“Sounds like you activated some red wine as well! How did it go?”
“It was really surprising. She had no idea I wanted to be in a relationship. I guess I assumed she would know since we talk regularly, even though I never specifically told her about that. She said my personality can come off as standoffish with new people, and that I have been that way since we were kids. I told her about my work with you and asked if I could do a spiritual activation with her.”
“What happened?”
“Well, it brought up some major feelings for me. Love is a sensitive topic for me because I really do want to be in a relationship, and it feels like an area where I have failed. My sister figured I didn’t want to talk about it, and she was right. I never really dated when I was younger, and she just assumed I was at an age where people should stop asking if I was in a relationship. It just made me sad, and I started crying. I don’t think I’ve done that in front of her, or anyone, since I was a little kid.”
“I know that may have felt scary, Rebecca, but this is really good. You are accessing your emotions in a powerful way. Tell me more.”
“We had such a great night talking about my fears of dating, and she told me silly stories about when she and her husband first met. It may have been the wine talking, but we ended up joining a matchmaking service and she helped me create a profile. I still don’t like the idea of blind dates, but Allison suggested I think of it as having my dates curated for me. That doesn’t seem so bad.”
I was so proud of Rebecca. The energy of ruby red was already helping her access her heart. I didn’t think she would necessarily meet the love of her life on her first few dates through a matchmaker, but she needed to go out with a few people to open her relationship with her inner emotions. We laughed that her sister didn’t believe in vision boards or any of “this New Agey stuff,” but this is a perfect example of red energy helping us get in tune with our feelings. You can access energy and emotional information like this in any way that you like.
Rebecca’s activation of red improved her relationship with her sister and also the relationship she had with herself. When she took an honest look at herself, she saw she needed to show her personality and start emoting more. I believe this will ultimately guide Rebecca to the loving relationship she is looking for. I personally think ruby red helps our vibration shift on an energetic level—but hey, I’m New Agey like that.
ACTIVATING RUBY RED NOTES
DO I HAVE A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY EMOTIONS?
If feelings are your go-to place, like they are for me, then this color will prompt you to examine whether any of your relationships are emotionally draining and how to manage that. For those of us that feel deeply, we tend to “overgive” and overshare. At a dinner party, I am the one who can’t help but steer the conversation toward something deep. Someone may ask me to pass the brussels sprouts, and before I’ve handed them over, we’re already in the middle of an existential conversation about the meaning of life. This is my comfort zone, and it is not always fair to put other people in that situation. Ruby red helps us find that balance.
One time, I met a friend and her new boyfriend at a restaurant. She excused herself to go to the bathroom, and by the time she returned, he had confessed his father had murdered his mother and was in jail for life. We were both welling up with tears, while my friend looked at me with an expression that said, “Really, Dougall—again?” I just can’t help it; I want to connect on an emotional level, and I think people respond to that. Ruby red has taught me how to manage that energy. The truth is, not everyone wants to go that deep all the time, and it can be emotionally taxing for me as well. Ruby red helps me access my heart energy when I need it, but also shows me how to protect myself if I am using it as an escape.
With ruby red, you want to pay close attention to your heart center and how your emotions are affecting your experience. Ruby red naturally touches every part of the human body, as it is directly associated with the heart. After any ruby red activation, you may want to try placing your hand over your heart and taking some deep breaths. It is important to make physical contact with your heart center because it will help you connect with your emotional body. The heart is one of the very few organs we can actually feel, since it beats and circulates our blood. As you are activating this emotional color, touch your heart and send it loving-kindness. Check in with your heart as you activate your emotional connection. Emotional balance is one of the most important aspects of living a happy life.
SPIRITUAL ACTIVATION NOTES
We live in a society geared toward looking outside of ourselves for answers, validation, and connection. Various experts tell us everything we need to do so we can maintain our health, our homes, and our lives. Between television and social media, it is easy to start comparing our lives to or getting energy from the lives of others. Rarely do we check in with our inner expert, ourselves. For example, think of your day yesterday. How many times did you really check in with yourself emotionally to see how you felt? Now think about how many times you checked in with the outside world or with someone else. Facebook, the news, or texting a friend or family member—even reading gossip about a stranger’s life in a magazine or website—probably came before getting a status update on your own well-being. These are all forms of being pulled away from your emotional center.
Jody was a client of mine who used spiritual activation as a way to balance ruby red energy in her life. She was a real estate agent on Long Island who had been in business with her younger sister, Stephanie, for years. They alternated hosting open houses and created a nice business while sharing the work. It was a great idea at the start, but lately Jody had been feeling stressed and on edge at work. She had a sensitive, empathic energy, and it seemed like her relationship with red was beginning to veer toward the shadow side. I thought she should try spiritually activating ruby red through meditation and journal her feelings as a way to get in touch with her emotions.
