Catherine gave her a quick hug before leaving with Kerrick. After they were gone, Louisa pulled a chair to Nicholas’s bedside and settled in to wait.
* * * * *
He was afraid. This was no doubt the end and he had left a botched affair behind him. Edward would be the next Marquess of Overlea.
He thought about Louisa. Tried to hold onto her face, to remember the feel of her in his arms, but it was all starting to fade away.
Time passed and he wondered if he was already dead and just unaware of it. He seemed to be floating in a dark void, his strength slowing ebbing from him. At one point he heard voices, but they were hushed and he could not make out what was being said. Small stings jabbed at him everywhere and he knew this was the end. He was in hell. He gave himself over completely. He had so little strength left.
He was confused at first when the sensation of many small mouths drawing from his body started to fade. Perhaps it was only a momentary respite before the pain worsened. His confusion increased when the cool touch of a washcloth swept over his body. And then he could smell her. Louisa. He breathed in deeply, taking comfort from the thought she was near. And then that, too, was gone.
Bereft, he drifted further.
He didn’t know how long he faded in and out before he began to realize he wasn’t dead. Opening his eyes, he blinked a few times to bring his sight into focus and exhaled a sigh of relief when he realized he was in his room. In his bed.
He wasn’t alone. He turned his head to the right and his eyesight swam again momentarily.
Louisa.
She was sleeping upright in an armchair by his bedside. He stared at her, relishing the opportunity to take her in. Normally he tried to avoid looking at her or thinking about her.
The chair was winged and she’d settled into one of the corners. Her pale gold hair had started to escape its pins and several long tendrils framed the pale oval of her face. Her cheeks were flushed with sleep, her lips parted.
He remembered all too well the feel of her mouth under his. He’d been angry when he discovered the note Kerrick had left for her. It was a stupid emotion and one he didn’t fully understand. It had been his idea, after all, to have Kerrick father his future heir. He had promoted the idea to both parties and been anxious for their agreement. Why, then, had it infuriated him to discover the two of them had arranged to meet after everyone else had gone to bed? He should have been relieved.
At the time, however, it had seemed like a betrayal. He told himself that if they had come to him and revealed they’d agreed to his proposal he wouldn’t have felt so deceived. The fact that neither of them would speak to him about their acceptance and that they were trying to arrange secret meetings behind his back had him wondering if there was more to the meetings than the practical arrangement he had proposed.
Watching the two of them laughing over dinner, Kerrick flirting openly with his wife, he’d realized it would probably be very easy for Louisa to fall in love with his friend. And why shouldn’t she? Her husband had been a cold, unfeeling bastard to her. It would only make sense for her to seek solace from the one man who seemed only too eager to offer it.
When he’d discovered the note, he’d thought Kerrick was trying to steal his wife away from him. He was aware of the absurdity of the situation and that it was all of his own making. Well, not all of it. Most of it stemmed from the cursed illness he had inherited from his father. The one that had caused him to drive his carriage off the road, killing both himself and Nicholas’s mother.
Watching Louisa now, seemingly at peace as she slept, Nicholas was painfully aware of just how much he wanted her for himself. The thought of her and Kerrick together had grown hateful to him.
Nicholas made a sound of disgust at his melancholy meanderings and shifted so he could get out of bed. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised to find that he couldn’t manage it on his own.
“Nicholas!” Louisa exclaimed, coming fully awake and bending over his prostrate form. “You’re awake.”
The enormous smile that crossed her face dazzled him for a moment and he found that he had to look away to clear his thoughts.
“Of course I’m awake,” he said. “Why the hell can’t I sit up?” He struggled to raise himself onto his elbows.
Louisa’s smile dimmed a little and he regretted his curt tone.
“You’ve been abed for two days and you were bled by your doctor. Your body needs time to regain its strength.”
He ceased his struggle to sit up and sank back down onto the bed. Two days? He’d never had an episode last that long.
She must have seen his concern, for she hastened to add, “I fear your doctor was overzealous in performing his duty and I sent him away when I saw what he was doing.”
Surprised, he could only stare at her for several moments before finding his voice. “You sent him away?”
“He was bleeding you,” she said, a note of anger creeping into her voice.
“That is what all doctors do when they don’t know what else to do.”
“I know. I watched them do it time and again to my father. And each time he grew weaker. I should have stopped them sooner. In the end, he didn’t have enough strength left to fight to live.” Her eyes blazed with passionate indignation as her gaze met his. “I will not allow them to do that to you. To drain you until you, too, no longer have the strength to fight your illness.”
He remembered then his certainty that he’d been in hell. Remembered the feeling of tiny creatures attaching to his body and drinking from him. He also remembered their abrupt removal and the feel of her hands on his body as she’d cleaned him afterward. Her scent when she’d leaned over him again and again, no doubt checking to see whether he was still alive. He also remembered that she’d spoken to him throughout his ordeal, though he couldn’t remember now what she’d said.
He gazed at her in wonder, the passionate intensity of her gaze striking a chord deep within him. He realized then that he was already lost. He was in love with her.
