by K E Osborn
“That a girl.”
“Are you nervous?”
I curl up my lip deep in thought. I was, initially knowing Luke was here. But now not so much. “No, I know how to perform, it comes naturally. I’ll just be myself up there and rock like normal, I’m a pro at this.”
“Yeah, you are. Now go. The guys look like they’re waiting for you,” she says leaning in pressing her lips to mine quickly before tapping my ass lightly and turning me to face the stage where Ryan, Matt, and Nate are already set up. The lights are strobing and the crowd’s already here. No need to wait. Let’s get this party started.
I jog up the black stairs and onto the stage, my dark boots pounding hard on the floor. Ryan looks at me as I step up to the mic. A few of the girls in the crowd cheer, and I smile my panty dropping smile at them, winking at the overexcited blonde in the front row. She giggles and throws her hands in the air as I pick up my guitar and hurl the strap over my head. I’m still one of those weird guitarists that uses a pick. Ryan uses his fingers to play, says it’s easier to feel the strings, but I was taught with a pick and I’ve always carried on using one. It’s just how I roll. I grab the mic and look out into the sea of small faces. It might only be a medium sized bar full of people, but a crowd is a crowd, and feeling the buzz and energy coming from them is like a beast, it surges the animal inside of me and makes me feel alive.
“Hello, Adelaide. We’re Recoil, and we’re gonna rock your fucking world tonight. So hold on tight, shit’s about to get real,” I say and throw my hand in the air giving the signal to Nate to start playing the drum intro to Stir of Echoes. The song starts and the energy surges. The crowd begins to move as Matt’s bass kicks in, sending the floor into vibrations with the heavy droning. Ryan and I slam on our guitars. Ryan taking the lead, of course, as the heavy rock filters through the bar, resounding off the walls and filling the space with nothing but pure unadulterated sounds of exhilaration that run through me igniting my soul.
I live for this, breathe this, this is my life. Music is the pure center of my gravity, and I’ve lived without it for so long that I could never give this up again, not for anyone or anything. This is not just a part of me, it’s who I am. I open my mouth and the lyrics caress my tongue, flowing out effortlessly into the mic. My deep, gravelly voice reverberates around the bar making the women melt and the men entranced. My body moves with the rhythm, the beat matches my heart rate as I rock along to the music. This is my home, this is my heart, and nothing beats the rush of the music… nothing.
I love performing, even if it’s only to a small bar in downtown Adelaide. I know things are starting to turn for us, and with the help of Luke, an agent on our side, anything is possible!
Luke is smiling as I bound off the stage on a high. Performing is the best kind of drug in the word—ice, meth or marijuana could never compare to the kind of lift rocking out can give you. I smile at Lunar and give her a wink as she watches me walk past her while she’s busy selling our stuff to a bunch of girls. I grin knowing Lunar’s doing an awesome job and stroll over toward Techie and Luke. Luke looks me up and down shaking his head, and my heart leaps into my throat for a moment as I think he’s saying no to me. That is until a giant smile crosses his face as I reach him.
He reaches out grabbing my arm pulling me to his side, and wraps his arm around my sweaty shoulders. “Danger, you devil, your sound is exactly what I’m looking for. I’m in, I’m all in. I’m going to start looking at getting you guys an Australian tour lined up as quickly as possible, and getting your songs on the radio. I want Recoil to be the latest buzz, the latest hot sound in Australia.”
Grinning like the fucking Cheshire cat, I shake my head. “Shit! I don’t know what to say.”
“Well, a fucking thank you would be nice,” he teases with a dirty great big smile.
“Fuck! Sorry. Yeah. Thanks, Luke. You don’t know what this means to the band… to me.”
He nods. “No, I do know what it means. You guys deserve to make it, and I’m going to help make it happen, Danger. With some work from you guys and dedication from me, we will do this.”
“Yeah, we will.”
“Good, now go pack up.”
I smirk, he’s obviously going to be ordering us around a lot, so I figure I may as well start obeying him now.
