up to me and put a knife in my back and I doubt I would have noticed, as long as I kept sucking down this blood.
Even as the blood coated my throat and sent power washing through my veins, I pulled the shreds of my mental defenses around me, building them up one painful tree at a time. When I could no longer summon the will for trees, I built shrubs, and bushes, and formations of rock around the core of me.
My mental defenses weren't like others. They weren't formed of hard walls or castle fortresses. They were organic and pulled from nature. As flexible and tenacious as I was, from the stubborn spruces, the hard oak, and the wild roses protecting the secret bits of me.
He might have the rest of me, but he could not have that. It was mine and mine alone. Even when every scrap of me begged to hand itself over, no questions asked.
"That's enough. Any more and you would be in danger," Thomas hummed, his thumb brushed against my jaw before gradually exerting pressure and pulling his wrist free with a pop.
I slowly came back to myself laying on the floor, staring up at the wooden beams of his ceiling. His office was very manly, was the odd thought that struck me. Thomas crouched next to me, showing no signs of the lethargy that was quickly invading my limbs.
"What was that?" I asked through lips that had gone mostly numb, like all of that energy had deadened their nerves. The blood still pumped through my veins, a fire making its way down each of my limbs and then back to my core.
"That, my dearest, was a proper feeding." Thomas peered down at me with an amused expression. "You'll be fine in about an hour. Your body just needs to process it and burn some of the excess power off."
I started to sit but didn't make it much further than the thought. My body refused to move. It was almost as if I'd had a really good workout, one that had left every muscle in my body pleasantly lax and unwilling to go through the effort of moving.
A faint feeling of worry threatened to steal the cloud of bliss I was riding on. I pulled my attention from it, not willing to give up this contentment. I'd been worried for so long. Scared and alone. Thomas would fix that now.