“Maddie,” he reprimanded me. His tone wasn’t very convincing, his voice was full of desire.
I shivered in spite of the stifling heat and the burning feeling of his body pressed against mine and his hands on my hips. I was dreading the moment he’d push me away, but he did nothing of the sort. He was probably as shaken as me. And besides, it was hard to push away a babe as hot as me. Yes, my head still fitted through every door, thank you. I stood still for a little while, just to make sure my heart didn’t explode.
Once its beat was slower, I allowed my hands to wander on his torso. I needed to discover who was behind that voice. I had sworn not to open my eyes, but I’d never promised not to use my other senses, like touch. I touched his chest without any kind of embarrassment, and I found out about his washboard stomach and his rock-hard pecs. A girl can’t say no to that.
I went up towards his shoulders as his hands were grasping my hips a bit tighter, and I moaned while grazing his neck and his face. My fingers explored his strong jawline. He hadn’t shaved in two or three days, and his chin was unkempt. I caressed his cheekbones, and his full lips; his hot breath tickled my fingertips. I quivered with pleasure: there was this snake both frozen and boiling writhing in my belly. What a feeling. It was crazy to be feeling such a thing… I finally delved into Johan’s hair — one lock was drooping on his forehead, which meant it was rather long, long enough to play with. And I knew from before that it was black.
Johan had stayed as still as a statue during my whole expedition. I liked the fact that he hadn’t stopped me from looking at him with my fingers. I would have been upset if he had. Since I was satisfied with my search, I stopped fondling him and just hugged him tight with my arms around his neck. I stuffed my nose in his neck and breathed his scent in. it was probably my favorite whiff on the planet. Maybe my favorite in the universe. We got even closer and my heart simply skipped a beat. What was happening to me? I didn’t understand it. I was acting like a total numbskull, throwing myself into his arms, demanding his presence, or asking him advice about my deepest concerns. It was foolish. I was totally unreasonable when he was concerned. That was beyond me. I didn’t even try to fight it because I knew it was pointless. Whatever happened, I’d always come back to him. He was my gravity. Ew, that was so schmaltzy I could barf. But hey, life’s funny that way.
“Why do you do this to me,” I whispered during our embrace.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Liar,” I growled.
“I am a liar,” he confessed. His fingers caressed my loins and I was seeing stars. “You said you wouldn’t ask questions.”
“Yes, no questions about your past life or your future intentions and this question didn’t fall into any of those categories,” I retorted.
“That’s cheating.”
“Well fine, can I ask you about what you’re feeling then? Are you lost too? Do you want me as much as I want you?”
A rush of desire emanated from him, and I had my answer. Yes, he wanted me as much as I wanted him. I hang onto him with ardor. All of this was new to me: I had lain with a few men, but I’d never felt such strong emotions, I’d never felt anything that could compare with what was happening with Johan. It was brutal, raw, pure desire.
“Madelyne, you can’t just say or do stuff like that and expect me to behave. Do you know how hard it is for me to resist the urge to make you mine this second?”
His body was nothing but burning tension. The temperature was higher by the seconds. If he kept talking like this, I wouldn’t resist either. The she-wolf was sharing his view and wanted to make this wolf his. And so did I. Why the mystery? Why the holding back? We both wanted it. What was the point? I was weary of the unknown. But if that was the price to pay to be with him, I was willing to pay it. For now. “Why behave?” I whispered breathing his scent deeply once more.
“Because,” he answered in a low voice.
He suddenly grabbed my ponytail and pulled it gently so that my head would lean back. My heart wasn’t ready to be carried away this much today. I was so disconcerted that the will to make fun of his silly answer wasn’t strong enough. His lips slid on my skin and his tongue tasted it. I moaned some more, but he kept going so I grabbed his shirt. That was like ecstasy. I loved the feeling. Maybe a little too much. I sensed his desire pounding all over me, and it was echoing mine.
“Mad’, if only you knew…” he gasped in my neck, and I shivered.
“Tell me…” I demanded.
