by Bella Emy
I grab my phone and see I don’t even have one notification. What the fuck? Am I that much of a loser? I need to get out and make some more friends.
Once I’m back on the couch, I go to take another sip of coffee, but I’m interrupted by the buzzing of my phone. I look and see it’s a text from my one and only bestie. She couldn’t be more on time to make me feel better.
Lauren: All okay?
Me: Yeah, how’s it going with Kev?
Lauren: We’re still driving to the cabin. Should be there in another hour or so… this snow is really slowing us down.
Me: Sorry to hear that :( it’s starting to pile up. Pretty soon, it’s going to be too difficult to drive. Stay safe.
Lauren: Don’t you worry about me! I’m fine. How’s Derek behaving?
Should I mention the shower scene?
Me: Wouldn’t know. He went out… said he’d be back sometime tomorrow.
Lauren: What?! Figures my asshole brother leaves you all alone during a damn snowstorm knowing I won’t be there. UGH! I’m sorry!
Me: Hey, it’s totally fine. I’m OK, LOL. I will actually be getting some reading in, which I haven’t gotten a chance to do in months… maybe watch a horror flick. I’m OK, promise. You just worry about enjoying yourself with Kev.
Lauren: OK, girlie. I’ll be checking in later. You take care and hit me up for anything, OK?
Me: You got it! Now go and pay attention to Kev. Eyes on the road. Let me know when you make it there so I know you’re safe.
Lauren: Will do. Love you, Ells.
Me: <3 u 2 Laur.
And just as I’m about to put my phone down, a call comes through, but this time, it’s Shaun. Well, aren’t I Miss Popularity all of a sudden?
Why the hell is he calling me now? I haven’t heard from him in forever, not that I’m keeping track. I don’t want anything more to do with him.
Fuck it. I have nothing else to do, so I decide to answer his call.
“Yeah?” I respond, letting him know I’m not in the mood for any of his bullshit.
He lets out a chuckle and says, “Now, is that any way to greet the love of your life after we haven’t spoken in so long, babe?”
His voice makes me want to regurgitate, but thankfully, I don’t have much in my system.
“What the fuck do you want, Shaun?” I’m short with him, trying to get to the bottom of this conversation, but I don’t care.
“Damn, girl. Five months and you’re still gonna hold a grudge against me, baby?”
The guy is delusional to think I’ve forgiven him. Hell yeah, I’m holding a grudge. He did me dirty. Fucking bastard.
“Shaun, if you’re that fuckin’ stupid to think that time is going to make me forgive and forget what you did, you can seriously check yourself into a mental institution, because that’s not ever gonna happen. We are so through.”
“Ouch. Well, all right, if that’s what you want, but I was hoping we could talk.”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing now?” Duh, asshole. What do you call this?
He chuckles, clearly not amused. “I mean in person, sweetheart. I miss your pretty face.”
“Hmm. Let me think about that. No.”
“C’mon, Ellie. I really want to talk to you. Plus, your mother called me last night.”
What the fuck? Why had my mother called Shaun?
“What? Why?” I ask.
“Because she tried calling you like fifteen million times but said she couldn’t get through. So she called and asked me to tell you to call her. It’s urgent,” he replies.
“Okay, well, thanks. I guess. I’ll call her now.” I’m about to hang up on his ass, but his next words stop me.
“Baby, wait! It’s about your grandmother,” he adds.
I hold my breath. “What about Grams?” I’m afraid to hear what comes next. Grams has been sick for a few months now and honestly, I don’t think she has much longer to live.
“She passed away, baby. Last night. I’m so sorry.”
My heart stops. Grams was one of the only people in this world who I would do absolutely anything for. She meant so much to me.
If this is one of his sick ploys to get me to see him, I’m gonna fuckin’ rip his dick off and feed it to him.
“Stop it!” I shout into the receiver, not wanting to believe a word he’s saying. “Hold on.”
I quickly look through my missed calls and see that sure enough, Mom had tried reaching me so many times. Shaun had tried, too. But I had been too plastered. Fuck, man.
