Bridget put her hand on my shoulder. “Maddie, don’t lose hope. I haven’t yet, and you shouldn’t either.”
Hope was our thing. But how could I hope when facing such a dreadful situation? How was I supposed to find the light in this darkness? I wanted to stop this, to go back to my former pack and let them kill me. But that would just be too easy. Since when did I go down that path? It would be a shame to give in after all my grandma had been through, after the witches’ help to get me off the street, after my friends had entrusted me, after everything Johan had done for me. I couldn’t give up. I had to keep hoping, always.
I briefly hugged the vampire before she pushed me away. “Sorry, but I haven’t eaten in two days so it would be a shame for me to drink you after our little reunion,” she sighed dramatically.
I rolled my eyes at her — she was a drama queen indeed. Under different circumstances, I would have laughed. I let Bridget get acquainted with the rest of the group, and I looked at my grandma. She had to have a couple ribs broken, considering that yowling she made. Her eyelids were shaking. She was in pain. And there was nothing I could do. I could have been the best doctor in the whole world, if the healing process wasn’t triggered, there was nothing I could do.
A lycanthrope’s organism was refractory to any kind of medicine. A high dose of morphine could ease the pain, but it was no cure. Alcohol was a bit dizzying when a lot of it was drunk but us wolves were never wasted. Surgery was useless. I couldn’t take her to a hospital, because the people there wouldn’t be able to do anything and besides, they ought not to find that my grandma’s DNA didn’t match that of a human’s. No, there was nothing to be done. I could only wait, keep watch over her, and hold her hand so that she might not feel alone, so that she might know I was here to stay.
“I couldn’t find them,” Milo panted, barging into the room a few minutes later. No one answered. He was just stating the obvious. Of course, he didn’t find them, they weren’t here. Yes, they were in my former pack. Dead, perhaps. He kneeled by my side and took a look at Andrea. “How is she?”
“She’s stable, but obviously unconscious. She has broken ribs, bites and scratches all over her…”
“Maddie… It’s going to be okay” he softly said, hugging me.
I gave in and held him back, holding back the tears. They were useless. In spite of all our woes, I was lucky to have friends I could rely on. I wasn’t alone in this heap of crap.
I remained by my grandmother’s side for many hours. There was nothing else I could do, or think about. Bridget was getting along with the others just fine. She was very much enthused, especially by the fact that I was living in the attic like a bat, and that was surprising of her. She wasn’t complaining about the lack of comfort, or about our cheap clothes that would have normally made her sick. Basically, her presence was soothing, and it was a little distraction on this gloomy day.
I was glad to see her, even if it was under those circumstances. I thought I’d never see her again, that our friendship was over and here she was, making silly jokes that did lift our spirits, and complaining about her hemoglobin thirst. Life is full of surprises is it not? Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re bad, but you never get bored.
At some point, Bridget called me out. “Maddie? You’ve been here all day; you should get some fresh air.”
“I won’t leave her,” I said.
“She’s stable. She’s sleeping. She’s not in pain. And you won’t be far. You just need to walk a little and eat some food. Johan would kill me if you died under my watch. And besides, we have to talk. You wouldn’t want us to yell at each other in front of her now, would you?”
I hesitated for a second. My eyes were fixed on my grandma’s peaceful face. She did look more serene. It was reassuring though. I was no fool, I knew she didn’t have much chance of getting out of this alive. Her age and her wounds considered, it would be a miracle if she did. Yet I couldn’t bring myself to just accept that. Not yet. For now, she was here, breathing, her heart was beating, and she was alive.
I was so angry with her. Why did she have to act like a heroine and fight them? She could have left with Bridget, and let Johan and Daniel handle it, instead of persisting in fighting. Obviously, she had to have some personal vendettas against her jailers, and maybe she’d done it to let go of her rage, and take her revenge against that castrating pack which had ruined her life and mine instead of helping us. So then I understood. Considering how great a fighter my grandma had been, and how stubborn she was, that wasn’t so surprising after all. But I did blame her for putting herself in danger. For risking her life.
