“Excuse me. Excuse me,” she said while she stood on the pavement, not knowing exactly where the street began.
“Can I help you?” a gentleman to her left asked.
“Yes, can you hold a carriage for me?”
“Of course, ma’am. There’s one coming right now. Shall I help you in?”
It pleased Ivy how helpful people were on this side of town. She wasn’t used to it. “Yes, please.”
“I’ll help her,” she heard Sean, who had obviously followed her out, say and he took her hand. “I guess we’re going to William.”
***
Before Ivy reached the doorway of William’s gaming hall, she gave her cane to Sean. “Wait here while I talk to him.”
With her hand on the doorpost, she sensed William’s gaze on her.
Would he send her away?
Or would he come to her?
She waited without breathing.
Eventually, someone neared her. And she recognized his smell. “William.”
“Ivy.” His voice sounded different, deeper somehow. He stopped close in front of her.
“I need to talk to you. Sean told me that you have the baby?”
It seemed to take an eternity for him to answer while she heard other people bustling around.
“I do. I’m taking care of our daughter.”
She noticed that he didn’t say ‘my daughter’ but ‘our’.
Did she have to tell him that she was blind? But just then, William took her hand in his.
“Come in, Ivy.” And he guided her around the hall while instructing others to leave the club.
William sat her down on a padded couch. “We’re alone now.”
She reached for him but hit his chest. William took her hand in his and rested it on his lap as he sat right beside her.
“How long have you been blind?” he asked directly.
“A few days. But I didn’t come about that. William, I-I…” Ivy scratched her brow in discomfort. “I don’t like the way I never got the chance to explain my actions properly. I’m not here to defend myself, but if you could just listen to me.”
Silence. But the hairs at her nape pricked, and the tension was excruciatingly tangible.
“Fine,” William said eventually.
Ivy inhaled an encouraging breath and spewed everything she’d wanted to say to him, “I know you didn’t have a good childhood. I’ve seen your scars, and I always respected you by not asking about them. That was our problem; we never talked about ourselves or us, William. We were so close yet so far apart from each other in the months that I was in your apartment. Our relationship was tainted with lies from both of us. And you have to understand my reasoning when I escaped. I ran thinking that you would kill me. A mind can make desperately rash decisions when backed into a corner. How was I to ever know that you’d step up and take care of her? As far as I knew, you were some playboy who never wanted to settle down and wanted to end me.” She expelled a loud sigh. “When you found me again, you had moved on. You’d changed. But I’d been in the same scary place for six months, William. I was a wreck after I had to give her up. And I finally came to terms with the fact that I had to forget about you and the entirety of last year. But then you came back, and hearing you say the words that I’d been longing to hear forever stopped me from spilling the truth. It was wrong, and I’m so sorry.” Ivy felt the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Ivy, you’re an orphan yourself. Don’t you always think about your roots? How nice it would’ve been to grow up in a normal household with parents?”
Ivy nodded slowly.
“This is why I can’t understand why you chose to give her away? You knew damn well, deep inside, that I would want her. She’s my blood, and I will always take care of my child. Furthermore, I can’t trust you. You lie too much about important matters, Ivy.”
Ivy didn’t have a retort and wanted to inquire about the baby before he threw her out. “I’m being punished enough by not being able to see my own child, ever. I only saw a glimpse of her when she was born. Can I please hold her, William? Is she okay? Is she healthy? Please tell me…”
Suddenly, Ivy felt a palm on one cheek and a thumb on the other that followed the path of her tear, wiping the wetness away. There was a tremble in his tone when he spoke. “Even though I’m so fucking mad at you for giving her away, I still can’t stand to see you cry… She’s healthy and she’s fine.” His palm left her cheek, and she felt him get up from the couch.
“I’ll be right back,” William said. “Stay here.”
So she sat there and waited until she heard footsteps inching closer again. “Ivy, sit back.”
She scooted back.
To her left, the couch dipped a bit.
“I’ve laid Eva, our daughter, on the sofa next to you.”
Ivy angled her body to the left as William took her hand in his, and her skin tingled from their palms touching.
“Eva? That’s a lovely name,” Ivy whispered.
“It reminded me of Ivy,” William replied. He must’ve been kneeling down next to the couch because his voice drifted up to her. “I’m going to show you your baby.”
William placed his palm over her hand and his fingers between hers, guiding her fingertips over soft strands, rounding an even softer cheek.
Ivy heard the baby splutter and make noises. And she felt a tiny kick to her thigh.
“Tell me what she looks like, William.” He kept guiding her fingertips over the baby. Ivy thought she felt her little hands and down her chubby legs.
“She’s beautiful, Ivy. Her hair is the same as yours. And she has the cutest nose. Here”—he let her feel a tiny, soft round nose—“feel how cute. And she has my eyes. Do you know my eye color?”
“Silver-grey,” she said instantly, and the movement stopped.
After a moment, William continued. “She’s laughing at you now, Ivy.”
“Oh, she’s so soft.” Ivy smiled, drawing her baby in her mind.
