Tim took a deep breath. “We showed him many things, most of them an accurate reflection of reality, but not…”
“Why not?”
“We needed him to search for the orb, and we didn’t think he would have gone had he known the truth about what he would find.”
“But why tell him anything at all?” I demanded, my loud tone barely carrying over the din of argument in the room.
“Once,” he started slowly, reluctantly, “not all that long ago, there was a pristine, unblemished, completely unique timeline. It was the only timeline, of all the infinite timelines, to contain the orbs. In that one, prime timeline, the orbs had been given to the twins, the twins had lost them, time had passed, and no one ever found them… until Jacob did. The result was akin to an enormous rock being thrown onto the icy plane of the Multiverse, creating cracks in the universe, spinning out new timelines with new futures just ripe for the taking. Orbs were duplicated, alternate versions of the prime timeline were created, and Remus had his way out. Remus could have escaped his prison as soon as Agrippina had brought him an orb, but they would have been unable to use them in tandem as Jacob is able. However, it was completely possible that Agrippina might have found someone else capable of using the red and blue orb and tricking them into working for Remus. I could not allow that to happen.”
“But how did you even know Agrippina had the red orb? How did you know she could even use it? I didn’t even know until just now!”
“Because she had the red orb the whole time,” Tim said. “She had it in Britain, secretly, using its energy to temporarily lift the strain from Jacob until she was in the perfect position to reintroduce the blue orb.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
He shrugged. “Merlin knew both orbs were near well before Jacob entered his cottage. He simply deduced his conclusions from Jacob’s memories, and I interpreted the rest from what I have recently experienced.”
“But Jacob only went insane after Helena lost the baby,” I said, not understanding fully. “How could Agrippina bring the red orb back to Rome with Jacob? He never would have gone if he hadn’t been affected by the blue.”
“She’s been planning this with Remus for over a year,” Tim said. “I too have learned much this past fortnight. She must have sent the red orb on ahead with a number of her Praetorians, always keeping it one step ahead of them so that Jacob was always alone with the blue orb.”
“But…” I searched for more questions. They came to me so easily that they were difficult to prioritize, “…but why involve Jacob at all? Agrippina must have known we’d try and find him. She knows Helena. She knows how determined she would be to get Jacob back. She must have known we’d be trouble eventually. Why risk it? Why not find that person who could also operate both orbs?”
“The genetic trait to operate either orb alone is very uncommon, possessing both is even rarer. She may never have found an individual she could use, and… Remus is a very impatient.”
“Well…” I sighed, nearly at the end of my wits. “Well… why not deal with Agrippina and Remus yourself?”
“I couldn’t. Merlin explained to Jacob that he was unable to ever step foot in Rome again, but not why. You see, Merlin is still imprisoned in Britain, at the behest of Romulus who never forgave us for doing what we did to Remus. He’d always understood our reasoning but had never condoned the action. I will avoid specific details to keep this explanation concise, as you are unfamiliar with the lore.”
Realization hit me like a brick. “You… Merlin had this all planned from the beginning. Merlin manipulated Jacob into finding the red orb, knowing Remus would use him to escape and then seek revenge on you and his brother. He knew his younger self, Faustulus, would come into contact with the orb at some point, so he set it up so that when Faustulus made contact with it, Merlin’s memory would be downloaded into him. He created Tim on purpose so that you could help us now!”
He nodded. “I knew you were at least as sharp as Jacob, probably sharper.”
“But… you’ve changed your own history, your destiny.”
“No such thing,” Tim said, “but things like this tend to happen when one interferes with time.”
“Says the man who gave the ability to manipulate it to a pair of spoiled brats.”
“You’re not wrong.”
I took in a deep breath, held it, and then let it out slowly. “So, I assume you’re here to help us then.”
“You assume correctly.”
“How?”
Tim turned to face me and a small smile formed on his lips. “What is it you and your friends seem to so often lack?”
I chuckled, an answer coming immediately. “A plan, probably.”
“Exactly,” he said with a wink.
I rolled my eyes. “And that plan is…?”
“Sacrifice.”
Tim hadn’t said it. No one else in the room had said it. But it had caused conversations to cease and heads to turn almost immediately. Everyone seemed to be looking at me, but then I realized they were looking past me. I whirled around and was amazed to see Jacob standing there, supported heavily by Helena. He was breathing deeply, as though the short walk or simple statement had fatigued him greatly. I blinked at the sight of them, surprised at their presence and the simple novelty of seeing the two of them together again, but was immediately happy for the image.
The silence lingered. Feet shuffled, people breathed, and the vacuous stillness in the room was so deep I could practically hear each of them blinking. I hated it, because I knew some of it was because they still didn’t trust him. But I trusted him. I couldn’t help it.
I took a step toward him and smiled weakly. “Hi.”
It was all I could think to say.
Jacob cracked a smile, a weak but earnest one, and I could see a fleeting glimpse of the man he used to be in that simple expression. “Hi, Artie,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Thanks for holding down the fort.”
