***
Cyrus took a deep breath. The air of the fair was ripe with smells. He loved the fair. It signaled that the year was slowing down and that winter would soon be upon them. People would spend more time indoors and have fewer occasions to injure and maim themselves.
He loved the crispness of the snow and the coolness of the winter air. Being a wolf, his blood tended to run warm so it was rare for him to be uncomfortably cold unless the temperature was below freezing.
During the winter months he often spent time in his office reading up on the latest medical advances. His mother had fewer housekeeping duties as well during the winter and they spent many long nights together before the fire. He was looking forward to spending those nights with Remember as well.
He'd been surprised that she continued to sleep curled up to him after the full moon had ended bringing them back to their human sensibilities. He could sense from her racing pulse and her rapid intakes of breath that the first night had been difficult for her. He appreciated her effort and had even managed most nights to push down his own insecurities over his leg.
His eyes caught sight of a carousel and he turned to Remember.
"Would you like to give it a ride?" he asked.
Remember stared at it for a long moment.
"I've never ridden one before," she confessed.
"Then this will be quite a treat," he said.
He led her to the stand where he paid for tickets and then to the line where the next set of riders were waiting. The carousel finally came to a stop and people climbed off the carved wooden horses and onto the round platform below before dismounting onto the ground.
He let Remember choose her mount and helped her up onto it. It wasn't easy to get on the wooden mount with his prosthetic and he worried the whole time that he would kick Remember in her shin because of the immobility of his leg. He finally did manage to get on his mount just before the whoosh of air from the steam engine indicated the ride was about to start.
"Hold on," Cyrus warned. Remember grabbed onto the metal pole which came out of the back of her horse's neck.
The carousel inched forward and then began to pick up speed until it was moving at a steady pace. It wasn't a fast pace but he saw the face of the children on the ride light up in awe. Remember's look mirrored theirs. She closed her eyes for a moment and he watched the wind ruffle her hair beneath her bonnet. If the bonnet hadn't been tied it might have flown off.
She opened her eyes again and looked at him. She threw him a smile and he thought for sure that it was the first smile he had ever seen from her that went to her eyes.
He was enjoying the ride as well but, unlike Remember, it wasn't his first time on a carousel. Seeing her pleasure far outweighed his own amusement at the ride. He was almost sad when it ended. He came to Remember's side and helped her down from the horse.
"Careful, we don't want you to fall," he whispered.
"Thank you," she said and he wasn't sure if she meant for his assistance in dismounting or for bringing her on the carousel.
He led her off the platform and steadied her as she stepped onto the grass below.
They walked a bit further when Remember pulled at his sleeve. He turned to her.
"Shall we get our picture taken?" she asked. He followed her gaze to a tent where a photographer was sitting showing off photographs.
It was a bit on the expensive side but one look at Remember's eagerness and he couldn't refuse. Cyrus hadn't had his picture taken since he lost his leg. His pants hid his prosthetic limb from the camera and the only sign that he was in less than perfect physical condition would be the cane at his side. He thought to try and hide it but he pushed the idea aside. He had sacrificed his leg for his country. He should not be ashamed of that. The photographer posed them with Cyrus's hand on Remember's waist. Cyrus was almost surprised that Remember allowed it but she did not suggest another pose to the photographer nor did she pull away from his touch.
They had to hold their pose for so long that he was feeling restless by the time the photo was finished. As soon as the photographer stepped away from his camera Cyrus removed his hand from Remember's waist. He was surprised how warm her body had been. He could feel the loss of her heat in his palm. Her dress was softer than it looked and he wished they were the kind of married people who could touch each other. He wished he could come home from a hard day of caring for patients to find his wife cooking in the kitchen. He imagined coming up and putting his arms around her waist and maybe even giving her a peck on the cheek as his father had his mother.
He knew that doing such a thing would frighten Remember and so he wouldn't do it. That didn't stop him from imagining what it would have been like if the circumstances of their marriage were different.
"Come back at the end of the day for it," the photographer said.
Cyrus tipped his hat to the man.
The continued to walk down rows of tents and look at the wares, services, and marvels on hand.
They made it to the end of the third row and were about to turn the corner when Remember stopped and stared.
He followed her gaze to a large hot air balloon that was a ways off in a cleared field.
"Can we ride on that?" Remember asked.
Cyrus took a deep breath. Everything in his body resisted. He looked into her face and fell into her large eyes. How could he refuse her something like that for reasons like his?
"If you like," Cyrus said though his heart began to race as they approached the balloon. It was tethered securely to the ground. They would go up in the balloon and see the world from its height then return to the ground. He kept reminding himself of that as they approached the man who would sell them their tickets.
***
Remember could sense the change in Cyrus. Her first impulse was to ignore it. Whatever issues he had were his own and he would share them if he wanted. As his heart raced and goose skin appeared on his arm she decided they needed to talk. She stopped a yard from the ticket booth.
"What is it?" she whispered.
"It is nothing, really," Cyrus said but his voice was hoarse.
"Are you afraid of heights? We don't have to go up in the balloon if heights bother you," Remember said.