“She is soft. Her skin always feels this velvety. My god, Ivy, she’s adorable. I have so much love for this tiny person that I can’t stand to be apart from her. I just want to hold her in my arms forever and take her with me everywhere.”
Ivy’s heart filled with joy as he said such caring words.
“Lean forward so I can brace your arm on the sofa cushion. Then you can keep her caged on the sofa so she won’t roll off, and you can have a moment alone with her.”
“Thank you, William,” Ivy said as she bent forward, smelling the soapy scent of her baby.
William did step away but not far.
Smelling and hearing and feeling her Eva made Ivy an emotional mess. Guilt consumed every cell in her body nowadays, but she found a little comfort in knowing that her baby was with her father, even if she didn’t know what kind of role she might possibly have in Eva’s life.
Ivy lowered her mouth and found the top of Eva’s head to place a kiss on her. “I’m so sorry for giving you away. I-I…Just know that I am sorry.” Then Ivy wept and wept, the pain of not being able to see Eva crippling her.
Ivy felt someone taking the baby, and she was pulled against a familiar chest. William held her to him while she cried. “I’m sorry, William.”
William didn’t acknowledge her words, but he did stroke his fingers soothingly through her curls, like old times. And the way he comforted her now, while she could feel his anger still dominating, she felt a twinge of hope burst free.
She whispered, “I miss you so much. The heart knows what it needs. And my heart needs you. Tell me you still feel the same way.”
Ivy felt his lips pressing on top of her head. “Ivy, my heart chose you a long time ago. But my mind can’t forgive you for keeping my child from me.” And he pried her from him, standing up.
She reached for him but couldn’t feel anything in front of her.
“Can I visit her, William?” Ivy asked loudly, not knowing if he was already walking away.
�
��I’ll think about it.”
CHAPTER 53
William
William’s love for his baby girl grew as quickly as she did in the next couple of weeks. However, so did his resentment toward Ivy. As a man who’d been taught for ten years by Charles to always have the upper hand, he felt foolish being deceived by Ivy twice. Nevertheless, he couldn’t deny her visitation with Eva. William wasn’t capable of refusing Ivy that request. He wouldn’t do to Ivy what she’d done to him.
Unfortunately, that meant encountering Ivy much more often than he wanted. She came by frequently with Sean to feed or play with Eva, and seeing her bothered and saddened him. The mixture of feelings did change with time – some days he’d be more saddened than upset to see her – but forgiveness was unattainable. Even though, it was precious to witness mother and daughter interacting, still he couldn’t seem to muster up an ounce of mercy.
And as time went on, William realized he ought to expel the feelings he had for Ivy to break free so that he could enjoy his life with Eva more.
So Silk finally convinced William to indulge in women again.
After his third dinner date with the slender brunette, Miriam, a lady he met in the gambling club, he accepted her invite to accompany her home.
Miriam was a twenty-three year old, middle class woman, who was lovely and quiet. She’d been the only woman who’d held his attention longer than a minute lately. He disliked how she was fascinated with the upper class, but there weren’t many people that weren’t – except Ivy.
At her front door, William wavered.
“Are you coming in, William?” Miriam prompted, holding open the door in invitation.
If he went inside, he would pass a new milestone.
And he crossed the threshold, ready to move on and forget Ivy Hunter.
***
After an unusual night with Miriam, William still walked around with the same thoughts pestering his mind.
One night, after watching a sleeping Eva for over an hour, he went in search of a heavy drink in the gambling club.
Pushing his way through the crowd, he downed his second drink and sat next to Silk and a young blonde on the leather sofa in the center of the hall.
“William.” Silk clinked his glass with William’s.
“Busy night,” William said.
“Busy is good. Oh, I’m going to that new BDSM club on Jackson Boulevard. Come with me?”
William pondered the idea. Maybe a night of hardcore sin would lift his damn spirits? But he realized it wouldn’t. He wasn’t the same man that he was a year ago. He wasn’t the same man that he was with Charles. William required more than meaningless sex with countless women.
“No, I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re not in the mood for anything lately,” Silk replied. “How was it with Miriam?”
William ordered another drink when the servant came and then answered, “It was...okay.”
“Okay?” Silk’s brows climbed up his forehead. “That sounds depressing.” He gazed at him before advising, “You should really forgive Ivy, man. Stop whatever destructive path you’re on.”
Now it was William’s turn to be surprised. For weeks, Silk hadn’t meddled or said anything about Ivy. Although, Silk did always help Ivy and he liked her a lot, William could tell. It aggravated him when she would laugh freely with Silk or with other men.
So this was the first time Silk had mentioned anything regarding William’s withdrawn behavior toward Ivy.
“Don’t mention her,” William warned, feeling fed up with his twisted love with Ivy.
“You should stop fighting yourself. You’re your own worst enemy,” Silk stated, without judgment, standing and helping up his lady friend. “Don’t drink too much. Remember, Eva wakes up early. And I’ll see you tomorrow. Off to the sex club.” And he gracefully traipsed away, a little drunk himself.
