by K E Osborn
“Shit,” Matt murmurs.
I stiffen my posture and shake my head balling my fists at my side. I really want to smack Nate out right now so badly that my blood is pumping so quickly I can hear it pounding in my ears.
“One… Lunar is not a piece of pussy. And two… we’re not even a couple. So when we leave Australia she stays here, and we go on to do whatever we need to do. I’m helping her leave…” I lower my voice, “…this place. And she is helping us with our promotion and sales. Yes, I might be involved with her, but she isn’t clouding my judgment, Nate. I know me leaving the band last time was a fuck up of epic proportions, but it’s not going to happen again. I’ve learned my lesson, believe me.”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “Sorry dude, but once bitten twice shy. I don’t believe you, and unlike my brother and Ryan, who you have wrapped around your tiny cock, I don’t fall for bullshit twice. You’re going to be the downfall of Recoil. And I know, I just know, it will be when we’re starting to make it big, just like last time. You will be the reason we fail again, and it will all be because of her.”
Clenching my fists so tightly together that if I had long fingernails I would be drawing blood in my palms. I breathe harshly out of my nose as Matt watches on helplessly.
“Listen here you fucking ignorant little shit, drummers can be replaced… singers aren’t as easy... just you remember that.”
Nate lunges forward to grab me and I don’t flinch as Matt jumps in between us and pushes his brother back. “Hey, hey, stop it! You’re acting like a fucking dick head. Walk it off,” Matt says.
Nate pushes his brother making him take a step back and then grunts and walks off in the other direction away from us.
Shaking my head, I run my hand through my hair and puff out a gust of air through my lips. “Fucking hell, I had no idea he was holding on to that.”
Matt shakes his head. “Nate’s always been a hot head, but he’s really worried this band is going to fail again. He’s put everything on the success of Recoil this time. Danger, we need to make it. We need to pull all our energy into the band if this is going to work.”
Nodding, I hear his underlying message—don’t get wrapped up in women. I’m hearing it loud and fucking clear. But Lunar and me, we’re not like Ella and me. I gave up everything to be with Ella, fucking everything. I left, moved countries, put up with her best friend being in love with her and them being in the same band, I put up with so much. I changed myself and I was royally screwed over.
My heart is damaged, I don’t think I can just give it out again. Sure, I like Lunar, I like her a lot. But loving someone, that’s a whole other ball game, and someone who’s from another country, that’s near on impossible. Long distance isn’t happening for me again, and anyway, I don’t think I could ever love someone the way I loved Ella. I don’t even know if I’m capable of love anymore. Once you’re so broken by someone and so irreversibly, can your heart ever truly be repaired? I’m not sure, and I don’t know if I’m willing to take that risk either. I just hope that Lunar is on the same page as me. Otherwise, I could end up looking like a royal prick.
Shaking off the last two minutes of my life, I head back over to Lunar and she grabs my shirt pulling me to her with a smile so wide it twists my stomach into knots.
“I saw there was a bit of a heated discussion with you guys, everything okay?”
I don’t want to tell her it was basically about her, so I lie. “Yeah, just Nate being a cunt about me leaving, nothing a bit of time won’t heal.”
She smiles and nods. “Okay, well if you need to vent, or fuck your frustrations out, I’m your gal.”
Laughing, I shake my head. “You really are something good.”
She shrugs and tilts her head to the side with a cocky smirk. “I try. How ‘bout we get some food? There’s a full spit roast and all the trimmings.”
I relax and nod. “Now you’re talking, show me to the pig.”
She laughs grabbing my hand and leads me over to the food table.
It’s the day after New Year and I spent last night with the Recoil boys. They did a concert at the Entertainment Center in Adelaide with a bunch of other performers for a New Year’s spectacular. Techie and Luke lined it up, but of course, Techie couldn’t be there as he had to be at the clubhouse for New Year’s—biker code and all that. But Luke was there, and it went really well.
