When she finally got to where her feet could touch bottom she walked the rest of the way onto the warm sand. “That was cruel,” she said, wiping water, and what she was certain would be trails of black mascara, from beneath her eyes.
“You should always carefully consider challenges.”
“I accept every challenge.”
“Which is why you lose some of them.”
She scowled at him and sat next to him, the heat from the sand burning her partially exposed backside.
Gage was having trouble drawing breath, but it had nothing do to with his recent physical exertion, and everything to do with the woman sitting next to him. He’d seen Lily polished to perfection, ready to tackle the press. He’d seen her dressed for an art gala, her hair and gown perfectly pressed. But he’d never seen her like this.
Her brown hair hung wet and curling, her makeup washed off by the saltwater. He could see a light sprinkling of freckles over her nose and across her high cheekbones. She looked softer, more touchable.
And then there was her body. A body that had inspired him to get into the water as quickly as possible so he could avoid revealing to her the effect she was having on him.
Her curves were always flattered by whatever she wore, but seeing them revealed by the bright red bikini was an entirely different experience.
Her pale breasts, high and firm, her nipples puckered and tight against the wet, clinging fabric of her top, her long, exposed legs, more perfect than his mind could have ever imagined them to be, had him hard and aching. He wanted her, and all of the reasons for him not to have her were becoming less and less significant.
She leaned back, took a deep breath, her breasts rising and falling, his eyes drawn to the pale, creamy skin. “I should take vacations. Or go outside of my condo and go the beach once in a while. You make time for recreation and you’re a lot more successful than I am.”
“I lived eight years with very little personal life. I’ve learned to make the time,” he said.
“I need to, I think. I didn’t before we came here, but … now I do.”
She rolled to her side, propping her head up on her elbow. His heart leapt. There wasn’t a single swimsuit model that could possibly be more beautiful than Lily, with her unconscious, uncalculated sensuality. It was a provocative pose, her breasts nearly spilling out of her top, her waist seeming even smaller, her hip rounder, in that position, yet he could see nothing in her eyes that even hinted at any knowledge of it.
Lily wasn’t sheltered. She wasn’t naive. But she seemed so unaware of the power she could wield over a man. Of the power she had over him now.
“I think I … My life is so focused on work. On getting further and further ahead. I never even give myself a chance to enjoy anything else in life. I love my job, and I enjoy work, but … I never date.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Okay, I’ve dated,” she said. “In fact, recently I’ve had several very disastrous dates set up by well-meaning friends.”
“Why would you have your friends set you up? Why not just date someone you meet and are attracted to?”
She laughed softly. “That would require getting out of my house or the office on occasion.”
“You could have any man you wanted,” he said, his voice rough.
She looked at him, her dark eyes unveiled for a moment, the heat in their dark depths calling out to him, making his body ache for her. Making him ache for her in more than just physical ways. “I haven’t really wanted any men.”
“You want me,” he said, not seeing any point in skirting the issue.
“I … sometimes I think I do,” she said, her voice a whisper. She looked away from him then. It was strange, seeing her unsure, seeing her vulnerable. He wanted her to be bold, to show confidence, to give him some kind of sign that she was open to a purely physical fling.
If her take-no-prisoners attitude from the boardroom carried over to the bedroom, she would. But when it came to attraction she seemed to lose all of the boldness. All that hardened attitude turned soft. It made him want to comfort her. To just hold her against him until the tension left her body and she softened against him, softened for him.
He sucked in a breath, consigning the consequences of his actions to hell, and leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. He waited, waited to see what her reaction would be. That wasn’t his usual style, but she was nothing like his usual women.
She looked at him then, her dark eyes unsure. He kissed her again, more insistently this time, his hands skimming the dip of her waist, the curve of her hip. When he slid his hands around to her backside and slipped his fingers just barely beneath the waistband of her bikini bottoms she sucked in a shocked breath, parting her lips, giving him the chance to slide his tongue into her mouth.
She brought her hands up to his arms and gripped his biceps, clinging to him. She moaned softly as he abandoned her mouth, pressing kisses to the soft, tender column of her throat. Kissing the pulse that fluttered at the base of her neck.
Then he captured her mouth again, moving both of his hands to her backside and bringing her so that she was resting partly on top of him. Her thigh was pressed against his erection, the slight pressure pleasure and torture at the same time.
She pulled away, her eyes wide, her breathing harsh. “Oh.” She rested her head on his chest, her heart pounding hard enough that he could feel it against his stomach. “How do you do that?”
He chuckled, despite the persistent ache in his groin reminding him they were nowhere near finished, and ran his fingers through her hair. “Do what?”
“You make me forget why this is a very bad idea. You make me forget why I decided it can’t happen. I can’t think of anything when you kiss me.”
“That’s a good thing, Lily.”
“I don’t know that it is.”
Lily slithered away from Gage and stood on wobbly legs. She felt light-headed, like she might pass out. She’d never, ever, been kissed like that. Oh, she’d been kissed, she’d been pretty thoroughly kissed in fact, but it had never felt anything like that. It had never made her forget where she was, who she was, why she shouldn’t be kissing him.