***
The smile that spread across Artie’s face was the biggest I’d ever seen on her. It would have brought an even bigger smile to my own, but smiling hurt too damn much. Everything hurt too damn much. I’d never felt so much discomfort before, so concentrated and layered and extensive. Nothing had prepared me for the hell I’d just gone through. Nothing ever could have.
I could still vaguely remember Artie and Santino showing up to save me in the past, but the more vivid image was Artie ripping the orb from my grasp and rushing from the room with it. When the pain had hit me, I’d wanted to kill her, and the only thing that had kept me going had been thoughts of vengeance and retribution. But I’d had a lot of time to think, blurry, weary, and unfocused though that thinking may have been, and eventually understood why she’d done it. I was still unsure how the events of that day had occurred, nor did I fully understand how or why Merlin was here now, but I’d had more than enough time for self-reflection, and if there was one thing I’d come to understand, it was that my soul was shattered. I’d never be the person I’d been before, and no amount of support from Artie or Helena or any of the others would change that.
Helena…
If not for Helena, I might have killed myself right then and there after Merlin had come to apologize earlier, but, like always, she’d been there for me. I’d never deserved her love and dedication, but never more so than now, yet still she’d been there. She’d simply been there, only a few minutes ago, exactly when I’d needed her…
***
…I was only vaguely aware that Merlin had left the room with Artie in tow. I was also only vaguely aware that he’d been in this tiny prison cell with me at all. I still wasn’t sure he hadn’t been just another illusion or another hallucination, because nothing about anything made sense anymore. The last thing I remembered was being trapped in the past, battered and broken and left to die by Remus, only to wake up here, momentarily cognizant before being thrust into a world of pain and left to rot by those I’d considered my
friends.
I’d known what they’d done and why they’d done it, but I couldn’t accept it.
Not anymore. Not after all the pain.
I was done.
I couldn’t continue anymore.
And I was finally strong enough to do something about it.
My right hand fell to my thigh on instinct, thinking my pistol would be there, but it wasn’t. My hand then shifted to my back, thinking my knife would be tucked away behind my belt as it always was, but it wasn’t there either. It was then that I realized I wasn’t wearing my combat fatigues and that my gear had been removed. All I wore were cheap trousers and a shirt. I wasn’t sure what I should do next, but then a thin hand, its delicate appearance tarnished by the rough texture of its palm, wrapped itself around my own and squeezed. A body moved to sit beside me, and I looked up, immediately realizing that it was Helena.
I flinched away from her, but my body was too weak to recoil very far, and her hand dug in so deeply that I wasn’t sure I could have pulled away from her even had I been at full strength.
“No,” was all I could say, as my head shook and I tried to pull away again. “No. No. No. You shouldn’t be here. You…”
“It’s all right,” her voice said, its pitch and tone acting as the purest form of medicine I’d yet had administered to me. It soothed, comforted, and healed me simultaneously, and I found myself no longer desiring a weapon.
But it wasn’t enough to cure me completely.
“It’s not all right, Helena,” I said, the back of my throat raw and dry, making it difficult to speak. “Nothing will ever be all right again.”
She didn’t say anything, and I dreaded the look I’d find on her face if I looked at her, but still I did. It was, as I expected, full of sadness, regret, and the understanding that she knew I was right.
“No,” she finally said, her face unchanged. “Nothing will ever be the same again, but that doesn’t mean that you haven’t been given a second chance, Jacob. A chance to amend, a chance to make things right. You can…”
“No!” I snapped again, not wanting to say anything else, but then couldn’t help but mutter more under my breath. “You never thought I ever had to set anything right before…”
“That’s because I never thought you did,” Helena countered, her voice sad. “But now I do. I don’t blame you for what happened in Britain, Jacob, I don’t. I never hated you. I never gave up on you. I never thought of anything but finding you. But… after everything we’ve lost and everything we’ve sacrificed, I know now that there is something we have to do. Together.”
“What?” I asked.
“Home, Jacob. We have to get home. I no longer have any doubt of that. I love you so much, Jacob, that…”
“No!” I tried to yell, but I barely croaked the word out. “You can’t love me, not anymore, not after what I…”
“Jacob, shut up and listen,” she said sternly, and my body knew better than to argue with that voice. “Love isn’t some fleeting emotion someone feels when they see someone for the first time on the street. It isn’t encompassed in this moment or that, in a single action or lone memorable experience. It’s earned. It’s gained. It’s work and struggle, affection and common purpose. We’ve gone through good times and bad before, and this time is no different. I love you, Jacob, with real love, and after more than six years with you, I think I’ve earned some respect on the subject.”
“Yeah, but…”
“Jacob, please. Listen to me. Feel what I’m trying to say. When you left, I was devastated. I wanted to tear Galba’s heart out just so I could go after you, and I almost did. I probably even could have after what you gave me in Britain. You can’t understand how much it killed me inside to see you torn apart by… something you couldn’t possibly control. That orb is a poison. It’s a dangerous, vindictive, malicious, evil thing that took control of you, and she, of course, was there to pull you along after her. Whether any part of you was conscious when you did what you did, I don’t care. I would stand by your side through anything, Jacob. I always will. I’ll always be there for you. I’m not going anywhere. Ever.”