It was for a charity and it’s gotten me thinking. I know that doing the merch stand is working well, it brings in limited cash, but I need more if I’m going to leave the club for good. I have to keep supporting Mum and Stuart, and as I lay here in bed with Danger I have a hangover but my mind is clear.
“Hey, how hard would it be to set up a charity foundation? Where the funds from what you do go to help raise the awareness about autism, and then could help people go to schools to instruct teachers and students about children with autism?”
He shifts beneath me and raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think it would be that difficult to set up. We could talk to the right people and get something underway I’m sure. Are you thinking of starting something?” he asks, and I nod with a smile.
“Yeah, it could tie in with how music can be a relaxant for autism sufferers. Recoil could be like a major supporter of the foundation?”
He smiles wide and nods. “Let’s do it. You could form a Foundation, have employees and pay wages, but the primary proceeds all go to the Foundation. It could raise our profile too, a win-win. We’ll need to run it past the boys, make sure they are happy, but I can’t see any reason why they wouldn’t be.”
“This could be amazing. I’m going to talk to Techie, ask him to help me get it all started. He’s good with business planning and he’ll know what to do.”
“I agree, he seems to know everything about everything. See Annalise, I told you, you were smart and you’d figure it out.”
I smile at him and nod. “Thank you. This is only happening because of you.”
“If you need support with anything let me know, and I’ll help where I can. We can talk about it on stage every time we perform, and promote it on our posters. When we record our next album, we could possibly have some of the proceeds go toward it.”
Sighing, I shake my head. “You’re amazing, thanks for supporting me.”
“Hey, you can do this.”
Nodding, I get up to get dressed. I need to see the boys to discuss, before going off to talk about it with Techie.
Walking into the club rooms there’s a strange vibe in the air, everyone looks weird like something’s happened. It’s unsettling. I look to the bar and notice Techie so I walk over to him, he spots me and nods his head in acknowledgment.
“What’s going on? Why is everyone… um mopey?”
“Willow left Steel last night.”
My eyes open wide in shock. “What? Why?”
He rolls his shoulders. “Club stuff. You know I can’t say.”
I scoff. “So he killed someone and she found out?” I joke.
Techie winces which instantly stops me laughing. “Oh shit! He did, didn’t he?”
Techie nods and opens his eyes wide. “Yeah, but keep it quiet. He’s really down about it. You know what she meant to him.”
My chest feels heavy for him and instead of looking at it like it might be my opportunity, I’m now thinking it’s just sad because I have my path and he… he’s lost his. “Yeah, I do. Should I go check on him?”
He shakes his head. “I think he just needs to be alone for now.”
Nodding, I sigh. “Well, I wanna talk to you about something. I have an idea and I need your help.”
“Oh God, there goes the neighborhood.”
I smirk. “Shut up and help me,” I demand and he smiles and nods.
The Foundation is up and running, and with the concerts becoming bigger and better for Recoil, the publicity for my foundation is growing. We even had the Channel Seven news do a story on it one night. Mum and Stuart were so proud of m
e that I’ve now quit my job at Strapless. I needed to do it as we’ve been venturing further and further out around South Australia for concerts. Recoil’s popularity is growing. They have regulars that attend their gigs now, and Danger’s certainly a hit with the ladies, which I’m slowly getting used to. It still bugs me, but again we’re nothing official, so I can’t let it get to me. Even though I’m spending more and more time with the band and minimal time at the club.
I really want to leave. I’m not finding my time at the club is at all useful, and no one even looks at me or even barely acknowledges me now that I’m of no use to them there. Well, except for Techie, but he’s a friend so he doesn’t count.
I roll over in the bed next to Danger, and he smiles down at me running his hand up and down my arm as I cuddle into his side. He leans in kissing my head and I sigh.
“That’s a big sigh. Something on your mind?”
