“How long are you planning to hide in here?” Kerrick asked.
“You have an estate. You know they don’t look after themselves.”
Kerrick either couldn’t tell he was annoyed or he didn’t care. He closed the door behind him and took a seat across the desk.
Nicholas made a show of closing the ledger and giving his friend his attention. “Is there something I can do for you?”
“You wife is a beautiful woman,” Kerrick said.
A jolt of annoyance shot through him, but he strove to ignore it. This was what he’d hoped for, after all. His longtime friend was more likely to agree to his proposal if he found the woman in question attractive.
“Have you seen her today?”
“No. I thought it best to speak to you first. Have you told her what you have planned for us?”
Nicholas shook his head. “I’m planning to tell her tonight.” He hesitated only a moment before asking, “Are you agreeing to help me?”
Kerrick shook his head. “I haven’t made up my mind. Besides, the point might be moot if she decides to leave you after you tell her.”
Nicholas knew Louisa wouldn’t leave. She had nowhere else to go. She could, though, outright refuse him.
Kerrick made a great show of examining his nails before continuing. “It seems to me that you’re putting off telling your very lovely wife that you wish her to bed your best friend.”
Nicholas found it difficult not to flinch at the words. His idea for conceiving an heir hadn’t seemed quite so objectionable when he’d originally thought of it. The more time that passed, however, and the more he was around Louisa, the more distasteful the whole thing was to him.
“You wouldn’t happen to have any idea how best to introduce the subject, would you?”
“Me?” Kerrick said with a bark of laughter. “This is your insane idea, one I have not yet agreed to help you with. You’re going to have to figure this one out on your own.”
“Did you come here just to harass me, then?”
“Actually,” Kerrick said, leaning forward in his seat, his expression serious now, “I came here to see if you had come to your senses.”
“It was while I was lucid that I realized this was the only way I could fulfill my duty and provide an acceptable heir to the title.”
Kerrick waited a moment before saying, “I saw the two of you together last night.”
Nicholas raised a brow. “I believe everyone saw us together last night. That was rather the point of the whole thing.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t. Why don’t you enlighten me?”
Kerrick leaned back in his chair. “I believe your new wife has developed a tendre for you. And if I am not mistaken, I think you are not unaffected by her.”
“I will be the first to admit that Louisa is a very beautiful woman. She barely knows me, however, and certainly not enough to have developed any romantic feelings for me. I have taken care not to encourage her in that direction.”
He had to tamp down on the guilt that speared through him when he remembered how hurt she’d been when he’d rebuffed her attempts to engage him in conversation. It was better for everyone involved if his wife learned that the last thing he wanted or needed was for them to become close. It was difficult enough staying away from her now.
Nicholas met his friend’s curious gaze, careful to keep his own neutral. Kerrick exhaled loudly and stood.
“Will you be at dinner? Since I know you won’t be otherwise engaged with your new wife, I thought you’d want to spend some time making sure your best friend doesn’t expire from boredom.”
Nicholas frowned when his thoughts went immediately to what Kerrick might soon be doing to relieve his ennui. He struggled to keep his voice casual when he replied.
“I’ll see you at dinner. It will be a good opportunity for you and Louisa to get to know each other before I speak to her tonight.”
Kerrick merely nodded before leaving.
Nicholas sat staring at the door through which his friend had departed for some time before turning his attention back to the ledgers. He didn’t want to think about the conversation he would soon be having with his wife.
* * * * *
John’s leaving had shaken Louisa to her core. Things weren’t going at all as she’d hoped. The very last thing she’d wanted was for John to sacrifice his future. She still couldn’t quite believe he’d tossed aside the opportunity to attend Oxford, which had been guaranteed by her marriage to Nicholas. The irony was not lost on her that she’d tried to keep the knowledge of Edward Manning’s proposition from her brother, knowing he would confront Manning if he learned of it, because she’d wanted to keep him safe. And now he had run off to enlist in the military.
She was also having a hard time anticipating husband’s moods. She never knew from one moment to the next if he would be the open, friendly man who she had glimpsed from time to time, or the man who seemed to barely tolerate her presence.
She hesitated outside the dining room door, smoothing a hand over her dress reflexively. The pale yellow color complemented her coloring and she found herself hoping Nicholas would find it becoming. She wondered what mood he would be in tonight.
She relaxed slightly when she entered the room and saw her husband hadn’t arrived yet. Catherine and Lady Overlea were already seated and were chatting about some of the plants in the conservatory. It comforted her to know that her sister, at least, was finding herself at home in Overlea Manor.
She’d just taken her seat when Nicholas and Lord Kerrick arrived. She’d been told her husband’s friend would be staying for a visit but hadn’t seen him yet since returning. Perversely, she wondered briefly if he, too, were avoiding her.
Nicholas greeted her with a smile, but she noticed it didn’t reach his eyes, which appeared to be shadowed with strain. She wanted to ask him how he was feeling but knew he wouldn’t welcome her concern.