He uttered a little growl and he nibbled my neck to show his discontent, just like mommy wolves reprimanded their little cubs. The pinching of his teeth on my skin was anything but twinging. I understood he was rebuffing, but it just felt so good! I was amazed to realize how patient, caring and calm he was. William would have punched me for less. Johan was simply manifesting his discontent without any belittling or pain. I was under the impression that he was treating me like an equal, and that was a positive change.
“Mad’, you drive me crazy. Insane. And I don’t want to be crazy. I just wanna be mad about you. I have to behave because I have things to do and problems to solve, and I can’t let myself get distracted and spend too much time with you because otherwise I’ll never be able to leave you. And I want to take my time to get to know you and answer your questions and discover your body with my eyes and with my hands and with my lips. So please, once again, be patient.” He had said this in one breath.
I was quite astonished. “Mad’?” I repeated.
“Yes. We’re both mad. And that nickname is mine only. Just like you.”
I could see cupcakes and rainbows, even with my eyes closed. It was the perfect nickname, because on the one hand, I was crazy, and on the other, Johan had made it up so it was his. I should have been outraged to hear him claim me as his, since I was a person, and not an object, and I only belonged to myself; but this idea of belonging to someone was very lycanthrope-y and it meant anything and everything, it was a proof of affection and deep love. So, I decided not to object. I could be his IF he was mine. That was the deal, take it or leave it.
“I love it,” I said, rubbing my cheek against his.
He sighed with ease as I started to caress his face again. I craved him and there was no getting rid of that hunger. So I’d just keep on touching him until I would actually have lost my mind. I kissed his cheek and kept on kissing him along his jawline up to his lips that I didn’t dare kiss. We were both out of breath.
“And how am I supposed to call you? Puppy?”
He burst into laughter and it allowed the sexual tension to tone down a bit. I smiled too; I was glad to have made him laugh. He kissed my forehead. If I said it once, I’ll say it twice: his gentleness was astounding. He might be domineering, especially when he kissed — bit — my neck or pinned me against a wall — like when we first met — but he was still tender and respectful. Maybe there was more to him than met the eye, I definitely didn’t know enough about him to detect his flaws. But for now, I didn’t mind. I felt good with him, and I trusted him.
His fit of the giggles finally ended, but his voice still laughed when he said: “That’s quite funny, for a wolf to be called puppy, but I’d prefer something a bit more appropriate.”
“Let me think of something else ...”
“I have to go...”
I grouched and my nose met his neck again. He laughed. I didn’t want him to leave. I hadn’t had enough of him. I remained snuggled up against him and breathed his whiff as much as I could. How long would I have to wait to be with him again? I wasn’t sure I’d be able to let him go. It had been hard enough the first time, for me and for everyone else because I’d become obnoxious. I wouldn’t survive another going-away. Johan got up and so did I since I was still clutching onto him. He hugged me back and I sensed he didn’t want to leave me either. More secrets. It was annoying. He gave me several little kisses on my cheeks by my lips but he never kissed them. How frustrating! He got me to let
go of him and my heart was starting to fall apart. Don’t go...
“I’ll be back Mad’. I promise.”
“Pinky promise?”
“Yes Ma’am!” he teased.
He gave me one last kiss on the forehead and left quickly. He had also left a smile on my face, and that was quite the masterstroke. I heard him go farther and farther away, and then nothing. I opened my eyes. The bright sunlight was as painful to my corneas as Johan’s absence to my heart. Just you wait, Mister! Once my eyes were used to the strong light of this gigantic ball of gas hanging in the sky, I decided to head back. I had things to do too, namely, apologize, and build a pack.
Chapter 15
I hurried out of the woods — the sooner I’d set things straight with my friends, the better. Johan had said the right things and I was reassured, so there was no more time to waste. Obviously, I was still terrified, and I had serious doubts about my abilities to become the best alpha ever. But even though I was far from being perfect, I knew I’d never be a monster, even if power went to my head. I loved people too much to ever become as cruel as William. And besides, at this point, only my friends would be part of my pack, and I knew they’d put me back on the right track if need be. Yes, I was afraid. Yes, I was jumping into the unknown. Yes, I had a lot to learn. But I wouldn’t be alone, and I’d get all the help I could ever need. And I was ready for a new adventure. The first she-alpha of the continent. I’d definitely be smug about it.
