After I’d left my slumbering friends a note, I noiselessly went down to join the witches in the kitchen. They were standing at the ready – spruced, so early in the morning! Even Esthelle’s saturnine air had vanished, and she was back to being happy as a lark.
“Hi girls! Do you mind if I eat here? They’re asleep up there,” I sighed, when I realized how much I was longing for my bed.
“Of course! Coffee?” Adélie asked.
I nodded and sat beside Esthelle. She was annihilating her first meal of the day, so I deduced she was in good spirits. She didn’t deserve to sink into sadness, because she had way too much joy to share with others. I drank my lovely black and scorching coffee with a knot in my stomach. I had dreamt of the stonewall in which I had put my message for the lycanthrope all night long. It was really turning into an obsession. Did he answer? Did he like my scarf? What had his reactions been like? I wasn’t dead so I assumed it was a good sign.
“Madelyne?” Adélie called for the second time. “I was asking if you’d rather stay with your friends today.”
“Sorry? Oh, no, I’m going to work, it’s Monday, I’m definitely coming.” It did bring me sorrow to spend the day away from Milo and Lola, but I had responsibilities: I couldn’t toss my new life away just so that we could catch up, even if I liked the idea of it. They’d understand. And I’d be done by 4 this afternoon, and I even had an hour and a half lunch break which meant we could even eat together if they wanted to.
I gave the witches a head start – they usually drove to the diner with me in the backseat, except on the days I went running so that my she-wolf could have her little fun and feel good. But this morning, I had something more important to do. Luckily enough, they didn’t ask any questions and drove off. I waited until the sound of the engine had faded away before daring to come out.
My behavior was growing ridiculous: I had nearly rushed out of the house with my backpack. You need to chill, Maddie. I bit the bullet and walked slowly to the stonewall. The wolf’s scent was becoming stronger and stronger as I advanced, which revealed he had been there not long ago. My heart was pounding when I reached the spot.
The scarf was gone. The note had been replaced by another one.
I just stood there motionless in front of the wall. My brain was working fast. Whatever was on that piece of paper, we had just made contact. We were communicating. After all those questions and the anxiety this damn wolf had brought me, I might finally have some answers. I didn’t know how to feel about it. But I needed explanations. My wolf-self was feeling iffy, and so was I. Because the truth was that I longed to hear his voice, see his face and the color of his eyes, feel his lips, and feel his touch… I pushed that idea out of my brain and finally grabbed that note, steeped in his scent that I had ended up loving.
Come and get me. I’ll be waiting. If you catch me, I’ll answer all your questions and, then you’ll use me as you see fit. But if I catch you first …
There was a silly smile all over my face. I bit my lower lip to stop it because it was really not funny. I didn’t want to smile! He was freaking kidding me! I didn’t want to laugh or to jump into his innuendos. He had some nerve! The idea of me using him was tempting though. I shook my head and looked around. He was close, I could feel and smell him. I didn’t know where, but every time he was in the whereabouts my she-wolf was all over the place. I wrote a brief message on a piece of paper.
You caught me a long time ago.
There. It meant everything and anything, and he would feel distraught, like me just now. I put the note in the stones and left for work. I would have liked to hide close by and catch him red-handed though. Since I was out of a ride, I decided to take the bus, and received in return the lewd looks of male passengers. The bus stank of desire and I ended up taking my mind off of that revolting fact to focus on the lycanthrope. Now that my head was clear – well, clearer at least – I realized how much of a provocation my note actually was. I was allowing him to come and find me and letting him play with me. What on earth had gone through my head? I had gone berserk. As far as that foul man was concerned, my rationality always decided to take a break. Had he read the note yet? If he had, what did he think of it? Was he going to come and get me? I’d really lose it with all these questions. I didn’t even know him, and he was already driving me crazy.