In her position seated across from Nicholas, she had an excellent vantage point from which to observe him, although she tried not to be obvious about it. He was avoiding her again, engaging everyone in conversation but her. He spoke to her only briefly and only when necessary. His friend, however, who was seated next to her, seemed to go out of his way to make up for her husband’s lack of attention.
Lord Kerrick was very amusing and it didn’t take him long to tease her out of her somber mood, even causing her to laugh out loud. Her husband’s eyes swung in her direction at that, but he turned away again quickly, a slight frown on his face. She sighed, all too aware of the impassable gulf that seemed to be growing between her and Nicholas. After that, Lord Kerrick failed to tease even a smile from her.
Preoccupied with her own thoughts, Louisa nonetheless noticed that her sister seemed to be taken with Lord Kerrick. Catherine and he exchanged pleasantries, but it was obvious to her that she was intrigued by the man.
Dinner seemed an interminable affair and she was glad when it was finally over. Nicholas and Lord Kerrick retired the library afterward while the ladies went to the drawing room where Nicholas’s grandmother was content to listen to Catherine play the piano. Louisa pled a headache and escaped to her room.
She was about to ring for her maid when a soft knock at the door startled her. Expecting that the maid had learned she’d already retired for the night, she bid her to enter and was surprised when the door opened to reveal her husband instead. He closed the door softly behind him.
“Nicholas,” she said, her pulse starting to race, “I didn’t expect you tonight.”
“I needed to speak to you in private.”
Something in his tone alarmed her. She had thought, no she had hoped, he was there to finally consummate their marriage. It would appear she was wrong and she chided herself for being a fool.
They stood there for several long, awkward moments. Louisa remained silent, waiting for him to broach whatever subject had brought him there. Finally, when she could no longer
bear the silence, she asked the question that had been uppermost on her mind all day.
“You asked me a question yesterday. Now I would ask the same of you.”
He raised a brow.
“Do you regret marrying me? If you do, I am sure a man in your position would have no problem in arranging to have the marriage annulled. You could go on with your life as though I had never existed.”
He didn’t answer right away and her spirits sank.
“I do have regrets,” he said after a moment, his voice low.
She wanted to die of mortification. “I see,” she somehow managed to say.
She started to turn away, but he crossed the distance between them and took hold of her hands in his.
“I regret that I cannot be the kind of husband you deserve.”
He dropped her hands and indicated she should sit. She was grateful, for she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to remain standing. Lowering herself onto the bench at the foot of the bed, she wished now that she hadn’t asked the question.
Taking a seat on the bed, he turned toward her. Their eyes met and she could see the bleakness there.
“I need an heir and you have agreed to provide me with one.”
She was confused. That wasn’t what she’d expected to hear.
She nodded, unsure where this conversation was headed. A moment before she had expected him to tell her that he wanted to end their marriage, and now he was talking about having children.
“Would you rather have a different woman as their mother?”
He shook his head. “No, you will be the mother to my heirs.”
Louisa licked her lips, waiting for further explanation. His eyes followed the movement, but he didn’t continue.
“Have you come here, then, to…” Her hand swept over the bed and her cheeks began to heat.
“No,” he said softly.
Was that regret she saw in his eyes?
“I don’t understand. How am I to provide you with an heir if you will not lie with me?”
He squared his shoulders and continued. “Louisa, you know I suffer from an illness.”
Concern warred with her confusion. “Should I call someone?”
She stood to ring for a servant, but he stopped her.
“No, I am feeling well at the moment.”
She sat again on the bench and took a deep breath to calm her nerves. “Pray, continue.”
“You have seen me fall ill twice now,” he said, his words slow and measured. She nodded and he continued. “My father and my brother suffered from similar episodes. The doctors do not know what caused them, but it is likely my illness will kill me, just as it did the previous two marquesses.”
From the stark expression in Nicholas’s eyes, she could see he believed what he said. She couldn’t understand how he could calmly accept such a fate.
“Surely there must be someone who can help you.”
He shook his head. “My father and my brother consulted all the best doctors. It is a mysterious ailment, one for which there appears to be no cure.”
To say she was shocked would be a vast understatement. She struggled to gain control of her turbulent emotions before speaking again, knowing that Nicholas did not want sympathy from her.
“I don’t know what to say.” She reached out to place a hand over his.
He looked down at their hands and one corner of his mouth quirked upward sardonically. Self-conscious, she removed her hand and placed it in her lap.
“I appreciate your concern, but think of what I have told you. My father and my brother both suffered from this illness, and now I do as well. That means it is very likely any children I father will also suffer from it.”
A pang went through her at the thought of having a child who might die from Nicholas’s mysterious illness. She took a deep breath and tried to consider the full implications of what he was saying. Was this why he’d stopped this morning while they were making love? He was afraid that their children would develop the same illness?
“It is not a certainty, Nicholas,” she said. “We can none of us predict the future.”
She watched as he shook his head, unmoved by her words.
