I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn’t notice him sitting on our bed as I walked into the room. As soon as I saw him, my spirit changed.
“What are you doing here? You got some fucking nerve. You spent the night with your bitch, and now you come up in here?” I shook my head at his ass as I clutched my towel tighter.
“Listen to me, Mika. I’m so sorry. I swear that bitch don’t mean a damn thing to me. Me and you was fighting, and she was just something to do,” he tried to plead. When he saw I wasn’t buying his shit, he jumped off the bed and walked up to me, grabbing my arms.
“Let go of me. We’ve been married for fifteen years, and you decided to throw it away behind a cracker bitch. You the same nigga that sat up here talking ’bout you would never fuck a bitch outside your race. Hmmm . . . You a lying piece of shit!”
I pulled myself away from him and walked to my side of the bed. I started getting dressed. Had I known his ass was in the room, I wouldn’t have come out of the bathroom undressed.
“Mika, baby, please hear me out. I love you, but I have needs. You bury yourself in your work. All I hear about is your cases, your new releases. I’m your husband. I need some of your time. When we do have sex, it’s like I’m forcing you. I didn’t know what to do.”
“You know you sound like a typical man. It’s always the woman’s fault that you take your dick out and stick it into a whore. I knew you were fucking around on me. I just didn’t have proof until now. Hmm, I’m so disappointed that I allowed you to drag me like this. How many of your friends are looking at me, laughing? I bet everybody knows you’re slanging dick around town except me. oh,-God, I’m such a fool.” I placed my hands over my face, embarrassed. I was having second thoughts about going to work now. I was going to think that every whisper around the office was about me.
“Ain’t nobody laughing at you. Look, that bitch don’t mean nothing to me. You and my daughter mean the world to me. We can go to counseling. I’m willing to try anything.”
“I’m done. I want a divorce. I want half of everything. I’m done with you.”
“You can’t do this, Mika. I love you. We can’t split up.”
“You heard me. I’ll be contacting a divorce lawyer sometime today.”
He jumped in front of me as I tried exiting the bedroom. I crossed my arms over my chest, pissed. He had some nerve trying to come to me begging now. He could’ve talked to me about this before he stepped out on me. He could’ve tried and given me the chance to deny him or some shit before he went to another bitch. Talking about needs . . . needs, my ass. This nigga was selfish, plain and simple. The only reason he was trying so hard now was that his ass got caught. If he hadn’t been, he probably would’ve been laid up in that hotel room with the trashy, pasty-ass bitch, and I would be in my bed, in our home—alone—waiting for him to come home. Now, he was the one who wanted some of my time.
Hell, he could’ve even been honest with me that night we had that big fight when I was sniffing his drawers like some kinda bloodhound. I shook my head at what I’d become. I was better than having to sneak and check his damn phone and look for nut stains in his underwear. When I thought about it, the perfume that the white bitch was wearing wasn’t even what I smelled on his sweaty-ass shirt that night. That let me know that there was more than just her. Damn, I was feeling dumber and dumber by the minute.
“You can’t do this. You and my daughter are my life. I take care of you, and this is how you act? All I did was get a little pussy from the bitch, and you want to walk away from what we have? Fifteen years, Mika. Fifteen years! Don’t no other bitch have my heart but you.”
“Get the hell out of my way. Don’t come screaming about no damn fifteen years. She ain’t the first ho that you fucked. I should’ve left your ass a long time ago, but I was in denial. I was blind as fuck. I didn’t want to believe my precious husband was stepping out on me. I wonder how many nights you done fucked and sucked on them hoes and still came to lie up beside me in the bed. You a nasty-ass nigga that runs around here with your detective badge, acting like you all high and mighty. Fooling everybody . . . with your old nasty-ass dick.”
I shoved him out of the way with my purse and walked out of the room. It was too damn early in the morning for me to be this upset. He was still saying some shit, but I wasn’t listening to another word of his lies. I quickly dashed out the door and headed to my car. The whole way to work, all I could think about was the shit he was spouting out of his mouth. But every time I thought about forgiving his ass, I would see that white bitch standing in that hotel room door with her robe on. And then his ass lying in bed with his disloyal-ass dick in his hand. I had lost everything and had done nothing but be a good woman to his ass. This was the kinda bullshit that made women end up on damn Snapped.
