by Bella Emy
She pulls away, assessing me with her dark brown eyes, red-rimmed from crying. It’s been days, but I know this is so hard on her. The sight of her so defeated causes my eyes to water as well. I’m almost certain that she’s thankful this nightmare is about to come to an end.
“Hi, Mom,” I say, as we pull apart.
She takes a deep sigh. “You doing okay, sweetheart?”
I look at her in amazement, a tear spilling from my eye. I brush it away with the back of my right hand. “Me, Mom? I’m fine… fine. What about you?” I ask.
She places an arm around my shoulders and we walk into the church; Grandma’s funeral is about to take place.
“Oh, my child. Don’t you worry about your dear old mama.”
We pass by numbers of relatives and friends Grandma had made over the years. God knows how long they’ve been sitting here, patiently waiting for the ceremony to begin. We head down the aisle and take a seat in the front row.
After it comes to an end, we head out to the burial spot where Grandma will be lowered to spend the rest of eternity. Thoughts of when I was a little girl, growing up, spending weekends at her house, encompass me. I remember one time where she taught me how to bake cupcakes. Or at least she tried. I sucked at baking, too. Then, once they were ready and cooled off enough, we’d spread the frosting on them. She was so careful how she would make sure just the right amount would always end up on each treat. Tears spill from my eyes yet again. I already miss her so damn much, but I’m so thankful that she’ll no longer be suffering; that’s the only thing that brings solace to my soul.
Once we say our final goodbyes, I drive Mom back to her house where a small gathering of our family members and closest friends is going to take place. Her brother, Uncle Joe, had driven her over, but now that I had arrived, I told him I would take her back. He, his wife, Aunt Gloria, and their two children–who really weren’t children anymore–my cousins, Randy and Rachel, would be driving back to Mom’s house and meeting us there with the rest of the family. Randy and Rachel are twins, now twenty-two-years-old.
I pull into her driveway in the usual spot I park whenever I come to visit and shift into park. I hop out of the car and scamper over to her side to help her out. I open her door and reach in, offering her my hand. She takes it without noticing; her look is fixated on the ground. When she finally does meet my gaze, she extends me a sad smile that breaks my heart all over again.
I help her inside, and I’m glad that Mom didn’t go all out this year with holiday ornaments and decorations. Usually, she would have every inch of the house dressed up in silver, red, and green embellishments. This year, instead, the house is barely decorated for the Christmas holiday, as I figured it would be. We had a feeling Grams wasn’t going to be with us much longer, but I knew Mom tried to lift her spirits anyway the last final days by decorating. A small four-foot white Christmas tree is standing proudly with a trimming of blue lights all around it. It’s not turned on, obviously, but I recognize it from the year before.
Aunt Cecile, Mom’s sister, comes to our side after a few moments of me taking in the scene before me. Aunt Cecile lost Uncle Ted three years prior to a heart attack. I swear, if it weren’t for funerals and weddings, we’d hardly see one another.
“Ellie, how are you doing, sweetheart?” Aunt Cecile questions after embracing Mom and me.
Aunt Cecile’s long, black dress and black hat practically swallow her whole; she’s such a petite woman.
“I’m okay, Aunt Cece. How are you?”
The woman just lost her mother as well, but Aunt Cecile and Grams had a rocky relationship for years. Once Aunt Cecile went off to college, years before I was born, she turned into a crazed partygoer. She’d never go back home on weekends and holidays, and Grams did not take that very well at all. Then she married Uncle Ted, the man Grams begged her not to marry, and that was it. They didn’t talk for years after that. I was never sure what it was about Uncle Ted that Grams didn’t like, but I’m sure she had her reasons. She always did, and she was usually right, like Mom.
Grams and Aunt Cecile eventually made amends, but it was never the same, or so I’ve heard.
“I’m just fine, sweetheart. How’s Shaun? I think I saw him outside.”
What. The. Fuck. There’s no way she saw Shaun. She must have thought she saw him. Maybe she had mistaken someone else for him. It wasn’t him. He’s not here.