“Sure, thanks again.” I walk back over by the stage to see Lunar at the merch desk selling the last item that we have available. I grin at her and she smiles nodding her head once at me.
“I think I’m good at this… selling shit stuff.”
I shake my head and half laugh. “Yeah, I think you are. Come here,” I say, and she moves out from behind the desk. I reach out grabbing and pulling Lunar to me pressing my lips to hers.
“Danger, can I get a photo?” someone calls out.
I break away from Lunar and wince. “Sorry babe, duty calls.”
She nods with half a smile and lets me go. I walk over to my new fans and get into the huddle to have a selfie taken with them.
Danger walks off and I have to admit, I’m a little disappointed I didn’t get to have a little more time with him before the fans took him away. But as he laughs and interacts with the girls, I can’t help but feel like he’s flirting with them. Not over the top, just enough for it to bug me. But we’re not even an item so I can’t be jealous about it, right? Chewing on my bottom lip as I stand back watching him, I wrap my arms around myself as Techie and Ryan walk over to me.
“Jealousy doesn’t look good on you, Lunar,” Techie quips.
I roll my eyes and tilt my hip to the side. “I’m not jealous.”
Ryan chuckles and shakes his head. “Lunar… sweet, sweet, Lunar. The thing you’ll learn about us rock stars is we’re irresistible to women, and our rugged good looks and chiseled features make us pretty much gods.”
I raise my eyebrows and lean out rubbing his stomach. “Yeah, that’s why the women are flocking to you right now, hey tubby guts?”
Techie chuckles as Ryan scoffs and sucks his slight chubby belly in. “Hey, the chicks dig me, too. But the moral of the story is that if you’re going to be around Danger, you have to learn that women will always be around him. He’s the lead singer and that makes him royalty… practically a living legend. If you’re jealous now, you have to tame that beast. Because if we get bigger, this… those four girls… they will turn into a crowd, and these babes are tame to what we’ve seen previously.”
Chewing on my bottom lip as Ryan walks off, I glance at Techie. “You going to be okay with him and other women?”
I shrug. “Well, it’s not like he’s fucking them in front of me, or even kissing them. And hell, we’re not even a couple, so really I have no right to even be scowling at them… right?”
Techie chuckles and nods. “I’m just glad that you’re scowling over another man that isn’t Steel for a change. I’m glad to see you’re finally moving on.”
I look over to Danger and a girl grabs his arse, he chuckles but removes her hand. A rush of endorphins run through me when he denies her and I smile. “Yeah, I think I’m moving on.”
Techie wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. “Good, because seeing you mope after Steel was depressing me. And depression can lead to feelings of guilt, being overwhelmed, being irritable, frustrated, not wanting to go out anymore, significant weight loss or gain. But most importantly… loss in sexual drive. And you wouldn’t want me to lose my healthy appetite for sex now, would you, Lunar?”
My head throws back in laughter as I shake it and roll my eyes.
Fucking Techie and his fact talking bullshit all the time.
“No, of course not, Techie. I’d never want that. But seriously you will find a girl one day who will tame you, too.”
He scoffs. “Not fucking likely. I’m too much man for one woman to handle.”
“Oh my God, more like you’re too much of a tool for anyone to handle.”
“You love my tool.” He waggles his eyeb
rows up and down insinuatingly.
“Maybe… but shut up. I still think you’re a douche.”
“I am a douche, but at least I own it.”
“True story. Anyway, let’s get a drink.”
Techie pulls me with him to the bar, we stand in line as the sound of a gentler more subdued type of music drifts around the bar through the sound system. Suddenly, strong arms wrap around me from behind, and warmth floods my veins at the feeling of joy of being surrounded by his smell, sweat, and just pure Danger. My head turns to the side to meet him, and he smiles widely at me leaning in to kiss my cheek. A spark tingles through my skin and down my side straight to my clit making it throb, as he grins his enigmatic playboy smile at me.
“I didn’t see you run off, I was worried you’d gone.”
I wrap my arms around his and smile. “No way, just getting a drink. You really rocked it tonight.”