“You know, before I could get her outta there, she did kill three wolves and she nearly ripped the arms of that Ryan twat,” Bridget said, as if she’d been hearing what I was thinking of.
I smiled. That was my grandma. That was Andrea Carson. I was proud of her. And also, I was proud she’d kicked Ryan’s ass. Too bad she missed him though. I tenderly kissed her forehead, pulled the blanket up to her chin, and allowed Bridget to drag me outside.
Once we reached the yard, I shivered, in spite of the heat. The sun had set a long time ago, I hadn’t realized how late it was. I stared at the horizon, and at the woods — the boys were nowhere to be found. My heart ached. I had actually lost them, forever? The vampire shoved a bag of Doritos in my arms and sat on the ground. I sat by her side, staring into space.
“I’m pissed, Maddie! Your friends told me of that little pack of yours, and I heard you’re the chief of it. You should be ashamed! You create a pack and you don’t even tell me about it? I wanna be a part of it.”
A distraction. That was exactly what I needed right now. Bridget tended to be a little egocentric and she mostly cared about herself. I was glad she was doing it right now. That wasn’t surprising that she should be vexed about not being in the pack, it sounded like her.
I shrugged. “It sort of happened, I hadn’t planned it. And I don’t think you could be a part of it.”
“Why? Because I’m a vampire huh? You take shapeshifters in but not vampires? That’s racist!”
“You numbskull!” I smiled. “Everyone is welcomed, even those that are a pain in my neck, like you. It’s just that I don’t think you’d be able to cope with the fact that I’d be your alpha and you’d have to submit to me.”
She seemed to think it through because apparently, she’d hadn’t done so before. Vampires lived together, in a sort of nest, but they were independent creatures. They all lead their lives on their own, and from time to time, they met during assemblies. They did have a leader, but he was here to take the big decisions, to handle conflict and fix their mistakes. It wasn’t like us wolves: the alpha was constantly connected to his kin, made sure they were alright, and gave orders. Granted, I wasn’t exactly like that, and I gave orders only when I had to, but still. I doubted she could handle authority.
“I don’t think it would be a problem,” she said eventually. “I mean, I know I’m a pain, independent, narcissist, taxing and I don’t like taking orders, but that’s different with you. You’re my friend.”
“Yeah, but I’d be your friend and your alpha. You would have to do as I say, you understand?”
“Yes. But I trust you. I know you’d never become a despot or take my free-will away from me, amma wrong?
“No, I’d never force you to do anything, unless we’re in a dire situation.”
“Well there you go,” Bridget smiled. “I could leave whenever though no? That’s not a prison is it?”
“It’s worse than jail,” I teased. “But yeah, of course you could leave whenever but that would create kind of a chaotic situation.”
She looked surprised, I sighed. Well, I guess we’ll stay here till morning... I opened the bag of Doritos and started eating some while explaining to the vampire what it meant to be in a pack. The thoughts and the feelings connected, the respect of each other’s privacy, the orders, the power, the balance, the well-being of the members
. I was now surprised to see her listening carefully. She did wince once or twice, but she didn’t seem scared. She looked determined.
“What about the other vampires?” I eventually asked, once my explanation and the bag of Doritos were empty.
“What vampires?”
“You have friends, a family, a home. Are you willing to leave this all behind to be in the pack?”
“Well, I don’t think so… But just because I’m in a pack doesn’t mean I can’t still have vampire friends, right? I mean, I’d live with you and all, but I’d want to visit my bloodsucking friends once in a while.”
“You’re right. As long as you let me know of your absence, I don’t see why not. Us wolves can’t go back there, but you’re free to go wherever you want,” I granted.
“Great! Now I can have my cake and eat it. So, will you let me be a part of it now?” she asked, clapping enthusiastically.
“Yes. But only if you take a couple days to think it through, and if you ask the others about it. If you haven’t changed your mind in let’s say three days, and that everyone else agrees, then yeah, you’ll be a part of the pack.”