He’d better not be here.
But what if she had seen him? What the hell was Shaun doing here? There is no way he’s here. He wasn’t invited. At least I hadn’t invited him. I dart a gaze over at Mom, and from the expression on her face, realize she must’ve told him to come by.
Fuck.
“Mom, seriously?” I ask.
Mom shrugs. “He was part of the family for so long… it just seemed right for him to be here.”
“What do you mean? Did you guys have a falling out?” Aunt Cecile asks. I guess Mom never told her Shaun and I had called it quits.
I look over at Aunt Cecile and respond. “I left him a little while back. He cheated on me.”
Aunt Cecile gives me a sad gaze. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
I nod with a small smile, letting her know I appreciate her concerns. But right now, I just want to hide before I run into him here. Of course, Mom had invited him. He had been the one who had delivered the news of Grams’s death to me. She had no idea on that same day that he tried to fuck me against my will. Shit, that would count as rape, wouldn’t it? Fucking prick. I hate him so God damn much.
“I’ll be right back,” I say, leaving Mom with her sister.
I dart for the staircase, passing and quickly greeting some friends and acquaintances, thanking them for being here and racing up the stairs to my old room. I close the door behind me and head for my window. I pull back the curtains, and sure enough, there he is in a stunning black three-piece suit, holding a tray of cookies, walking toward the front door. Good. At least I’m safe here from him for now.
I can’t deny the fact that he does look incredible all dressed up in his sexy suit. Maybe I’m just horny again and need to get laid by someone other than Derek. I don’t know. All I do know is that if I’m in a close vicinity to him again, will I be able to tell him no this time? I still hate his guts, though, for screwing his ex behind my back. What the fuck is up with me and all my conflicting feelings, toward him, toward Derek… what the hell, man? Why can’t I just get it together?
As if on cue, three knocks sound at my door. I spin around, turning away from the window and lean on the ledge. “Come in,” I say.
“Hey, Ells,” Shaun whispers, locking eyes with me.
I can feel the heat radiating from within me. I want to punch his lights out and maybe make him bleed from my right hook. How dare he put his hands on me last time and think he can just show up here like it was nothing?
I clench my fists and see his eyes dart over to them. He raises his hands up in front of him and says, “Look, before you say anything, sweetheart, I want to apologize to you about the other day. I know it was wrong of me to come at you like that, but I wanted to be here for you and the family on this day,” Shaun announces immediately.
The family, he says. Like he’s part of it.
Fuck you, no you’re not.
Do I believe his sorry ass excuse? No. Not a chance.
Am I so mad at him that I want to fuck his brains out right now, and maybe take advantage of him? Yes. But he’d enjoy that too much. I guess I’ll listen to what he has to say, though, before I send him to hell.
I loosen up my fists and his hands go down.
“May I sit on the bed?” he asks. I guess he senses my anger. Good. Fuck him.
I take a deep breath and nod my head.
He turns slightly, closing the door and walks over. “Thank you,” he says, sitting down on my full-sized bed. Mom still kept my favorite pink comforter and throw pillows on top.
I take careful steps towards the bed
and sit down next to him once I reach it. I turn my head to look at him, and for once in his life, he genuinely looks sorry.
Sorry for how he had tried to take advantage of me the other day.
Sorry for the loss of my grandmother.
Sorry for ruining our relationship by fucking his ex.
Maybe he was sorry. I don’t know for certain. I’m not forgiving him, but I’m not getting into the other day when he tried to sleep with me against my will. Not here or today, anyway. I’m just going to use him to comfort myself, just for right now.
“What the hell, Shaun? How the fuck did we get here? How the hell is Grams gone?” My voice cracks and tears begin to spill from my eyes. Before I know it, I lean into him and cry onto his shoulder.
Shaun wraps an arm around me, comforting me, and it’s all I need at the moment. I know I shouldn’t let him touch me after the shit he tried to pull, but I would never get back with him.