Jody and Stephanie were very close, but had quite different personalities. Jody was a shy, laid-back type, while Stephanie was more outgoing and motivated. Stephanie also tended to make many of their decisions, and Jody just went along with them. The idea of going into business together was Stephanie’s, and it seemed like a convenient way for them to split the amount of work. But when Jody had children, she realized she wanted to stay home full time. As we spoke, I kept seeing my sister, Tarrin, with whom I am very close, in my mind.
“Jody, if you want to stop working, then why don’t you?”
“I can’t. Things are really busy right now, and my sister needs me. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
I felt that, as a sensitive person, Jody needed to find emotional balance with her sister. I asked her to spiritually activate red and keep notes on how she was feeling until our next session. Since she worked so much, I suggested she set a reminder on her phone to do this (see the exercise below). When we spoke next, I was eager to find out how it went.
“Boy, Dougall, every time my phone would remind me to ask ‘how do you feel?’ my answer would be ‘stressed,’ or some version of that emotion. I usually felt hurried, overwhelmed, or annoyed on my way to show a house. I love my job and know I am blessed, but I miss my kids and want to be at home with them.”
Keeping regular notes on her emotional state helped Jody see that she had been going along with her sister’s decisions since they were kids. Although that had been fine for many years, it was time for Jody to explain her needs so she could balance the emotional exchange with Stephanie. She was just not used to asking for what she needed.
Stephanie was understanding and agreed Jody should have more time at home. She asked for a compromise and they hired another agent so Jody could take a full year off. This way, Jody could come back to work if she wanted to, but there was not any pressure. Activating ruby red helped her balance the emotional exchange with her sister so she could have the time she wanted with her kids.
SPIRITUAL ACTIVAT
ION EXERCISE: HOW DO I FEEL?
For this exercise, set a reminder on your phone to ask yourself three times a day how you feel. This may seem silly, but just humor me. There is great wisdom in making it a habit to assess your emotions.
You will be describing your emotional state, in writing, after spiritually activating red. Since you will be doing this in the midst of your day, it is fine to make the spiritual activation brief. Just make sure that you visualize ruby red and ground it through your entire body before answering the question. Keep a log of your answers in a journal, or just write them in your phone notes if you like. Try to begin each sentence with “I feel” in order to keep the emphasis on gauging your emotions. Here are a couple of examples: 9 A.M.: I feel inspired at work because I got up early to go for a run. Exercise makes me feel good—why don’t I do that more?
2 P.M.: I feel kind of guilty for not inviting the new assistant to lunch. I wanted to just sit quietly and read, but I also know how it feels not to know anybody. I will invite her to lunch with me tomorrow so she feels welcomed.
10 P.M.: I feel happy! I met up with Andrea for tea, and it was so nice to catch up. I kind of wanted to go home and watch TV, but we haven’t seen each other in months and I am so glad we got together.
Place an emphasis on your emotional reactions to various situations. As you check in with yourself, make sure you continue to spiritually activate ruby red. This will help you pay accurate attention to the range of emotions that may come up. What area of life do they fall into?
It’s best to do this exercise for a week, but three days would be the minimum. You may notice the trend that there are some areas of your life where you aren’t as happy as you thought. You may also connect with some really deep joy you may not have been fully embracing.
UNIVERSAL ACTIVATION NOTES (AKA “I SPY” WITH MY INTUITIVE EYE)
When is the last time you were fully honest about how you felt? Have you ever felt like your response to certain questions has become robotic? For many of us, “How are you?” is not so much a question as it is just a greeting. A friend may ask how you are, and before you even think, your response might be, “Fine, thanks.” It’s like it rolls off your tongue before you even consider the question. Is there a chance you may be creating an illusion? I do believe there are only a select few beings in our lives we feel comfortable enough with to disclose what’s going on in our emotional lives.
Anytime you see red during this activation, it is a reminder to connect with your heart and emotional wellness. What I love about ruby red is how easily you can connect with this energy just by placing your hand over your heart. When you acknowledge this color in your day, take a moment to place your hand over your heart and take a few breaths. Feel the power and strength of that heart muscle. It is quite literally bringing life to every cell in your being. You are alive, connected, and a deeply feeling person.
UNIVERSAL ACTIVATION EXERCISE: SHARING OUR FEELINGS
This particular exercise will help you ground your emotions by entrusting them to someone else.
Find an appropriate time to honestly share your feelings with another person. When I say appropriate, I mean something like confiding in an old friend at lunch. It can be an excited, happy feeling, or perhaps a sad, negative thought you might be having. It is truly important to have a safe place to express and exercise your varied emotional states, which is the point of this exercise.
An alternative to this exercise is talk therapy. There is no shame in this, and I personally feel everyone should try it at some point in life. Therapy is such a powerful example of creating a safe environment to express your emotions. A good therapist will provide a neutral space for you to express and release any emotions that aren’t serving you.
If you are anything like me, this exercise might almost be too easy for you.
