“I told him not to wear one. Several times.” Could Julia’s eyebrows get any higher? I slide lower on the couch. “He thinks he’s in love with me.”
I expect Julia to show some emotion, wince or something, but she does nothing but squeeze my hand. “I think you’re in love with him, too.”
“But I don’t know how to do love, Julia. And I don’t think this is exactly how Graham pictured his happily ever after.”
“I don’t think he’ll mind, actually. He’s not the kind to run even if the situation isn’t perfect. You just have to tell him. Give him the chance to show you that all the stuff you’re afraid of doesn’t scare him at all.”
I shake my head. It isn’t Graham I’m worried about. “What if I can’t do this, Julia? What if I can’t work out the staying part? I don’t exactly have the best track record and Graham deserves someone who can be sure.”
Julia hands me another tissue. “Cassie, no one’s ever one hundred percent sure and nothing ever goes exactly according to plan. Look at me; I’m on my second marriage! If you’d asked me a few years ago how I thought things would work out there’d be no way I’d tell you any of this would happen. Hell, I moved down the street from my parents. Don’t try to tell me about plans.”
Julia might be right, but that doesn’t make the lump in my throat go away.
“And you should give yourself a little credit; you’ve just never tried this before. You’re not your mother and Graham’s not your dad. Have you told Graham anything at all? Did you tell him you were late?”
Julia’s about to be very disappointed in me.
“I haven’t spoken to him since Mexico.” Julia’s mouth sets into a hard line. “I thought it was better to let things fizzle out.”
“You have to tell him. Even if you aren’t sure what you want, you have to let him know. He won’t be able to forgive you if he finds out about it later, Cassie. He’ll be so hurt.”
Graham will be hurt, no matter what I decide to do. And I’ve hurt him so much already.
“I know. But after all the times I’ve pulled away I can’t expect him to be waiting around. And now with a baby? I don’t want to make him feel obligated, like I’ve trapped him into being with me. I’m a walking cliché.”
“God, Cassie, you’ve really been thinking about this.” Julia laughs. “Just give it a chance. It’s not like you went after him for his status. A real gold digger would’ve been trying to trap him years ago.”
“Thanks for that helpful clarification.” I sigh. “Look, anyone can see how perfect Graham is. How can he be so sure he’s supposed to be with me?”
“Did you just call Graham ‘perfect’? I think Hell must have just frozen over. Trust him. He might surprise you.”
That’s what I’m worried about.
37
Graham
Knocking on Cassie’s front door is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Is my hand made of concrete or something? It takes all my strength to lift it. I know she’s home because her car’s in the parking lot, but that doesn’t mean she’s going to be happy to see me. But there’s no turning back now. I’m already letting my knuckles hit the place where the paint’s been worn away from years of knocking. And if she doesn’t let me in, I’m prepared to sit out here all night. I’m in it for the duration.
I hear Cassie shuffling around on the other side of the door. I didn’t call first because what would be the point? She wouldn’t have answered the phone anyway. Short of hiring a sky writer, this is the only way to get her attention. I hear the click of the lock and watch as one green eye becomes visible though the tiny crack between the door and the jamb. She doesn’t have a peep hole and this suddenly makes me irrationally annoyed.
“Hi,” she squeaks.
“You just opened the door without asking who it was?” It’s out before I can stop it. Not the best first line under the circumstances.
“I knew it was you.” Cassie doesn’t open the door any farther.
“Can I come in?” I don’t want to say what I need to say out in the hall. The flowers I’ve brought like some high school kid crinkle in my hand. Cassie glares down at them through the sliver of space.
“Maybe. Did Julia send you over here?” Cassie’s eye flits back and forth between my face and the flowers.
“Why would Julia send me over here?”
Cassie opens the door a little wider. She’s in a baggy pair of sweats with her hair in a messy bun, the bags under her eyes alarmingly dark. At the sight of her I immediately go into panic mode. “Are you sick?” I reach out for her but, she takes a step back, drawing me into the apartment. “You look…” She looks exhausted. Beautiful but exhausted. Maybe these past few weeks have been hard on her too.
