Mine.
He loosened his hold on her and rolled onto his back, gritting his teeth. She wasn’t his. He didn’t want her to be. She couldn’t be.
He was having some sort of unforeseeable, uncontrollable response to being her first lover. Something he hadn’t imagined he was capable of. He wasn’t a traditional man. He was all for women being just as liberated as men when it came to sexual pursuits. Unless, of course, the woman was his sister. But he’d always sought out and preferred experienced women, so to have Lily’s lack of experience mean anything to him didn’t make any logical sense.
That he was bothered by her holding a part of herself back didn’t make sense, either. But he was. He gave himself over to pleasure when they were in bed together, but he never engaged his emotions. For him, that wasn’t a matter of holding back, that was simply how it was.
But after that first time, after that first, unexpected explosion of emotion, he sensed her fighting something, fighting him, each time they were together. He didn’t want that. He wanted to draw the biggest response from her that he could, wanted to take her to new heights of pleasure every time. He wanted to steal all of her inhibitions, wanted her to make love to him in the bright light of day with her hair down and her body revealed to him.
He shouldn’t want any of it, and none of it should matter. He had nothing to offer her. If he offered marriage what sort of prize would he be? A man who put his work before everything else. A man who would likely be just as good of a husband and father as his own father had been.
He drew her close to him again. Her virginity, her tears in the wake of a climax, none of it should matter. But it did.
CHAPTER NINE
THEY were leaving Thailand tonight, flying back to San Diego. Back to real life. Back to being boss and employee. Unless of course they were anywhere near where the media might be, then they were still an engaged couple. When they were really just a … not even a couple … just two people who had ended a recent, temporary, only physical fling.
Lily sighed and leaned back in her reclining chair, pretending to relax. That’s what they were doing, relaxing, out on the island where they’d shared their first kiss. But she wasn’t relaxed. She was aching inside and she wished, more than anything, that she wasn’t. She wished she didn’t feel anything. Maybe she should feel something, wistfulness maybe, a slight sadness that her incredible nights of pleasure were nearly over, but not this heaviness that had settled in her chest and made her entire being feel as if it was filled with lead.
Gage had been swimming, and she had been content to watch, studying his movements, his athleticism. Now, he was walking through the waves, making his way toward shore, his trunks resting low on his lean hips. And she couldn’t help but admire him. Her lover. Her lover whose body she’d barely seen because she’d only ever consented to make love with him in the dark. She knew the feel of his body, though, knew the taste of it. Her heart tightened, and she ignored it.
He moved to her and sat beside her, his gaze roaming over her body, his eyes hungry. She wasn’t as embarrassed this time, for him to see her in the bikini. She didn’t even feel terribly self-conscious with her makeup washed off and her hair damp and curling thanks to her brief swim. She didn’t need the shield as much as she had before.
“We’re leaving tonight,” he said, his voice husky.
“I know.” She didn’t look at him.
“Do you still want to end things when we leave Thailand?”
“It’s for the best. We had a four-day fling, and it’s over now. When we get back to San Diego it will be business as usual. And that’s how it has to be, especially with everything going on concerning Maddy. I can’t afford to be distracted, and neither can you.”
“I do find you very distracting,” he said. He leaned over her, brushed her hair from her face. “You’re beautiful. I like the way you dress for work, but I like you like this, too. I especially like your freckles.” He ran his finger lightly along the trail of dots that were sprinkled across the bridge of her nose.
She felt her cheeks heat. “I’ve never liked them.”
“They’re a part of your beauty.” He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand and continued on, moving his knuckles lightly over her cleavage, barely hidden by the skimpy bathing suit. Her nipples puckered against the damp fabric, the slight chill created by the breeze not to blame for her response.
When he reached behind her and undid the knot on the halter top of the bikini she clamped her hands to her chest. “What are you doing?”
“Lily, I want to see you.” His blue eyes were intense, compelling, his square jaw set.
She lowered her hands and let the fabric fall slightly, the lingering wetness keeping it from falling completely away.
“You don’t need anything to be beautiful, sweetheart. All you need is to be you. You’re the single most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen.”
His words were so sincere, and she felt them hit her straight in her heart, right at the source of the unbearable ache that had claimed her body for its own, reminding her that this was likely her last time with him.
The other times she’d been timid. She’d tried to hide behind darkness, behind her makeup, behind her business suits. But she wasn’t going to hide anymore. She didn’t need to. She was going to take this moment with Gage, this last moment, and she was going to simply feel all of the pleasure he could make her feel.
She pulled her top down the rest of the way and reached around behind herself, releasing the last knot holding the swimsuit on, the last thing keeping her from revealing her breasts.
Gage sucked in a sharp breath, his jaw clenched tight, his eyes hot on her, making her nipples ache for his touch. She hadn’t realized how she would feel. She’d thought she would be relinquishing power by being naked, being so vulnerable in front of him. But instead, she just felt an incredible rush of power. The same way she had felt when she’d first realized how much he really wanted her.
