“Not that I’m aware of.” He closed his laptop and stretched. “There’s a job opening at Vanderbilt, starts in the summer. So… guess I’m shit outta luck.”
“That club in Nashville, turn you down then?” His sister deadpanned.
“Can’t swing from a pole with one arm, they said.” He shot right back.
“Oh, I would have thought it was because you’re… well, not… stripper material.”
“Because I can’t dance is not a good reason to… wait, did you ask if I was expecting someone? Is there someone here?”
“There’s a car in the drive. I don’t know if they’re lost or casing the place. Or if you’d called for a ride or something.”
Austin followed his sister out of the kitchen to the front door. A small crossover SUV sat in the driveway. The driver looked like she was on the phone. “I didn’t call for an Uber. She must be lost and looking for directions.” He stepped out on the front porch and started down the steps to see if he could be of assistance. Often, people were just looking for their neighbors. Their driveway was hidden and ended up in front of his parent’s house. Or they were selling something. Either way, he could send them on their way and get back to the fruitless search for employment.
Before he’d even cleared the bottom step, the driver stepped out. Her glorious hair covered by a pink knit cap that matched the screaming hot pink suede boots on her feet. In between was a mostly sensible-looking woman, in skinny jeans and a heavy aquamarine coat. The smile on her face sent his pulse racing.
“Oz! I found you. At last.” She half ran toward him, waving her arms. And damn if Austin didn’t run to meet her. Scooping her up in his arms, he twirled her around. “Oh baby, so happy to see me? Me likey.” She laughed when he put her down… and threw herself into his arms, her glossed lips warm and tasting of strawberries. But he kissed her. Sucking her tongue into his mouth just… because he missed her. “Oh, wow, honey, I missed you too.” She laughed again when she stepped away.
“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school? Is there a holiday I don’t know about?” He took Jemma’s hand in his and walked her up to the porch to where his sister stood, her mouth slightly agape.
“That’s a long story, for another time. I’ve come to kidnap you. And take you out on the town. I need a local to show me around Nashvegas for a day or two. If you don’t have a better offer.” Jemma’s eyes shone with something that he didn’t quite understand yet. But… “Oh, who’s this stunning vision before me?” Jemma held out her hand to his sister.
“Breanna,” she answered, stunned. “Uh… Austin’s sister… uh… he’s gay. I thought.”
“Oh, sweetie, don’t I know it. The only way I like my men.” Jemma’s laugh was the same as it always was, like little tinkling bells. That made his belly do strange little flips that… concerned him. “I’ve come to steal him, anyway.”
“Austin?” His sister looked as confused as most people did the first time they met this version of Jemma. The same as he’d been on New Year’s Eve.
“She’s a friend, she worked with me at the manor in Georgia. She’s perfectly safe… and maybe not as sane as she could be. But… Breanna, this is Jemma Hervau.”
“Charmed.” Jemma all but curtseyed for his sister. “Austin never said he had such a gorgeous sister. But that would make sense. Beauty runs in families, does it not?”
“Laying it on a bit thick, Jem.” Austin steered his sister back into the house. And waited for Jemma to follow. “Come on in, it’s freezing out here.”
Jemma’s smile faltered when his sister turned her back, and Austin’s heart melted. “Is it bad?” He asked in a whisper. Expecting the worst.
“No. Everyone is fine, that I know of anyway. I… he’s fine, Austin. I’m in town for the weekend and wanted to catch up. That’s all.” Jemma peeled off her gloves and her coat, to reveal a subdued oversize white men’s shirt that she wore untucked and belted around her waist. To cover her package, she’d said. The top unbuttoned enough to show the lace of her bra. “Oh… who’s this little person?”
Breanna’s daughter toddled in from the den where she’d been watching a kid’s show while Breanna worked on her Military Mommy and Me blog.
“Suzi,” Breanna said, but Austin didn’t know if she was introducing his niece or scolding her for leaving the den. Suzi went to her mother, her thumb in her mouth, and tucked her head into Breanna’s neck. “She’s shy.”