Cassie blinks up at me and runs a hand over a few errant strands of hair. “If I’d known I was going to have company, I’d have cleaned up a bit,” she bites out.
“I’ve tried to call you. Tried to text. The only way to get you to see me is to show up.” I shift uncomfortably. “So here I am. I miss you, Cassie.”
Cassie moves to the couch and I follow, aware of every noise in the room. “There’s something I need to talk to you about,” I begin, but I’m silenced by a raised hand from Cassie. “Damn it, Cassie. I came here to say something and you need to let me say it.”
“I have something to tell you first.” Her voice is shaky. I’m sure this is going to be something I have no interest in hearing. Something that’s going to derail my plan.
“Just let me say what I want to say,” I keep pushing.
“Graham, don’t make this any harder than it already is.”
I’m starting to sweat. I thought Cassie’d be difficult, but not like this. “What I have to say is important.”
“Not nearly important as what I have to say.” Cassie stands and puts her hands on her hips.
“What I have to say is life altering,” I nearly shout. This is not going the way I planned it at all. Even in my wildest imagination I did not see things going off the rails like this.
“Life altering?” Cassie shouts. “You have no idea.” She stomps away from me toward the bathroom and I watch her rummage through the top drawer. She pulls out a handful of white plastic sticks and flings them in my direction. “I’m pregnant.”
As the sticks ping me in the chest I consider what Cassie’s saying. What is she saying? My brain tries to process, but it’s pretty damn hard over the sound of my heart pounding and the blood rushing through my ears. Pregnant? Cassie bursts into tears and I’m slapped back into reality.
Cassie’s pregnant.
I scoop her up and she lets me, her head falling on my chest as she sobs. She’s a wet snotty mess by the time I make it back to the couch and get her all tucked in. I grab a handful of tissues which she takes reluctantly. “Don’t look at me,” she orders but I can’t stop staring.
Cassie’s pregnant.
“How…” I have questions but I’m not even sure where to start.
“The antibiotics,” Cassie wails. “So stupid. I know that antibiotics can interfere with birth control pills. I’m a nurse, for fuck’s sake!” She wipes her nose again. “But I guess the no condoms…” Cassie looks at me sheepishly and shakes her head. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I was more than happy to help you get… Mama’s going to be a mama.” Cassie glares at me. “Sorry, it just slipped out.” I’m mentally giving myself a kick in the ass when it dawns on me. “I’m going to be a dad. Right? I mean unless…” I can’t even bring myself to say it out loud. But if Cassie doesn’t want to have this baby it’s her decision. My brain knows this even if my heart has already started painting the nursery.
“Unless what?” Cassie snarls. “Don’t even tell me you’re doubting it’s yours?”
“No, no, nothing like that.” The thought hadn’t even occurred to me, actually. “I just didn’t want to assume you were planning on having it.” Even if she doesn’t want me, I want her to wan
t this baby. My baby.
Cassie relaxes a little. “I’m having it.”
I let out a shaky breath.
“When I found out I wasn’t sure, but I was up all night thinking about what to do. I’m not sure if I’m ready to raise a baby by myself, but I think I can do it.”
“Why would you be doing it by yourself?” I’m afraid to hear Cassie’s answer, my stomach already doing threatening somersaults.
“Come on, Graham.”
“Come on what? I love you. We’re having a baby. You think I’d what? Run?” I’m feeling some serious damage to my pride right about now. Cassie doesn’t want me in this? Screw that. I slide off the couch onto one knee on the hardwood floor. I reach for Cassie’s hand and watch her terrified eyes get as big as saucers.
“Marry me.”
“No, no, no,” Cassie whispers. “You’re only asking because you feel obligated. Graham, you’d regret this. I don’t want you to think you have to be the good guy here and ask the pregnant girl to marry you because it’s the right thing to do.”