In order to forget him and his shenanigans, I faced this morning’s service head on. There were a lot of customers, and I did not get a minute of peace. It was good because it prevented me from thinking too much. I spent most of the morning in the kitchen with Esthelle cooking and plating up. We were only three out of the four waiters, so there was no time to dawdle. Adélie was dealing with some paperwork in her office. I didn’t know what she was doing, but since she was the manager and all, her job wasn’t probably too much fun either.
At noon, I left work for the next hour and a half. My stomach was gurgling, and I longed for a break. I hoped Milo and Lola would come soon: I had asked Adélie to call them home so that might join me here. As I was about to put away my waitress dress and my apron in my locker, which I had just opened, a sheet of paper flowed out of the locker and whirled in the air for a second like a paper-flake. I caught it before it hit the ground and I recognized the lycanthrope’s whiff as it tickled my nose. Unbelievable. That psycho had actually entered my workplace, without my noticing it by the way, just so that he could give me a message? Yeah, he had. Damn it, he was good. I hadn’t seen it coming, and I hadn’t even spotted him being too focused in waitering not to think of him. Ah, the joys of irony.
4:15, after your service. I’d like you to meet me behind the diner. Under one condition: you must be blindfolded. If you aren’t, I won’t come. The ball is in your court. Thank you for the scarf, I love your scent.
My heart skipped a beat, and heat took over my body. What was happening to me? He was getting me into a flutter. Besides, that was the longest message he’d ever written. For once, he wasn’t even giving me any orders, he was just venturing a wish, a desire with conditions, yes, but still, that was no order. And he loved my scent. Did he love it as much as I loved his? Was he feeling the same way? I didn’t know what I was feeling. Distress, perhaps, but also excitement, and anxiety, and something deeper that I could not fathom, that was beyond me.
Why on earth would he want me to meet him blindfolded? Maybe he thought he was ugly. His face might be injured or scarred. Or it was just another mischievous plan to get me at his mercy and to kill me. Nonetheless, my instincts told me I could trust him. Whatever his intentions actually were, if he wanted to kill me or hurt me, he would have already done so by now. He wanted something else. I didn’t know what it was, but he had brought Milo and Lola back to me, and he was making efforts not to be bossy like every single alpha. That was enough for me to start trusting him.
“Maddie?” I started with surprise when I saw Milo in the door frame. I threw the paper in the locker in a violent gesture and shut its door violently. That wasn’t suspicious at all… What a numbskull. Milo frowned his brow, and his look went back and forth from the locker to myself. I smiled from ear to ear in the hope that he’d be dazzled by my good looks, but the only result I got was an amused gaze. “What were you doing?” he asked.
“Hum, nothing, nothing at all.”
I was a terrible liar. He knew that, everybody knew it. He raised his eyebrows and folded his arms while waiting for me to spit it out, but obviously, I wasn’t going to. It might sound weird that I didn’t like to lie when I was lying with every breath in my former pack. I lied to the others about my intentions, and how I spent my nights, but more importantly, I lied to myself. I had hated myself for it for a long time, and now that I was free and I could do as I pleased, I wouldn’t lie. Out of all the things I hated, lying was the worst.
“The mysterious wolf wrote me a message,” I confessed with a sigh. “But I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“What? But that’s crucial information! The witches might ca
st a spell or something, and we could find out who and where he is! Can I look?”
“No. I told you the truth, and I also said I didn’t want to talk about it. This conversation is over,” I said authoritatively.
“What could possibly be written on there to make you wanna keep it to yourself?” he insisted, which had the annoying knack for getting on my nerves.
I didn’t answer and left the room. I could hear Lola chatting with Adélie, and she seemed to be in a good mood. That was worthy of my attention. Milo fell into step behind me, and effluviums of resentment followed us too. So, he was crossed. Too bad. I did feel guilty for having snubbed him that way, but he was my wolf. I wasn’t planning on sharing him with anyone, even Milo.
As soon as I had set foot in the hallway, Lola noticed me and jumped in my arms with a lovely smile on her face. She started talking so fast I had to slow her down. “Would you mind going at a snail’s pace instead?”
