by Karen Kelley
I eased down to her, rolling to my side, keeping her body against mine. She was warm and soft, and I didn’t want to break the connection yet. I lightly stroked her back, letting my pulse slow.
“I wish we didn’t have to work tomorrow,” she quietly said. “I wish we could stay like this forever.
“And make the world go away,” I said.
“Exactly. We wouldn’t let anyone intrude into our space. Stay in bed every day and make love all day long.”
“You don’t think we’d starve to death?”
“No, not in my perfect world.” She sighed deeply.
The one thing she wanted, and I knew I couldn’t make it happen. She wanted to feel safe and loved. I wasn’t sure I could give her either of those things.
Chapter 18
Fiera
It was nice to wake up wrapped in Layne’s arms. I usually left before morning, but Layne had a way of changing my routine. I could tell he was still asleep by the even rise and fall of his chest. I knew it was still early in the morning because light had just started to filter into the room. I scooted away from him and raised on one elbow, staring down into the shadows of his face. He looked relaxed as he slept. As if he didn’t have a care in the world. I wondered what that felt like, not having a care in the world. I don’t think I’d ever felt that way.
What I was doing was wrong on so many levels. Our relationship didn’t have anywhere to go.
My hand fisted in the sheet. Dammit, why couldn’t I have a little bit of happiness? They said what went around, came around. It just never seemed to happen with me. I was a good paramedic, and I helped people. I’d even saved a few lives. But nothing good ever came my way. So maybe everybody was wrong.
I slipped out of bed, careful not to wake Layne. I pulled on my dress, but decided just to carry my heels as I left his apartment. Once I was inside mine, I went straight to my bedroom. I stripped out of my dress and tossed it onto the bed before making my way to the bathroom. Shower first, then coffee.
Maybe we’d have a slow shift today. Layne and I didn’t get much sleep last night. As I stepped under the spray, I couldn’t help but smile. He was ridiculously good in bed. If only I could keep him, but that would never happen.
I frowned. No, I don’t want to keep him. No entanglements. I had a feeling that was easier said than done. It was going to be really hard when it was time to leave.
I stepped from the shower, then quickly dried off before putting on my uniform. I grabbed my brush, then dragged it through my hair before pulling it back with a tie. Some days I just wanted to cut it all off, but I’d never gotten the nerve.
As I walked into the kitchen, my eyes went straight for the coffee pot. I’d miss his coffee. The guy made a mean cup of coffee. Mine didn’t even come close. I glanced toward the door. He was probably up by now.
There was a knock. I smiled, then hurried to open it. Layne stood on the other side with two cups of coffee.
“I was hoping that was you. I was fantasizing about you bringing me a cup of coffee.”
His forehead wrinkled. “I would hope that when you fantasize about me it didn’t involve coffee.”
I laughed. “If it makes you feel better, I fantasize about that, too.”
“Okay, you’re forgiven.” He smiled.
For a moment, I was lost in that crooked smile. The coffee was immediately forgotten as I fantasized about a repeat performance of last night.
He cleared his throat. “If you keep looking at me like that, we’re going to be late for work.”
“Would that be the end of the world?” I was never late for work. This morning, I could make an exception.
“Well damn, now I’m going to be thinking about having sex with you for the next twenty-four hours. I wish we could be late. We have students riding out today, though.”
“Who?” I’d already met a few of them, and liked all but one. Most of them seemed eager to learn.
“Ray and Cathy.”
I groaned. “I really don’t like Ray. He’s not a good person, and I don’t think he has what it takes to be a good paramedic.”
“I agree, but he hasn’t fucked up enough for me to kick him off the truck. If he gives you any problems, let me know.”
We rode to the fire station in Layne’s vehicle. I’d run out of excuses to ride separately, and quite frankly, I enjoyed the company, even though it wasn’t far to our job. He parked and we got out. As soon as we walked inside, our day started. Layne checked out the outside of the truck, while I did the narcotic count with the off-going paramedic. We did a quick check of the interior equipment and supplies. Everything looked good. When we went back inside, I noticed the students had already arrived.