Maybe I’m weak right now because everything is seeming to hit me all at once. Or maybe I’ve just had enough of everything. But whatever it is, I just let it all go on his shoulder.
“Aww, Ells, baby. I hate to see you so sad, my love.”
I pull away and stare at him with red-rimmed eyes from crying. “Then… why the hell d-did you… cheat on me? Why Shaun? We had built everything together… why?”
He doesn’t have an answer for me, and I guess he wouldn’t. What could he possibly say for the way he’d treated me? He had done me wrong, forever scarring us.
It’s in that very moment that he leans in closer to me and is about to place his lips against mine. I know he cheated on me. I know he tried taking advantage of me. But right now, I just need to feel something other than broken. Something other than destroyed.
Just as I’m about to let him kiss me and revel in the sensation, I snap out of my pity.
“Fuck!” I scream, jumping up.
“Ellie? What happened, love?” he asks, acting like he doesn’t already know.
I look at him in disbelief. “What happened? I should be asking you that.”
“Really? I thought all was good now,” he responds.
I scoff at him. “What happened was you were trying to take advantage of me during my weakest moment… again. You love taking advantage of me for whatever reason.”
I pace around, and before I know it, I’m finding myself standing in front of him once more. “And I get it, Shaun. I get that to you it’s like some kind of game, like I’m some prize you can conquer whenever you get bored. But I’m so done and so sick of your shit. Get the fuck out of this house, and don’t ever come back again. Stop trying to play the victim to get my family on your side. It’s done.”
Shaun stands up and tries grabbing my hands. I pull away, not allowing him to touch me.
“But baby, I–”
“You need to leave, Shaun. Now,” I firmly state.
His gaze drops to the floor, but thankfully, he marches his way over to my bedroom door. I really thought he was going to put up more of a fight, but I’m glad he’s not. Maybe he realizes now that we’re through. I’m so happy he’s not going to try something stupid today; I don’t think I could deal with it.
As he turns the knob to let himself out, he faces me once more, staring into my eyes and says, “Goodbye, Ellie. I’ll love you forever.”
I roll my eyes and watch him leave, this time, without starting the drama.
16
Derek
“Baby, can you turn the heat up? I’m cold.” A groggy Natasha stirs in my arms. She’s half asleep.
Is she fucking crazy? I’m suffocating here. It may be the heat radiating off my godly body. But thankful that I have an excuse to move her out from my hold, I agree without hesitation. “Sure,” I say, rising out of the bed to check the thermostat.
Not even a second later, she’s out like a light, snoring quietly again.
I walk over to the thermostat and look. Seventy-six degrees Fahrenheit. God damn, is she nuts? There is no way I can sleep with it being this hot.
I walk my ass back over to where she’s lying and grab the comforter from the foot of the bed to cover her. She’s half naked wearing just a pair of boy shorts. No wonder she’s so cold. I do have to say her tits look amazing as she’s lying on her side. It almost makes me feel like putting my mouth on them… almost.
Before I can hop back into bed with her, I take a step back and think. Maybe it’s time to leave this chick alone. Maybe. I don’t know what to do right now. As soon as I’d gotten here, I had found Natasha waiting in bed for me. I’d hit the shower and once I was done, I’d torn her body up before passing out next to her.
Yeah, I’ve broken my rule of only sleeping with the same chick a maximum of two times, but I had a good reason for doing it. It wasn’t because I was catching feelings for her.
I was hoping it would help me get Ellie out of my mind, but nope. Not a chance. I fucking miss her. I fucking miss her like crazy. I haven’t seen her in three days. She’s been staying at her mom’s since the funeral, but she should be coming back soon. At least, I hope. Of course, I don’t know for sure. She hadn’t said a word about it to me before she left.
Finally, I decide I’d better get going back home. After Christmas at Mom and Dad’s, I had come straight here. Natasha had gotten home from visiting her own family just hours before I arrived and had texted me that she was in dire need of Derek Claus’s white snow all over her fantastical tits. Who was I to deny this naughty angel of a bath in Big D’s love juice?