“Why?” I ask. “Why the fuck did she have to die?” Tears stream down my face.
“I’m sorry, babe. I really am. Let me come and see you… so I can comfort you.”
“If you’re fuckin’ with me to get me to see you, I swear to God, Shaun, I’m gonna chop your dick off.”
“I wouldn’t joke about this, even just to see you. I’m not that heartless. She’s really gone. I’m sorry, babe. I really am,” he says again.
I let the truth sink in for a few seconds. There is no reason not to believe him right now. I had known Grams was sick, and Mom calling back to back so many times obviously meant something… but why did it have to be this now?
“Fine… you can stop by,” I state through tears. I need to call my mother.
“Okay. You still at Lauren’s?”
“Yeah, where the fuck else am I gonna be?” Seriously, I know he’s not trying to be a smart ass, and right now, I’m honestly not trying to be a dick, but I’m feeling like I’ve hit rock bottom right now.
“I’ll be there in ten, babe,” he says, hanging up the phone.
I’m left on the couch, cursing myself and wondering why the Lord hates me so much.
6
Ellie
After I’m able to compose myself, I dial my mother’s number. She picks up on the first ring.
“Eloise?” Her voice sounds frail. She’s the only one who ever calls me by my birth name, and it’s not every time, either. It’s only when she’s mad at me. Or upset about something… I’m guessing she’s devastated right now. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose your mother. I can’t fathom losing mine.
“Mom…” I don’t know what more to say.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?”
Me? She’s asking about me? But that’s my mother for you… always thinking about the next person. Never herself.
“Mom, I’m okay… I’m heartbroken over the news, but what about you? How are you holding up?”
“Barely breathing,” she confesses.
“Shit, Mom.” I hate to do this now but I know she needs me, so I add. “I’m going to come home, Mom.”
She doesn’t fight me, confirming that she needs me right now.
“Okay, sweetheart. Please be careful on your way here. We didn’t get hit so bad with the storm, but I see that you guys have. Maybe you shouldn’t come right away, let the storm die down a bit. Funeral won’t be before then, anyways.”
Is she kidding me right now? There is no way I won’t be traveling back home tonight. Not after this.
Mom lives about four hours away. The storm must have shifted for her not to have been hit so badly.
“Mom, are you kidding me? Please tell me you are joking.” She can’t be fucking serious right now.
“Eloise, it’s dangerous out there. I know I can’t make you stay home, but please promise me that you’ll be careful.”
“Of course, Mom. I’ll be careful. I promise.”
“Good,” she adds, relieved by my vow.
“Hey, Mom. Can I ask you something?”
“Of course, sweetheart.”
“Why did you call Shaun and not Lauren when you were looking for me?” I need to know what the fuck had possessed her to call my ex. She had never been too fond of Shaun, so I can’t figure out what the fuck had made her call him. Plus, she knew I was staying at Lauren’s house for a while.
“I tried. She didn’t respond, either. I didn’t
know who else to call.”
You could have tried Derek…
But no, she couldn’t have. She didn’t have his number. And why would she think to call him? Because he lived here? It didn’t matter. She knew I couldn’t stand his ass… but that was before.
Before? Before what?
Before I was looking for a bone? Hmmm.
I decide to let it go, not needing my mother to feel any worse than she possibly can right now. “It’s okay, Mom. It’s not a problem.”
“Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see you when you get here, and please, be careful, Ellie,” she repeats. My mom, always the worrywart.
“I will, Mom. I promise.”
We hang up, and I get up off the couch to go pack a bag. After about fifteen minutes, my doorbell rings. I don’t even have to wonder who it is. I already know it’s Shaun. I’m not expecting anyone else.
I head over to the intercom next to the door. “Who is it?” I ask regardless of already knowing.
“Ells, it’s Shaun, baby.”