RUBY RED AFFIRMATION
I HONOR MY EMOTIONS IN A HEALTHY WAY.
PHYSICAL ACTIVATION NOTES
If you are working on balancing your emotional exchanges, physically activating red can be a useful tool, particularly if you have a tendency to overshare like I do. Instead of a physical activation exercise, I will share a story of how I personally used red in a physical activation.
I was scheduled to do a photo shoot for a project with the ABC network. I had received an e-mail from them saying they wanted to take some photos of me for promotional purposes. Sounds fancy, right? As I drove to the address they provided, I figured that this would be a fairly small and simple affair. Feeling both excited and nervous about the opportunity, I wore red argyle socks as a physical activation.
Having my photo taken has got to be one of the most awkward things on the planet for me. I have no problem at all talking into a camera for a video, but there is something about taking still photos that makes me completely freeze. David and I were to arrive at the studio at 9 A.M. As we opened the doors and walked in, I blanched. To our right was an enormous set that appeared to be the size of an airplane hangar. At least 20 people milled about, carrying clipboards and moving equipment. In the center of the room was a stage with a raised black platform and a stark white background. Opposite the stage was a series of lights that were each about as big as a midsize car. They were not playing around here. ABC had an entire day of photos scheduled for various on-camera hosts, and, as a result, it was a very large production. I picked my jaw up off the floor and was quickly escorted into hair and makeup.
After coming out of the makeup room, I was feeling a tad more confident. Good makeup and hair people are amazing at building self-esteem in their clients, and they were so sweet to me. I decided to walk up and quickly introduce myself to the photographer, who was sitting at the foot of the stage adjusting his camera. He seemed busy, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to bond with him. He sort of looked like a Santa Claus who’d had enough of being jolly and decided to join a biker gang instead.
“Hi, I’m Dougall. I’m a nervous wreck, and my first look will be ‘deer in the headlights.’” I thought this would be a light joke that might break the ice and also make it clear I was apprehensive about having my photo taken. The photographer stared at me for a beat, shook my hand, and looked back down at his camera. His assistant, who was nearby, asked me to step up onto the black platform and directed me where to stand. Music played in the background as the car-sized lights shined into my eyes. Another assistant to my left offered me water, and I took it, hoping that I might be able to connect with him and feel safe in the moment.
“Man, I hate this stuff. I feel like a nervous wreck up here.” This comment again was met with silence, but this time the assistant glared at me and walked away. On second thought, this might not be the best moment to, say, offer everyone one of David’s homemade blueberry muffins. I took a deep breath and could feel that my emotions were running too high. I looked down at my red argyle socks and touched them. (Colorful socks are one of my favorite ways to incorporate color energy through physical activation.) Whenever I touch them, I visualize myself absorbing ruby red energy.
I was looking for outside connection, but I needed to look inward. In truth, I was here to do a job, and so was everyone else. My nerves were causing me to overshare because I was looking for emotional validation. They had at least five more people who needed their photos taken before they could break for lunch, and the team just wanted to finish their work.
I could also feel the unspoken message that someone else in that room would have loved to be up on that stage having their photo taken. I realized my insecurity may have come across as ungrateful complaining. As I touched my red socks, my intention was to remind myself of ruby red. I honor my emotions, but this was not the time to share. Later, I would share the experience with a member of my soul group, when it was safe.
I took my hands off my socks and did my best to channel confidence. More importantly, I tried to laugh and just enjoy the moment. I don’t take myself too seriously, so laughing helped me make it fun for myself. At one point, I needed to walk
“like I mean it” from one end of the stage to the other. I mustered up everything that I learned from watching years of America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway. I smized and served face; Tyra Banks would have been proud.
Later that day, I called my sister, Tarrin, to relay the truth of how I really felt. It was a safe place for me to talk about the pimple on my cheek, the part of me that didn’t feel good enough to be there, and the fear I experienced.
My red socks reminded me not only to acknowledge my feelings, but also to put them in perspective.
Physically activating red helps us focus on our emotional self-care. I recommend activating ruby red through a color prop and keeping notes on how you respond to an influx of its energy. Do you feel more emotional than usual? Does it bring up emotions that are enjoyable or uncomfortable? Either way, developing quicker ways of gauging your emotional states will help you manage your needs in the long run.
Some red color props you could incorporate into your day include:
Red apples or cherries. I love physically activating red fruit as I eat it. Red fruits can also be displayed in a bowl as a visual, touchable reminder.
Cosmetics. Red lips or nails are a fun way to incorporate red energy throughout your day.
Red socks. Just like I did while having my photo taken, you can use red socks as a color prop to check in with your emotions at any time.
This is also a great time to go through old photos in an effort to stir up romantic or nostalgic feelings. Take a photo of a happy time or moment in your life. Then take a red piece of paper and paste the image on it. Looking at this image surrounded by red will help maximize your connection to your emotional center.
Your Life in Color Page 14