CHAPTER NINE
GRAVEL bit into his bare feet as he stalked across the dawn-lit compound but Amir barely registered the pain.
Instead it was the recollection of Cassie’s fear that gripped him. The glazed horror in her eyes when he’d broken their kiss had shocked him.
How had he got it so wrong?
Yes, she’d been barely awake when he’d tried to make her move.
Yes, he’d been aroused, and all too ready to let his body do the thinking as he’d lain, tormented, beneath her sumptuously feminine body.
Yes, he’d known he shouldn’t, but he’d been unable to resist kissing her, deepening the kiss as she’d responded.
He’d read her plea as an invitation to pleasure, believing she felt the same simmering desire that had short-circuited his brain. He’d deluded himself into thinking she wanted him as much as he wanted her.
How had he not heard instantly the desperation in her voice? How had he misinterpreted what must have been a plea for escape as a throaty-voiced request for seduction?
Bitter recriminations filled his head and guilt slashed a jagged slice through his belly.
He reached an outcrop of bare rock on the edge of camp and stood, watching the fingers of dawn light spread down from the mountain towards Tarakhar.
If only they were there now. Cassie would be cared for and comfortable as she recuperated from her ordeals. She wouldn’t have to share accommodation with a man who, despite his vaunted control, had almost taken far more than he should have.
Amir was sick to his stomach at the thought of what he’d almost done.
He recalled Cassie’s desperation that first night. The fear in her voice as she’d related how she’d expected to be assaulted at any moment. How he’d reassured her she was safe with him.
A bitter laugh escaped him.
Safe?
The horror in her wide eyes moments ago told its own tale.
Two more days till their scheduled departure. Two days during which she’d fear he’d make a move on her. Two days in which he wouldn’t sleep for fear of waking again to a situation he couldn’t control.
He couldn’t do it.
He swung round and strode back across the camp. With a supreme effort he might just be able to finalise the work he’d come here to do in one day. Then they’d only have one night to get through. Surely one more night was possible?
Cassie lay in the massive bed, unable to sleep.
She hadn’t seen Amir since dawn.
Now she heard laughter and music on the night air. There must be a feast in the main tent tonight. As guest of honour Amir would attend.
Why did it hurt so much that he’d avoided her all day?
She was frantic to explain he wasn’t to blame. To wipe away the guilt she’d read on his face as he’d looked at her with shock pinching his features.
The soft brush of his lips had been an invitation to pleasure, not a demand. It had been her plea for more that had galvanised him into action, as she’d thought she wanted.
Cassie pummelled the pillow. She needed to explain. She needed…
Cassie shied from the thought filling her head. Yet it wouldn’t disappear. She knew what she wanted.
She wanted Amir.
Wanted him as she’d never wanted any man.
For days she’d tried to convince herself what she felt was an aberration caused by their bizarre circumstances. That, once she was free of this place, he’d lose his allure.
It wasn’t true. She’d been too scared to face the truth.
Why shouldn’t she desire him? He was strong, handsome and honourable. He respected her.
Then she forced herself to face another truth.
Her reaction this morning had been anything but normal. She’d wanted Amir, begged him for more. And when he’d obliged she’d frozen with terror at the memory of something that had happened in her teens.
Curtis Bevan hadn’t raped her all those years ago. But he’d made her feel unclean, tainted by his touch and his lascivious intentions. After that she’d been only too glad to return to boarding school, away from the man who thought that paying for her mother gave him rights to Cassie too.
Now she glimpsed the possibility that that event, coupled with the stigma of her mother’s way of life, had affected her more than she’d thought.
Was she celibate because she hadn’t met the right man? Or had her emotional scars made her afraid to give herself?
Cassie had thought herself a survivor. She’d withstood bullying and ostracism. She’d been strong in the face of her mother’s neglect and occasional vitriolic outbursts, her father’s avoidance. She’d carved a career through talent and hard work.
Cassie had scrimped and saved to make this trip even when supporting herself was a struggle.
