by K E Osborn
I have strong feelings for her. Really strong, and it could be my undoing. But the band comes first this time. Band before bitches as Nate would say. I can’t fail Recoil again, and if I have to choose between staying in Australia with Lunar and moving the band back to the USA to make it worldwide, I have to choose the band as much as it will tear me apart. Even though I’ve succumbed to my feelings for Lunar, it doesn’t mean I’m not still scared about what it all means when I have to leave for America.
I want to be with Lunar while I’m here and I don’t want to see her with anyone else. Hell, I might even be falling for her, but I’m not so stupid as to know that things aren’t long term for us. They can’t be. There’s no possible way. And every day I get closer to Lunar that thought eats at me a little more. I can’t open my heart fully to her, not only because I know I’m leaving, but because I was so badly hurt before. I can’t be open to that kind of pain again.
I just can’t… can I?
My cell rings breaking me from my thoughts as Lunar stirs from beside me. I rush to the bedside table and pick it up swiping the screen to answer a call from Luke.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Is Lunar with you?”
I turn to look at her to see her watching me with sleepy eyes. “Yeah, she is… why?”
“Put the phone on speaker, now.”
Furrowing my brows, I put the cell on speaker and shake my head. “What the fuck, Luke. What’s the problem?”
Lunar sits up in the bed looking at me, her brows creased.
“Lunar did you talk to a reporter?”
She shrugs and shakes her head. “Some woman asked me some questions, but it wasn’t anything dramatic.”
Luke scoffs. “Nothing dramatic, hey? Did you tell them you were a club girl?”
“What? No!”
“Well, they know, and so does the whole of Australia. It’s headline news!”
Turning to Lunar, I can’t help the scowl that forms on my face and she swallows hard. “What do you mean, Luke?”
“I mean the fact that Lunar was club property, a stripper and a club whore is plastered all over the papers and morning news. They’re saying you’re dating a whore, Danger. One of Australia’s most classless ladies. How’s that for gossip, huh?”
Glancing back to Lunar she’s tense as she bites her bottom lip. I turn and stand up from the bed to pace the floor. “What damage does this do, Luke?”
Lunar folds her arms over her chest.
“Who knows? They’re saying shit like her foundation is backed by the Satan’s Savages, and that all the proceeds are going directly to the biker club. That she’s supplying you and Luminous with drugs, and that this tour is a shambles and people should boycott your shows in an anti-biker protest.”
“What!” I call out, my anger boiling to the surface as my chest starts to heave.
Lunar stands from the bed now too, starting to pace the floor herself. “Luke, if I was to leave now, would it help?”
My eyes widen as I shake my head. “No!” I demand.
“Yes! Lunar if you want to help the band you should distance yourself from them completely,” Luke confirms.
“Shut up, Luke. Lunar, no! Don’t let them win. You belong here with me.”
She walks over to me as my heart pounds ferociously in my chest making it harder and harder to breathe. Lunar shakes her head with tears in her eyes but her face is stern. “Danger, thank you for freeing me from the club. But it seems I can never truly be free of them. I can’t let them bring you down… I have to go.”
“No!” It comes out as barely a breathless whisper as my chest is too tight to talk.
“It’s for the best,” Luke says.
She turns to start packing her things as I watch her while internally panicking. She’s my light through all of this. I know I didn’t see a future for us but I thought we at least had some time. I was positive we had more time than this. I’m not ready to lose her, yet.
“This is stupid. Can’t we go on record telling the press she’s out of that life?”
“Yes, I think we need to. Lunar if you can see me before you go so we can organize a press conference. I think that would be a good idea if you’re up for it.”
She swallows hard. “Yes, okay,” she murmurs while continuing to pack.
“Surely once she clears her name she can stay though, right?” I beg running my fingers through my hair in frustration.
“I think distance is best right now, Danger,” Luke replies.