“I see that,” Jemma said, holding out her hand. “Hi, Suzi Q, nice to meet you. Your uncle has told me so much about you.” She shot him a glance that told him he was in big trouble. “But he didn’t tell me what a cutie you are.”
Suzi held out the hand she’d just been sucking on and Jemma took it. Smiling the whole time. Suzi didn’t say anything.
“She doesn’t speak, yet,” Breanna explained as if she was embarrassed that her almost-two-year-old wasn’t babbling a blue streak.
“Oh, sweetie, there’s nothing wrong with that. I didn’t speak until I was nearly three, and well, pretty sure I haven’t shut up since. She’ll talk when she’s ready.”
“Thanks… uh, it’s nap time. So, we’ll let you two catch up.” Breanna looked at Austin with curiosity in her eyes, but she left, taking her daughter with her.
And Austin stood around like an idiot, wondering what he should do now. He’d never brought a girl home. There would be questions. More questions that he didn’t want to discuss.
“Don’t look at me like that, Austin. This isn’t a big deal. I really am in town for the weekend and I wanted to spend some time with you… since… you know.” She lost the overly perky voice and became the Jemma he was used to. “So… your family knows you’re gay. That’s interesting.”
“Yeah. My sister has been supportive. My mother is fine. Mostly. But my dad… not so much. He… isn’t around much, so it’s never been an issue. I think he’s in Colorado right now. He’s a long-haul trucker.”
“And Suzi’s daddy?” Jemma winced. “Sorry, that was indelicate.”
“No, it’s fine. He’s deployed right now. Breanna moved home instead of being left on base alone while he’s gone. Suzi… has some hearing issues. It is what it is. I have a brother as well. He’s still in school. Where you should be right now.”
“I… after everything… I withdrew for the semester. I couldn’t focus on my classes, and I’m at least a year away from finishing my dissertation. I’d hoped to finish it this semester, but I started sleeping in. And… not bothering to go to class. Figured I needed a break. So, I… went home for a week or two. It’s already warm in New Orleans. And… are you having dreams?”
“No,” he lied. “Not anymore. I… so… what did you have in mind… I’m not doing anything that I can’t put off until later.”
She shrugged. “Show me Nashville. I have a hotel suite booked. I don’t… have many friends, Oz. I’d just like to go out and feel normal and like… I haven’t wasted the last four years of my life on a degree I no longer want.”
He drew in a deep breath. “Not sure I’m the best person to talk to about that last part. Kind of thinking I made a massive mistake, career-wise. As in, there’s nothing out there. Not one thing.”
“Yeah… that’s what I’m worried about. So… do you have to babysit your sister? Or can I just grab you and go. Or…”
“Breanna is former military. She can take care of herself. Hell… uh… heck… I need her around to make me feel safe. Let me tell her I’ll be away for a few days. Is there anything special I need to pack? I mean… is this casual? Or will I need a tux or something?”
“Why, Mr. Butler, are you proposing?” Jemma fluttered her eyelashes… fake eyelashes at that. And clutched non-existent pearls.
Austin tilted her chin up the small fraction he needed to kiss her. Really kiss her. For the first time. More than just tasting her lip gloss. She went pliant in his arms. “Don’t play me, Scarlett. Just tell me what you want.”
“
To dance, and drink, and fuck, and be happy for one goddamn weekend,” she whispered in his ear. Making him shiver. “With you. Unless… there’s someone else.”
Austin stepped back and looked away, hoping to hide the regret that ate at him. “No… there’s no one. I’ll be out in a few minutes. Just let me tell Bre.”
“Take your time. I have… everything. You don’t need to worry about it. If you were thinking about that.”
Austin nodded. And left her to wait in the living room.
Twenty minutes later he sat beside her, the hour drive down to Nashville probably the most uncomfortable he’d ever taken.
“When do you get the cast, off? It’s been like six weeks, hasn’t it?”