"It isn't the heights. We used balloons in the war for scouting. We are years away from the war and this balloon doesn't even look much like the ones we used. The sight of it just brought back memories of that time. I went up in one to do scouting. I witnessed some of the worst battlefield deaths while I was up there and I was helpless to come to my fellow soldiers’ aid. I know if I had I would probably have died as well. It wasn't even then that I lost my leg. There is no reason for me to feel this way about something like a hot air balloon," Cyrus said.
"We don't need to go," Remember said. She knew how it felt to feel fear at something that would be nothing to another person.
"No, we will go," Cyrus said. He started walking again and she followed. He paid for the ride and they stepped into the basket of the balloon.
The man running the balloon introduced himself as Jimmy. He turned a few knobs and they started to rise into the sky.
Remember looked over the side of the basket as the earth beneath them grew further and further. All around were areas of flat land followed by rolling hills. She could see houses and farms reaching out as far as the eye could see.
She turned to look at Cyrus. He was leaning a little heavily on his cane but he was looking with her.
"It is beautiful," she said.
"Yes, it is," Cyrus agreed.
The land stretching out around them reminded Remember of just how big the world was. It was humbling, terrifying, and spiritual all at once.
She was almost disappointed when the balloon began to descend. She would have liked to stay in the air looking down on the world for longer.
They landed with a slight jolt that unsteadied her. Cyrus reached his hand out and caught her shoulder. She took a deep breath at the unexpected touch
but her wolf didn't even try to jump out. Jimmy let them out of the basket and they headed back towards the stalls of the fair while another couple climbed into the balloon.
"Should we go and see if my mother has won any of her contests?" Cyrus asked.
"Yes, let's do that," Remember said.
They were almost to the building where the baked goods were being displayed when the pleasant smell was interrupted by something horrid.
Her nose didn't want to believe it at first. As she felt the panic rise in her chest she took in a deeper breath to assure herself that it was a trick of her mind.
The smell remained in the air.
She felt herself begin to tremble.
Don't let your wolf out.
Don't let your wolf out.
Don't let your wolf out.
She kept repeating the phrase in her mind as her heart raced and her teeth chattered.
"Remember?" she heard Cyrus's voice in the distance but she couldn't respond. She was too focused on not letting her wolf free even though it smelled the same danger she did and it was ready for a fight. Not that her wolf had done much good last time. It hadn't. She and her wolf had both been completely helpless.
She closed her eyes trying desperately to gain control but the world around her began to spin. She didn't even know she was falling until her face connected with the ground.
***
What's happened to her?" a stranger in the crowd called.
"Don't worry. I'm a doctor. This is my wife. I think she fainted. Does anyone have a blanket? She is in a family way," Cyrus said.
They couldn't see that her eyes were opened and her whole body was shaking. He might have thought it a seizure if he didn't know her situation.
"Can someone fetch Tabitha Callister? She should be in this building," Cyrus called. Someone handed him a blanket. He carefully bent forward and covered Remember with it.
He wished he could kneel beside her but his prosthetic wouldn't allow it and if he got down on the ground there was the chance they could be trampled by the crowd that was now gathering.
He was relieved to see that Martha and Aaron were with his mother. When they saw him and Remember they rushed forward.
"What happened?" his mother asked.
"I'm not sure but we need to get her to the wagon. She needs to go home," Cyrus said.
Aaron moved towards her head. He knelt down a few feet from her.
"Remember, this is Aaron. We need to move you for your own safety and that of your baby. May I pick you up and carry you to the wagon?" he asked.
Cyrus was glad that Aaron hadn't just grabbed her. He wasn't sure what might have happened if Aaron had.
"Yes," Remember said through chattering teeth.
Aaron was very careful as he approached her. He slid one arm under her shoulder and another under her legs. He lifted her up and pulled her against him.
"Are you hurt?" Martha asked. Remember shook her head. She was terribly pale. She pulled her eyes closed tightly.
"What happened?" his mother asked as they walked down the long row towards the fairground gates.
"I'm not sure. We were walking and she froze then collapsed. Perhaps the crowd was too much for her," Cyrus said.
"Did she show any signs before this?" Martha asked.
"No. We were having a good time," he said. He told Martha about the carousel ride, the photograph, and the hot air balloon.
Once they arrived at the wagon Aaron laid Remember in the wagon bed and Martha climbed beside her to tend to her.
"Baby okay?" Remember asked. She was shaking and her teeth chattered but Cyrus could see she was also sweating. He wanted to touch her face to be sure she wasn't running a fever but he resisted the urge. Unless Martha told him otherwise, Remember was her patient, and he was only a worried husband.
Martha took Remember's pulse.
She lowered her head to listen to Remember's abdomen. He doubted she could hear very well with the commotion around them and with only her bare ear.
"The baby sounds fine but I want to get you home and do a more thorough examination," Martha said.
Remember nodded.
Aaron gave the horses an order along with a smack of the reigns and they started forward.
