‘And, well.’ Peter cleared his throat and looked at the ground. ‘I did push her on that first day of school, so, like, it wasn’t totally all her fault …’
Layla’s eyes widened as she turned her head and met her father’s gaze. Whoa, no way! He actually admitted it! WIN! Zero to Peter, One to the Queen. Kareem’s face barely changed, but Layla could see his moustache bristle, the tell-tale movement of her father hiding a smile. Okay, does that mean I can stay at the school? Layla glanced up at the chairman hopefully.
Chairman Cox furrowed his brow, looking at his son reproachingly then turned to Kareem. ‘Well, then, I suppose there’s more to the story than meets the eye. I’ll have to discuss the probation with the principal next week. It appears young Layla has more to her than I first thought, and she certainly seems to have found a way to earn her place here, despite all the obstacles.’
‘As for you.’ The man looked at his son with hands loosely clasped in front of him and a silver medal around his neck. Peter met his father’s eyes, searching for a sliver of approval. ‘Second place gets you to nationals. Make sure you win it next time.’
The words were cold, and despite Layla’s glee at being given another chance, she felt the chill of the man’s tone in her bones. Peter turned to leave, but Layla gripped his upper arm. He shrugged, trying to get her off, trying to leave the conversation, put distance between himself and his dad, but Layla wouldn’t let him.
‘Hey, Peter, hey!’
‘What do you want?’ he snarled, a snarl that Layla had always thought was due to his own cruelty, but was clearly just his way of hiding his fears and insecurities.
‘You did a great job today,’ she said to him. ‘And your idea was lit. Don’t worry about your dad.’
Peter looked at her, hard. His face was expressionless, his lips white. He shook his head. ‘You don’t get it. Your family came here to cheer you on, and they will always support you. My world is different. You don’t realise that yours is a kind of privilege I will never feel.’ With his other hand, he prised Layla’s fingers from his arm and walked away through the throng of people milling about in the hall. Just before he disappeared out of sight though, he turned around and met Layla’s eyes again, shrugging his shoulders. ‘Thanks though,’ he mouthed, then ducked his head and melded into the crowd.
As Layla finished the story at the dinner table, Ozzie shook his head.
‘What’s that about?’ his mother asked.
‘Layla, I’m happy for you and everything, really I am. Good job on getting to work with that team, and for doing what you need to do to stay at that school. But I can’t fully forgive guys like Peter. I just can’t,’ he said.
‘Why?’ his sister asked. She knew Ozzie had different experiences of the world, but this seemed pretty extreme, even for him.
‘Because at the end of the day, guys like him, even if they don’t get love from their dads, they can still get a job. They can still afford nice cars and nice houses and won’t get yelled at in the street. I can’t even get a part-time job in a cafe. So, I’m sorry for Peter that he fights with his dad, but that is no excuse, not in my book.’
It gave Layla food for thought. Maybe he was right.
The next day at school, things shone a little brighter. The team got their awards presented on stage, and Layla felt comfortable hanging with the crew at lunchtime. She wasn’t friends with Peter as such, but they were on talking terms. The chat was all about the party that had been on the weekend. She’d got away with not going because of the Grand Designs Tourismo, but the FOMO still sucked. It sucked a little less though because Ethan hadn’t gone either. He didn’t say why, so Layla figured something else might be going on.
On the way back from lunch, walking across the oval, Layla fell into step with Ethan. Her heart still fluttered every time she looked at his freckled face.
‘Sorry, dude, I’ve been so distracted with the competition and all. How are you doing now? You were having a real hard time last week.’
Ethan gave Layla a sideways smile. ‘Ha, yeh. I mean. I was a bit worried about something, because I haven’t really told anyone else yet, but you seem cool. See the thing is …’
Ethan stopped walking and pulled her aside. They were standing in the middle of the oval, but the space seemed to close in around them, like there was no one else in the world.
‘I think I’m going to tell everyone else soon, but I wanted to tell you first.’
Layla’s heart skipped. This was the moment. ‘Layla, I’m gay. And I think I have a huge crush on Seb. I decided to come out to my parents last week. It wasn’t the easiest, but we’re okay now.’
A huge crush … on who?
Layla’s eyes opened wide. ‘Wait, what?’ Ethan’s eyes also opened wide, and he looked panicked.
Layla then realised what her response had sounded like and quickly rearranged her face to show the happiness she felt for her friend, and the honour of being chosen to be confided in.
‘Oh Ethan! Thanks for sharing with me. I mean, to be honest, I’m kinda gutted ’cos I had a huge crush on you, but I guess that’s really irrelevant now.’
Ethan laughed and then pulled her by her elbow toward the tech building. ‘Yeh, I thought you might be getting a bit sweet on me, so that’s why I thought I should tell you. I mean, gurl, if I was straight, I’d be all up in your grill, but I’m just as much into boys as you are! And I mean c’mon, Seb is super cute, isn’t he?’
Layla laughed loudly. ‘OMG you are the worst. Seb is totally not my type. But I will tell you who else is …’
Lying in bed that night, phone on silent next to her head, Layla let the emotions of the last few weeks wash over her. Her doona prickled on her bare arms, her braids pressed into the cotton of the pillow, rustling slightly. Cool air softly breezed in through the window, and the moon shone brightly on the prayer mat at the foot of her bed. Closing her eyes, the teenager breathed in deeply.
What a time it had been!