He grins again. “You think so? I still have it then?”
Turning in his grip to face him, I wrap my arms around his neck and nod. “Yeah, you still got it. I was practically dry humping the merch table while you were singing.”
He laughs shaking his head. “Fucking hell, you’re something special. I don’t know any women like you.”
Tilting my head, I smirk. “Well, that’s a good thing, right?”
He nods, leaning his forehead against mine. “Fucking yeah.” He presses his lips to mine and my tongue moves with his, the cool metal of his tongue ring gliding against the surface of my tongue which sends a shiver down my spine. I love the way he kisses, my body grinds against his as someone clears their throat next to us and I giggle into Danger’s mouth, pulling back. Turning, I see Techie grinning and raising his eyebrow.
“Oh… what? That turn you on?” I ask making Danger chuckle.
Techie nods rearranging his cock through his jeans. “It did… threesome?” he asks.
I scoff and slap his chest as he jolts away from me with a chuckle.
“Shut up, cock stain, I’m not sharing. Plus, as much as you like to take it up the arse, I don’t think Danger’s into men.”
Techie opens his eyes wide and laughs. “Careful now, I know we’re friends, but you’re still part of the club and club girls shouldn’t talk to brothers like that.”
Rolling my eyes, I shake my head as Danger stiffens beside me—he doesn’t know we’re fucking around. “Oh fuck off! You know I’m not your typical club girl, and I don’t talk to the brother’s like this but I’ll talk to you however the fuck I want, you little pussy,” I reply and Techie chuckles.
“You can talk about little pussy, can’t you Little-Miss-Tight-Pussy-Award of… wait! What year did you win that again?”
Danger furrows his brows and stiffens even more beside me as I clear my throat. “You’re a cock, and there’s no such thing as a tight pussy award, but there is such a thing as a giant asshole award, and it comes with a giant fist up your ass if you don’t shut the hell up,” I tease.
He raises his hands in the air with a laugh. “Okay, okay, fun banter time is over. Lookout is the only one who likes ass fisting in the club. But seriously, Danger… Lunar is a wild card, her mouth is vulgar, she’s a nasty little girl.”
“Okay, fuck off! I’m sick of you now.” I laugh.
He grins at me grabbing a beer and leans in kissing my cheek. I slap at his face then he walks off to go and stand with Luke.
Taking a deep breath, I shake my head and giggle at the banter between Techie and I, some people would think we were really having a go at each other, but that’s how we always talk, stirring each other up. It’s out of love, not disrespect. We’re good friends and that was just a bit of play for us.
“So… what was that?” Danger asks and I face him and raise an eyebrow.
“Huh?” I murmur as I grab two beers from the barman and we walk off toward the green room area where the band can relax after their gig. I’m sure Matt, Nate, and Ryan are there now.
“What was that with Techie? Was he really being that rude to you?”
I scoff and shake my head. “No, that was us being silly. We’re always like that.”
“And you let him talk about your pussy and about your sexuality… and stuff like that?” The tension rippling off him is evident in his tight muscles and clenched jaw.
We make it to the back room and I shake my head. “Danger, he wasn’t being mean. That’s just the dynamic of him and me. I’m feisty and he talks to me like that. That’s how it’s been for years.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
Jolting back in confusion, I shake my head slightly. “Why wouldn’t I be? It’s all I know.”
Danger runs his free hand through his hair. “I’m glad you’re spending more time away from them,” he murmurs.
My mouth opens slightly as one eyebrow lifts. “Why?”
“Because you’re better than what I just saw, Lunar. You’re worth more than that.” He steps away from me and walks over to the two seater couch and sits down. I notice Ryan and Matt looking at us from the other side of the room, but I ignore them and walk over in front of Danger.
“Am I though? I’m a club girl, Danger… that roughly translates to whore. I’m a stripper at a bikers club, and I’ve spent the last four and a half years living with big burly club men. I’m bound to be a little… worthless.”
