by Tad Williams
“If you will act like a willful girl, I will treat you like one,” he said through clenched teeth. He swayed backward, avoiding the flailing sweep of her head as she struggled.
“I hate you!” she panted.
“At this moment, I hate you, too,” he said, squeezing harder, “—but that may pass.”
At last her writhing slowed until she sagged in his arms, exhausted. “You are stronger,” she moaned, “but you must sleep sometime. Then I will kill you and kill myself.”
Josua, too, was breathing heavily. Vorzheva was not a weak woman and the prince having but one hand did not make the struggle any easier for him. “There are too few of us left for any killing,” he muttered. “But I will sit here and hold you until it is time to walk again, if necessary. We will go to this Sesuad’ra, and we will all reach there alive if I have any power to make it so.”
Vorzheva again tried to pull free, but gave up quickly when it became obvious Josua had not relaxed his grip. She sat quietly for some time, her breathing gradually slowing, the trembling of her limbs abating.
The shadows grew longer. A lone cricket, anticipating the evening, began its creaking recitation. “If you only loved me,” she said at last, staring out at the darkening forest, “I would not need to kill anyone.”
“I am tired of talking, Lady,” the prince said.
Princess Miriamele and her pair of religious companions left the Coast Road in late morning, riding down into the Commeis Valley, the gateway to the city of Nabban. As they followed the steep switchbacks down the face of the hill, Miriamele found it hard to watch the road beneath her horse’s hooves. It had been a long time since she had seen the real face of Nabban, her mother’s homeland, and the temptation to gawk was very strong. Here the farmlands began to give way to the sprawl of the once-imperial city. The valley floor was crowded with settlements and towns; even the steep Commeian hills were encrusted with houses of whitewashed stone that jutted from the hillsides like teeth.
The smoke of countless fires rose up from the valley floor, a grayish cloud hanging overhead like an awning. Most days, Miriamele knew, the winds from the sea swept the blue sky clear, but today the breezes were absent.
“So many people,” she marveled. “And more in the city itself.”
“But in some ways,” Father Dinivan remarked, “that means little. Erchester is less than a fifth this size, but the Hayholt there is the capital of the known world. Nabban’s glory is only a memory—except for Mother Church, of course. Nabban is her city now.”
“Is it not interesting, then, how those who slew our Lord Usires now clasp Him to their bosom?” Cadrach said, a little farther down the trail. “One always makes more friends after one is dead.”
“I do not understand your meaning, Cadrach,” Dinivan said, his homely face solemn, “but it sounds like bitterness rather than insight.”
“Does it?” said Cadrach. “I speak of the usefulness of heroes who are not present to speak for themselves.” He scowled. “Lord love me, I wish I had some wine.” He turned away from Dinivan’s questioning glance, offering no further remarks.
The plumes of smoke reminded Miriamele of something. “How many of those Fire Dancers we saw in Teligure are there? Are they in every town?”
Dinivan shook his head. “There are some few that come from every town, I would guess, but they join together and travel from place to place, preaching their vile message. It is not their numbers that should frighten you, but the despair they carry with them like a plague. For every one who joins and follows them to the next town, there are a dozen more who take the message into their secret hearts, losing faith in God.”
“People believe in what they see,” Cadrach said, eyes suddenly intent on Dinivan. “They hear the Storm King’s message and see what the Storm King’s hand can inspire. They wait for God to strike down the heretics. But God does nothing.”
“That is a lie, Padreic, ” Dinivan said hotly. “Or Cadrach, or whatever name you now choose. For choosing is what matters. God allows each man or woman to choose. He does not compel love.”
The monk snorted as if in disgust, but continued to stare at the priest. “That He certainly does not.”
In a strange way, Miriamele thought, Cadrach seemed to be pleading with Dinivan, as though trying to show the lector’s secretary something that Dinivan would not recognize.
“God wishes ...” the priest began.