The fact that he still calls me baby makes me cringe yet again. I’m not his fucking baby. Nevertheless, I press the button that makes a buzzing noise, unlocking the front door downstairs. I don’t want to start any drama right now. I already have a shit headache thinking of how everything is going to be back home once I get there for Grams’s funeral.
Fuck, I’m so not looking forward to all that.
A lone tear falls from my eye, but I quickly swipe it away before Shaun reaches the apartment.
I open the door and wait a few minutes before I see him coming up the stairs. As much of a douchebag as he is, he is still good looking to me. His blond hair is styled messily, the way I like. His scruffy beard gives him a sexy edge. I used to love running my hands over it.
Used to…
Not anymore…
His piercing blue eyes meet my dark ones, and a sympathetic look graces his face.
“Ells…” he whispers, finally reaching the top of the stairwell of the floor that Lauren and Derek live on. Why didn’t he just ride the elevator up?
“Hi, Shaun,” I weakly respond. He’s probably the last person I want to see right now, but what the fuck. I owe him this after delivering me the news that my grandmother has passed.
He comes closer to me and pulls me into a tight embrace. I don’t hug him back. Instead, I stand there frozen like I have no fucking clue how to or what to do. Like I’m emotionless. I slide out of his hold and say, “Let’s head on inside.”
I turn and he follows behind me. I lock the door after we’re inside and point toward the living room. “Have a seat.” I walk into the kitchen, swinging the fridge door open. “Can I offer you anything to drink? I think we’re stocked with booze.”
“No, thanks,” I hear him reply from the living room.
I shrug and make my way out of the kitchen, meeting his gaze as I see him sitting on one of the couches.
“I didn’t come here for any of that, love. I came here for you, Ellie Baby.”
Ugh. Could he please not with that damn nickname? It makes me shudder, and I’m in no mood for his bullshit right now.
I offer him a fake smile. “Well, here I am, and I’m fine. You didn’t have to come by to check on me, but thank you. I appreciate it. But as you can see, I’m doing okay.”
I’m hoping he’ll take the hint and fucking leave already, but he doesn’t. Not even in the slightest.
“Okay, baby. I’m glad you’re alright. I didn’t know how you would take it.”
How the fuck should I take my sick Grams’s passing? I’m freaking hurt on the inside, but at the same time, she’s no longer in pain, which is the only thing bringing me a bit of relief right now. I’m so damn annoyed with his ass right now, though. I know he’s just trying to be nice, and I owe him for getting in touch with me to let me know, but I still can’t hide the fact that I hate his guts for cheating on me back then.
“Yeah, it sucks, but I’m okay,” I respond as I take a seat across from him on a different couch.
He gives me a smirk, telling me he was hoping I’d sit next to him. Not a chance, buddy. He doesn’t say anything about it, though. Instead, he asks, “You going to see your mom after the storm gives?”
I shake my head. “No, not after the storm gives. I’m going tonight.”
His eyes go wide. “You can’t be serious. It’s not safe to be driving right now, Ellie. Have you not seen any of the reports on TV?”
I shrug. “I have, but I don’t care.”
He stands up, pacing the room. “Fuck, Ellie. It’s dangerous. Let me drive you, at least.” He looks back at me, searching my eyes.
“No, it’s okay. I’ll be fine.” There’s no way in hell I’ll let him take me home.
Of course, his pacing leads him next to me. He plops down a mere two inches from me. I can smell his woodsy scent. I had always loved that smell but now it just makes me want to vomit.
“Come here, baby,” he places his arms around me, and I’m so tempted to throw them off. But I don’t. Instead, I take a deep breath and let him think he’s doing me good. Maybe this way he’ll get the fuck out sooner.
He finally pulls back and sighs. He pushes a long strand of my brown hair that falls in front of my eyes and gently grabs my chin.
What. The. Fuck. What the actual hell is he doing? I flinch back and he chuckles.
“Ellie, baby. Don’t,” he says.
“What the fuck, Shaun? What type of shit are you trying to pull?” I ask, annoyed as all fuck.