But now, I don’t know what it is about tonight. I just don’t want to be here. Even though I’m really liking Natasha, I can’t stay. I know I’m only using her to get over Ellie, and for the first time ever, it’s making me feel like shit. But what else can I do? I need to get Ellie out of my mind. It’s just not working, though.
I have never been one to care about how it makes a woman feel when I’m just in it for the sex, but Natasha should know that. I know she likes me, but I have a feeling she’s purely in this just to get laid, too. Natasha is not the type of chick to settle down with my ass. She knew from day one what I’m all about.
I shake my head and throw on my sweats, then lace up my boots. I grab my jacket from the chair in her bedroom and place a gentle kiss on Natasha’s forehead. Then I make my way out the door.
“Good morning, lazy ass,” Lauren’s chipper voice sounds from the kitchen table. She’s nursing a cup of coffee. She’s got the hood of her hoodie covering the top of her head. Knowing Lauren, she’s probably freezing her ass off; she’s always cold.
What is it with women always being cold, anyway? It’s like they have no internal heat in their bones.
I slowly strut my ass into the kitchen and head straight for the fridge. My head is pounding as if I’d spent last night drinking. What the hell? I hadn’t even drunk a sip of alcohol. “Hey, Laur.”
“Sleep well?” She smirks. She knows damn well I look a damn mess right now, confirming my lack of sleep. Once I got home, I laid in bed tossing and turning all night. Thoughts of Ellie parading through my head. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get her out.
“Funny,” I say, pulling out the container of orange juice and taking a long swig right from the opening of it.
“Eww! Haven’t you ever heard of using a cup? I know Mom taught you better,” Lauren scolds.
“Apparently not,” I offer her a smug grin and place the container back into the fridge. I shut the door and then waltz over to the table, taking a seat across from her.
“Opening the shop back up for business today?”
I own a tattoo and body piercing shop a few blocks away. Double D’s Ink and Jewels. I don’t have to mention how many naughty chicks with their own set of double D’s came in to have work done. I loved every time they’d let me tattoo places that I couldn’t wait to run my tongue over.
“I’ll probably head over there later today. Danny called me, maybe I’ll see if he wants to come in.” Danny
’s one of my best friends and business partners–hence the name Double D’s… he pierced, I tattooed. It worked perfectly.
“Okay,” she says, pausing. I know my sister. There is more, and she’s beating around the bush. What the hell does she want to know?
“What?” I ask.
She feigns ignorance, furrowing her brows. “What?” she repeats.
“C’mon, Laur. I know there’s more stirring in your brain.”
Moments later, she nods her head. Oh boy. Here we go.
“So, I know it’s none of my business, and usually I don’t care, but I’ve noticed you’ve been spending the last few nights in a row not in your bed. I know you didn’t get home until early this morning…” Lauren looks at me through a scrutinizing gaze. I knew there had been more. There was always more whenever she’d give me that look. Never once has she asked about my whereabouts. She knows most nights I’m not home, but she’s right. Usually, I’m out one or two nights, and on the following night, I’ll be home. Never do I ever spend it with the last chick I’ve boned.
“What are you talking about?” I ask, playing stupid. If I know Lauren, this is not going to fool her.
She furrows her eyebrows and scoffs. “You don’t expect me to believe that you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you? I know you, D. Don’t forget we’re twins, and I know everything you’re thinking.”
Not everything, little sis, not everything. She thankfully has no idea Ellie and I fucked. Hard and fiercely, and damn, was it good.
Still, I know she can sense when something is up with me. We are twins, after all.
“I’ve been seeing Natasha again,” I admit, waiting for my sister to let me have it.
Her big brown eyes widen as her eyebrows hit her hairline. “Natasha Hussey… the blonde with massive boobs? Big Tits Natasha?”
Yup, that’d be her. Leave it to my sister to make blunt statements.
I chuckle. “Yes, Big Tits Natasha.”