I hadn’t lied when I told Layne I did not like Ray. The guy was too damned cocky. I was afraid he was going to get someone hurt. That was probably why Layne put him on our truck. So he could keep an eye on him, and it was just me and Layne on the ambulance now that Jake had moved.
Our first three calls of the day were minor emergencies. Nothing critical. I could tell Ray was already getting irritated. I knew his kind. He wanted the blood and guts. He wanted the trauma. Everything else was beneath him.
He got his wish later that evening when we rolled on a shooting at one of the bars in a bad part of town. The cops were already on the scene. One of them rushed over to us.
“We have a gunshot victim. He took one in the chest.”
“The shooter?” Layne asked.
It was always good to know where everyone was so we didn’t walk into a bad situation.
“She’s in custody. Said she caught her husband cheating on her, and she wasn’t going to stand for it anymore.”
Ray was already getting out of the back. At least this time he brought the jump bag with him. We followed the cop inside the bar. The victim was lying on the floor, another officer was holding pressure on the wound.
“It’s about time we got something good,” Ray said. He practically pushed the officer out of the way so he could see the wound. “Oh man, she got him good.” He chuckled. “I bet you don’t fuck around anymore.”
“Shut up Ray and move out of my way.”
“Well, it’s the truth.”
I did a quick head to toe. “Small caliber sucking gunshot wound mid-chest.” I opened the jump bag and grabbed a foil package, then taped it over the wound.
Layne gave me the man’s vitals. They weren’t good.
“We’ll do everything en route,” I said. “Let’s get him loaded.” I didn’t think he would make it to the hospital. She’d used a small caliber handgun, and her aim was good. There was no exit wound, so no telling how much was torn up on the inside. He was starting to crash.
“Chest burns,” the man said.
“We’re taking you to the hospital, sir.”
He closed his eyes.
I jumped into the back of the ambulance first as Ray and Layne loaded the cot with the patient. I was already grabbing IVs, and everything I would need to start one. The guy was going to need fluid replacement, if he had any chance at all. As soon as he was inside, I got a mask on him with a high flow of oxygen.
“I’ll call this in,” Layne told me right before he shut the back doors of the ambulance.
“Ray, get an IV started in his left arm.” I was already starting an IV in his opposite arm. The man’s eyes fluttered open again and he looked at me. “It’s okay, we’re going to take good care of you.”
The man glanced toward Ray, then flinched when Ray jammed the needle into his arm. By the time we got to the hospital, I knew I wanted Ray off my truck. I didn’t like anything about him.
As soon as we had the man in ER, and the nurses and the doctor had taken over, I washed up, then started my paperwork. I couldn’t stand to look at Ray another minute and sent him out to clean the truck.
“How’d he do in the back?” Layne asked.
“I think he’s mean and vindictive. I don’t think changing trucks will help. It’s
almost as if he gets pleasure in someone else’s pain.”
Layne nodded. “I’ll send him home as soon as we get back to the station. I was going to anyway just because of the way he acted on scene. I’ll call his instructor tomorrow and tell him he’s no longer welcome to ride out at this service. He’ll have to get his clinicals somewhere else.”
I nodded, finally relaxing. I hadn’t realized that the longer I was around Ray, the more tense I became. True to his word, as soon as we got back to the station, Layne told Ray to go home and not come back.
“Why?” Ray asked, for once looking confused.
“Because you’re not good with our patients,” Layne told him. “You need to learn compassion before you become a paramedic, but for some reason, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. This is the wrong line of work for you.”
Ray glared at Layne. “You think you’re so damned good. You’ve got it all. Let me tell you this, you don’t have nothing. I’ll be a better paramedic than you ever thought about being. I don’t let emotion get in my way.”