“I’m not asking because of the baby,” I protest. Shit. I’m going about this all wrong. I straighten a little and dig around in my pants pocket, finally finding what I’m looking for. I take a deep breath and try again.
“Cassidy Blake, I am crazy in love with you and I’m tired of pretending. I want to show you off to the whole world. No more hiding. I want you to be my wife. Please say yes.”
The ring isn’t fancy, but it still glitters. Cassie’s confused face lifts to meet mine. “You have a ring?”
“It’s my mom’s. The one my dad gave her when he asked her to marry him. She gave it to me so I could ask you. Baby or no baby I was coming over here to convince you to give me a shot.”
“You planned to ask me?” Cassie’s voice is tiny. “And your mom knows?”
I pull out my phone and give it a few swipes then hand it to Cassie. “What are those?” I ask her as she stares at the screen.
“Plane tickets?”
“To Vegas. For tomorrow morning. I’ve got your dress in the car.”
“My dress?”
“The dress. And my mom knows. She’s hoping I’m unavailable for dinner tomorrow night. She’ll be sad if I show up. And Delia can cover your shifts if you decide we’re going.”
Cassie sits shell-shocked on the couch. “Delia’s in on this too?”
“It turns out we aren’t so great at keeping things secret.” I shrug. “Delia knows, Steve knows, now my mom. Zach’s sisters know, obviously. Probably everyone else, too.”
“Julia knows,” Cassie says. “She said you’d be happy about the baby.” She says it so tentatively my heart breaks a little. I climb up on the couch and pull her into my lap.
“Happy doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about the baby,” I whisper into her hair. “But you’re leaving me hanging here. You haven’t answered my question and you’re making me a little nervous. No matter what, I’m sticking. Whatever you and the baby need, I’m here. But I didn’t ask you to marry me because you’re pregnant. If you don’t love me, say no, but don’t chicken out because you’re afraid.”
“It isn’t about loving you,” Cassie whispers into my shirt. “It’s about you eventually realizing that you don’t want me. I don’t have a great roadmap for this marriage and family thing. No matter how much I love you I’m going to fuck this up. I can’t do that to you. I can’t do that to a helpless baby.”
I take Cassie’s face in my hands. She’s red and puffy from crying but to me she’s never looked more beautiful. I kiss her forehead, her eyes, her nose, her cheeks—memorizing her. “Cassie, did you just kind of say you love me?”
She smiles. “I guess.”
I smile back because right now I can feel how close I am to winning this thing. My team’s at the one yard line about to run it in for the touchdown. “Baby, nobody has a roadmap for this. We make it up as we go along. Okay, you weren’t raised by the world’s best mother.” Cassie snorts. “But you know what not to do. And I was raised by the world’s best mother so we have that going for us. And we’ve got other people to help us out while we figure out the parenting thing. The marriage part? I’m not worried. We’re both stubborn and not afraid to put the work in. I’ve been waiting so long for you, Cassie, there’s no way I’m letting you get away.”
Cassie straightens in my arms. “You bought me that wedding dress?”
“Fran helped me,” I confess. “She knows, too.”
Cassie gives me a punch in the arm. “You really want to do this?”
“More than anything.”
“Put the ring on me, then.”
When I slide the ring on her finger I almost expect the universe to provide blaring trumpets. Cassie holds her hand out and I marvel at the fact she’s said yes.
“It’s beautiful,” Cassie whispers. “Perfect. It actually fits.”
I close my eyes and wrap my arms tighter around her, one hand splaying over her belly. There’s a baby in there. The thought snaps my eyes open. My baby’s in there.
“Why are we waiting until tomorrow to go to Vegas?” Cassie asks. “Why aren’t we going tonight?”
