To his surprise, the quarterback didn’t take a knee. He threw it long, downfield and right through his receiver and into the hands of Evan, their defensive lineman. Liam jumped to his feet, yelling at Evan. “Run! Run!”
Evan ran toward the end zone, blocking one, two, three tackles, but unable to block the fourth, brought him down just past midfield. Liam looked up at the clock, forty-five seconds to go. If they were lucky, they could get two plays in and advance the ball to within Jerry’s, their very accurate kicker’s, field goal range. That would force a tie and overtime, but it was better than losing. Overtime would give them a chance.
Matt lined up behind the center and called the play. Cody took off downfield, then cut across at the ten-yard line, twisting his torso to catch the dead-on spiral just as he was brought down. Perfect, inside the ten. Liam jumped up and down, screaming. They might just pull out a win in regulation.
Matt huddled them up and everyone set according to the play Matt called. Another perfect spiral to Cody and they were in the end zone. Up by three with ten seconds to go.
Jerry split the uprights on the extra point. They were up by four now. Liam tugged his helmet on and gave it an almost perfect return to the opposite fifteen-yard line. Nothing other than a Hail Mary into the end zone was going to count for the opponents, and although they tried, the ball sailed past the receiver and the game was won. Liam was ecstatic.
“Oh man, that was awesome!” Cody came up behind him, grabbing his shoulders.
“Oh wow!” Both were surrounded by the entire team as they celebrated. The organizers pulled their coach to midfield for the trophy presentation, and the team lined up behind the coach for the official picture.
Liam stole a glance over to Cody. Even hot and sweaty, his purple hair plastered to his head, he was sexy, hot, and all Liam wanted to do was ravish him. After the celebration, the team piled onto the bus and headed back home. Liam had texted his parents and got permission to head to the diner to party with the rest of the team. He smiled as they also gave him consent to stay out until eleven thirty.
At the diner everyone was shouting, yelling, tossing a football across the room back and forth. Liam and Cody took their favorite table and waited for Matt and Jacob to join them. Instead, Hannah and Monica slid into the chairs next to them.
“That game was awesome! We’ve never won the first round of the playoffs before.” Hannah placed her hand on Cody’s arm. “It’s all because of you, I swear. You’re totes awesome.”
Cody gave her a big smile. “Nah. We all did our part, right, Liam?”
Liam shifted in his seat, acutely aware of Monica’s presence and her moving closer to him. He started to twist and tear his napkin. What he wouldn’t give for a few moments alone with Cody… or his knife. That thought startled him, that he’d started to use the knife as a way of coping. But so far, it’d only been small cuts on his inner thigh, nothing major. Nothing to worry about, right?
“Liam?”
He looked up at Cody. “What?”
“You in there? You looked a million miles away.”
Liam gave him a half smile. “Sorry. Just reliving the game.” His foot nudged Cody’s.
“So what’s the strategy for winning next week?” Monica ran her finger down the back of Liam’s hand.
Liam wanted to recoil from her touch, but made himself sit perfectly still. “Uh, play hard, I guess. We play at Lincoln High. They’re twice the size of us and have more talent.”
“I’m sure you’ll win.” Monica grabbed his arm and squeezed it.
Liam compelled his lungs to work. He forced down the feeling to bolt out of there. “Maybe. They’re tough.”
Sally chose the most opportune time to approach and take their orders. Liam got his usual, but wasn’t sure he’d be able to choke it down once it came.
The conversation turned to which teachers were ball busters and which were über easy. Liam relaxed a little once the food came, as it made Monica use her hands to eat instead of hanging on to him.
It was just past ten when people started trickling out of the diner.
“You guys have any plans?” Hannah pushed her plate away.
“Home, I guess. Didn’t get much homework done this week, gotta start catching up. Right, Liam?”
Liam was getting pretty good at hiding his reactions pertaining to their little video chats. “Coach beat us pretty hard, so yeah, homework has to come first. No grades, no play.”