She’d started at her dream school, although it wasn’t quite what she’d imagined it would be. Yes, they had a workshop where she could build cool stuff and enter competitions that would take you around the world, everything that would help her be a fully-fledged adventurer one day. But going to MMGS had been more complicated than she’d expected. She also couldn’t really get away with nearly as much as she used to at ISB, and also … well, people were different. They didn’t pray, they went to parties, they hung out in mixed groups. Layla had known she would stand out – I mean, being the first hijabi at the school, I was definitely going to be different! – but she didn’t realise how being different would make her feel.
I didn’t think anyone’s opinion really mattered to me, Layla conversed with herself, fingers playing with the end of her braid. But I guess I do want people to like me.
She wondered if that was a bad thing? Layla thought back to all the conversations she’d had about forgiving people, being kind, focusing on your own problems. She remembered how much she enjoyed inventing something, solving an issue that might actually make a difference in people’s lives. It wasn’t quite bejewelling, but it definitely made her feel good.
Gosh, that was so satisfying! I wonder what else I can invent. I wonder what we will do for the national competition?! Thoughts of gummy bear legs and animals began to pop into Layla’s mind, though she quickly pushed them aside with a slight flick of her head. No, no, enough gummy bear thought for now. The next project has to be bigger and better …
As Layla began to drift off to sleep, a final thought crossed her mind. Her mantra. Her eyes flicked open and she stared up in the darkness, the outline of the ceiling light made visible by the moonlight.
CHANNEL THE JAMEL!
Layla smiled to herself, thinking of her first day at MMGS. She’d walked in and Ms T had spotted her straightaway.
‘You must be Layla,’ she’d said.
Layla hadn’t understood why she said that – or whether that was a good thing.<
br />
YAS, GURL. She closed her eyes again. Yas. I am Layla. I’m loud, I’m weird, random, funny, smart. One day, I’m going to travel the world having adventures galore. I’m my own person … and I’ll always be Layla. Don’t you forget it.
GLOSSARY
Note – when Arabic words are written with the Roman alphabet, numerals are used to translate sounds that don’t exist in English.
3amalti shnu ya bit? – What did you do, girl?
3indi fikra – I have an idea
Aha yallah, guuli lehyna. Fikratik shinu? – Okay c’mon, tell us. What’s your idea?
aha ya shabab – all right, everyone
Alhamdulilah – Thanks be to God (prayer)
al-jamel biyimshy, wa-al-kilab bitanba7 – the camel walks while the dogs keep barking
Allah – God
Allah-hu-Akbar – God is Great (prayer)
aywa – yes
baba – dad
barra7a – slowly
Bismillah – In the name of God (prayer)
cosa bi-al-bashamel – Sudanese dish
dua – to pray or act of supplication
fajr – type of prayer
fi-al3asha – at dinnertime
habiba/habibti – darling
jalabeeya – a traditional Sudanese dress
Kayfik? – How are you? (used for females)
khalas – all right then or done
kisra – a traditional Sudanese dish
la – no
lisaan – tongue
mabrook, habibti – congratulations, darling
mama – mum
min ra2yatik – from your point of view
mufrak – a wooden Sudanese cooking implement
mulaa7 – Sudanese dish
Rasoul – the Prophet
shakoosh – hammer
shibshib – thongs
tasbee7 – to pray or act of supplication
tayyib – all right (Sudanese dialect)
toub – a piece of clothing
wudhu – the ritual washing before prayer
ya3ni – well or kinda
ya bit – oh girl
yallah – come on
ya-nhar-abyad! – oh, white river! (usually referring to the Nile River, this is a phrase used like a curse word by grandmothers.)
ya-nhar-aswad! – oh, black river!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Yassmin Abdel-Magied is a Sudanese-born Australian mechanical engineer, writer and social advocate.
Yassmin worked on oil and gas rigs around Australia for almost half a decade before becoming a full-time writer and broadcaster. She published her debut memoir, Yassmin’s Story, at age 24, then became the presenter of Australia Wide, a national weekly current-affairs show on the ABC and Motor Mouth, a podcast on becoming an F1 driver. After hosting the documentary, The Truth About Racism, she created Hijabistas for the ABC, a series looking at the modest fashion scene in Australia. Her writing has appeared in publications like Teen Vogue, London’s Evening Standard, the Guardian and numerous anthologies.
With over a decade’s experience in non-profit governance, Yassmin founded her first organisation, Youth Without Borders, at the age of 16. She has since served on numerous board and councils, including the Council of Australian-Arab Relations and ChildFund, and also served as the Gender Ambassador for the Inter-American Development Bank.
Yassmin has been awarded numerous awards nationally and internationally for her advocacy, including the 2018 Young Voltaire Award for Free Speech and Queensland Young Australian of the Year in 2015. In 2017, Yassmin created Mumtaza, dedicated to the empowerment of women of colour, and most recently founded Kuwa, a platform tackling cultural change around sexual harassment in workplaces.
Yassmin has delivered keynotes in over 20 countries on unconscious bias and leadership. Her TED talk, What Does My Headscarf Mean to You?, has been viewed over two million times and was chosen as one of TED’s top ten ideas of 2015. Yassmin is currently based in London.
Also by Yassmin Abdel-Magied
Yassmin’s Story
PENGUIN BOOKS
Published by Penguin Random House Australia Pty Ltd
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First published by Penguin Random House Australia, 2019
Copyright © Yassmin Abdel-Magied, 2019
Author photo © Mark Lobo
The moral right of the author has been asserted.
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ISBN 9780143788522
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