I swallow hard wondering how he might take what I am about to say, but I figure there’s no point in holding back, I should just say it. “Okay, so I’ve been thinking.”
He stiffens slightly and nods. “Yeah?”
“How would you feel about me leaving the club for good? Coming with you guys when you leave for your tour and spending all my time with you while working on the foundation from the road? I could still manage the merch stands too that way?” I blurt out, and he smiles wide looking down into my eyes.
His Adam’s apple rises and falls as he swallows hard and grins. “I’d love that, really.”
“But?”
He smiles and wipes some hair from my face. “But, are the guys going to just let you walk away from the club?”
Nodding, I smile. “Yes. But if I do… there’s no going back.”
He nods and his lips turn up into the biggest smile I think I’ve ever seen from him. Then he turns, rolling over on top of me and presses me into the bed as I squeal from the sudden movement. “You would be out of that club for good?” he reaffirms.
I nod slowly with a smile creeping up on my face. He grins so wide his teeth almost blind me as he moves in kissing me so passionately it takes me by surprise. My hands move around his back feeling his muscles clench as he rocks into me, making me moan into his mouth as his tongue ring assaults my tongue.
He pulls back looking deep into my eyes and shakes his head. “If there was one thing in this world you could give me, it would be for you to walk away from the Satan’s Savages. If you want to come on tour with us, then please pack your bags and leave that life behind. Start a new one with me.”
“Well, that sounds very romantic.”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes. “No, not romantic. I need you to know you’re worth more, so much more than what they show you. You’re not a stripper, Lunar. You’re Annalise, the business woman entrepreneur. You’re going to do great things untied from their leash.”
“You saying I’m a dog?” I tease.
He clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth. “No, don’t be like that. I’m just saying they’re holding you back from your full potential. Restraining you. When you cut the leash, you’ll be free to be who you are. Who you need to be. Not who they want you to be.”
I nod and smile. “Yeah, you’re right. I just have to find the right time to tell them. I need to sort it out, go back, pack up my shit, get my affairs in order and then leave. I just have to know I have a place by your side?”
“You do, but I want you to know that you don’t need me either. You’re a strong, capable woman, and even without me you could stand on your own two feet.”
“You believe in me that much?”
He nods. “I really do.”
I’ve been back at the club for three days now packing and getting everything in order. Techie is helping me with everything I need. He knows I’m going to leave, but I just have to find the courage to tell the President, Mad Dog. He’s always been a little unpredictable, but hopefully, he will understand why I need to go. I’m of no use here anymore, and with Steel’s ban on the brothers coming to me for servicing, I’m really just a drain on them. I’m hoping that’s how Mad Dog will see it.
But before I go to see Mad Dog, I need to go and knock some sense into an old friend. It might take some manipulation, but I know Techie’s tried and failed to have him come out of his room. Steel is so lost in his depression over losing Willow a month ago that he’s wasting away. Problem with that is, he’s the Vice President of this club and he’s losing the respect of his brothers because of—as they put it—some pussy. So I make my way down to his room, a room I know so well, and take a deep breath.
I don’t bother knocking, he’d probably just tell me to go away, so instead I walk in. His room stinks—like farts and bourbon. He’s in bed with his dog Cassius lying next to him. He doesn’t look up as I sit down on the mattress and Cassius peeps up at me, so I pat his furry head. Gazing down at the mess in front of me, I’ve never seen Steel like this. He never gets depressed especially over women, he’s in a real mess. His beard is long, his eyes are droopy and red and his skin pale and pasty. He looks like shit! And it doesn’t upset me, it angers me. This tough, burly biker is wasting away and he’s letting it happen.
“Right you! You need to get out of this funk.” I rest my hand on his shoulder as I let him know I’m here.
He takes a deep breath and sighs. “I don’t know how.”
Exhaling, I shake my head and pull him to face me. I’m pissed, and my eyes are stern as I glare at him. “You need to move on, or go and get her back. But either way, you stink. You’re supposed to be a tough biker and the VP of this club. Right now, Steel, you’re losing the respect of your brothers by sulking in here like a child.”