When her mother died Cassie had given away her few valuables rather than accept anything bought by her mother’s keepers. Even the diamond brooch of which her mum had been so proud. How powerful Cassie had felt donating it to a charity shop, walking out through the door into the sunshine and feeling free of her mother’s murky past.
But she wasn’t free.
And she wanted to be. As much as she wanted Amir.
It was past midnight when Amir entered the sleeping chamber. He’d stayed as late as possible, though the entertainment hadn’t been to his taste. Yet a lamp burned, bathing the wide bed in golden light.
His gaze was riveted on the still form there, her blonde hair flaring on the pillow.
She was asleep. He wouldn’t have to face her anxiety.
Nevertheless, he didn’t trust himself to sleep with her. Not after that taste this morning had awakened such hunger. He could recall it now: the flavour of her ripe lips, the scent of her honeyed skin, the need he hadn’t been able to stop.
A tremor ripped through him and he clenched his hands. He’d take the floor instead.
Quickly he disrobed and shoved his legs into light trousers. He hefted a bracing breath and reached for a pillow.
‘Don’t go.’
He froze, pillow in hand, as Cassie broke the silence. He whipped his head around to find her violet gaze on him. Instantly heat shimmered through him, an unholy combination of lust and remorse.
He straightened abruptly. ‘I didn’t mean to wake you.’
‘You didn’t.’
Of course she hadn’t been asleep. She was probably a bundle of nerves, anxious about sharing that bed.
‘Don’t worry.’ His attempt at a reassuring smile felt tight. ‘I’ll take the floor tonight.’
‘That’s not necessary.’ She propped herself on one elbow and the covers slid down a fraction.
Amir didn’t let his eyes drop to the shadow of her cleavage visible through the slit neck of his shirt. Yet every cell throbbed with awareness.
‘It’s better this way.’ He turned from the bed, loosening his watch. A man knew his limits and Amir had reached his!
‘No, Amir.’
Startled, he turned slowly.
Her face was flushed and her eyes glittered with an expression he couldn’t read.
‘I want to sleep with you,’ she said, a defiant note in her voice.
His body locked down as shock and desire tensed every muscle. He couldn’t be hearing what he thought he heard. He shook his head.
‘I’m sorry about this morning—’
He raised one hand. ‘You have nothing to apologise for.’
‘But I do.’ Cassie sat higher, her hair tumbling round her shoulders like a glossy invitation to touch. ‘You did nothing wrong. I wanted your kiss. I wanted more.’
Her eyes dipped and she drew an unsteady breath. Despite his best intentions Amir was transfixed by the sight of her unbound breasts rising tremulously against the fine fabric of his shirt. Her nipples peaked as he watched.
Heat poured over him. He clamped the pillow close to cover his arousal.
‘You changed your mind. That’s all right.’ Amir lifted his shoulders in
a gesture of dismissal, but the movement was jerky and uncoordinated, as if his body didn’t function properly.
Determined to end this difficult conversation, he wrenched off his watch and reached over to put it on the bedside table.
The expensive timepiece fell from suddenly nerveless fingers with a clunk onto the inlaid surface.
‘I didn’t think you’d mind.’ Cassie’s words were rushed, slightly breathless. ‘I noticed them in your toiletries bag when I borrowed your comb.’
His eyes rounded in disbelief as he surveyed ‘them’.
A neatly stacked pile of condoms.
Amir’s heartbeat took up a new rhythm, like the gallop of hooves across the desert. He stared, and still the sight didn’t make sense. He carried condoms like he carried soap or toothpaste. They’d stayed in the bag since his last trip. He certainly hadn’t expected to use them here.
‘Say something, Amir.’
Say what? That he couldn’t trust himself to stop if she changed her mind again? That he was a man of flesh and blood and all too real appetites?
‘This is a mistake, Cassie. You were terrified this morning.’