I hated starting my day off in an angry mood. My job was pretty stressful on its own, so adding to it was not a good thing. Things definitely needed to change up. I couldn’t go on living like this. I had given this nigga fifteen fucking years. Our daughter was 18, and this was how he ended us? She was almost out of the house, and we should’ve been planning for retirement and traveling the world together. But here I was, contemplating divorce. This was not how I saw my life going.
I’d put on a good front in front of him, but I was hurting badly deep inside. He had no idea how much I loved him and how deeply he had hurt me. I felt my eyes getting watery, but I used my inner strength to stop the tears from flowing.
“God, all I ask of you today is to give me a little strength to get my job done without breaking down,” I whispered a prayer to God before getting out of my car and walking toward the building. One thing I knew was that when everything else failed, prayer would help. I wasn’t no religious chick by far, but I knew the power of prayer and the peace that it could bring. And I needed every ounce of that power and peace today to keep my shit together.
* * *
“So, what’s going on? You’ve been sitting there looking at the food on your plate for the last ten minutes. You’ve barely said two words to me today, and your eyes look puffy, like you been crying,” Joy said as we sat in the break room at work.
I looked at her and looked down at the food on my plate. She was right. I just sat there thinking. As much as I tried to hold the pain in, it was still visible. I was hurting badly. I wanted to break down. I want someone to wake me up and tell me this was all a dream, but I knew that it wasn’t. And knowing that—knowing that this was my reality—was tearing me apart on the inside.
“Hmm, just a rough night.”
“Rough night, huh? Is Rasheem on his bullshit again?”
“I followed him to a hotel, and he was there with a white bitch,” I blurted out. I figured there was no reason to keep that shit in now. Word would get out soon enough that my happily ever after was over and done with. Might as well get the shit over with now.
“A white bitch? Did you beat that ho’s ass?” She looked at me with her mouth wide open.
“I wish I did, but where would I be this morning?” I lied. I didn’t know how Rasheem had gotten the bitch to not press charges, but she hadn’t. So, I sure as hell wasn’t taking the chance of being overheard admitting that I’d laid hands on her cracker ass. “Everything I worked for would go down the drain. As mad as I am at that bitch, she don’t owe me a damn thing. He disrespected me. He brought that bitch into our lives.”
“You know what? You’re right. I’m just so angry. You gave that man your all, and this is how he acts? Cheating is wrong on every level, but fucking a white bitch makes it worse. What’s wrong with these so-called brothers nowadays? So what he had to say?”
“Girl, a bunch of bullshit. You know what hurts the most? After catching him, the average nigga would’ve run after his wife and tried to make the shit right, right? Not him. That nigga stayed at the hotel. Then he have the nerve to walk into the house this morning, professing his love for his family.”
“You know, for a minute, I tho
ught he was one of the good ones out there. The way he looks at you and often brags about you . . . I didn’t see this shit coming. I’m still shocked and angry at the same time. I know you love him, but you deserve so much more than this. I’m sorry you going through this.”
“Yeah. I thought we were going to be together forever. But over the years, the love wasn’t as strong. At first, I blamed myself. Shit, maybe I didn’t screw him good enough. Maybe if I just spent more time with him, he would be happy. This nigga wasn’t happy because he was too busy out there fucking around on me.”
“Baby, listen to me. I know how much you love him, and if you think it’s worth fighting for, then fight for it. But if you feel like you need to walk away, then do it. I have a big place, and I’m there by myself. If you need to get away for a few days, you more than welcome to come. You and Ky’Imani.”
“Thank you, love. Let’s keep this between us. You know I don’t want the entire office in my business. Plus, Rasheem is close with a few officers over here.”