He scoffs and pushes my hand off his shoulder. “Fuck off, I don’t need your advice.”
I exhale and furrow my brows, pursing my lips. “Look Steel, we’ve had our ups and downs. I always saw myself heading down a path with you. It went skewiff when Willow came on the scene, then Danger showed up too and things are changing. But Willow’s gone, and now we both have to make a choice. Steel, I’ve always wanted to be your Old Lady. Deep down you know that—”
“Lunar—”
“No, let me finish. Steel, I know there’s something here. You need to make a choice and you need to make it now. I’m here, I’ve always been here. I love this club and I don’t want to leave, so being with you seems like the right choice for me. You’re who’s right for me, Steel. Just tell me you love me and we can move through this together.”
This is all a front. I know he doesn’t want me. Hell, I don’t want him either, and I don’t want to stay at this club, I absolutely need to leave here. I’m hoping my words will be the shock he needs to get his ass in gear and go and fight for his girl.
He clenches his muscles as he shakes his head slowly. Inwardly I smile as I see it clicking, and his facial expression changes. He knows he needs to fight for Willow.
“Lunar, darlin’ you’re a good friend. You always have been—”
“But?” I try to push the issue, I really need to make him see that he needs Willow, he has to fight for her.
He exhales. “But I want Willow. I’m sorry, she’s the woman for me. I can’t get her out of my head. I’m sorry if I’m hurtin’ you. I know you want more from me, but I just can’t give it to you. You’re better off with Danger.”
“You’re right! You’re so pathetic right now anyway lying here all pussy whipped and rotting away while your brothers talk about how you’re losing the plot.”
I want him to think he’s hurting me, but he isn’t. I’m putting all of this on, so he can only see Willow—he needs to sort his shit out and fucking go to her.
He scoffs. “Lunar, I’m sorry.”
“Whatever! Willow deserves better than you. You’re weak, Steel. I don’t even know who you are right now. You’re certainly not Vice President material.”
I’m trying to make him feel inadequate, to snap him the hell out of it.
Fu
ck! I hope it’s working and not making it worse.
“Lunar, you need to leave, before I say somethin’ I’ll regret.”
I glower at him. “You just need to get laid. Do you want me to send in Skye or Jess?”
His face contorts, and I know I’ve hit the nail on the head to make him angry. He clenches his fists as a bead of sweat drops down his temple. “Fuck off! Get the fuck out now, Lunar. How dare you come in here tellin’ me what I need? Fuck off! Get out! Get out!” he yells sitting up and using his force to push me off the bed.
Huffing like I’m pissed off, I shake my head and walk to the door. “This is your funeral, Steel. Your brothers are going to cane you for this.”
Closing the door behind me, a bright smile crosses my lips as I look down to Techie, who’s watching. I give him two thumbs up as a loud crash sounds against the door behind me. I jump and look down to see liquid oozing from under the door. Scrunching my face up, I slump slightly knowing he just threw his bourbon bottle at the door in anger.
Maybe I was too hard on him?
Shaking my head, I walk down to Techie and shrug. “I thought I got through to him, but then when I left he smashed the bourbon bottle against the door. Not sure if I’ve made it better or worse, I was a little brutal with him.”
Techie shakes his head. “He needs it. He’s sinking, but you need not worry about him and move on. Prez is in the assembly room, want me to come with?”
I simply nod.
He wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me to him and we walk to the large wooden doors of the assembly room.
“I’ll be here the entire time.”
I nod, and he knocks on the door.
“Yeah?” Mad Dog calls out.
Techie opens the door and we stride in. Mad Dog looks the same as always, his long gray beard forming a triangle down from his face, and his huge frame filling up the entire chair. He’s more than a little intimidating as he looks up and nods to Techie and me.