He looked away, hating his weakness. She’d seen him like this far too many times for his own liking. And now the episodes were worsening. He wondered how much longer it would be before they killed him. The irony of his situation was not lost on him. He’d never wanted to be heir and had always been grateful he was born a second son. He’d also never wanted to marry, and he certainly had never thought himself such a romantic fool as to fall in love. Now here he was, the Marquess of Overlea, and in love with his wife. And he would never live long enough to enjoy either one.
“You need to eat. I’ll send for something light.” She moved to the bellpull to summon a servant.
He spoke without looking at her.
“Thank you for everything you have done. However, you are clearly fatigued. You have to take care of yourself as well. If you summon Harrison, I’m sure he’ll be able to arrange for everything I need.”
He would be safer with his valet. The last thing he wanted was to ask for his wife’s assistance in sitting up. He knew he wasn’t at risk of pulling her down into the bed with him, not in his current condition. Having Louisa continue to care for him, however, especially in light of his recent discovery about his feelings for her, would add a level of intimacy to their relationship that would be hard to back away from. Much as he hated the very thought of it, this latest episode meant it was imperative that they follow through with his original plan for Louisa to conceive an heir with Kerrick.
She was silent and Nicholas made the mistake of looking at her. Her whole demeanor had stiffened and he knew he’d hurt her. Again. Gone was the warm, sleepy, and happy woman that had just woken. In her place was a woman who was becoming all too adept at holding herself aloof from him.
* * * * *
Kerrick was relieved to overhear one of the maids telling a footman that Lord Overlea was feeling better. He’d actually feared Nicholas would die. When he ran into Louisa in the breakfast room, however, that relief quickly turned to a
nnoyance. She wouldn’t tell him what had happened, but it was clear she was upset.
Not bothering to inquire whether his friend was disposed to receive visitors, he headed straight to Nicholas’s bedroom after breakfast, knocked curtly, and entered. Nicholas was, indeed, looking better. His skin no longer had that horrible ashen complexion and he was sitting up, the remains of his breakfast tray resting on the bed beside him.
Nicholas put down the newspaper he was reading and raised a brow in question.
“It would seem that in the last two days people have grown accustomed to entering my bedroom whenever the whim strikes.”
Kerrick smiled. Despite the fact that Nicholas was a damned stubborn fool, Kerrick was comforted to see him looking well.
“You had a close one,” he said.
“So I hear.”
“I hope you realize you may very well owe your life to your wife.”
Nicholas frowned. “So everyone keeps telling me.”
“Everyone?”
“Grandmother was also here,” he said with an exaggerated sigh. “She actually wants me to agree not to move about unsupervised. Not even in my own house. Can you imagine? Me with a nursemaid, at my age?”
It was obvious that he was trying to lighten the mood, but Kerrick wasn’t in the frame of mind to joke about the situation. He went to the chair where Louisa had remained during her husband’s illness and sank into the seat.
“What happened, Nicholas?”
His friend blew out a harsh breath and leaned back in his chair. “You know what happened,” he said, the corners of his mouth turning downward. “I had an attack. A maid found me and the doctor was called. You would know better than I since I was unconscious for most of it.”
Kerrick watched his friend intently. He could always tell when Nicholas was lying or holding something back and his instincts were telling him that he was hiding something now.
“You might as well tell me. I won’t go away until you do.”
“I could have you thrown out.”
“You could, but you won’t.”
Nicholas didn’t bother to deny it. “I need to speak to you about Louisa,” he said.
This is it, Kerrick thought. He’s going to tell me he’s reconsidered his asinine request that I father a child whom he would claim as his heir. He was careful to keep his expression neutral as he waited for his friend to continue.
“It appeared to me before this last attack that the two of you had or were about to come to an understanding about my proposition.”
He didn’t reply. He wanted to know what his friend was thinking first.
“For God’s sake, Kerrick, will you answer me?”
“I’m sorry, was that a question? It sounded more like a statement.”
Nicholas scowled. “You’re damned lucky I’m too weak to get out of this chair right now.”
Kerrick decided now might not be the best time to test his friend’s patience. He had no doubt Louisa would strangle him with her bare hands if his baiting caused her husband to suffer a relapse.
“If you must know,” he said, “she hasn’t told me yet if she’s willing to do this. And you already know I won’t press her.”
“So you decided that the best course of action is to woo her openly in my own house?”
“I haven’t been wooing her; I’ve been getting to know her. You can hardly expect her to agree to bed a man she barely knows. Another woman might do that, but not your wife. Even I know that much from the little time I’ve spent in her company.”
“My brain hasn’t been addled by this last episode. I’ve seen you in action and I know when you are wooing a woman.”
This was good, he thought. Nicholas was definitely annoyed and that could only be because he wanted Louisa for himself.
“If you prefer, I can always leave. I wouldn’t want to overstay my welcome.”
The fight seemed to go out of Nicholas at those words. “No,” he said. “I don’t want that.”
“Then what do you want?”
“I want this whole thing over with already. I want Louisa to already be pregnant with your child and then I want to do my damnedest to forget the whole thing.”