Lunar nods wiping tears from her face, which ultimately forces my chest to heave. I walk over to her and pull her to my chest as she clings to me for both our comfort.
“I’m gonna go. Give you guys time to say your goodbyes. I’m sorry, Lunar,” Luke says then hangs up.
Lunar’s hot tears flow down my bare chest, and I clench my eyes tight stopping the salt water from escaping mine as well. She’s my muse. My light. My world. I don’t know how I’m going to cope without her here.
“It’s okay. Once it settles down you can come back, I’m sure of it. It won’t be long… a week… possibly two at most.”
She nods looking up at me with her lashes wet and her eyes misty. It breaks my heart. “I’ll miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, baby.”
She looks away from me. “I’m so sorry I spoke to that girl, I shouldn’t have said anything!”
“It’s not your fault. I should have warned you about people asking questions.”
“Still, if I didn’t give her my full name then she wouldn’t have been able to find out anything about me. Why did I do that? I’m normally so smart.”
I force her to look up at me. “Hey, you are smart. You just got caught in a moment. We can fix this.”
She sighs and breaks free of my hold and gets dressed, then continues to pack as I stand back and watch helplessly. I feel like my world is shifting and I fucking hate it. Who knows what the press are going to do to her when she’s out there on her own.
I fucking hate this.
I’ll say it again, I fucking hate this!
She finishes with the last of her stuff and uprights her luggage ready to leave. My stomach twists and I feel like I want to be sick as she looks at me with those big doe eyes that are watering. She knows as well as I do that this might not be fixed in a week or two. This might be it for us. But I know we both hope like fucking hell it isn’t.
“I guess I’ll see you round,” she whispers, barely audible.
My chest tightens and I exhale shaking my head. “You can’t leave on that.”
She swallows hard and walks back to me, I reach out to her, grabbing for her hand and pulling her to me. “You mean so much to me. You know that, right?” I admit and she half smiles.
“I know. You do to me, too.”
Leaning forward, I press my lips to hers forcefully. My tongue slides into her mouth taking full advantage of what little time I have left with her. Who knows when or if I’ll see her again? She’s been such a great part of my life so far, and I want Lunar to know that I cherish her in every way. So I show her, forcing my body against hers and pressing my hard cock into her thigh. She moans into my mouth, and I wish I could get her out of her clothes and back into bed. But I know she has to go to Luke and that thought is killing the mood.
She pulls back and wipes fresh tears from her face. “Thank you, for everything.”
“This isn’t goodbye.”
She nods and half smiles again bringing her hand up to caress my cheek. I lean into her palm needing to feel her touch as she leans in pecking my lips once more. “Keep rocking it hard like the rock god you are. Okay? Don’t spiral. You can do this.”
Looking in her eyes they’re strong and fierce like she truly believes in me, so I nod. “Just don’t stop talking to me, okay?”
She nods and lets me go. “I better…” she trails off and looks toward the door.
“Yeah, can’t keep Master Luke waiting I suppose.”
“I’ll miss you,” I call out as I am glued on the spot. I can’t stand to walk her out as that will mean finality and that she’s really leaving.
“Me too, Danger… like you wouldn’t believe.” She turns, opens the door, and walks out of my life.
My chest heaves and my body slumps as if it’s caving in, and I run my hand through my hair trying to fight back the urge to scream. Or sob, I’m not sure.
The door closes with a loud thud which shatters my heart into a million tiny pieces all splintering through my dark soul, tearing at the darkness forcing it to flood through the rest of my body. I feel hollow, as raging heat seeps through my bones from the tips of my toes to the ends of my hair. My hands clench by my sides as I grit my teeth and they squeal with the harshness of me grinding them.
My anger boils over and I turn to the nearest wall letting out an almighty bellow and thrust my fist into the plasterboard, splintering shards of dust and wall down to the floor as my hand goes right through the white paneling. I groan as I pull my hand from the hole and shake it. My knuckles throb and I check them out noticing them grazed and bleeding. My chest heaves with my intense breathing as I pace the floor losing the plot.