“But if God does not cajole, and does not force, and does not respond to challenges from the Storm King or anyone else,” Cadrach interrupted, his voice hoarse with suppressed emotion, “why, why do you find it surprising that people think there is no God, or that He is helpless?”
Dinivan stared for a moment, then shook his head angrily. “That is why Mother Church exists. To give out God’s word, so that people may decide. ”
“People believe what they see,” Cadrach replied sadly, then dropped back into silent thought as they plodded slowly down toward the valley floor.
At midday they reached the crowded Anitullean Road. Streams of people moved in each direction, eddying around wagons going to and from market. Miriamele and her companions attracted little attention. By sundown they had covered a great distance up the valley.
They stopped for the evening in Bellidan, one of the score of towns that had grown together along the road until it was nearly impossible to tell where one left off and the next began. They slept at the local priory, where Dinivan’s lectoral signet ring and exalted status made them the center of a great deal of interest. Miriamele slipped off early to the small cell provided for her, not wanting to take the chance of her disguise being compromised. Dinivan explained to the monks that his companion was ill, then brought her a satisfying meal of barley soup and bread. When she blew out the candle to sleep, the image of the Fire Dancer was again before her eyes, the white-robed woman bursting into flame, but here behind the priory’s thick walls it did not seem quite so frightening. It had been just another unsettling occurrence in an unsettling world.
By late afternoon of the following day they had reached the spot where the Anitullean Road began to climb upward through the hill passes that led to Nabban proper. They passed dozens of pilgrims and merchants who sat exhausted by the roadside, fanning themselves with wide-brimmed hats. Some had merely stopped to rest and drink water, but several others were frustrated peddlers whose donkeys had proved reluctant to pull overloaded wagons up the steep road.
“If we stop before dark,” Dinivan said, “we can stay the night in one of the hill towns. Then it would be a short ride into the city in the morning. For some reason, though, I am reluctant to take any longer than necessary. If we ride past nightfall, we can reach the Sancellan Aedonitis before midnight. ”
Miriamele looked back down the road, then ahead, where it wound out of sight among the dry golden hills. “I wouldn’t mind stopping,” she said. “I’m more than a little sore.”
Dinivan looked worried. “I understand. I am less used to riding than you are, Princess, and my rump is smarting, too.” He blushed and laughed. “Your pardon, Lady. But I feel that the sooner we reach the lector, the better. ”
Miriamele looked to Cadrach to see if he had something to add, but the monk was deep in his own private thoughts, swaying from side to side as his horse plodded uphill. “If you think there is any advantage in it at all,” she said at last, “then let us ride the night through if necessary. Truthfully, though, I can’t think what I might tell the lector—or that he might tell me—that would be spoiled if it waits another day.”
“There are many things changing, Miriamele,” Dinivan replied, lowering his voice, though the road in this spot was empty but for a farm-wagon creaking along half a furlong up the road. “In times like these, when all is uncertain and many dangers are still not completely known, a chance for speed not taken is often regretted later. This much wisdom I have. With your permission, I will trust in it.”
They rode all through the darkening eveni
ng and did not stop when the stars began to appear above the hills. The road wound through the passes and then down, past more towns and settlements, until at last they reached the outskirts of the great city, lit with so many lamps that it outshone the sky.
The streets of Nabban were crowded, even as midnight approached. Torches burned on every corner. Jugglers and dancers performed in pools of flickering light, hoping for a coin or two from drunken passersby. The taverns, their window shutters up on a cool summer night, spilled lantern light and noise out into the cobbled streets.
Miriamele was nodding with weariness as they left the Anitullean Road and followed the track of the Way of the Fountains up the Sancelline Hill. The Sancellan Aedonitis loomed before them. Its famous spire was only a slender thread of gold in the lamplight, but a hundred windows glowed with warm light.
“Someone is always awake in God’s house,” Dinivan said quietly.