He turned to find she’d edged closer, her eyes solemn and huge. Then he made the mistake of looking at her mouth, the way her lips were parted as if in expectation, the sultry shape of them beckoning.
‘It wasn’t you. It was just that I suddenly remembered…’
‘I can guess.’ It must have been terrifying, the sense of helplessness when she’d been abducted. ‘But sex with me isn’t a cure for your fears.’
He couldn’t believe he was talking her out of this!
In dealing with women Amir’s allegiance had always been to Amir. Though he’d never consciously harm any woman, self-interest had always dictated his dealings.
Cassie was different. Vulnerable, yet so feisty and determined. He couldn’t help but be drawn to her, and want to protect her.
‘You know nothing about my fears!’ Typically, her chin angled high as she held his eyes, and he was struck again by the fierce independence in her. That strength of character drew him as much as her luscious body.
‘In the morning you’ll be relieved that we haven’t—’
‘I won’t!’ Her voice was strident. ‘I know what I want, Amir, even if I didn’t this morning. I want you.’
How many times had Amir heard those words, or others like them? How many times had women, silk-clad sirens or glamorous sophisticates, invited him to share their bed? Too many to count. Yet never before had he sensed the raw honesty he saw in Cassie’s eyes.
There was a gravity about her, a consciousness of herself and of him, that for a moment locked any words in his throat.
She had such pride, such passion!
And he wanted her so very badly.
His grip tightened on the pillow as he turned away. It was the hardest thing he’d ever done, rejecting Cassie, but he couldn’t risk her changing her mind again. Clearly the kidnap still traumatised her. She probably didn’t know what she wanted. And if she pulled back from him again he didn’t know he had the strength to stop.
‘Don’t tempt me, Cassie.’
A small hand touched the back of his, lightly, but it was enough to stop him stepping away.
‘I want to tempt you. Don’t you understand? This isn’t like this morning. I know what I’m doing.’
Her fingers slid up to his wrist, delicately caressing, and he shuddered. It was all he could do not to move when his inner self screamed for him to pull her to him and finish what they’d begun this morning.
Before he could stop her she’d pulled the pillow from his slackening grip.
He watched as she looked down and caught her breath. She blinked, and her mouth rounded in an O of surprise that impossibly made him harden more.
He really had a thing for those sultry lips. Fire threaded his veins and exploded in his belly as he envisaged those lips on his body.
‘You do want me.’
‘Of course I want you!’ Wasn’t that the point? He wanted her too much to keep control.
Her mouth curved in the tiniest of satisfied smiles. An instant later she crossed her arms and tugged off the shirt she’d been wearing.
He was lost.
Strong as he was, no power on earth could save him now. Or her.
Amir swallowed hard, his throat dry as the arid mountains, his gaze anchored by her breasts.
In her dancer’s clothes she’d looked voluptuous, but it was surprising how much the satin had concealed. The natural tip-tilted lushness of firm breasts. The delicate rosy hue of nipples that puckered invitingly.
Amir’s palms itched with the need to touch. He longed to taste and savour.
A low groan filled his chest and spilled into the hushed silence. He stepped up to the edge of the bed and ripped back the covers.
Only the sight of her, fully uncovered, made him pause long enough to enjoy the view. Now he saw not only Cassie’s breasts, but her pale thighs, the inviting arc of her hips…
He eyed the dip of her waist where the hated slave chain glinted. Yet this time, in a flash of unrepentant masculine possessiveness, exhilaration sparked at the way it accentuated her feminine shape. At the way it signified she was his to possess.
A moment later he was in the bed, drawing her to him.
She came easily, sliding against him in a flurry of soft flesh so tantalising he almost winced at the pleasure of it. Pleasure so intense it bordered on pain.
Unerringly his lips caught hers, his hands slid over her pale, silken skin, learning texture and shape. He gathered her close, breast to chest, and the exquisite rightness of Cassie in his arms stole his breath.
This time her mouth was as hungry as his, urgent as she shaped her lips to him, sucked his tongue in deep and clamped his head between her hands.