“Since the original break, yeah. The second break is healing. The doctor wants me to keep it on for another week or two just to make sure the bone is healed. I will probably beg to have it off next week. It’s driving me crazy. Kept me from getting a pole-dancing job.”
“Lord forbid you never pole dance again.” She laughed. It sounded happy, mostly. “I haven’t heard from him, in case you were wondering. Either of them.”
Austin shrugged, pretending none of it mattered. “I talked to Rory the other day. He’s busy. The pub is getting busier as word of it spreads through the city. Good music. Good food. He’s talking about buying the space next door and expanding. He should.”
“He should. It makes good business sense,” she said and drove for another mile or so. “How is he... really? He left that morning… and it was like he wanted to be left alone. I tried to say goodbye. He just waved. And that bouncer he hired… the guy scares me, so I didn’t go back.”
Austin slunk down in his seat. He knew exactly who she’d seen. The fact Jemma had seen him after everything that happened didn’t sit well with Austin. “I don’t know. He’s… distant. We small talk now. That’s it. ‘How are you? Fine. You? Fine. So, what’s up? Busy? Yeah, me too. Gotta run, Austin, got to work.’ And then we’re done. And… it was never like that with us. You know. We’d spend years apart, and catch up on the phone, talking for hours. While he worked and went to school and had lovers… and it was never… painful. This feels like… I lost him.”
She took his hand in hers and linked their fingers. He forgot how long her fingers were. How large her hands were. How… lonely he was. He squeezed her hand.
“I didn’t take you for a country music fan,” he said, after a moment.
“I’m not. Really can’t stand it.”
“Where do you want to go tonight?” Because right now he didn’t know if he was feeling much like finding a club that played pulsing music… to watch Jemma try to pick up someone who’d probably hurt her when he found out what was under her skirt. Or some gay guy who’d treat her like some kind of kink.
“Is it okay if we order room service and… stay in tonight?” She sounded so lonely and almost shy.
“Sounds lovely. Just so we’re clear. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t misunderstand.” His heart leapt into his throat. Nerves fluttered in his belly. She released his hand as they came into the city.
The drive to her hotel seemed to take forever. The elevator ride up to her room, took even longer. He dropped his bag on the couch in her suite and pressed her to the door. “Are you sure this is what you want?” He needed to know. Because his heart couldn’t handle another rejection.
“I’m not him,” she said.
“He doesn’t want me,” Austin replied, closing his mind to how they parted.
“I want you, Austin.” She unzipped his coat and pushed it from his shoulders. “And it’s not because of that fucking house.”
Austin slid his hand into her long hair, he’d never made love with anyone with long hair before her. Her cap fell to the floor. “Do you love me?” God, he had to know.
“No,” she answered, the truth in her eyes.
“This is just sex, then?” He gripped a handful of her hair and yanked her head back. “Just fucking?”
“God, yes.” She stared him in the eye, her lips parted. “I’m fond of you. But… I’m not in love with you. Any more than you’re in love with me.”
“No…” he leaned over her, hating her for using him like this. Loving her for not breaking his heart. He kissed her. Roughly. “Where’s your bed?
She stepped out of his embrace and took his hand. He followed her to the only bedroom in the suite and without stopping to unbutton her coat, he lifted her and tossed her down on the bed. He yanked her jeans open. “Wrap those killer legs around me,” he breathed. And took her already engorged cock down his throat.
“Austin,” she cried out his name, wrapping him in pink suede as he made her lose her mind.
~
Morning dawned way too damned early. The body curled in his arms far too delicate to be the one… “Morning,” she drawled in the sexy accent that came with her real voice.
“Morning… Jemma.” He didn’t need to think hard to remember who he’d fucked. “Sleep well?”
She hadn’t. Even after he’d worn her out. She’d awakened to a nightmare at some point and tried to slip out of bed to hide it. He’d followed her into the sitting room and held her while she came down from the terror that gripped her.