He flexed his hands, tightened them into fists, and she knew that it was taking all of his restraint not to touch her, not to rush her. She met his gaze, arousal streaking through her, the abject desire so obvious in Gage’s eyes, in every tense line of his magnificent body, making her bold.
She moved so that she was on her knees and pressed her palms on his chest, still slick with water, hot from the sun, his heartbeat raging against her hand. “Take those off,” she said, looking down at his shorts, at his erection, straining against the wet fabric.
He grinned at her, the wicked smile spreading slowly across his face as he moved his hands to the top of his shorts and pushed them down his spare hips, revealing his body fully to her for the first time.
She reached out and circled his shaft with her hand. “You’re beautiful,” she said.
“Now you,” he said roughly.
She abandoned her hold on his body, gripped the sides of her bikini bottoms and dragged them down her legs, leaving them in the sand, any embarrassment she might have felt earlier completely absent now. She was lost, in the moment, in her feelings. In Gage.
She stood and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him, leading the kiss for the first time, adrenaline and desire pumping through her. “You have a condom, right?” she asked, panting heavily when she abandoned his mouth.
He chuckled and bent down, retrieving his shorts and producing a thin, plastic packet. “I wasn’t a Boy Scout, but I take the motto very seriously.”
“I’m glad.”
He gave the condom packet to her and she tore it open without hesitation, hoping that the sense of confidence she was feeling would help where her inexperience might make things awkward. She was able to roll it onto his thick member without too much effort, the feeling of his hard flesh beneath her hand a thrill that she knew she could never tire of.
She kissed him, keeping her hand on his erection, squeezing him gently. He moaned into her mouth, his obvious appreciation more than enough to fuel the flame of her gr
owing need.
“I want to be on top,” she said, unsure if she’d really spoken the words out loud. But this was Gage. She had always spoken her mind to him. Why not now? This was her last chance to have him, and she wanted to have him on her terms. She wanted to have the control.
Gage was afraid he might be in danger of a heart attack, top physical condition or not. Lily, his shy lover, wasn’t being shy now. He’d known she was beautiful, had admired what she’d allowed him to see of her body, and hadn’t pressed for more out of deference to her inexperience. But now, she was gloriously naked in front of him, in the bright Thai sunlight, her breasts round and full, the tips peaked and aroused, rosy like her lips. A temptation he could not, and did not want to, resist.
He cupped them, teased them, teased himself until she whimpered with pleasure. “I want that, too, Lily,” he said, his throat almost too tight for him to speak.
He gripped her around the waist and sat himself down on the sand, bringing her with him and settling her gently on top of him, her loose, wavy brown hair shielding them, creating a curtain around them.
He lifted his head and captured on of her perfect nipples between his lips and sucked gently. She gripped his shoulders and moved her hips, her feminine core sliding over his hard shaft. He cradled her hips and lifted her slightly, helping her find the right position. She sank down onto him gently, her head falling back and a moan of delight escaping her lips as he entered her fully.
It was a battle for him to stop himself from coming as soon as he was inside of her body. But the incredible feeling of being joined to her, combined with the full, unshielded vision of her gorgeous body, had him teetering on the brink.
His blood pounded through him, hard and hot, reckless. And when she began to move over him, setting a rhythm that was slow at first, then faster, more aggressive as she found exactly what pleased her, he could only hold tightly to her, using her hips to keep him anchored to the earth.
He felt her slick core tightening around him, felt the beginning of her orgasm. She bit her lip and tossed her head back again, fighting the release as she always did, before giving in and shuddering out her pleasure. As soon as she reached her peak, he gave himself permission to go over, giving in to his own release with a groan that he couldn’t suppress.
She lowered her body onto him, her head resting on his shoulder, her breasts pressed tightly against his chest, her breathing harsh, shaky. He smoothed her hair back and wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the moment. He had never felt anything like that before, not in all of his years of experience.
He had always enjoyed sex, but it had been strictly physical. When he was with Lily it was beyond that. It went to a place that he had never imagined possible. A place he had never imagined could be remotely desirable.
He felt a strange tightening in his chest. She hadn’t held back this time. She had been aggressive. She had given herself to him, not just her body, but something more. She had put serious insecurities to rest, and she had done it for him.
Part of him had wanted that, had resented that she’d withheld from him.
Now, with the unwanted tenderness swelling inside of him, all he could do was be thankful that this was their last time together. He couldn’t afford for things to go further. For her to get in too deep with him. Because how could he ask all that he had from her, when he had nothing to offer in return?
It was impossible to sit next to Gage only hours after having him naked and beneath her and not have those images flash through her mind. He was back in his business suit, settled into his seat on the plane, his laptop open as he went over some of the specs for the hotel he was having built in England. Thoroughly in boss mode. And still she couldn’t do anything but relive those last, powerful moments when she’d shattered over him, when only his tight grip on her hips had kept her from flying into a million pieces.