“Great! I can’t wait! I’ll get to know all about your little secrets, and I’ll be the gossiper of the group.”
I was already starting to regret my decision… The others would definitely scream bloody murder if she did that kind of stuff. I stayed outside with her for another half-hour, listening to her talking about clothes and cars and her life in general. She wanted to talk to take my mind off things, just like before, when we met in the night and I’d had a crappy day. Those nights were about anecdotes, shopping, friends, I listened without thinking, giving into the gentle brouhaha of her voice that stopped me from dwelling on things.
Even if she liked herself a lot, she couldn’t possibly be passionate about her luxury shoes, but she talked about that anyway, without batting an eye. She wasn’t expecting any answer, she knew I didn’t have anything to say. She really was a good friend. I’d missed her. Johan hadn’t been joking about bringing everyone back to me. I never thought he’d bring Milo and Bridget too. He was perfect. And now I’d never see him again…
The tears were starting to show, and so I went back to my grandma’s side. Her wounds hadn’t healed much, and she was still sleeping. This day had been exhausting, and my emotional charge was heavy. I curled up on the ground, by the couch, and fell asleep in an instant. I was glad that sleeping was a thing, because it could keep human beings away from torment, and it helped them forget things. At least for a dream.
Chapter 25
“Madelyne…”
I was half-awake, half-asleep, floating in the meanders of my consciousness, dreaming. I was walking towards him, my heart was pounding, and I desperately wanted to take him in my arms, to feel his body against mine. I was finally about to touch him when suddenly, blood started dripping from his mouth. His eyes widened, and a ring of hemoglobin flooded his T-Shirt on his heart, right where the tip of the steel blade shone. In front of me, in my arms, Johan collapsed, and I saw Ryan, standing behind him, with a devilish smile on his face. I screamed.
“Madelyne…” It was my grandmother’s voice that pulled me out of this nightmare.
I woke up jumping, my heart was threatening to leave my chest because apparently it had better things to do elsewhere. I was sweaty, my head hurt, and I was about to cry. I looked around. Unlike my heart, adrenaline and panic seemed determined to stay. By the sound of it all, Adélie was doing the dishes in the kitchen, Clemencia was playing with Colin on the first floor, Esthelle and Lola were probably sleeping, and Milo was lying by my side, asleep too. Everything was fine. No sign of Bridget, she’d probably left to feed herself.
I looked at my grandma, who was awake and staring at me. “Grandma!” I cried, both worried and relieved.
“Sweetheart…” she managed to say. She was far from being fine. She still uttered wheezes when breathing, which meant that her ribs hadn’t knitted together yet, and that she was still very weak.
I took her hand and did my best not to show her how terribly afflicted I felt. If it was the last time she’d see me, I didn't want her to see me cry. “What can I do?” I whispered — I was ready to do anything for her.
“There is nothing to be done. My time has come.”
“Don’t say that. You’ll get better, I’m sure of it.”
Her clear-headed gaze pierced my heart. She didn’t speak, but I knew what her silence meant. Her wounds were too great. There was only one way out. If she didn’t heal by herself, she’d die. It was a matter of days, hours, even. And I was bound to watch her wither without being able to help. Vampire blood was said to heal all wounds, but I wasn’t sure it was so good for werewolves to drink that, and besides, I didn’t want to poison her by accident. And besides, she’d refuse to drink some anyway, out of principle. We were stuck.
“I’m proud of you,” she murmured — and her voice was shattered with pain.
I shook my head to prevent the tears from rolling down my face. It was too much. I couldn’t take it. I just couldn’t lose her. My hands held hers, they were cold and shaky. “What am I going to do without you?” I sobbed, crushed by emotion.
“Dry your tears. Think of me often… Be strong… Finish that Ryan bully for me… Make your pack thrive… I… I’m sure a lot of people would love to be in a pack like yours… With a she-wolf like you, as beautiful on the inside than on the outside, for a leader… Find love, even though a little birdie told me you already have… Start a family… Be happy….”