Both Hannah and Monica looked disappointed as they stood up.
“Well, good luck with the homework. Maybe we could celebrate later?” Hannah slung her purse on her shoulder.
“That’d be great. Have a good night!” Cody gave them a small wave and looked genuinely into the kiss Hannah gave him. It lasted way too long for Liam’s taste.
Liam nodded in their direction, ducking Monica’s kiss which landed on his cheek. He tucked his head, hoping she’d just take it as being shy, not disgust. While he really didn’t like the attention from her, he didn’t want to necessarily hurt her feelings either. Damn, there really seemed to be a fine line between being nice and not interested, and outright rejection.
Once they left the diner, Cody leaned in closer to Liam. “We’ve got lots of time. Let’s get out of here.”
Liam felt his smile could have lit up a room. His mood did a one-eighty. “Yeah, let’s blow this joint.”
They left the diner and got into Cody’s car. Cody started driving through the middle of town, through their two stop lights and west and out of town.
“Where we going?” Liam squeezed Cody’s hand.
“I was out driving last Sunday and found a spot I want to show you.” Cody turned onto a dirt road.
“This is the old Wilson farm.” Liam noted the dilapidated barn and ranch house.
“It’s private and dark.” Cody pulled behind the barn and cut the engine. He unbuckled his seat belt. “You like?”
In response, Liam pounced. After a few minutes of frenzied clothing stripping and deep-tongued kissing, he pulled back. “Damn I needed that.”
“So did I.” Cody turned the radio on. A hard rock beat flooded the car. “I adjusted the bass, can you feel it?”
Liam reveled in the throbbing beat that came through the speakers, up his seat and to his exposed balls. “I love it.” He twisted in his seat to kick off his shoes and the pooled jeans and boxers at his ankles. He was suddenly hit with the realization he had small incision marks on his inner thighs, but a quick sitrep showed there was no way Cody could see them in the dark. He had no clue how he’d explain them if Cody saw them. If they ever were alone again in the daylight… he’d cross that bridge if they came to it.
As soon as he was free of his confining apparel, a massive body of excited flesh jumped on him. It wasn’t long before they both were panting and steaming up the windows.
“I love you found this place.”
Cody licked Liam’s neck. “I’m glad your parents eased up on the curfew.”
“I was surprised about that.” Liam returned the favor, his tongue circling Cody’s Adam’s apple. “Not gonna question it.”
They continued on, using the beat of the music to guide them.
LIAM DUMPED his gear right inside the door. A dim light came out of the kitchen.
“Liam? You home?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Have a good time?”
Liam licked his lips and tugged on his t-shirt. He felt a little exposed even though he had been fully clothed for over ten minutes. “Yeah, great time. Diner was hopping.”
Liam’s mom rounded the corner of the kitchen. “Congratulations on the game and thank you for coming home a little early.”
Liam glanced at his watch. It was only eleven ten. They had made great time back to town, even with Liam “distracting” Cody all the way. “I appreciate the trust in expanding the curfew. Wanted to show I wasn’t going to take advantage of it.”
Sarah patted Liam’s cheek. Damn, he
was so glad the only light was coming from the kitchen. He and Cody were careful to not make any noticeable marks on skin that would be exposed in the normal course of the day. But being that it was so dark during their make-out session, he wasn’t 100 percent sure there wasn’t something left behind.
“I appreciate that. You’re growing up so fast. Soon you’re going to want to ask permission to go out on a date.”
Liam ducked his head. How on earth was he going to get through another year and a half of high school and not date? What about his prom? “Eh, I have been hanging out with mixed company at the diner.” He’d cross those problems later. For now, he had Cody.
“Anyone in particular?”
“Not really.”
“Well, when you find her, you’ll know.” Sarah yawned. “I’m heading up to bed. Don’t stay up too late. Your dad wants you to help clear some brush tomorrow, now that everything’s died off.”