William rubbed his temples and was vigorously downing more shots in silence. Several girls plopped down next to him and tried to spark a conversation, but with every drop of alcohol infusing his blood, he only saw Ivy’s face everywhere.
He blinked and blinked to try to clear her from his brain.
Then Miriam appeared by his side at the point when William was pretty drunk and wanted to fuck Ivy out of his thoughts.
“Good evening, William.”
“Miriam, nice to see you.”
She sat close next to him and before she could talk, William kissed her.
He didn’t want to talk.
He didn’t want to love Ivy.
He didn’t want to be alone.
Miriam was such an easy prey and allowed his onslaught.
“Come with me,” William ordered and tugged her to the hallway.
In the hall, it was quiet, and they kissed their way to the elevator.
William slammed her against the wall as their bodies molded together.
“William?”
Did his mind conjure Ivy?
He craned his neck and was confronted with Ivy, standing in his hallway. In response, he released Miriam and stepped back. Discomfort crept up, along with ire. William felt disordered and angry and drunk. Usually not a good combination. As always, Ivy’s beauty made his groin ache. She wore a simple lilac cotton dress that flared at her hips. Her gaze darted around, looking past him. Then, as if she could sense where he stood, she found his face.
“Sean’s already told me you were kissing someone, William. And I could practically hear you two.”
So many emotions warred inside. It messed him up. All he wanted nowadays was to be free of the never-ending bond he had with Ivy. His annoyance rose because his plan to become too drunk to even remember Ivy had been ruined – by Ivy.
“What are you doing here this late?” William asked while Miriam shot Ivy an irritated look.
“I wanted to talk to you,” she replied haughtily.
“Then do so during the day when you visit Eva.”
“I never get you alone then. I need to talk in private.”
William raked his hair back with one hand. His tolerance level was lower than normal because of the alcohol in his system. And studying Ivy, his rampant emotions went wild. He despised the hold she had over him. Her presence drove him crazy.
“I don’t want to talk to you, Ivy.” His tone was harsh. “I don’t want to see you. Unless it’s about Eva, we have nothing to say. You’re here too often. I can’t live like this. We need to make an arrangement. You need to make appointments from now on to have time with Eva.”
“What? How?” Tears pooled in her eyes as she looked straight through him.
“I’m not exactly sure.” He felt so uneasy having this painful discussion with Ivy while Miriam stood there. “Just don’t pop up whenever you feel like it anymore.”
Ivy inched closer and grabbed his arm with her first attempt. “I know your lady is still here because I can smell her strong perfume. I may be blind, but I’m not stupid. You couldn’t even have the courtesy to wave her away?”
When William sighed, a stunned expression flashed across her face.
“What have you been drinking? You reek of liquor,” she chided and edged even closer to him.
William was unable to pull away. It had been weeks since he and Ivy had been this close together.
“William, what are you doing? Why are you shutting me out? Are you adding to your list of regrets? Don’t do this. I’ve learned from my mistakes. And I know you love me. But I couldn’t stand it if you slept with another woman, William. It would be over then, for good.”
“Then it’s already over,” he told her. The second the words flew out of his mouth, he regretted them.
Ivy’s expression turned desolate.
In reaction, William lifted his hand to caress the contours of her face.
But Miriam coughed, looking supremely displeased with Ivy and William’s intimate stance.
He had two choices: go with Miriam and start anew or stay with Ivy and give her a thir
d chance. His heart couldn’t handle more of Ivy’s lies or perhaps other skeletons in her closet. He was tired and needed a quiet life with Eva. William placed his hands on Ivy’s shoulders and held her at arms-length.
While a bomb detonated in his heart, he said, “Go home, Ivy.”
“Don’t go with her, William,” she pleaded with a trembling lip.
He couldn’t handle seeing her cry, so he spun around and dragged Miriam with him to his office, leaving Ivy alone in the hallway.
CHAPTER 54
Ivy
There are certain defining moments in life. Moments when you can sense that it’s the end. When William walked away from Ivy with another woman, she grasped that was the moment that William undeniably put an end to them. He had once said that there would forever be an ‘us’, but apparently he’d lied.
Ivy leaned back against the wall and let her tears stream down with the finality of the sound of his boots moving further and further away. Her knees gave out, and she sagged to the ground, feeling utterly destroyed. Pain sliced her heart.
He’d moved on with another woman. While she’d held on to the last shred of hope, she’d visited Eva as much as she could so that neither of them would forget her. But William’s blatant words had pierced her, and she finally realized that it was time to let go of that hope.
Her love story with William had both started and ended with disaster. She’d come so close to having it all. If she’d only confessed to him sooner, he would’ve forgiven her. But finding out the way he did, damaged his already tainted soul too much.
Perhaps happy endings were truly only for the rich? She also realized that she’d forever be dependent on William when it came to Eva. He decided whether or not and when Ivy could visit her. Yet it did give her peace that Eva was with her biological father and not some strangers as parents.
Trapped in her black mind, she cried alone in the dark, grieving the loss of ever being a family with Eva and William, until she felt someone tugging her up.
Sins of a Bad Boy (The Original Bad Boys Book 1) Page 35