“Now you can’t wait?” I laugh but I’m just as impatient to make this thing official. “I haven’t seen you in weeks and I’ve made a lot of decisions. I thought we’d have things to talk about. Looks like I missed some big things happening over here, too.” My thumb moves over her stomach. We have plenty to catch up on, but that wasn’t my real reason for booking the tickets for the morning. There was the possibility of rejection, sure, but I went into this convinced I could pull it off. Waiting until morning gives me the chance to be a little selfish. “That, and the fact I haven’t seen you in forever and, if you said yes, I would want to celebrate by ripping your clothes off. I figured we’d need until tomorrow morning.”
Remembering the last part of my surprise I stand up. “I got you another present,” I tell Cassie as I start to unbutton my pants.
“Whoa there, cowboy.” Cassie laughs, scooting away from me. “Think I’ve unwrapped that present before.”
“Mind out of the gutter, Cassie,” I tease. “You can have that present in a minute.” I slide the edge of my pants and boxer briefs down giving her a look at the sliver of skin on my hip. “Check it out.”
Cassie leans forward, the tiniest hint of a smile playing on her lips. “Is that what I think it is?” she asks and then tilts her puzzled face up toward mine.
“What? You need to get closer to get a better look? I could take my pants completely off,” I suggest and Cassie waves her hands in front of her face.
“I think I can see fine with you right where you are. I just can’t believe… When did you do that?”
“Right after Mexico.”
She runs her fingertips over my new tattoo. Just having her touch my skin makes it almost unbearable to be this close to her and not pull her up against me.
“You do realize this is permanent.”
“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
“A firecracker?” Cassie asks, laughing. “You got a cartoon firecracker tattooed on your body.”
I shrug. When I’d thought about what to do about my old ink, nothing had seemed as perfect as this. Sure it looks like something Yosemite Sam would be shooting off for the Fourth of July, but it covers the reminder of my past and there’s no mistaking who’s there now. I put a bright red firecracker there to prove it to her. This isn’t fooling around. This is forever.
“Thanks for that,” Cassie whispers and I know this time I’ve really got her. Tomorrow I’m going to marry the shit out of her.
I have Cassie on her back in record time, kissing up her neck to find her mouth. I slide my hand under the fabric of her shirt but stop when I reach her chest.
“Are your boobs bigger than they used to be?”
Cassie groans. “Yes, and you have to be gentle with them. It’s pregnancy stuff.”
This is going to be so
much fun.
38
Cassie
I can’t stop humming. Who would have thought Viva Las Vegas would be the most romantic song in the world? But I guess if one of your best wedding memories is dancing back down the aisle with your gorgeous new husband while an Elvis impersonator serenades you then the song might get stuck in your head.
Husband.
That’s going to take some getting used to.
But I’ve got a ring on my finger and so does Graham after our perfect non-wedding wedding.
I was worried he’d be disappointed later, maybe regret eloping just the two of us. I’ve never had dreams of my wedding—never thought I’d ever have one—so Vegas is more than fine with me. But Graham probably wanted his mother there and all his football buddies, Julia and her family.
“Nope,” he’d told me for the millionth time. “This is just us, Cassie. When we get home we’ll have a party to celebrate with everyone else, mainly so all my friends can see you in that dress.”
I do rock this dress.
The way Graham looked at me when I walked down that aisle made me forget any of the reservations I’d had about being a bride. Standing there in his suit, ready to take my hand from Elvis and promise forever… Why did I fight so hard to keep from having this?
And “just us” is different from top secret, which I’m trying to get used to. The second the deed was done Graham was posting a photo of us with our Elvis officiant all over social media. He just ripped the Band-Aid right off and I surprised us both by not dying. Not even a little bit. Because the way Graham and I are looking at each other in that photo? It makes my heart want to come right out of my chest.
We’ve called everyone we love to let them know, and hearing how excited they are that we’ve gone ahead and jumped in the deep end makes me even surer that I’ve made the right decision. Even my mother was happy for us. Begrudgingly happy, but I still count it. She was more angry that I hadn’t worked faster so she could have had season tickets when Graham was still playing pro ball. Once Graham promised her she could still have them she was right as rain.
Forget About It Page 24