He stands up and runs his hand through his hair shaking his head. “Do you hear yourself right now? You’re so full of confidence it oozes out of you in gallons and yet deep inside, right at the core of you, you feel like you’re worthless. Jesus Lunar, you don’t even know how amazing you are and you just let these bikers talk to you like you’re a piece of meat they can pound into and fuck every which way they want. I mean, fuck! Techie’s a great guy and I love that he’s helping us, but fuck me if I didn’t want to smash his face in for the way he was talking to you. And you just took it. You gave it back sure, but I can see that you think this is all you are… tits, ass, and a fucking hot body. Lunar, that’s not all there is to you. Think of tonight, all the merch you sold. You did that without your tits out, with all your clothes on, and without being overly sexual. Hell, you sold our shit to women, so that tells me you’re good at other things than just selling your body to the next guy who wants it.”
“Fuck you! You think you know me, what I’ve been through? This body is all I have,” I yell.
He shakes his head and scoffs. “Bullshit! You have a brain, a really smart brain, and you could put it to good use if you wanted to.”
“You don’t know me, you don’t understand who I am!”
He grabs my arms and pulls me to him. “I understand you perfectly, Lunar. You’ve been this way for the last four and a half years… from your teens into adulthood. The bikers taught you how to be this way. But you’re so much smarter than they allow you to be.”
“I’m not smart, though.”
“You are! You thought up all the merch. You sold it all on your own. That was you, all you. No one can take that from you.”
Shaking my head as tears prick my eyes, I chew on my bottom lip. For so long all I’ve felt I’ve ever been good at is sex, and being sexual for men. My body is all I have. My brain is a tool I never thought about. I don’t know how to do this. It’s too hard.
“No, you’re wrong. I can’t be smart and sexy. There’s no such thing as both.”
He brings his hand up to my face and caresses my cheek. “Then be smart, Annalise.”
Hearing my name sends a shockwave through me. I think back to the girl I was before the club. The girl who was that—just a girl—she wasn’t sexual, she wasn’t corrupted by men, she was innocent until the bikers came along. My eyes flood with tears, and it’s all a bit too much to handle right now as Danger looks into my eyes sympathetically in understanding. His deep, dark eyes caressing my soul and I can’t take it. I can’t take that he’s right. I can’t take that the place I thought was my home, my safe haven for the last four and a half yea
rs is actually the place I want to run far away from right now. But it’s the place I’m going to run right to. I shake my head and swallow hard. Leaning into Danger’s hand I take in his calmness, and then turn and race out of the green room in search of Techie to get me the hell out of here.
I need to go and think.
Think about my life.
I need to do it away from Danger and his mesmerizing eyes.
Lunar turns and bolts out of the green room, tears flooding down her cheeks and my instinct kicks in to run after her. My feet take two steps but then I stop, as my chest heaves and I let her go. She needs a moment to process. I’ve said a lot of things that would have hit home for her. I just hope I haven’t fucked things up completely because she’s amazing. She’s everything I said and more, and I’m not ready for our friendship to be over just yet.
Was that a fight?
I’m not sure, but I know I need to give her space.
Some time to figure out what she needs and wants from her life. But after seeing the way she is with the bikers, I don’t know how she can stand to be in that life. Sure she’s grown up with it. But still, there’s being a doormat and being respected. Even though she and Techie are friends, and I’m sure it was all in good fun, it felt totally disrespectful to me and I hated every second of that conversation.
“So, ah… that was intense?” Ryan states coming over and slapping my shoulder. “You okay?”
Turning to face him, I nod. “Yeah, just… fuck! I don’t know, man.”
He frowns and exhales. “Look, I don’t want to be the bad guy here, but you and Lunar are getting close and quick. Do you think maybe you’re latching on to something because you’re missing someone else?”
My stomach twists and lurches at that thought. I haven’t given one minute of thought regarding Ella for a couple of days because all my thoughts have been about Lunar. She’s a distraction, but when I think of Ella I still get all twisted up. So yes, I’m not over her but I want to be, and surely focusing on someone else isn’t a bad thing.