The question widened the smile on the girls’ faces. Milo was still as crossed as his arms – his loss.
“I found a new high-school!” Lola resumed. “It has these amazing classes, and a drawing club and flexible hours! Can I apply? Please, say yes, please?”
“Lola…”
I hadn’t thought about all of this. I was so happy to see her and Milo that I hadn’t realized what it meant for them. Milo was a big boy, he could make his own choices; but Lola wasn’t even 18 yet, she had run away, and even if the pack was dreadful, her parents were still in it. She couldn’t just leave and never see them again; she was already so lucky to have them. Yes, they sucked, but still. I didn’t know what to do, I couldn’t send her back, and I couldn’t resolve myself to keep her away from her family. I was so stupid. Why hadn’t I thought about this before?
“We’ll talk about it over lunch, come on…” I sighed.
She frowned, apparently, she was disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm. I exchanged looks with Adélie, and she seemed to understand my concerns. She put an encouraging hand on my shoulder before slipping out. I led my friends in another restaurant close by, which sold hot-dogs. As we ate, the silence grew stronger. Great. Now, the both of them were sulking. Well done, Maddie. There was no delaying the confrontation any longer, so I might as well face it head on.
“Lola, I’m glad you’re here,” I started, fiddling with my hot-dog. “Don’t get me wrong, but I hadn’t thought about the consequences, and you may not have either. Do you realize you didn’t leave just the pack? Your parents are back there, and you’re not even 18, and…”
“My parents are excruciating people,” she furiously cut me short. “They’d kill their own daughter as soon as they’d get the chance. I ran away from them, I’m the black sheep of the family, and my soulmate is a woman. How could you possibly think of sending me back there?” She had a point. If she were to go back, she’d die. And I’d die. It was probably not the best option. If we could avoid a bloodbath...
“Yeah, I know, that’s why I feel guilty. You’re lucky enough to have your parents, and because of me, you might never see them again.”
“Thanks to you, you mean,” she corrected. “Maddie, I get it, but you don’t have to feel guilty. You saved me. If I’d stayed in this misogynistic pack, I would have gone insane. I may have lasted a few years more, but eventually I would have left. Or I would have killed myself.”
“Lola!” I scolded in shock.
“It’s true. I’m sure you’ve thought about it too. Thanks to you, I’ve got the chance to lead a new life! And in this new life, I’m free, and I can study whatever I want, and I’ll get to grow and blossom and be loved and have the job I want… Do you realize how grateful I am to you? And to this unknown wolf, who helped me and Milo. Maddie, you must understand that you’ve saved me.”
I welled up, but I stopped the tears from surfacing. I didn’t like to cry, and I’d cried too much already the last couple days. Her words moved me deeply. The kid was right. Of course, she was! Her parents were monsters. She was safe and sound over here. I ought not to regret her presence by my side. I was no mother, I was no sister. I wasn’t the ideal person to talk to, I wasn’t a great listener. I wasn’t good at the advice, and I may not always be able to keep her safe; but at least I was trying. And I’ll always be there for her, no matter what. I took her hands and speechlessly held them tight. I didn’t speak for a while because I was afraid to burst into tears if I did.
“But Lola,” I said eventually. “You can’t live without a pack. It’s dangerous, and not healthy. Lone wolves don’t turn out well.”
“But I’m not a lone wolf,” she objected. “You’re here. You’re my pack now.”
“I can’t be your pack. We don’t even have an alpha.”
“Maddie,” Milo stepped in, giving up his sulkiness, “you are an alpha. Don’t bother lying, everybody knows it. And Lola told me her wolf-self already recognized yours as her alpha.”
The ginger girl nodded to confirm what he’d just said. I couldn’t believe it. They were on drugs, they had to, that couldn’t be true. I stubbornly shook my head. “No way. That can’t be, that’s impossible. I can’t be …”
“You just have to open yourself up,” Lola said with a sigh, “and then you’ll believe us. You’ll see that the bond is already made, and the only thing you have to do to complete the process is accepting it.”