As they climbed through the narrow streets, heading for the great square, Miriamele could see the pale, curving shapes of the Sancellan Mahistrevis’ towers just beyond the Sancellan Aedonitis to the west. The ducal castle sat on the rocky promontory at Nabban’s outermost point, commanding the sea view as Nabban itself had once commanded the lands of men.
The two Sancellans, Miriamele thought, one built to rule the body, the other to rule the soul. Well, the Sancellan Mahistrevis has fallen already to that father-murderer Benigaris, but the lector is a godly man—agood one, too, Dinivan says, and Dinivan is no fool. At least there is hope there.
A seagull keened somewhere in the darkness above. She felt a pang of regret. If her mother had never married Elias, then Miriamele could have grown up and lived here, above the ocean. This would have been her home. She would be coming back to a place she belonged.
But if my mother had never married my father, she thought sleepily, I wouldn’t be me anyway. Stupid girl.
Their arrival at the doors of the lectoral palace was a confusing blur for Miriamele, who was finding it difficult to stay awake. Several people greeted Dinivan warmly—he seemed to have many friends—and the next thing she knew, she was being shown to a room with a warm, soft bed. She did not bother to take off anything but her boots, crawling beneath the blanket while still wrapped in her hooded cloak. Hushed voices spoke in the corridor outside her room, then a little later she heard the Clavean bell tolling far above her, striking more times than she could count.
She fell asleep to the sound of distant singing.
Father Dinivan woke her in the morning with berries and milk and bread. She ate sitting up in bed while the priest lit the candles and paced back and forth across the windownless room.
“His Sacredness was up early this morning. He was gone before I got to his chambers, out walking somewhere. He often does that when he has something to think about. Just takes to the corridors in his night robe. He doesn’t take anyone with him—except me, if I’m around.” Dinivan flashed a boyish smile. “This place is nearly as big as the Hayholt. He could be anywhere. ”
Miriamele dabbed milk from her chin with a flapping sleeve. “Will he see us?”
“Of course. As soon as he comes back, I’m sure. I wonder what he thinks about. Ranessin is a deep man, deep as the sea, and like the sea, it is often difficult to tell what hides beneath a placid surface. ”
Miriamele shuddered, thinking of the kilpa in the Bay of Emettin. She put her bowl down. “Shall I wear men’s clothes?” she asked.
“What?” Dinivan stopped, surprised by her question. “Oh. To meet the lector, you mean. I don’t think anyone should know yet that you are here. I would like to say that I trust my fellow priests with my life, and I suppose I do, but I have lived and worked here too long to trust tongues not to wag. I did bring you some cleaner robes.” He gestured to a bundle of garments lying on a stool, beside a basin of water that steamed faintly.
“So if you are ready and have finished breaking your fast, let us be off.” He stood, waiting expectantly.
Miriamele stared at the clothes for a moment, then back at Father Dinivan, whose face wore a distracted half-frown. “Could you turn around,” she asked at last, “so I can change?”
Father Dinivan gaped for a moment, then blushed furiously, much to Miriamele’s secret amusement. “Princess, forgive me! How could I be so discourteous? Forgive me, I will leave at once. I will be back for you soon. My apologies. I am thinking of so many other things this morning.” He backed out of the room, closing the door carefully behind him.
When he was gone, Miriamele laughed and rose from bed. She shucked the old robes over her head and washed herself, shivering, noting with more interest than dismay how sun-browned her hands and wrists had become. They were like a barge-man’s hands, she thought with some satisfaction. How her ladies-in-waiting would wince if they could see her!
The water was warm, but the chamber itself was cold, so when she finished she hurriedly pulled on the clean clothes. Running her hands through her short-cropped hair, she considered washing it, too, but decided against it, thinking of the drafty corridors. The cold reminded her of young Simon, walking somewhere in the chilly north. In an impulsive moment she had given him her favorite blue scarf, a favor that now seemed pitifully inadequate. Still, she had meant it well. It was too thin to keep him warm, but perhaps it would help him remember the frightening journey they had survived together. Perhaps he would take heart.