“I know. I saw your lack of emotion when we were on the scene. You never talk in front of a patient like you did tonight.”
“The guy’s going to die anyway. What difference does it make?”
“And that’s why you’ll never be a decent paramedic. Now get out.”
As soon as he was gone, I breathed a sigh of relief, and looked at Layne. “He just doesn’t get it, does he?”
Layne shook his head. “No, he doesn’t. That scares the hell out of me. I’m going to call his instructor tomorrow and talk to him. Having Ray on the streets as a paramedic would cause more harm than good.”
“I totally agree.”
Zoey and Cliff, along with the other student, came back to the station as Ray was leaving.
“What was wrong with Ray?” Zoey asked. “He looked really pissed as he got into his car and drove off.”
“I sent him home,” Layne told them. “His attitude needed a lot more adjustment than we could give him. Maybe he’ll realize this isn’t the right career choice for him.”
“I never did like him,” Cliff said. “I never thought he would make a good paramedic.”
I really liked Zoey’s partner. He was quiet, but nice. The only thing he ever really talked about was his wife and little girl. I guess I envied his family. I had a feeling he would be around a long time for his little girl. But then, I’d thought the same thing about my own father.
An icy chill ran down my spine. Was he still alive?
No, I couldn’t think about it. Not while I was on shift. I refused to let myself worry until I knew exactly what was going on. Until Jeremy found the truth. So far, his leads hadn’t panned out. He kept running up against brick walls. I was beginning to wonder if he would ever discover what happened to my father. I might never know.
My mother used to tell me not to cry over spilled milk. Meaning that you couldn’t change what was already done. I knew I couldn’t change what was done.
The rest of our shift was crazy, so I didn’t have time to dwell on anything. By the time our relief arrived the next morning, I think we were ready for this shift to end. We’d had another shooting, a domestic disturbance where the husband had beat his wife, a stabbing, and three car wrecks. Zoey and Cliff hadn’t fared any better.
I was too tired to even talk on the drive to our apartment complex. All I wanted to do was take a hot shower and crawl into bed. As I started past Layne’s door, he took my arm and gently pulled me close, then kissed me. When it ended, I sighed and leaned against him.
“I think I could go to sleep standing right here.” His chest made a very comforting pillow.
He kissed me on top of the head, then led me to my door. He took the key away from me and unlocked it. “Get some sleep and I’ll talk to you later.”
I nodded, then went inside, shutting the door behind me and locking it. I think every bone in my body ached. I removed my clothes when I was in the bedroom, letting them lay where they fell, then headed for the shower.
Once I was dried off, I pulled on a gown, then crawled into bed. I didn’t know anything for six blissful hours.
I slowly came awake, stretching. Two days off. I could live with that. I frowned. Actually, one and a half left.
Not that I hated my job’s hours. I actually enjoyed it. Doing the paperwork was probably the worst part. Well, that and keeping up with all the certifications that were required. You would think with everything we had to do, they would at least pay us better. Emergency personnel were at the bottom of the food chain. The only thing that kept most paramedics working was the fact that they did love their job.
I went into the bathroom and used the facilities, then washed, before slipping on my robe. I needed coffee. I still wasn’t awake. I glanced at my front door as I went past. No one knocked. In case he was still asleep, I fixed my coffee pot. Yes, he was spoiling me. It would be hard to leave when the time came.
Tears filled my eyes and I had to quickly blink them away. No, I wouldn’t get weepy. Besides, did I really have to leave? I actually enjoyed being around the people I was working with. I felt as if I finally belonged. Maybe it was time I stopped moving from one place to the other.
My gut clenched. The only person I’d ever trusted had been my father. I wasn’t good at trusting people. What if I woke up one morning and found that Zoey and Darby didn’t want me hanging out with them? Or maybe Layne would move on to someone else he liked better. I closed my eyes against the pain that thought brought.
No, it didn’t mean it had to end like that.
I ran a trembling hand through my hair. I’d do like I’d always done and play it by ear. I would know when it was time to leave.