I knew that I was asking a lot of her, but this wasn’t an argument. This wasn’t him spending too much money on a new car or gun. This was the end of fifteen years of my life. Looking at her, I could tell that she would respect my wishes. The last thing I needed, on top of everything else, was bullshit at work. She reached out and grabbed my hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I gave her a faint smile, and then let my eyes travel back to the uneaten food on my plate.
“Girl, you ain’t got to worry about me telling your business. You the only friend I got in this building. Anyway, lunch is up, and you still ain’t eat. I know you hurting, but you still have to take care of yourself. If you dead and gone, that nigga will still be out here screwing around. Oh God, I hate that he’s doing this.”
“I’m going to be okay. I just needed to vent a little. I have two more releases today, and then I’m going to do three home visits. I think getting out of the office will do me some good. And it’ll save me having to act up if he decides to bring his dumb ass up in here, trying to put on a show and shit. As a matter of fact, I might take you up on that offer to stay with you. I’ll let you know. Thanks, babes, for being a great friend. I swear those are hard to come by.”
We exchanged hugs and walked out of the break room. I was ready for this day to be over. I needed something strong to help with this pain. As a matter of fact, talking with my mother always soothed my soul. In the past, I’d tried not to put her in our business. Maybe it was because my mother always thought he was a piece of shit, and I was too good for his ass. . . .
I guess Mama knows best, after all.
Chapter Nine
Jakeel
“Baby boy, you can use my car to get to where you need to be. I talked to your probation officer yesterday when she came to do a home visit. I told her you were out looking for a job. That’s what you need to be doing instead of moping around here behind that little fast-tailed girl,” Mama said, standing in the doorway to my room.
See, this was the kinda shit I was talkin’ about. I felt like I was ’bout to be late for school the way she was standing there with her hands on her hips and her forehead wrinkled. I knew that she meant well, but she was in my business, and that was something that I didn’t want my mama to be involved in. She was in the clear, and they didn’t search her shit last time because of it. It was better that she didn’t know shit because then, she wouldn’t be perjuring herself on the stand.
“Mama, leave that boy alone,” my sister Toya said, coming up behind Mama. She was three years older than I, but she looked out for a nigga. She knew what I was into, and even rode with me on a couple of nights when Shontelle was mad at me about some shit. She never snitched me out when I was younger and had bitches in my room when Mama was at work. She just made sure a nigga had condoms, so I ain’t pop up with no babies ’round here. She even took me to the clinic the couple of times my hardheaded ass ran up in them nasty bitches raw, and they asses gave me something. Then, she promptly dropped me off at the house and proceeded to the bitches’ houses to beat their asses. She was the original rider in my life, and I would always love and respect her ass for that shit.
“I won’t leave him alone, neither. Me leaving him alone cost me seven years with him in a cage. This time, it might be worse. His ass might end up—”
“Now, you know you always taught us that there’s power in the tongue. Don’t speak that over Keel, Mama. He got his head on straight now, don’t you, Keel?” she asked me, nodding her head so that I would agree.
“Yeah, Mama, I got my shit straight this time. Promise,” I said, holding up my hand like I was swearing on a Bible.
Mama rolled her eyes like she didn’t believe us, and she was right not to. There was never any telling what was gonna come out of Toya and me when we teamed up. But she couldn’t do anything but let us be until she had evidence to the contrary, which she would never get. Unlike me, Toya wasn’t the kind to leave any evidence—or witnesses—for that matter. She was savage as hell.
“Well, you can take his ass job hunting, then,” Mama said, shaking her head and looking at Toya over the rim of her glasses. “Since you wanna act like a babysitter, you can be one,” she stated, before walking off to her room. I knew Mama was getting ready for bed because she had to work. She always had to work. That’s why Toya’s and my ass were always into some good bullshit.
“I got him, Mama. Promise,” Toya said to her back.
“Y’all can keep them damn promises wit’ y’all lyin’ asses,” she snapped before slamming the door to her bedroom. She was at the age where she should be enjoying retirement. Instead, she had an ex-con for a son and a lesbian for a daughter. I bet she fell to her knees many nights, wondering what she did wrong.