By the time they returned home Remember had stopped shaking. She was no longer sweating and her breathing and heart had returned to normal. She was able to climb out of the wagon without help and Cyrus sat down in the kitchen with Aaron and his mother while Martha did a more thorough examination upstairs in the bedroom.
"Should we fetch Isaac?" his mother asked as she took a loaf of bread from the breadbox and sliced off several pieces. She put it in a basket and laid it on the table. Then, she put three plates on the table along with a knife and jar of jam.
"Not yet. He's probably still at the fair," Cyrus said.
"We will need to go back to the fair tomorrow to see who won the competitions and to collect the ribbons," Aaron said.
"You and I will go. Mother, I think it is best if you stay with Remember. I don't want her to be alone," Cyrus said.
He pulled a plate before him and spread jam on a slice of bread. He took a bite but it felt thick and dusty in his mouth. He knew it was from worry. His mother never made poor tasting bread.
He put the bread back on his plate with a sigh.
"Of course I will stay with her. She gave us quite a scare. It might be better if we keep her home for a while. I hadn't thought that anything at the fair could scare her. She did make it this whole way on a train without incident," his mother said.
"I don't understand it either," Cyrus said.
Martha came down the stairs.
"Tabitha, will you make some of that tea for the poor girl?" she asked taking her seat across from Cyrus at the table.
"Is she all right?" Cyrus asked.
"Fit of panic is all. The baby is fine and she will be fine once she calms down," Martha said.
"Did she say what set her off?" Cyrus asked.
"No and I didn't ask her. Hard to say with fits of nerves like she has. I think the best thing to do is keep her quiet for a few days," Martha said.
"Of course," Cyrus said.
"You send for me if she has another fit like that. Otherwise just let her rest," Martha said grabbing her hat from the peg and following Aaron out the front door.
Cyrus let his mother make Remember the tea and take it up to her. He wanted to avoid upsetting her so he shut himself in his office to read until dusk had fallen.
When he finally ascended the stairs he made sure to be as quiet as he could. When he entered his bedroom he could tell from Remember's breathing that she was asleep. He sat in his chair and removed his prosthetic leg. Then, he made his way to the bed as quietly as he could manage. He barely pulled back the covers as he tried to climb into bed without waking her. He seemed to have succeeded but then the weight of his body on the bed startled her and she sat bolt upright beside him and let out a gasp.
"It is only me," Cyrus whispered. He wanted to reach a comforting hand out to touch her arm but he didn't dare. It might only terrify her more.
"I smelled him," she whimpered.
"Smelled who?" Cyrus asked.
"Leon or maybe it was one of the others. I don't know." She wrapped her arms around herself and tears began to stream down her face.
"Remember?" he asked unsure of what he should say. He had expected her to have scented the man who put a pup in her. Who was Leon and who were the others she was talking about? Was she talking out of her head?
***
Remember hadn't told anyone. Not her mother. Not her father. Not even Martha. She never planned to tell anyone but now she didn't think she could keep the secret any longer.
"The night it happened," she whispered choking back a sob. "Jordan wasn't alone. He only let them..."
She closed her eyes. She didn't want to see his look of horror and disgust. "I mean, only Jordan could have fathered the pup but..."
&nb
sp; "Remember, you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to but I am a doctor. There is nothing you can say that will shock me," Cyrus said. Remember doubted that very much but her heart was aching and she needed someone to share her pain with. Maybe if she told him he wouldn't be as angry with her for what happened at the fair. She ruined their whole day because she'd let the fear overtake her.
She decided to start at the beginning.
"I begged my father to send me to Mount Holyoke Female Seminary. It was a silly thing to want an education, I suppose, but I thought it would be a benefit to my husband when I finally married. There weren't many werewolves there but my father was able to get me housing with Sara, another daughter of an alpha. We took the train home for the full moons and she invited me to join her pack for one. My father allowed me to. I think he hoped I would meet a potential mate. He thought my notions of women's education were silly but my mother didn't. I think he thought if I met the right man I would give up school and settle down into married life. Her pack's moon sanctuary was shared with two other packs. One of those packs belonged to Jordan's father.
Jordan talked to me and paid me special attention but I didn't like him much. He thought educating a woman was like teaching a mule to read. Sara didn't like him either. I guess he had said some ungentlemanly things to her before.
I hadn't thought his interest in me was anything more than passing but he and a few of his pack mates showed up at the Mount Holyoke Female Seminary. I made it clear to him that I was not interested in his pursuit. I know I did. He couldn't have misunderstood," Remember said.
"I'm sure he understood completely," Cyrus said and she thought there was a slight growl to his voice.
"I was walking home from class a few days later and one of his pack mates said that Sara was hurt and needed me. I followed him and they came out from behind a corner and grabbed me. My wolf came out, of course. She sensed the danger I was in but their wolves came out too. They were bigger than me. Biting my scruff. Biting my paws. Holding me down. Rubbing themselves on my fur," Remember said. New tears flowed. What Jordan had done had been terrible. It had been humiliating and degrading but in some ways what his pack members did was worse. She could still feel the wet stickiness oozing onto her fur from where they-
The Alpha's Niece (Barton Pack Book 1) Page 6