My girl has gone out into a world that thinks she’s worthless and nothing but a whore, when I know better. Yes, I know her past. Hell, I fucking hate it, but I’ll be damned if I will stand here and think Lunar is anything but the gentle, fun loving, tough chick that I know and lo—
I stop myself before I think the word. It’s too soon to be thinking that, and with things the way they are I can’t be thinking like that. It’s not good for any of the outcomes headed our way. I have to focus. I need a drink, but it’s eight in the fucking morning. Hell, if I were a druggie I’d be snorting that shit right now, but I’ll have to deal with the next best thing.
A chat with my best friend.
Walking over to the bed, I pick up my cell and dial Ryan’s number.
It rings and rings, and I feel like the fucker isn’t going to answer in my time of need, but eventually his sleepy voice chimes down the line.
“Duuude… it’s like four in the morning.”
Shaking my head, I groan. “Ryan it’s eight, and I need you! Shit’s hit the fan. Lunar left, and I need someone to talk me down.”
There’s ruffling and I hear a girl moan, making me roll my eyes as he finally comes back down the line. “Lunar’s gone?”
“Yes. A reporter found info on her and the Savages. They’ve leaked fucking everything, painting her as a whore. Luke made her leave.”
He exhales. “Fuck, okay! I’m getting dressed and coming over. I warn you though, I have a hangover.”
“Ryan, come back to bed,” the female voice calls out.
“Woman, I don’t even know who you are. Can you like… make like a tree?”
Rolling my eyes as I hear her scoff, I sit down on the bed. “Thanks man, sorry to interrupt.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it. I wasn’t up to anything else today anyway, my head is fucked. I’ll get dressed. Be there in like two minutes.”
“Thanks, dude.”
I hang up to let him deal with his situation before he helps me deal with mine, and flop back on my bed scrubbing my face with my hands—one of which is very sore indeed.
Two minutes later there’s a knock at my door, and I slowly ease up off the bed and plod across to open it. Ryan looks like shit, the bags under his eyes are large and black and his hair looks like he’s been electrocuted. I almost manage a smile. Almost.
“So the bitch in my room turned on the television and it’s a fucking media circus. You should not turn on the television right now, there’s a shit storm.”
Slumping, I exhale while standing aside and letting him walk past into my room. We traipse the hall to my room, and he looks at the hole in the wall and then back to me, but doesn’t say anything as we take a seat on the couch.
“I’m sorry she had to leave. I know you liked her, and I was hoping you’d work out. She’s far better than Ella.”
Cringing at the mention of her name, I can’t help but wonder what she’s doing with herself nowadays. Does she know I’m in Australia, and making it this time without her and her family? Does she care? Who am I kidding! She probably has no clue, and doesn’t give a stuff so why do I waste time thinking about her?
“I do like Lunar, and there was always a question mark over what happens when Australia is done. We never talked about it, I just assumed she would stay here. She has her family, and I need to get back to my sister and to the States. I can’t keep living in different countries, you know what I mean?”
Ryan nods. “True. But what if Lunar came with us back to the States? You don’t know unless you ask.”
Sighing, I slump down further into the couch. “Well, it’s too late now anyway. She’s gone, and if Luke has his way she’ll never be back.”
A knock on the door startles me, and my hopes rise that it might be Lunar. I rush toward the door opening it frantically with half a smile waiting to see my pink and yellow haired beauty standing there waiting with open arms, but no it’s Effa.
My half smile falls and I frown. She winces and puts her hand out on my arm in a sign of comfort. “Don’t be so disappointed to see me now, Danger.”
Shaking my head, I slump my body. “Sorry, I was just hoping you were someone else.”
She nods and exhales. “It’s shit about Lunar. But do you wanna work on the song to keep you distracted?”