Kerrick was stunned. “You wish us to continue?”
“I need you to ask her once and for all if she will do this. Surely she knows you well enough by now. And given what has happened, she’ll recognize that time is not a luxury we have.”
“But you just said…” He couldn’t find the words to continue. He couldn’t believe Nicholas wished to continue with this nonsense, especially since it was so clear to all involved that he hated every second of it.
“I said that I do not wish the whole world to see you wooing my wife. I do not wish there to be any question about the paternity of Louisa’s child.”
Although he’d only been in the role a short time, Nicholas had donned his imperious marquess façade. Kerrick hated it when he did that since it forced him to put on his own formal mask. It was tiresome enough having to do that with the rest of the world. He hated when he had to act the part of the Earl of Kerrick with his friends.
“As you wish, Overlea. I shall do my best to seduce your wife, then remove myself from your presence. With any luck, I won’t have to return next month, or in nine months if she has a girl.” He caught the reflexive clenching of his friend’s hands. Good, he thought. “I believe you were going to tell me what it is you are hiding.”
When Nicholas remained silent, Kerrick thought he wasn’t going to reply. Despite his annoyance at his friend’s colossal obstinacy, he had no intention of leaving the room until he learned what Nicholas was hiding.
“You know both my father and my brother also suffered from these attacks.”
Kerrick nodded. Nicholas had been very concerned for their health.
“I have also told you that episodes were often triggered or made worse by alcohol consumption.”
Kerrick frowned. “Yes, but that wouldn’t apply here because I know you’ve been careful.”
Nicholas’s mouth twisted wryly. “Not quite.”
Kerrick swore. Unable to sit still any longer, he stood and began to pace. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
He turned back to face Nicholas. “Let me understand you. Are you actually telling me that you’ve been drinking? Knowing what happened to your father and your brother?”
“I’ve had attacks here and there without drinking.”
“Yes, but damn it to hell, Nicholas. Why would you be so reckless? Do you wish to die?” A horrible thought occurred to him. “Good Lord, tell me you weren’t at death’s door these past two days because you’d been drinking.”
Nicholas remained silent, which Kerrick took as confirmation. Horror and guilt washed over him when he realized this was his fault. He’d done this to his friend. His little game to try to make Nicholas realize he cared for his wife had driven him too far. Louisa had told him she and her husband had kissed that night in the library. She’d also told him that the kiss had made no difference to her husband. That he’d still been determined to go through with his plan for his heir. That could only mean Nicholas had been drinking to try to put this horrible mess out of his mind. To forget the kiss he’d shared with his wife. A kiss that might never have happened if he hadn’t plotted to prick Nicholas’s jealousy and bring him and Louisa together by leaving those cursed notes.
Chapter Thirteen
Louisa tried not to dwell on what had happened that morning. She’d been so relieved when she’d opened her eyes and found Nicholas struggling to get up… for a moment she’d found herself unable to breathe. His curt dismissal of her had hurt. She’d realized then that his feelings, whatever they might be, didn’t matter. He may have been jealous, but clearly he was determined to keep an impenetrable wall between them.
After the kiss they’d shared, it was obvious to her that he did desire her physically. The feel of his hands on her body as he’d crushed her to him, the feel of his arou
sal pressing against her lower belly… she’d wanted that kiss to go on forever. Instead, he’d cast her aside, just as he had that morning.
She didn’t expect to see him that day. He hadn’t wanted her to see it, but he was weaker than he cared to admit. She knew it would take time for him to recover. One could not come as close to death as he had without feeling the repercussions afterward.
Louisa resisted the urge to check on him after dinner. Relieved that her grandson had survived his attack, Lady Overlea had made a point of looking in on him frequently. Louisa would have to rely on his grandmother for news of her husband’s progress.
Nicholas had been correct about one thing. After staying by his bedside for two days she was exhausted. She’d kept herself busy all day, but that night she fell asleep almost before her head hit the pillow. She woke up the next morning refreshed, but then dread settled over her as she considered the long day ahead. Sighing, she got out of bed and rang for her maid to help her dress.
Lord Kerrick joined them for breakfast that morning. After seeing Nicholas the day before, he’d gone out she hadn’t had a chance to speak to him. Looking at the man now, she got the distinct impression that he was trying to avoid her. When he rose from the breakfast table to leave, she excused herself and followed him into the hallway. He was headed out again.
“Lord Kerrick,” she called out.
He stopped and turned to face her, his movements curiously cautious.
“Lady Overlea,” he said with an abbreviated bow.
She frowned. Something was definitely the matter. “Can I speak with you for a moment?” she asked, conscious of the fact they were being observed by the footman.
“I had other plans—”
“I will be brief. It concerns my husband.”
She saw the reluctance in his eyes, but he finally nodded his acceptance. She led the way into the library. She wanted to close the doors but knew it wouldn’t be proper. Instead, she made her way to the center of the large room so they wouldn’t be overheard before turning to face Kerrick.
“You’ve changed your mind,” she said.
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