* * *
Brad and Angelina’s party was tedious, but Joan kept her smile firmly in place as she circulated. She knew most of the other guests, of course, mostly actors and small-time directors. But it was out-of-town producer Tom Hartmann she’d really come to meet. He was casting a new rom-com, and she was prepared to endure any amount of boredom for the chance to button-hole him.
It took nearly an hour of inane chatter and insincere hugs before she cornered the balding producer, stuffing his face at the trendy microbiotic buffet.
Hartmann recognised her instantly. “You know, I’m a big fan of yours,” he said, waving a piece of celery perilously close to her face, “have been for years, and there aren’t many actors I’d say that to.”
Joan turned on her famous smile. “Why, Tom, I’m flattered. That’s praise indeed.” Taking his arm, she guided him away. “I’m glad we bumped into each other because I’ve been meaning to have a word with your people about the new Bradley Cooper film. I believe you still haven’t cast the female lead.”
Joan made her prepared sales pitch, telling him she’d do anything for the part, yet as she outlined why she was the only possible choice, she sensed Hartmann’s embarrassment.
He sighed. “What can I say, Joan? You’re a fabulous actress and a big box office draw, but I was looking for someone… mmm… younger.”
Joan thought she was going to keel over. Didn’t Hartmann know that the mere mention of her name would guarantee a hit!
She struggled to keep calm. “Someone younger? Well, thanks a bunch, Tom. That makes me feel great. You may not have noticed but I’m not quite over the hill yet!”
The producer’s mouth fell open, and Joan snatched the celery stick from his grasp and stuck it in his glass.
As she stomped off, she became aware of someone watching her. She glanced straight into the eyes of a tall, young man. He was dressed in the carelessly casual look that took a small fortune to achieve, and was sipping a bourbon on the rocks.
Joan took in his features in an instant. He was tanned, dark-haired and devilishly good looking. Under normal circumstances, Joan would have been attracted. Instead, she was annoyed.
“Get it all, did you?” Her voice was clipped. “Enjoy the show? What are you, just nosy or a gossip columnist?”
The young man broke into a bemused grin. “Gossip columnist? No, nothing like that. Actually, I’m just a businessman. I wasn’t deliberately listening. I just happened to be nearby.” He stared deep into her eyes and Joan suddenly felt hot – hotter than she could ever remember.
“Sounds like you’d have sold your soul for that part,” he teased.
Joan made a face. “In this business the last thing you need is a soul.”
The man nodded thoughtfully and fished a card from his pocket. Joan gave it a cursory glance. ‘CHARLES PHOENIX, marketing director, FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH INC – A New You Is Just A Day Away’.
“Sounded like you might need our assistance,” he suggested, draining his glass. “It’s a very confidential service.”
Joan tried to give the card back. “Thanks, but I don’t like being hustled by salesmen. Especially not for plastic surgery or monkey glands or whatever it is you’re offering.”
The young man’s eyes twinkled. “Nothing so crude. We offer a… total body… enhancement. Guaranteed for years.”
Despite Joan wanting to tell him to go take a jump, there was something in his manner that held her captive. Did he say it would last for years?
“Look,” she said, finally breaking free from his gaze. “I’m sure it’s great, but I can’t afford it. Okay?”
The salesman shrugged. “I understand. Keep the card anyway. You might change your mind.”
He started to walk away, then turned round. “Tell you what. Forget the money. How about paying with something you’ll never miss?”
An Ugly Way To Go - and other Quintessentially Quirky Tales Page 6