The truth was, she hadn’t done a thing wrong. Our mama was the best mother a pair of knuckleheads like us could ever have wanted. She was a lady, and an example of what a good woman should be so that I would look for that, and Toya would be that. But being a single parent, her absence when she worked all the time left plenty of space for us to get into mischief. And with kids, there was nothing that would make us turn away from the chance to get into some shit.
“I finally get to see my little brother, huh?” Toya said, her lips pursed, shaking her head at me. “And it took for that little stanky-pussy-havin’-ass bitch to put ya ass out for that to even happen? That’s fucked up, bro, real shit.”
She came and sat down at the foot of my bed. I had to laugh because I knew that Mama was gon’ tell her ass what happened between Shontelle and me. . . well, as much as she knew of what happened. She wouldn’t have come and picked my ass up if she knew that I’d put my hands on that bitch. She ain’t like Shontelle, but she didn’t raise us to be on no fuck shit like that, either.
“Maaaan, gon’ with all that. You spend seven years around a bunch of bitches, and you’d be ready to—wait, never fuckin’ mind,” I stopped myself before I even finished my statement, because her ass would be in heaven if she were locked the hell up. So, my point was no longer a point.
“Glad you stopped that dumb shit before it came outta ya damn mouth. One, a bitch ain’t neva been caught slippin’ and won’t neva get caught slippin’, so me being in a cage is a no-go. And two, being locked down and surrounded by desperate bitches would be like heaven to me, you know that shit,” she spoke, and I just nodded my head in agreement, laughing.
“Man, you a trip. I missed yo’ ass,” I said, pulling her over to me to hug her. We wasn’t into that mushy shit, but this was a special case.
“Man, gon’ on now,” she said, pushing me off of her. “I wanted to visit you, but I couldn’t stand to see you in a cage,” she admitted, and I couldn’t be mad at her for that.
“Nah, I get it. Yo’ ass would be tryin’a bust a nigga out and shit. Then we’d be on the run. I needed to do that time. I really did get my shit together.”
“I hope you did, man, ’cause even though I ain’t let Mama speak that shit, you kn
ow she speakin’ truth. I knew them charges was on some bullshit. That cop had it out for you, but there was nothin’ we could do with the evidence that they had stacked up against you,” she said, and again, I knew she was speaking the truth. See, what had happened to me wasn’t on no regular search-and-seizure shit. The cop that got me locked up—check this—that nigga was a homicide detective. And, nah, I hadn’t been caught on no end-a-nigga-life kinda shit. In all my years of dealin’, I hadn’t had to take a single life. I’d beat some ass within an inch of that shit, but I ain’t have no souls on my shit.
His ass was mad with me because we were both fuckin’ the same ho, and he’d caught me in her house. I was on my way home, and this nigga had sicced one of his damn patrol officers on my ass after catching me in that bitch’s crib. So, a nigga was literally caught in some pussy, and it cost me seven years of my life. And, yeah, I know what you sayin’. While I’m over here talkin’ about I learned my lesson and shit, I done got out, and I’m back on the same shit. That’s partially true. I was on the same shit, but I wasn’t goin’ nowhere near that bitch.
“Get up and get dressed so I can take you to Jay’s shop, and he can hire yo’ ass,” Toya fussed, and I wanted to kick my own ass because I hadn’t thought about that shit. I knew he would put a nigga on, without a doubt. But I also knew that I was tryin’a get back on in this dope shit and didn’t want to bring no heat to my homie’s legit business behind me doin’ some shit I had no business doin’.
I stood up, and my phone started vibrating on my bed. I looked down at it and blew out a sigh. It had only taken a day for Shontelle to start hittin’ a nigga up. I wanted to respond and go back to my bitch, but the more I thought about shit, especially with her threatening to call the cops on me, the more I realized that that wasn’t the kinda shit a nigga wanted to have hanging over his head. That let me know that I couldn’t trust her, and that wasn’t something that I could have with the shit that I had on my agenda.
Finessed a Dope Boy's Heart Page 7