“What type of shit am I trying to pull? Nothing. C’mon, Ells. I’m trying to show you that I’m here for you.”
Fuck, maybe I am being a bitch. I relax a bit. Maybe our past needs to stay in the past, and I should just treat him like a friend. I mean, I have known him forever. He’s obviously not being a dick by trying some shit. I need to calm the fuck down. I’m not being fair to him. He seems like he’s really trying to make it up to me for being such a piece of shit while we were together.
“Sorry,” I respond, looking down at the ground.
“Hey, baby. There’s no need to apologize to me. And I get it. You probably thought I stopped by to try and get back with you. But I’m not, baby. I promise.”
He sounds genuine enough.
“Okay,” I say.
“Not that I don’t want to, but I would never push you into it. I know I did you wrong, and I’m sorry. I just want to be your friend until you can trust me like that again… if you ever will.”
That’s a negative. No way in hell would I ever trust him again. Not after what he did to me.
Again, he places an arm around my shoulder. This time I don’t move or try to slip it off me. And yet, I’m still uncomfortable as all shit.
Instantly, I rise up from my seat and barge back into the kitchen. “Can I get you a drink?” I say, looking into the fridge.
“You already asked me that, Ellie, and I politely declined.”
I snap up at the sound of his voice. I didn’t realize he had followed me into the kitchen. I close the door to the fridge and see him inching closer to me.
I take slow steps back, not wanting to make any sudden movements. He’s pissing me the fuck off. He may be acting nice, but this seems a little too nice for my liking.
“Shaun, I’m really fine. I’m sure you’ve got a ton of shit to do. You can get going. You don’t have to stay, really. It’s going to get bad out there, so maybe you should be on your way,” I say as my ass hits the counter behind me. I quickly look back and see I’ve reached the sink. He’s so close to me now.
“No, I really don’t have anything else I have to do. Or should I say want to do. I want to be here… with you, baby.”
His chest hits mine, and I’m frozen. Why the fuck is he so close? Hasn’t he ever heard of personal space?
“Oh, baby, I’ve missed you!” he announces, forcing his lips onto mine. I try to push him off me, but he’s too damn strong.
The bastard! I sh
ould have known he was up to something.
I fight my way, trying to get him to back the fuck up, but I can’t. He’s much larger than I am and much stronger.
He’s now got one hand behind the back of my head, pushing my lips on his and the other is already under my shirt, fondling my left breast. With just one hand, he was able to pull my bra down so that he can feel my exposed breast in his hand, pinching my nipple.
I try to scream, but with his mouth on mine, it doesn’t come out much more than a muffled sound. He finally pulls his lips away from mine, but I still can’t escape his tight grip. He moves his head down and takes my nipple into his mouth.
Fucking asshole!
“Get off me, you asshole!” I shout. I’m pushing and screaming as I rush my knee into his groin, making him bend in half.
“Ow…” he groans.
“You fuckin’ piece of shit!” I spit out, breathless.
Asshole. If it’s possible, I hate him even more now.
“Ellie…” he moans, wincing in pain.
“If you don’t get the fuck up and walk out of this house, I swear to fuckin’ God, I’m gonna call the cops on your sorry ass!”
“No, no!” I hear him mutter. Slowly rising back up straight, he flashes me a disgusting grin and starts walking toward the door. “This is not the end of us, Ellie.”
“The fuck it ain’t!” I shout. “Fuck you!”
He walks out, and I’m quick to slam the door behind him, turning the bolt lock on the door. My chest heaves up and down as I try to finally catch my breath. What a fucking asshole, trying to take advantage of me like that.
“Fuck this shit,” I blurt out. I run to the bathroom and brush my teeth twice before using mouthwash. I need to get the disgusting taste of him out of my mouth. Once I’m done gurgling, I race to my room and finish packing a bag. I grab the last few things I’m planning on taking and power off the TV and lights. I lock the door and head out of the apartment building. I look around me, making sure Shaun has left, but by now, he’s definitely gone. Thank God he didn’t fight any harder.