“My mother died in childbirth,” she said, continuing when he didn’t reply. “She died while giving birth to Catherine. Does that mean that I should not try to have my own children? That I should refuse you my bed out of fear of something that may never happen?”
“It is not the same thing.”
Louisa stood and moved closer to him. Taking a deep breath, intensely aware of her husband on a physical level despite the bleak topic of their conversation, she sat next to him on the bed and reached for his hand again. At first she thought he was going to pull away, but in the end he allowed her the comfort she was so eager to impart.
“It is the same thing. We cannot allow fear of the future to stop us from living in the present.”
He looked away from her before she could define the emotion she’d seen in his eyes. Anger? Frustration?
“You do not display any signs of weakness, Louisa. You are a healthy young woman in the prime of her life. Death in childbed is a possibility for everyone, but it is not a certainty. I, however, am exhibiting the same symptoms of an illness that has already killed two of my closest family members. Unlike you, I am not healthy, and I will not risk passing this illness to my children.”
Louisa wanted to comfort, but didn’t know how. He’d pulled away from her and was now clenching his hands into fists on his thighs. She wondered if time would dissuade him from his conviction or further entrench it in his mind. Likely the latter, especially if he continued to suffer attacks.
“What are we to do then?” she asked. “As you have stated, you are in need of an heir. Unless…” Her breath caught as she considered one possibility. When she continued her voice was cautious. “Edward is next in line, is he not?”
He turned to stare at her in disbelief. A lock of his black hair had fallen onto his forehead. Louisa’s fingers itched to smooth it back, but instead she kept her hands folded in her lap.
“Do you honestly believe I would allow my cousin to become the next Marquess of Overlea? After what I know of him? After what he tried to do to you and Catherine? That would put you back under his power when I die.”
“I realize that,” she said, her voice trembling at the thought of once again having to rely on Edward Manning’s notion of generosity for her survival. “But you have already said that you will not father any children.”
A hint of wariness crept onto his face at her words.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I cannot risk passing my illness on to my children, that is true, and on that matter I remain firm.”
There was something he wasn’t telling her. “But?”
“But there is nothing stopping you from having children.”
He stared at her intently as he spoke, watching for her reaction. At first there was none. His words made no sense. Then, when understanding of what he was proposing dawned, anger began to course through her.
She did not bother to hide it from him. She stood and turned to face him, hoping fervently that she was mistaken. That somehow she had misinterpreted his words.
“You are not suggesting what I think you are,” she said, the words tight and clipped.
He was unmoved by her anger. “It is the only way. I must have an heir. And remember, you agreed to give me one. You signed a marriage contract to that effect.”
He was out of his mind. How could he sit there and calmly suggest that she… She couldn’t even finish that thought.
“No.”
“I intend to hold you to your agreement,” he said.
“I agreed to give you an heir, not some man I don’t know.”
“You would be giving me an heir. I will recognize the child as my own.”
Panic began to set in. “Don’t make me do this, Nicholas.”
His voice softened slightly.
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“I would never force you to sleep with someone else.” His face was a mask of non-emotion as he spoke. “You barely know me, yet you agreed to become my wife. I know you find me desirable. Surely it is not outside the realm of possibility that you would find another man attractive in the same way.”
Louisa turned away from him. He actually expected her to do this. To sleep with another man and to pass off the child of that union as theirs. Yes, what he’d said was true, she was willing to make love with Nicholas. Wanted it more than she was willing to admit at that moment. What he didn’t know, what she wouldn’t tell him, given the cavalier manner in which he was discussing the possibility of her lying with someone else, was that her feelings for him went beyond merely finding him attractive or desirable. She was surprised, considering how little time she had known him, but she was drawn to Nicholas Manning in a way she had never been drawn to another man. She very much doubted that it would happen again.
A horrible thought occurred to her and she turned to face him again.
“Who?”
She didn’t need to elaborate. He knew exactly what she was asking.
“Kerrick.”
It was as though he had slapped her. Somehow she kept her voice even. “Please leave.”
Nicholas stood and raised his hands in supplication.
“Louisa—”
“Get out. Now.” She couldn’t bear to hear any more about this.
She watched as his hands dropped to his sides and he moved to the door. He paused with a hand on the doorknob and for a moment she thought he wouldn’t leave. The foolish romantic in her hoped he would take it all back. Say that he didn’t expect or want her to do such a thing. That he wanted her only for himself.
In the end, after only a moment of hesitation, he opened the door and left. Louisa held herself together just long enough to cross the room and turn the lock. The tears came then. Not caring that she was still fully dressed, she crawled into bed and pulled the covers over her.
Chapter Eleven
The next morning, Louisa considered asking for a tray to be bought up to her but decided against it. She couldn’t hide from her husband forever. Steeling herself to face him, she dismissed her maid after dressing and made her way to the breakfast room. She was more than a little relieved to learn he had already eaten and gone out for an early morning ride, and she wondered if he were normally an early riser. She realized yet again just how little she knew about Nicholas. Given that he clearly didn’t wish to have a conventional marriage, it was likely they would always remain strangers.
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