She hadn’t cried that time. But everything in her had felt raw and exposed. She had felt so powerful at first, so amazed that she had been the one to make such a sexy man shake with need. But when her orgasm had crashed in on her she’d realized that if she had a hold on him, he had an equal hold on her. She’d thought she was in control, but it had been a false hope.
She’d also thought that a few days in Thailand would be enough to satisfy her curiosity, scratch her itch, or whatever she’d been imagining it to be. It was so much more complicated than that. She hated that it was, but the absolute truth was that she hadn’t remained detached, and she didn’t feel the same about him as she had when they’d first arrived in Thailand.
She didn’t know how she felt, and, honestly, she didn’t want to explore it. But she felt something.
“What are you working on?” she asked, feeling stupid and so much like the kind of silly female she’d always tried to avoid being. She knew what he was working on. It was a sad state of affairs when she was reduced to that kind of ridiculous behavior to make conversation.
“Just going over everything for the Hayden Hotel. Making sure everything I have in my database is the same as the report the contractor sent me.”
“Oh,” she said.
“It’s getting late and we have to be in the office when we land in San Diego. You should try and get some sleep in one of the bedrooms.”
By herself. Which she should be thrilled with since it was exactly in line with the deal they had made, and even if they were still involved in their purely physical relationship, she valued her space. But she wasn’t thrilled. It made her chest ache, something she couldn’t stop or understand.
“Okay. You should sleep, too.” She didn’t know why she’d said that. She sounded more like a nagging wife than an employee, or even a lover. Attractive.
He looked up from his computer and her breath caught. She blinked. He was handsome. He had been before they’d slept together, and he would undoubtedly continue to be handsome. He would probably only improve with age, since, unfairly, men seemed to do that. She couldn’t afford to let him affect her every time he so much as glanced her direction.
“Later,” he said.
There was no veiled promise in his words, no hint of anything more, like there would have been yesterday, or even earlier that day. He meant that later he would sleep, that was all.
And that was exactly what she would do, too.
She rose from her seat, brushed past him and went to the bedroom that was at the back of the plane. She selected the smaller of the two rooms, since it clearly wasn’t the master bedroom, and that way she wouldn’t run the risk of accidentally winding up in Gage’s bed. Again. Not that any of the other times had been an accident.
Her heart rate kicked up at the thought, her breasts growing heavy, her body getting ready for another erotic encounter.
“Too bad,” she said to the empty space.
She kicked off her shoes and lay down in the bed fully clothed, unwilling to go back out into the main part of the airplane and find her bags, which she’d forgotten to bring back with her.
She stretched out, telling herself that having the entire bed to herself was welcome, since she’d been forced to share her space for the better part of a week. But it didn’t feel spacious, it felt cold and empty.
And she hated that, after only four days, it was stranger to be without him than it was to be with him.
CHAPTER TEN
“I THOUGHT you could use this,” Lily said, setting the large coffee cup on Gage’s desk. They were both suffering from jet lag, and even less sleep than usual. At least she was.
He, of course, appeared entirely unaffected as he looked up at her and offered a nod of thanks before accepting the coffee and taking a long drink. Only his closed eyes and slight sigh gave away just how much he needed it.
“What have you got for me this morning?” he asked, his eyes trained on his computer screen.
She took a breath. It was going to be fine. Easy. She was back in her element, not away at some sensual, tropical resort that was basically designed to make
the patrons lose their minds and surrender to seduction.
“Nothing new regarding Maddy, but I wouldn’t call off the engagement yet. Too obvious.” She lowered her eyes and they settled on the ring, still in its place on her left hand. Her heart squeezed tight.
“Of course.”
“Your wildlife sanctuary on Koh Samui is being hailed as a great act of conservationism. It’s all over the news this morning.”
“Good.”
She gave him a hard glare. “You don’t sound enthused.”
“I told you, Lily—” he looked up at her “—my concern about my image begins and ends with the way it affects the bottom line. On a personal level, it isn’t a priority.” He looked back at his work.
“You’re bullheaded, Gage Forrester,” she mumbled, sitting in her chair and trying to ignore the rapid flutter of her heart that had been tormenting her since she’d woken up that morning.
“I see no real problem with that.”
“What’s wrong with people knowing you’re a nice person?” she asked, exasperation edging its way into her voice.
“What’s wrong with people I don’t know and don’t care about not knowing?”
She lowered her eyes and stared at the white lid on her coffee cup. “It doesn’t make you like your parents just because the public knows about the good that you do in the world.”
“We don’t need to bring my parents into anything.” She looked up into his ice-cold eyes. “It doesn’t relate to the work we’re doing here. You just stick to doing your job, Lily, and I’ll do mine.”
His parents and his past clearly wasn’t open for discussion anymore. Not now that she was only an employee. When she’d been a potential lover he had shared with her, but now … now she wasn’t fit to speak of it apparently. She sucked in a sharp breath. It didn’t matter. He was right. It was personal, and this was business. What she’d learned about him during their brief relationship, if it could be called that, had nothing to do with what happened in their professional association.
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