I fixed my coffee and took it to the living room, making myself comfortable on the sofa. I took a drink of my coffee. Okay, it wasn’t even close to being as good as what Layne could make. It was caffeine, that’s all that mattered. But when there was a knock on my door, I smiled.
I uncurled my legs and hurried to the door, opening it. As I’d hoped, there was Layne with two cups of coffee. “You’re a lifesaver. I’m spoiled with drinking your coffee now. I hope you’re satisfied.”
He came in, handing me a cup. “My devious plan is working. Get you hooked on my coffee, and then I can have my way with you.”
I laughed. Yes, I did enjoy his company.
“What are your plans for the day?” he asked.
I shrugged. “None, really.”
“Want to go shopping with me?”
I took another drink of my coffee. Right now, I would do just about anything he asked. “What are you shopping for?” I asked as I went back to the living room and made myself comfortable on the sofa.
“I thought I would shop for furniture, since I’m going to be moving to Ryder’s house. Actually, it’s mine now.”
“Sounds like fun. When do you want to leave?”
“As soon as you can get dressed.”
“Okay, but I’m taking my coffee with me.” I was still smiling when I went to my bedroom and grabbed some clothes out of the closet and took them to the bathroom. When I saw my reflection in the mirror, I stopped and stared. I knew I hadn’t looked this relaxed and happy in a very long time, if ever. Layne had a lot to do with that.
I pulled on under clothes, then a pair of jeans, and a green blouse. After I slipped my feet into a pair of sandals, I ran a brush through my hair and was ready to go. When I came out of the bedroom, Layne came to his feet. His gaze drifted over me, then met my eyes once more.
“You look nice. Better than nice,” he said.
I smiled. “Thank you.” I locked the apartment after we went out. “When are you moving? I have to admit, I rather enjoy you bringing me coffee every day.”
“Not until after they deliver the furniture, and I still have to buy it,” he told me. “Don’t worry, I’ll invite you for sleepovers,” he said as we got inside his pickup.
“You mean if you invite
me to your house, we’ll actually sleep?”
He grinned. “Eventually we will.”
I wondered if I was underdressed when he parked at the furniture store. I could immediately tell it was high-end when we walked inside. The salesclerk immediately greeted us, then asked if we would like a refreshment. We both declined.
“What do you think about this sofa?” Layne asked.
I sat on one end of the brown leather sofa. It was pure luxury. “I love it.” As I stood, I noticed the price tag. I turned it over and my mouth dropped open. “Oh my God, Layne, this sofa is fourteen thousand dollars,” I whispered.
“But do you like it?”
“For fourteen thousand dollars anyone would like it.”
“Okay, don’t look at any more price tags. I just want to know if you like it or not. Agreed?”
I nodded. Then I thought about all of the things I could do with that kind of money. Spending fourteen thousand dollars on a sofa didn’t seem to faze Layne. He told me not to look at any more price tags, but I couldn’t resist. One of the chairs alone that went with the sofa was five thousand dollars. Did people actually spend this much on furniture?
“Come on.” He laughed, then led me toward bedroom furniture.
I looked at him with one eyebrow raised. “You mean, you’re not going to keep your brother’s bedroom furniture? It’s the perfect bachelor bedroom.”
He frowned and I almost laughed. “Believe it or not, it’s not really my taste,” he said.
When he showed me what he wanted and asked for my opinion, I had to admit I liked his choice. The bed looked almost as if it was hand carved from dark wood. It was elegant without being ostentatious. I agreed with him that it would be perfect for the bedroom. And yes, I glanced at the price tag, then rolled my eyes. It was ridiculously expensive. He also wanted the dresser and chest of drawers. He added a bench that would sit at the end of the bed. The salesclerk furiously wrote down everything that Layne told him, making me wonder if he was working on commission.
By the time we left the store, we were both starving. “Do you like steak?” he asked.