“No worries here. I’m exhausted. I’m going to make a snack, then crash.”
Sarah started up the stairs. “Night.”
“Night.”
Liam got to the kitchen and poured a glass of milk and grabbed some cookies from the jar. He took his haul up to his bedroom, noticing his parents’ bedroom was totally dark. He set his glass and plate down on his desk and booted up his laptop. His screen was soon filled with Cody’s face.
“Glad you got home okay.”
“It was easier once you weren’t such a distraction.”
“Yeah, well I’m not sorry about that.”
“Neither am I.”
Liam stuffed a cookie in his mouth and downed half the glass of milk. “You made me hungry again.”
“I think we burn what, a couple thousand calories?”
Liam snorted. “I have no idea.”
“I hate we have to sneak around. If this was back home, we could …”
“I know. But we’re here in Podunk hell.”
“So, talk to you tomorrow? I’m not sure I can do much tonight. Between the game and you know.”
“Yeah, same here. I think I could sleep for a week.” He leaned in closer to the screen. “And all my dreams would be about you.”
“Same. Night.”
“Night.” Liam closed the laptop, finished off the cookies and milk, and then stripped down to his boxers. He lay down on the bed and closed his eyes, but his body and mind wouldn’t shut down. He wanted something else. Not sex, but… relief. He eyed his knife. Just a little cut, just a little. It’ll be the perfect end to a perfect day. He tossed his boxers onto the floor and grabbed a wad of tissues. He balanced the knife in his hand, staring at it for long moments. His left thigh bore the remains of his previous efforts, seven little lines crisscrossing each other. His right thigh was pristine. It was time to make a matching pair.
Chapter Eleven
SUNDAY’S CHURCH service was particularly taxing for Liam. The neighboring town was contemplating some sort of religious freedom bill and the pastor was adamant about their sleepy little village doing the same.
“We can’t allow our values to be degraded. We must protect our business from the immoral, from those that would tear us down!” He pounded the pulpit as the congregation murmured and nodded.
Liam closed his eyes to tune out the hate that filled his ears. He had come to accept that he was what the pastor was talking about, but he had no inclination to change anyone, force anyone to do anything, and what he felt wasn’t immoral or a sin. How come the pastor couldn’t see that?
He took comfort in Marissa’s words, in her belief that he wasn’t going to be damned for all eternity. He held on to that conversation and emptied his mind of his previous negative thoughts. He imagined the pastor, in some future time, coming to terms with those who loved differently. He flooded his mind with positive thoughts and let peace wash over him as he silently forgave the pastor for his hate. And as the choir sang and the congregation filed out, he felt lighter and happier coming out of church than he had in months.
THE WEEK at school was the craziest Liam had ever experienced. Coach was pushing them hard and each day brought some sort of spirit event or pep rally. He found himself getting angry at the slightest hint of Cody paying attention to Hannah. It was becoming difficult to hide the jealousy that bubbled just beneath the surface. And especially hard to stave off the advances Monica kept tossing his way. He wanted to growl at her that he was taken and she didn’t have the right equipment to satisfy him. But he painstakingly kept up the charade. His only outlets for the stressors he was under were his video sessions with Cody and his cutting. The only times he felt in control of his life were in his intimate moments with Cody and on his bed, late at night, with his knife in his hand.
The day of the big game had come. Just as before, the team had to travel to the game as their field was inadequate to hold the crowds. Liam jogged onto the field, the running giving small tugs on his inner thigh wounds, the slight pain heightening his senses. The captains met at midfield, the coin was tossed, and the game was on.
Things didn’t go as Liam hoped. They were down twenty-eight to seven at the half, and no amount of pep talk or encouragement was going to change that they were completely outmatched. Down to the last seconds, Liam held out hope for some miracle of a win, but it wasn’t to be. While they played their hearts out, it wasn’t enough and when the clock wound down to zero, the score was thirty-seven to ten, Lincoln High’s favor. The locker room was silent after the game.