She found Dinivan in the hall outside, trying his best to look patient. Back in his familiar home, the priest seemed like a war-horse awaiting battle, full of trembling need to go, to do. He took her elbow and led her gently down the corridor.
“Where is Cadrach?” she asked. “Is he going with us to see the lector?”
Dinivan shook his head. “I am not sure of him anymore. I said that I think there is no great harm in him, but I also think he is a man who has given in to many weaknesses. That is sad, because the man he once was would have been valuable counsel indeed. Still, I thought it best to expose him to no temptations. He is having a pleasant meal with some of my brother priests. He will be quietly and discreetly watched.”
“What was Cadrach?” she asked, craning her head to stare at the ceiling-high tapestries that lined the corridor, scenes of Aedon’s Elevation, the Renunciation of Saint Vilderivis, the chastising of Imperator Crexis. She thought of these frozen figures, eyes wide and white-rimmed, and of all the centuries they had hung here while the world spun on. Would her uncle and father someday be the subjects of murals and tapestries, long after she and all she knew were dust?
“Cadrach? He was a holy man, once, and not just in dress.” Dinivan appeared to consider for a moment before speaking again. “We will speak of your companion another time, Princess, if you will pardon my rudeness. Now you might be thinking of what things you would tell the lector.”
“What does he want to know?”
“Everything.” Dinivan smiled, the harried edge to his voice softening. “The lector wishes to know everything about everything. He says it is because the weight and responsibility of Mother Church are upon his shoulders and his decisions must be informed ones—but I think that he is also a very curious fellow.” He laughed. “He knows more about book-keeping than most of the Writing-Priests in the Sancellan chancelry, and I have heard him talk for hours about milking with a Lakelands farmer.” Dinivan’s expression became more serious. “But these are truly grave times. As I said before, some of my sources of knowledge cannot be revealed even to the lector, so your words and the witness of your own eyes will be of great help in telling him things he must know. You need fear to tell him nothing. Ranessin is a wise man. He knows more of what spins the world than anyone else I know.”
To Miriamele, the walk though the dark corridors of the Sancellan Aedonitis seemed to take an hour. But for the tapestries and the occasional flock of priests hurrying by, each corridor seemed identical to the last, so that before long she was hopelessly lost. The great stone hallways were also damp and poorly-lit. Wh
en they at last reached a large wooden door, delicately carved with a spreading Tree, she was grateful that their journey had ended.
Dinivan, about to push the door open, stopped. “We should continue to exercise caution,” he said, leading her to a smaller door a few ells down the corridor. He pushed this open and they went through into a small chamber hung with velvet cloth. A fire burned in a brazier against the wall. The wide table that filled much of the room was scattered with parchments and heavy books. The priest left Miriamele to warm her hands before the flames.
“I will return in a moment,” he said, pushing aside a curtain in the wall beside the table. When the curtain fell back, he was gone.
When her fingers were tingling satisfactorily, she left the brazier to examine some of the parchments lying unrolled on the table. They seemed quite uninteresting, full of numbers and descriptions of property boundaries. The books were uniformly religious, except for one strange volume full of woodcuts of strange creatures and unfathomable ceremonies that lay open atop the rest. As she flipped carefully through the pages, she found one that had been marked with a ribbon of cloth. It was a crude illustration of an antlered man with staring eyes and black hands. Terrified people huddled at the horned one’s feet; above his head, a single dazzling star hung in a black sky. The eyes seemed to stare out of the page and directly into her own.
Sa Asdridan Condiquilles, she read from the caption below the picture. The Conqueror Star.
A fit of shivering came over her. The picture chilled her in a way that the Sancellan’s dank corridors never could. It seemed something she had seen in a nightmare, or a story told her in childhood whose evil she only now recognized. Miriamele hastily restored the book to its original position and moved away, rubbing her fingers up and down her cloak as though she had touched something unclean.