I breathed deeply through my nose while Helena wrapped her arm around my shoulder and held me tightly. I knew I should have felt something at her little speech – her little declaration of love and how it would bind us together forever – but I didn’t feel much at all anymore. Her words were uplifting and genuine, and I appreciated the sentiment, but I couldn’t find much to cling to. I wanted to but I couldn’t, not with the way I felt, but there was still one thing she’d said that demanded an answer.
“What did I give you, Helena?” Knowing she understood what I meant. “What saved your life?”
Helena pulled back and it was her turn to seem apprehensive, but she must have suspected that denying me an answer certainly wouldn’t help anything right now.
“I…” she started, but then she paused. After a moment, she continued. “I only just now learned what it was. From Merlin, Jacob. He told me it wasn’t a potion or an elixir, but just more of his technology. It… rebuilt my body.”
“Like… nanites?” I asked, suddenly interested.
She shook her head. “I guess? I don’t know. He didn’t clarify. I only have a vague understanding of what even that is. But he said whatever it was would stay with me forever. It’s terrifying, Jacob. I can do things now I never could before. I… I can show you later if you want.”
I turned away from her and looked back at the ground, unsure I wanted there to be a later. I was curious about what Merlin had given her, but right now, I couldn’t bring myself to care. All I wanted was to be left alone so that I could die.
“Talk to me, Jacob,” I heard Helena say. “Let me help you. We can talk about what happened to me later.”
“What can you possibly do to help me?” I asked. “Nothing makes sense anymore.”
“Then make sense of it. Find a purpose. I can help.”
“How?”
Helena took in a breath and held it. This actually perked my interest. Years spent with this woman told me she was conflicted at what she was going to say. I finally lifted my head and looked into her eyes, eyes that always directed love in my direction even when they seemed angry.
“How, Helena?” I was either desperate or concerned for her; I wasn’t sure.
“Vengeance,” she said, trying to sound unemotional but I didn’t need to be fully rational to hear the conflict in her voice. “We’ve been through too much to simply let Agrippina walk away from this, Jacob. You know what she deserves, and needing the orbs to get home only justifies it more.”
“But Remus,” I said, my heart rate ramping up just at the thought of the man. “He’s who’s between us and the orbs, not her. He’s too powerful. He… he snapped Boudicca’s neck with a single hand, Helena. Just… snap.”
“Boudicca?” Helena asked curiously, which is when I realized no one probably had any idea she’d been with me.
“Boudicca,” I said sourly. “She… she was so stupid. Blindly following me for no other reason than because Merlin told her to in a dream. Just another pawn on his fucking chess board. Remus murdered her, Helena. She died trying to defend me. And I just left her there. In the past. How could I have done that? At least… at least…”
“It’s okay, Jacob,” she said, rubbing my back. “If Remus murdered her, then she deserves revenge as well.”
“You don’t understand,” I said, my head beginning to hurt tremendously. All this was too much, too fast, and I needed to rest or just end it completely. “He’s powerful, Helena. I’m not even sure anymore that he isn’t a god. How can I argue against it after seeing what I’ve seen?”
“He may be powerful, Jacob, but so are we. He may know what we’re capable of, but he hasn’t had to fight us before. We can take him. What choice do we even have? If we do nothing, we’re doomed. If we have to go through him, I say we go through him. Whether we succeed and live or die trying, at least all thi
s will be over.”
I heard the desperation in her voice, and I realized that she hadn’t yet scorned me for what she must have known I had been trying to do earlier when I’d searched for my gun. She hadn’t said it in so many words, but reading her intentions when she made them clear enough had never been difficult. She felt exactly as I did, except she would only settle for seeing it through together.
Which is when a plan worthy of the saturnine futility swirling through the both of us began to fortify in my delirious, weakened mind…
***
…But such morbidity could wait for now.
There was always time for a little comfort and there was always time for a hug, and Artie was happy to oblige. She rushed toward me so quickly I grew concerned she would knock me from my weakened feet, but she was gentle as she wrapped her arms around me, pulling me in tight. I tried to reciprocate, but couldn’t find the strength to do much more than drape a single arm down her back and offer the weakest of squeezes in return. She held me there, Helena helping to keep me upright as well, but she pulled away only seconds later and looked up at me.
“I’m so happy you’re all right, Jacob,” she said, her voice soft, her eyes watery.
I looked down but try as I might, I couldn’t keep the darkness out of my voice. “I’m not all right.”
Turning to Helena, I caught her eye and nodded. Her lips tightened supportively and she helped me hobble forward. We’d had little more to say back in the room a few minutes ago, as both of us had accepted my idea almost immediately.
We stepped beside Merlin, and I nodded a quick greeting. I wanted to hate him for what he’d put me through but found that I couldn’t. He may have tricked me and lied to me, but the fact that he was here now proved he had some form of end game in mind. He’d apologized for the course of action that had brought us to this point, and while I certainly would never forgive him, I was prepared to move on simply so that we could finish all this.
All Roads Lead to Rome (The Praetorian Series Book 4) Page 38