“You boys went farther than any team before in the history of the school. You should be proud of your undefeated season and that you made it through the first round of playoffs. There is no shame in that. I’m proud to be your coach and am proud of what we’ve accomplished. Don’t focus on the defeat. When we get back, head to the diner and celebrate the best season this school has ever had.”
Matt started to clap, followed by a few more, then the entire team clapped and cheered. Liam felt a little better. He had to admit, they had one hell of a ride.
Coach put his hands up, motioning for them to calm down. “Get back to your grades, keep ’em up. The week after Thanksgiving we’ll have our end-of-season banquet. Get your finest suits out. I want my team to look spiffy in front of the booster club. But for now, hit the showers, bus leaves in twenty.” Coach left the locker room to head out to the press.
Liam gave Cody a fleeting glance. In the second their eyes met, Liam felt the heat pool in his groin, the familiar throbbing increase. He wondered if he could get away with taking a cold shower while everyone else was steaming it up.
LIAM HAD already made an agreement with his parents that he could head to the diner and stay out until his now-permanent curfew of eleven thirty. He wondered if he’d be able to push it to midnight once he hit seventeen, but then why would he need it? Cody would be long gone by his next birthday.
After the diner he and Cody headed back out to their private make-out place. After getting off a couple of times, Liam laid his head back on the headrest, trying to catch his breath.
“Wonder if I could afford an SUV. We definitely need more room in here.” Cody was panting, almost in time with Liam.
“Or a van. Seen some pretty nice tricked out ones online. One was so fly you could live in it.”
“I could go for that.” Cody rubbed Liam’s forearm. “You know I love what we do together.”
“Same.”
“I’d like to do more.”
Liam raised an eyebrow. “You want to go full-on?”
“Soon. But not in a cramped car and not in my parents’ home. I can’t think of where else to do it, though.” Cody cocked his head, as if to judge Liam’s thoughts on the matter. “You don’t want to?”
“No, I do. I’d love to take this further. And I’m with you, though, no car, no parents.”
“It’s too late to go camping, true?”
“Yeah. Even though it’s been a mild fall, not sure my dad would condone it.”
Cody pulled Liam toward hi
m, giving him a deep kiss. “We’ll think of something. Now if you don’t mind, I want to taste you again.” Cody dropped his head to Liam’s lap and Liam lost all conscious thought.
IT WAS now just before Thanksgiving, and Liam wasn’t sure how he’d gotten through the past couple of weeks. His grades remained steady, not great, but he wasn’t failing and his GPA hadn’t taken too much of a hit. He knew he’d be able to regain any lost ground in the remaining year before he had to buckle down and apply for college. Right now all he wanted was to be with Cody and he was making excuses left and right to do so. He had convinced his mother that Cody was tutoring him, so they spent quite a few afternoons locked in Cody’s bedroom, lights off, radio on. As discussed, they didn’t partake in sex, even though they came close quite a few times. It just didn’t seem right to do it in Cody’s home, even though his parents probably would be somewhat okay with it.
He got through the Sunday sermons by replaying Marissa’s words over and over in his mind, each Sunday silently forgiving the pastor of his hatred. He lived for his video chats with Cody and his cutting sessions with his knife. He had gained control with the knife, figuring out how to cause the most pain with the least bloodshed. And each time he cut, he felt the most alive, the most in control.
It came as a surprise when, a week before Thanksgiving, his mom called him into the kitchen.
“Liam, hon, can you come in here?”
Liam jogged down the stairs and popped his head through the doorway. “What’s up?”
“I was wondering if the Williams would like to join us for Thanksgiving. That is, if they aren’t headed back north to see family.”
Liam’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. You spend a lot of time over there, time we had them here. I’m sure you’ve been eating Mrs. Williams out of house and home.”
“No, Mom, I swear. Been a good boy.”
“Well, anyway, I want to be neighborly and ask them over. Do you know if they have plans?”
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