I’m surprised at how good she looks today considering she partied harder than Ryan last night, no bags under her eyes for Effa. Her hair is perfect, her skin clear almost as if it’s sparkling, and her eyes glisten and gleam with a smile. She really is very attractive in her own way.
Managing another half-smile, I nod. “Sure a distraction would be good.” I stand aside letting her in and she skips across the hotel room carpet. I shake my head at how she can be so spritely, but I guess she’s young. Then again, I’m young too at the age of twenty-two, although she’s only eighteen, so I do have a few years on her.
After meeting with Luke, I had a sit down interview, one on one with a reporter of his choice and she took down my side of the story. I told her I was taking some time away from the band, so they could have their success without my background being an issue. She asked about my affair with Danger, and I started to get annoyed stating it wasn’t an affair but a relationship, and Luke shut that down quickly ending the interview.
Who knows what’s going to go out into the media?
I’ve been on a plane to Adelaide after a bastard of a time at the airport. Reporters were everywhere hounding me, not to mention the Recoil fans who were yelling at me for being a whore and probably giving Danger syphilis, herpes, and whatever else they were screaming at me. To say my confidence has taken a brutal bashing is an understatement. I was never ashamed of being a club girl while I was at the club. I was proud of who I was and what I was doing there.
But now that I’m out of that environment, I can see why the outside world perceives club girls so badly. The media showcases them as something lowly and nothing more than a common whore. That’s what the Australian media is painting me as right now, and all it’s doing is bringing Danger’s reputation and Recoil’s name into the dirt. I can’t have that. So I’ll bring all the spotlight onto me and I’ll suffer the consequences while Recoil continue to strive to make it. I won’t see Danger hurt over my past. I can’t. I chose that life and now I need to suffer the consequences of my actions.
I just hope my tough exterior can hold out longer than my flimsy interior is doing, because right now I want to burst into tears. But I won’t, not in front of the media. I won’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they’re breaking me and my heart. I know my feelings for Danger are stronger than anything I ever felt for Steel at the club, and honestly, I don’t see my life without Dange
r in it. I just hope he can forgive me and one day I can go back to him. But that option doesn’t look like a possibility right now.
My plane lands and I take a deep breath as I depart the 747. The air hostess smiles at me complimenting me on my hair. She obviously doesn’t know who I am, but some of the passengers have been staring at me and sending me knowing glares. It’s been an uncomfortable ride, but I’m just glad to be back home. I’m going to live with Mum and Stuart for a while. Mum saw everything which only upset me more. She was, of course, supportive. She knew everything that happened at the MC and the strip club, she just never wanted me to be outed like that. But I know she’ll be happy to see me, even if it’s under these shitty circumstances.
Walking through the airport my muscles are tense. So far I’ve avoided any cameras or reporters but who knows what might be waiting outside or even at the baggage claim. I step onto the escalators and look down, my body tenses instantly as I see around five paparazzi waiting. Pulling down my sunglasses, I breathe heavier in annoyance more than anything else as they start photographing me. The other people on the escalator start looking around in wonder. I shield my eyes from the bright flashes as I get to the bottom, and they start firing their questions at me while I try to walk past them to baggage claim.
“Lunar, are you ashamed you brought the band into disrepute?”
“Lunar, have you left Danger for good?”
“Will you return to the Satan’s Savages and be their club whore again?”
My body tenses at the last question, and I turn to the man who voiced it and glare at him even though he can’t see me through my glasses. “I won’t ever be returning to the club. My days there are over, they have been for a while. I’m not that girl anymore, and you would do well to remember that,” I say. I spot my mother and brother, who’s wearing his head muffs, but I’m worried that with all these paparazzi following me and the cameras, it will only frighten him. He can be sensitive to not only crowds but lights and noise.
“Mum, get Stuart out of here,” I call out.
She nods as one paparazzi turns around and looks right at Mum as she grabs Stuart, who’s looking this way and spots me. His eyes light up and he rushes forward awkwardly toward me, and I shake my head.