Every word she said was painful, I could see it, and my heart was crushed a little bit more by the second. How could she be so calm, so serene, when we might never speak again? She was my model, the strong and loving woman I dreamed to become one day… She wanted the best for me, and I’d do my best to live up to her expectations, so that she wouldn’t be disappointed, but proud instead. And as for the Ryan situation… I was out of words. That man didn’t deserve to live. He was a bully, he was a macho, and God knows if he did to other women things worse than those he did to me. He was a tyrant, and he’d sentenced my grandma to death. I will most certainly give him a taste of his own medicine.
“I love you, grandma… I love you so much, you can’t leave, we’re gonna figure this out” I stammered.
“My darling girl… I love you too, so much… And my only regret is to have dragged you alongside me in this… awful pack… If I hadn’t misjudged it, we wouldn’t be here today… You would have had such a … wonderful life… Please… Forgive me…”
“Of course I forgive you! This isn’t your fault, you did everything you could, you always did what you thought was best for me… You have nothing to feel ashamed of. And I have a wonderful life now, I have my pack, and my friends, and a job, and a beau, and a future. I’m happy, grandma, and that is thanks to you, thanks to all of the things you taught me, and all the love you gave me.”
A smile brightened her pale face. Her eyes sparkled with joy, and I couldn’t hope for a better reward. I was bringing her joy, I was forgiving her for something that didn’t even ask for forgiveness in the first place, but I knew that was what she wanted to hear, and I was glad to see her smile. What more could I possibly do?
“That Johan is a good man…” she whispered. “You will have gorgeous children… You are my life, Madelyne. You have to… stay the way you are… A generous… Just… Fighting, thoughtful woman… Be yourself… I’m so proud of you… And I love you…”
“I’m proud of you too! And I love you too, grandma…”
For three more hours, we talked like this. I told her that I loved her, I forbid myself from crying, so that she wouldn’t be afraid, but peaceful. Three little hours, and then she was gone. That’s all I had, three hours. She eventually fell asleep, and she died dreaming, painlessly, happily, with her granddaughter by her side whispering words of love in her ear. When her heart stopped beating, everyone was there, and I was holding her in my arms
. I waited for a dozen minutes, still talking to her, and then I allowed myself to cry.
I remained on the couch for hours, holding her, and crying. I couldn’t believe it.
She was dead.
I was alone. This couldn’t be true. The others cried a lot too. Lola and Clemencia, who knew her well, were afflicted and torn too. I’d told Milo and Bridget about her, and so they were terribly sad too. The witches didn’t know her, but they shared our grief and sadness. My grief. My pain. My refusal to accept the truth. What was I supposed to do now? I didn’t even know what to do with her body. Was I supposed to burn it, or to bury it? I couldn’t think. It was too hard.
Eventually, I stopped crying. The tears were useless, they wouldn’t bring her back. Nothing would. Pain was breaking my heart. I wanted it to rip out of my body, for good. Why now, why me? Those questions shouldn’t even be asked, yet I dwelled on them with my muddy mind. I had just lost the only family I had left, and all because of the hatred of a couple men, who had been driven by a frantic vengeance. What world was this? Was there no hope for mankind? Would hatred always defeat love? We were smashed to pieces, me, my heart and my mind.
Milo made me let go of her. I didn’t resist much; I was utterly unaware of everything around me. He held me tight, but it wasn’t comforting. It was too soon. Or too late. And besides, it was only the beginning. They’d started with my grandma, but I’d soon hear about Danny’s death, and then Johan’s. I burst into tears, again.
How was I supposed to keep on living after that? How could I live, while others were dying? How was I to overcome such loss, such a hole in my heart that would never be filled again? Time would tell. Only time could get you through the worst pains, deceptions, deaths. My friends, too. My pack. They’d bring me support, comfort and love. It would be a shame to push them away. I had to hold on to them. To everything I could.
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