I was home soon enough, and I was quite excited. Yet this eagerness was tarnished at the thought of Lola and Milo’s potential reactions. Especially Lola’s. Will she be able to forgive my existential crisis during which I’d refused to take my responsibilities? I hoped so. What was going to happen? I mean, I had the ability to become Lola and Clemencia’s alpha, and Colin’s as well. It was a good thing because children needed to have an alpha and a stable pack: the bonds were helping them control their transformations so that they didn’t go insane. But what about Milo? And the witches?
As I was passing by the stonewall, I spotted Johan’s scent, and it was still fresh. I smiled: it meant he had been back here. Had he left me a note? Since I’d escaped the pack, I was smiling more often, everyday actually. I felt good here. I was happy. Johan and his little notes did have something to do with it, but my job, my home, my friends, everything in my current life had a role to play. I noticed a note in the usual spot, and I almost ran to it. Silly me.
Mad’
I hope I have answered at least some of your questions and eased your fears. Don’t doubt yourself, you’re going to be a wonderful alpha. I loved spending that moment with you, I hope for many more to come. I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer, so I’m off to bring Daniel and your grandmother back to you. Be good, my beautiful wolf.
Johan.
P.S. You looked amazing in that top. It was hard not to take it off of you though.
P.P.S. Can’t wait to find out what nickname you’re gonna give me.
P.P.P.S. Don’t stay too close to that shapeshifter, I don’t like you wearing his scent.
What? He had some balls! We’d spent like two minutes together and he was already acting bossy and domineering and meddling in my relations. This possessive wolf wasn’t wasting time now was he? But, wait, I didn’t correct him when he said I was his, so I couldn’t complain after all. He was actually quite reasonable, but I’d have a quick word with him on his return. No one could tell me who to see and to spend time with. As a recompense, I’d spend as much time with Milo as possible, and he wouldn’t be such a smartass anymore! I hoped with all my heart that he’d be able to bring my grandma and Daniel safe and sound though. And if he could come back in one piece, that’d be great. If William ever hurt him, I swear I’d kill him. I might as well put the local funeral parlor’s number in my phone right now. My pulse was racing at the thought of a life without Johan in it. That mere thought, weirdly enough, almost made me want to die. How could I live without him now? I couldn’t. I needed him to come back to me. Safe and sound.
I folded the note and stuffed it in my pocket, along with the previous one, and as I recalled that he’d liked my outfit, I smiled some more. It may be stupid, but I enjoyed his finding me beautiful and desirable. It made me feel like an actual woman, and I didn’t have to clean everything and get beaten up to be reminded of it. I felt loved, and unlike in the pack, there was no hatred or humiliation. Johan did put me on a pedestal, but not in a ridiculous way: he wasn’t worshipping me like a goddess or something, he took me as I was, realistically, and he made me feel like a good person, and not like a slave.
But enough with the similes. William and Johan had nothing in common. William embodied a past that I desired to bury deep in the ground, and Johan was my future, my happiness to come.
When I entered the witches’ house, I saw my little herd gathered in the living-room with a cup of tea. Wow, Esthelle and Lola were in the same room! That had to be a case of emergency. When I arrived, they all looked at me, and I had a déjà-vu. Not again! Were they planning on killing me too? I annoyingly crossed my arms and stared at them while waiting for an explanation.
“We were waiting for you,” Milo said.
“No kidding?” I retorted.
“I made you a latté. With lots of whipped cream,” he added. He pointed towards a big cup on the coffee table and tapped the couch so that I’d sit by his side. If they wanted to kill me, at least I would have had one last cup of coffee. I suspiciously sat next to Milo and took a sip of the latté. It was delicious. I had really missed Milo’s coffees. He was a caffeine wizard.