She trembled all over, a tiny, delicate tremor that made his chest lurch in a tumble of rare emotion.
Amir forced his hands to slow as they swept her shoulders and back, replacing urgency with a weighted, deliberate caress. Cassie arched into him. Her budded nipples grazed him and sent blood rushing low.
He hooked one leg over hers, holding her in place against him, and pushed his hips forward. The sensuous pleasure of her soft belly, the feel of skin on skin, shot stars through his vision.
‘You’re certain?’ he groaned, forcing himself to break the kiss and pull back enough to look at her.
He wanted to smile at the dazed delight he read in her eyes.
Even now he wasn’t sure he could release her if he needed to.
Her palm slid over his cheek, past his chin, to skim in the lightest of caresses over his throat. He swallowed convulsively as her hand moved further, to flatten and swirl over his chest.
‘Absolutely certain.’ Her eyes were serious, almost grave, but her lips were plump and soft from his kiss. Her smile was the sweetest he’d ever seen. ‘Let me help you.’
She pushed his shoulder till he lay on his back and she leaned over, reaching for the side table. Her breasts brushed him teasingly, her legs slid against his, and the heat at the apex of her thighs warmed him.
‘Don’t!’
Startled, she stared down into what he guessed was a face full of pain. He wanted Cassie so badly each casual touch was like an incendiary flare, burning his needy body.
How would he last long enough to get a condom fitted if it was Cassie rolling it on him?
Amir gritted his teeth and nudged her backwards.
‘I’ll do this.’
Without waiting for a response he rolled over, stripped open a packet and sheathed himself.
He turned back, hauled her close and kissed her till he was lost in her heady sweetness and control was a fragile filament. His pelvis rocked hard against her, mimicking the thrust of his tongue in her mouth.
To his delight Cassie curved her body against his, aligning herself to his movements and clutching at him as if she’d never let go.
Amir
traced the line of her ribs, rejoicing in her telltale shiver as he cupped one pouting breast. It was the perfect size for his hand. Gently he swiped his thumb over her nipple and was rewarded with a gasp of shocked pleasure. He did it again, and her whole body bowed back as she pushed her breast deeper into his hold.
He smiled, relieved and delighted at her responsiveness. A moment later he slid down her body, rubbing his cheek against her breast.
Cassie’s arms coiled tight round his head, holding him to her. He looked up, caught a flash of wonder in those eyes that had darkened now to indigo. For a moment he could almost believe this was a new experience for her, despite her offer to fit the condom.
Then he ceased thinking as he took her nipple in his mouth and sucked hard, feeling her legs wrap round him in an urgent lock that sent blood roaring through him in a cataclysmic tide.
He wanted. How he wanted.
And so did she.
Amir slipped his hand between their bodies till he zeroed in on the centre of her desire. She was hot and wet, moving urgently at his touch.
Dimly he thought about the need for foreplay. About the need to ensure Cassie’s pleasure before his own. But his years of experience fell silent before the compulsion to make her his. Now.
He surged higher, pausing only to bestow a lingering kiss on her other breast, letting it turn into a tiny nip that made the breath hiss between her lips and her hips buck needily.
Then Amir was over her, propped on his elbows. Her eyes held his and there was no spark of fear. Their bodies met and slid together, eager for completion.
Using his knee, Amir nudged one leg aside, then the other. He moved, shifting his weight carefully, to settle in the cradle of her hips.
Was that a flicker of doubt in Cassie’s eyes? A shadow?
Amir paused, his breath thundering in his lungs, fists clenched so hard his fingers grew numb from the pressure.
She couldn’t say no. He’d die if she did.
But the size and weight of him over her must reinforce her latent fears. Was that what had gone wrong this morning?
Instinct more than reason had him rolling to his side, tugging her with him till he lay on his back with her above him.
‘Kiss me,’ he ordered, before she had time to think.
Desert Jewels & Rising Stars Page 41