I shook my head again. I couldn’t believe my ears. Lola let go of my hands and continued eating. I looked at Milo, but he shrugged. I felt lost. I couldn’t be Lola’s alpha, that couldn’t be true. I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t know how, I didn’t want to give orders like William did and destroy the life of the werewolves allegedly weaker than me. I refused to be that person. I would not be a monster. Milo took my hand, and it brought a little comfort. Just a little. An alpha ought to be a good, just, protective person. An alpha ought to set an example, and fight for what he or she stands for. An alpha ought to love his or her kind and be there for them and look out for them, and make sure they’re happy and content. An alpha ought to be everything William Parker was not. I wasn’t sure I was ready to take on so many responsibilities. I lacked so much experience, but Lola was counting on me. What would she say when she’d realize how lousy at this job I’d be? She’d hate me.
Suddenly I felt overwhelmed by a wave of doubt, anxiety and Lola’s words. I got up in a jolt. I couldn’t stay here, I needed to get some fresh air, I needed to think. To understand. I silently ditched my friends and left. Or, more accurately, I ran away. Here was the proof I wouldn’t be a good alpha: I was a coward who bailed on problems instead of facing them. I didn’t deserve to be a leader.
I had three quarters of an hour left before going back to work. In order to take my mind off of it all, I roamed the streets of the city. I wanted to scream, to free my wolf-self and go running. But I couldn’t, I was running out of time – pun intended. I got lost amongst the passers-by cursing on my own cowardice and my inability to do things right. I got lost amidst the noise that filled my brain and allowed the ruling chaos to quiet down. I got lost in the middle of the advertising boarding’s, the front windows and the serene plants opening up here and there, with no werewolf issues. The sun seemed to be swirling amongst the clouds, or maybe it was the other way around. My head was upside down, and my heart was in hell.
When I got back to work – way too soon – and inevitably withdrew into silence, Adélie didn’t ask any questions. I stayed in the kitchen with a humming Esthelle. Even her good spirits wouldn’t lift mine. The afternoon was quite peaceful – it usually was, because in the morning the customers came for some breakfast, and at noon, they wanted to fill their stomachs up, so the number of customers decreased drastically after 2:30 and we’d only serve sugary dishes from then, which meant I didn’t have to peel potatoes or dress up plates in a complicated way. On the other hand, I could make smoothies, and at this point, I found the sound of the blender to be joyous: to see the fruits getting smashed, the blueberries spurting lik
e blood and hearing that violent metal noise allowed me to clear my head and externalize my dark emotions.
There was no getting rid of my aggravation. I was blaming myself for having rebuffed Milo and disappointed Lola. I was blaming myself for not living up to the responsibilities she desired me to take on. And let’s not forget the anxiety and excitement I was feeling towards my upcoming rendezvous with the mysterious lycanthrope, if you could call it that. Considering my bad mood, that psychopathic spy better not be spoiling for a fight.
At 4pm sharp, after using the restroom, I took off my work outfit and folded it in my locker. My hair was kind of all over the place, so I did my best to fix it, and I wiped off some drooling mascara, but in spite of it all, I was okay. I didn’t know why I was so worried about the way I looked anyway; the wolf had already seen me during my worst days. I was convinced he had seen me and my swollen face the day I left the pack, and he had probably seen me naked in the woods, too. He had been following me around for so long that he had most undoubtedly seen me on one of my bad hair days. Yet it didn’t stop me from adding some gloss on my full lips.
My stomach was upside down when I left the room and checked the time. 4:09. Six minutes left. Was he already waiting for me? Probably not. I bet he’d wait until I was blindfolded. And by the way, I hadn’t even thought about that! What would I use to cover my eyes? I was out of a scarf and I usually didn’t walk around with paper bags… Eureka! I went back into the kitchen as Esthelle was about to leave, and she’d just put her scarf around her neck.
She-Wolf I Page 14