“Tell me about it.” He offered to listen. She shook her head. And slipped her hand in the pants he’d pulled on and climbed on top of him as she’d done back in the wedding ring quilt room. Taking them to the same happy ending. She never told him about the dream.
“No.” She answered truthfully, at least. “Did you?”
He shook his head. “I don’t sleep much anymore.”
“So that’s why you don’t have nightmares?”
“No… I don’t really have nightmares. I can still see it all without being asleep. Watching the boy… what they did to him… I can feel it sometimes. Like it happened to me. I have PTSD from something that happened to someone more than a hundred years ago. And I… can’t… stop wanting to go back.”
“When you fell asleep that morning back in Georgia, you said the house was calling her children home. Do you remember that?”
Austin shook his head. He didn’t remember much about the day after he’d watched himself be murdered… as if he’d actually been there. “I remember waking up in Atlanta a couple of days later. With you. I still don’t know how I got there.”
“Heath left. He just left. And you couldn’t drive. And I didn’t want to ride back with those two bitches. So, I drove your car. I brought you home with me. When you were ready, you left me to drive back to Tennessee. Nothing else to tell.”
“We didn’t…?” Because he couldn’t remember a damn thing from those days.
“You were too wrecked, Oz. You slept. And I held you. I slept. Probably the last decent night’s sleep, I got was with you there, holding me. He’s going to rebuild the hotel that burned to the ground. Like none of it ever happened. Like he doesn’t remember the hell that he unleashed in that house when he… woke up the evil in it. Imagine what went on in that old hotel? How many people died there? Or were murdered. On that cursed ground. He’s out of his mind.”
Austin traced her jaw, feeling a touch of soft morning stubble. He’d never wondered how she controlled her masculine parts. She cupped his hand on her jaw. “I need to go back on my hormones. Shaving is a pain in the ass.”
“Why’d you stop…” he’d never thought to ask anything about her… uh… condition? Yeah, he was that asshole.
She sat up beside him, the sheet sliding off her shoulders as her hair draped her delicate porcelain skin. “I was her… his wife… Amelia.” She ran her fingers through the sparse hair on his chest as she leaned over him. “I dream about her now. All the time. Her life before her marriage. The corsets. The dresses. Sex. God, the woman was insatiable. And they married her to a man who’d just watched his lover murdered. Trapping her in a sexless, loveless existence. She seduced her father-in-law. God… half the dreams I have are her sex dreams. The fucking gir
l was sixteen. And I can’t help but wonder if… I’m transgender because I’m transgender. Or because I was her in a former life. I don’t know how much of me is me. And how much of me is her? And…” she straddled his thighs, her hair draping over his face as she rubbed herself against him. “I can’t get enough cock. Never could. And it’s… killing me.”
Austin cupped her face with his hands and arched into her, holding her as she trembled in his arms as she took him. “We could be good together, Oz.” She whispered, her lips touching his. “You want me. I want you. We’d be so good together. We could… marry me? I’ll take care of you, Oz. As long as you want me. We could travel the world. Go on digs. See the pyramids. I have the money. More money than I know what to do with.”
Austin wiped tears from her eyes and kissed her. He slid into her body. Taking what she offered him. Giving her everything she wanted. He’d give her everything if it would make her happy. When she trembled in his arms, he held her tight and emptied himself of the last six weeks of misery into her willing body.
Chapter Forty-Seven
Sunday morning, she showered, made up her face, and pretended she’d never asked the question. The one he’d never answered.
“I have a present for you.” She handed him a slim box wrapped in red paper with silver ribbons. “Think of it as an early Valentine’s gift. And before you freak out, you don’t have to reciprocate.” She thrust the box into his hand and rummaged in her closet for something to wear to venture out into the cold.
“We never left the hotel room.” He realized at that moment.
“Happy birthday to me,” she answered cheerlessly. Her face contorted as she struggled into a tight-fitting turtleneck shirt that didn’t look the slightest bit feminine.
“Is it your birthday? I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” He held the gift. Wondering if this was… part of the question he’d never answered.
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