Usually, when she was being kissed, she was wondering if the guy was going to ask to come in for a cup of “coffee,” and how she was going to turn him down. But she had a feeling Gage could have stripped off her insubstantial swimsuit and she never would have noticed, or been upset about it. In fact, she had a feeling she simply would have embraced it, the mind-numbing pleasure of his touch, and gone after something they would likely both regret later.
She sucked in a sharp breath. “We’ve already been over the fact that neither of us does the serious thing,” she said slowly. “Which means … which means if we were to have sex it would be a fling. An affair.”
He stood up, too, his arousal still blatantly pressing against the front of his shorts. She tried, valiantly, not to look, but failed. She’d never seen such an aggressively male sight in her life. And he was tempting her all over again.
She didn’t need tempting. She needed a moment of sanity.
Gage nodded. “That’s how I conduct my relationships, Lily.”
She looked at the water, at the waves lapping against the shore. “What about my job?”
“Your job isn’t in jeopardy either way.”
“Then I guess the only question is whether or not I can do a fling.”
“You think you might want more?” he asked.
“No. I don’t want more, I know that. I like my life as it is. But then …” She’d seen her mother on the brink of insanity over men, crying when they didn’t call, crying when they did. Throwing things when they cheated, screaming when they broke up with her.
Lily had worked so hard to never be that person. She’d avoided relationships, avoided any kind of deep, emotional involvement. Part of her was afraid that, while she knew she didn’t want to enter into relationship hell, she would forget that as soon
as she crossed that line with a man.
Sex seemed to have some sort of strange power over women, a power than went beyond the simple pleasure it provided. She didn’t want to be subject to that.
“You’re concerned it would be awkward working together?”
“Yes.” Among other things. “And my job is very important to me. I don’t think it’s worth compromising that for a fling.”
He moved to her, cupping her cheek, stroking her skin with his thumb. “It would be a very good fling.”
She closed her eyes, fighting the rising tide of heat and trying to lay claim on her own body again. “I’m sure of that.”
Fear warred with common sense and desire. She wanted him, but she was afraid. Afraid of who this desire might make her become. Afraid of losing control. Of giving any of her hard-won control to him, both in the bedroom and in her life in general.
She hadn’t been worried about that when he’d been kissing her though. She hadn’t been able to worry about anything.
She felt like she was standing on the edge of one of the rocky cliffs that surrounded the island, poised to jump into the water, unsure of how deep it would be. She could turn and walk away, and never know, but everything would be back to normal, back to her life as she knew it, as she had made it to be. Or she could jump, not knowing what would happen, not knowing if she would survive.
“I … I can’t.” It was too much. He made her feel too much.
She saw a flash of frustration in his blue eyes, but it didn’t linger. He cupped her face with both hands now, his touch tender. “If you change your mind, you can always come to me,” he said, his voice strained. “But you will have to come to me. I don’t force my attentions on women who don’t want them. I have no need to.”
He turned from her and waded back into the water, swimming back to the yacht.
A feeling of sadness washed over her. She almost wished he would have promised to seduce her. Now that it was up to her she knew she would never find the courage. And she hated that. Hated that she still lived with so much weakness. Weakness she’d been able to ignore, been able to deny, until she’d met Gage. Weakness she was still too afraid to try and overcome.
CHAPTER SEVEN
LILY disappeared into her room when they arrived back at the vacation home and reappeared a few hours later, her armor back in place. Her hair was pinned perfectly into place again, her makeup covering her freckles.
“Any plans for tonight?” she asked, her high heels clicking on the wooden floor as she moved across the room, keeping her distance from him as she settled onto the low couch.
“We’re treating the board to a traditional dinner on the beach. Complete with traditional dancing.”
“I love that idea. Will you be doing it for regular guests, too?”
He nodded. “Yes. When I first visited Thailand I was backpacking with friends, no luxury resorts or anything. We ate in the marketplaces and avoided the tourist traps. I want to bring that element into the resort. Luxury, but with a chance to experience the culture.”
She shot him a severe look, her lush lips pulled into a tight line. “We’re putting that in the press release when the resort opens. I don’t understand why you’re so reluctant to give the public some information about the good things that you do.”
He let out an exasperated sigh. “As you said, Lily, they call it a private life for a reason. I don’t see the point in sharing every aspect of myself with the press. I don’t talk about the fact that I raised Maddy because I’m afraid it would embarrass her. She feels like she must have been unlovable for our parents to neglect her like they did, and I’m not about to let the public know the circumstances of her life. It isn’t fair to her.”
“And the other things? The sanctuary? Your respect for the Thai culture?”
“Personal.”
“But it’s not really. It relates back to your business, to your image. And really, why not let people know you’re actually a decent person?”
He laughed. “My parents made so many charitable contributions they were hailed as the most generous couple in the San Diego area. They have plaques on schools and hospitals. It didn’t make them good people.”