“Maddie, we wanted to apologize,” Lola explained, and Clemencia nodded along.
“Yes,” she then said, “we didn’t want to talk behind your back nor criticize the choices you’ve made. We just have trouble understanding them.”
“And I’ve tried talking to you about it,” the young girl sighed, “but you wouldn’t have any of it.”
“I’m sorry too. Now that you she-wolves start flocking, I guess I acted badly because I’ve been feeling left out. I’ve given you everything, and so did they, and I’m afraid you might not want me in this odd pack to be, and then I’d be on my own,” Milo confessed.
“We’re sorry,” the three of them said.
Well. That was unexpected. I was lucky to have them, and they were right. I had refused to listen to them. It was my turn to tell them why I had been dreading their suggestions about creating a pack. “I’m sorry too. You’re right, Lola, I didn’t talk to you and I hid behind stupid excuses because I was scared. The thought of being an alpha was hard for me to consider seriously… I was dead scared. I was afraid I’d become like William.”
“You could never be like him!” Lola protested with alacrity. “He’s a monster. You’re nothing like him!”
“I know. Well, I know now,” I answered. “I should’ve told you guys about this before, but I needed to solve this on my own. And I’m sorry, Milo, if I hurt you. I know it was not the easiest thing for you to leave your life, and I thank you for going through it. I’ll do my best to be worthy of your choice, of all your choices.”
“It’s already forgotten,” he smiled reassuringly.
I smiled back. In the end, everything was going to be fine, no one was going to kick me out. The tension that had been lingering in the house for a couple weeks started vanishing. And so I decided to do something I should have done a long time ago. Lola had said that there was a new bond between us, and she was right. I’d been feeling it ever since she got here, but I’d done my best to push it away tirelessly. If I had taken it in, it would have brought Lola straight into my head, and thus in the pack of which I’d be the leader.
So I went looking for that bond, hiding somewhere in the depths of my mind, and I found it wandering deep down. It was an almost imperceptible thread, and I could only see it if I concentrated. It was orange, just like Lola’s hair, and it went from me to her, thus creating a path that led us to each ot
her. I gathered my courage, and decided to accept that bond, and tied it to my own thread. It was a piece of cake. In the blink of an eye, we were connected, for life. From now on, she’d always be with me. Thanks to that little mind-string, I could find out where she was, and if I concentrated hard enough, I could even feel what she was feeling, if she was in any danger, or if she needed me. It was the same for her, she now had access to my deepest self. It was rather frightening, but also very reassuring. What I found surprising was how strongly I could feel Lola’s mind in mine. In my former pack, I’d never been connected to someone this way. In our case, it was powerful, everlasting, and joyous. My wolf-self growled at this feeling of utmost satisfaction: she now had someone to look out for and protect.
I did the same with Clemencia, and then Colin. It had been a little hard to find Lola’s thread, but theirs was astoundingly easy to find. I could feel the little cub’s mind soothe thanks to the presence of a pack by his side, however small that pack might be. Clemencia’s thread was as green as her eyes, and her son’s a bit lighter. The peacefulness I was feeling inside was indescribable. I didn’t know why this had never felt so good in William’s pack. Maybe because everyone hated me, and I’d never felt like that was my pack. But this one was mine. I knew every member and I loved them all.
I hesitatingly faced Milo. Would it work? I felt nothing coming out of him, there was no colored thread to link with mine. What should I do? Maybe I ought to try harder. I came closer to him, and focussed as hard as I could. Milo did the same, and eventually, I perceived the thinnest thread between us, and it was so feeble, nearly translucid, that I seized immediately in case it might fade away. I tied it with the others. My she-wolf whined, and so did I. This was painful, like a sting in the brain, and a sudden migraine filled my head. But I didn’t care: our link was established. Milo’s brown thread was with the others, even though I couldn't have access to his emotions or his thoughts. I just felt his weak and remote presence, but that was enough.
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