Gage knew, better than most, that public image and private image were not the same thing. His parents were the most self-absorbed, selfish people he’d ever encountered, and that included every one of his past mistresses.
All of the flash, all of the grand gestures, meant very little when the only thing behind it was a desire for more publicity. His parents didn’t care about anyone, or anything, beyond their own ambitions. He’d worked all of his young adult years to establish his business. He’d been so determined to impress them with who he’d become.
He’d made his first million, his first two million, and still he’d waited. Finally he’d stopped caring. Probably on the day Maddy called, telling him she hadn’t eaten for three days, not because his parents were too poor to provide her with food, but because they were so busy living their very important lives they’d forgotten their daughter. That was also the day he’d brought his sister to live with him.
“The fact that my parents were willing to spare the time to write a check to boost their likability, to gain more business, didn’t make them good, or giving, or caring,” he growled, rage coursing through him at the memory. “I don’t play that game.”
He didn’t know what it was about Lily that made him say those kinds of things. She made him want to explain. If it were any other woman, any other employee, he simply would have let them think what they wanted, no explanation offered. But she wasn’t just another woman, and she wasn’t just an employee, either. He wasn’t certain how he felt about her falling outside of those clear, distinct categories.
“I understand that. I understand how much parents can motivate what you do and don’t do.” She looked up, meeting his gaze for the first time since they’d kissed on the beach. “My mother … growing up with her was difficult. Her relationships and all the drama they came with were the most important things to her. They consumed her and I hated it. I hated seeing her so controlled by this twisted emotion that she called love that made her do and accept the most horrible things.”
“That’s why you don’t do relationships.”
She nodded in confirmation. “That’s why I don’t do relationships. Ever. I don’t want to turn into that. I don’t want anyone or anything controlling me like that.”
“I wouldn’t, Lily, you know that. I don’t do the toxic relationship thing. Women I date are free to be their own people. I’m not looking to force anyone to fit into my lifestyle, because I’m not looking to add anyone to my life permanently.”
Lily bit her bottom lip until it hurt. She was tempted, again, so very tempted, to take Gage up on his offer. She’d come out of the bedroom with the best of intentions, her protective shield in place, ready and willing to resist him and carry on like she always had. But that was impossible. She knew now. She knew about the power of desire.
Wanting sexual satisfaction was entirely different than wanting another person. It wasn’t simply about wanting to reach the peak of pleasure, it was about wanting to touch him, taste him, explore him. It wasn’t about just wanting a man. That would have been much easier to cope with. This was about wanting one man specifically. She wanted Gage. No one else.
But the fear wasn’t gone. Being with him was complicated, and not just because he was her boss. Sleeping with him would mean no barriers. There would be no way for her to stay in control the whole time. She knew that just from one kiss. Ironic since she’d always thought that when she did choose to have sex with a man her problem would be forcing herself to give up her control.
She’d imagined she would find it impossible to reach orgasm because she would be too concerned about being vulnerable, out of control. She hadn’t anticipated the man being able to rob her of it as neatly and quickly as Gage was able to.
When he was touching her, she wanted to surrender, wa
nted to simply allow him to sweep her off her feet and take her on the journey her body was begging to go on. And that was frightening.
She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. “Give me until after the dinner tonight,” she said. “I’ll decide by then.”
Gage’s expression didn’t change, his firm jaw set, his eyes unreadable. “Decide?”
“Whether or not I’m ready for a fling,” she said then added, “a fling with you.”
“I didn’t imagine you meant with one of our distinguished members of the board,” he said, his voice husky.
She laughed shakily. “I wanted to make sure. I know how people can spin things. I work with the media, remember?”
He leaned in, so close she could feel his breath fanning over her cheek. She closed her eyes as a shiver slithered through her body, starting in her shoulders and spreading everywhere, leaving her nipples tight and aching, her body wet with wanting him.
“This isn’t really your thing, is it? You’re not a fling kind of girl.”
Her eyes fluttered open, reality crowding all the lovely arousal that had been making her feel warm and languid and brave. “You don’t think so?”
Of course she wasn’t. She was a twenty-seven-year-old virgin, but that admission wasn’t about to escape her lips. She didn’t want him thinking he was special, or that there was something wrong with her, or that she was suddenly going to start salivating whenever she saw a diamond ring. This wasn’t emotional for her, not really, this was about physical need.
She trusted Gage, in a certain respect, but that was the only emotion involved. Still she’d had the opportunity to observe how Gage was in relationships. He wasn’t controlling, or manipulative. He was honest about what he wanted and both parties in the relationship ended up satisfied in more ways than one. That was what she wanted, all she wanted.
And she had to do this. She had to take control of her life, her body, her sexuality. Now that she realized how much of her life had been controlled by her mother’s actions, now that she saw just how much power she gave to the many men that had paraded through her mother’s life, to the drama and the fights and the tears, she knew she had to move beyond it. This was her chance. If she was brave enough to take it.
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