by Amber Lacie
“The library?”
“And now, I have your attention. Baby, pick a dress and I’ll help you into it. Then we can spend the day in the library.”
“Fine.”
“Fine.” He stands from our bed and walks over to the closet. He slips inside and comes back holding a plain light blue cotton summer dress in his hands. It is simple and looks incredibly comfortable, perfect for lounging around in. Sitting up, I raise my arms, as Theron slips the dress over my head. Handing me my crutches, he helps me to stand. I put most of my weight on my right foot and relax my shoulders. Standing is a lot easier than walking. The dress falls down my waist and ends mid-thigh. It is tight around my chest, but still loose around my middle. Theron runs his hands down the sides of my waist, and then places them just below my belly button. I can feel his hands rub my stomach, and I look down, noticing just the slightest bump to my stomach. Great. It starts.
“I like the way you look.”
“Will you like the way I look when I’m huge and you can’t put your arms around me anymore?”
“I will always like the way you look. You’re beautiful. I don’t call you that just for fun, I mean it every time that I say it. Come to the library with me, and relax a little. Tomorrow, we’ll see the doctor and find out if you can get a different cast. Let me carry you around one last day.”
“Like you still won’t try to carry me.”
“You’re right, I probably will. So, what’s stopping you today?” A smile plays on my lips, as I process his words. Who am I kidding? I would never say no to a day in the library.
“Okay.”
“Yeah?” I nod my head, and just like that, I am cradled in his arms once again. He tries to carry me into the library, but I argue with him, so when we reach the bottom of the stairs he sets me in my wheelchair. “You are incredibly stubborn.”
“You should remember that.” He shakes his head at me, before grabbing the handle to my chair and pushing me into my favorite room of the house. To be honest, it is my favorite room ever.
I am sitting in one of the leather chairs by the windows and my foot is propped up on a small ottoman that Theron has pushed over for me. This is literary heaven. The way the books feel in my hands, the power of the thin pages, and the smell of the words pouring through the room is absolutely, sinful. I have had a hard time picking just one book, we are only in here for a short while, but I have already had Theron create me a pile of books. He comes across a few books that I know Olivia would love, so I have him make a pile for her as well. We can drop them off after my appointment tomorrow.
My thoughts stray to the bookstore. I imagine Olivia is in the back stocking shelves, as the front of the store somehow manages to operate on its own. Smiling, I think of the first time that I entered that bookstore. Poor Harold was trying to talk Olivia down a ladder. She had climbed higher than she realized and was frozen, refusing to come down. When I walked in, he asked me to call the fire department. I couldn’t figure out why anyone would need help getting down off of a ladder. I asked him if he had any more ladders. He ran from the room, leaving me with a strange woman, clinging to the shelves above me for dear life. Harold placed the ladder in front of me and I climbed up until I was face to face with Olivia. She had tears in her eyes, but I told her not to cry because the books would have to suffer water damage. She laughed and we climbed back down the ladders together. Olivia never took her eyes off me until we got back down to the floor. I fell in love with the store and its owners that day.
I picture the store in my mind, seeing everything in detail. I close my eyes, reminiscing in my time spent there, when suddenly I notice something on the hard wood floors. Bending down to take a closer look, I notice that it is someone’s fingernails sticking out of a crack. My heart slams in my chest and I am frozen to the spot. My arms and legs feel heavy and my head lolls around on my shoulders, as someone screams above me. Their words cut through me like swords made of ice, chilling me to the core. I try to move my legs, but something is forcing me to stay in place. Hot searing pain scorches my skin, I scream as Benjamin walks into the room, laughing at my plight. Someone else screams my name, but I refuse to open my eyes. I can’t. I can’t do this again. I won’t make it. I know that this time I will die.
Something cold and wet drips down my face. I blink, as the water runs over my eyes. Looking up, I realize that I am still in the library. Theron is kneeling in front of me, gripping the arms of my chair and his face is pale, as if he has seen a ghost.
“I…I wasn’t here. Ben…Benjamin.” My voice falters, as sobs escape me in a guttural plea for help.
“Ssh. It’s okay. You’re with me now. He can’t ever get to you again, baby.” Theron places his palms on the sides of my face, wiping my tears away with his thumb. Confusion consumes my mind. I don’t understand. It seemed so real.
“Was I dreaming? Did I fall asleep?”
“No. You were reading, but you just seemed to space out on me. I kept calling your name and waving my hands in front of you, but you couldn’t see me. You looked right through me then you started screaming. I didn’t know what to do. I yelled for help, I didn’t know what to do.” His voice shakes, as the fog lifts from my mind. Oh my God, I completely freaked out on him. Holy shit. Taking deep breaths, I try to calm my nerves, but the tremors in my hands won’t stop. Before I realize it, I am shaking all over. My skin feels hot and clammy. I am going to be sick, my stomach wretches, as I quickly cover my mouth with my hand. Theron rushes across the room and comes back with a small trash bin.
I am not going to be sick. I am not going to be sick. I am not going to be sick. I desperately try to breathe in through my nose and out my mouth, while repeating that mantra in my head, but it fails me. My sweet man is holding my hair back, as I sit in a chair throwing up all the contents of my stomach into a small bin. I gain my composure. I wipe my forehead and realize that it is wet. I look down at my hand, noticing the water droplets on my fingertips.
“I didn’t know what to do. I threw my glass of water on you, and it worked.” He shrugs his shoulders, as if there is no better reason for what is taking place right now. Voiceless, I nod my head. Bed. I just want to go to bed, curl up in the softness of my covers and pretend my little melt down never happened. Jesus Christ. I am a complete mess. I am broken. My eyes cast downward from embarrassment, how could he even want to be with someone as fucked up as me? “I think we need to give the books a rest for a bit. Bed or garden?” As hopeful as his voice sounds when he says garden, I know that I won’t be going out there today.
My eyes never look up. I keep my head down with my eyes cast to the side. “Bed, please.”
“Beautiful, talk to me. What happened?”
“Don’t. Just take me to bed, please.”
Theron lifts me into his arms, I try to take comfort in his touch, but something is still off. It is as if I know something is wrong. I lay my head on his chest, he tries to set me in my chair, but I shake my head ‘no’ at him. If he lets go, any sense of reality I have is going to come crashing down around me.
“Oh, beautiful.” His words are soft like silk wrapping around me, saving me from myself. His heartbeat thrums in my ear, as he carries me up the stairs to our bedroom. He doesn’t speak, but he places several kisses on the top of my head, before he sets me on our bed. He pulls the duvet over me and I twist my hips as best as I can, so I can comfortably lay with the side of my face resting on my pillows. I don’t know how long he sits at the end of the bed before I fall asleep, but I know that it’s quite a while. Every time that my eyes start to close, I jerk myself awake from fear of what I might find in my dreams.
Warm enticing smells pull me from my slumber. The sunlight peaking in through the balcony window is soft and subtle. I search for him with my eyes, my heart sinks when I realize that I am alone. Next to me, I find a bowl of chicken soup and a piece of freshly baked bread. I prop myself up onto my pillows, then eagerly reach for the piece of bread, bringing its delicious
ness to my lips. I smell it before I take more than an ample size bite.
“So, she smells bread as well. It’s not just books.”
A shy smile graces my lips, but quickly fades. Looking up at him through my lashes, I give him the best apology I can offer. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened. One minute, I was thinking about the bookstore, and the next minute I was back in that room with Ben. It was so real.”
“Don’t apologize for that. Ever. If I had it my way, I would have tortured him for years before letting him finally die, but only after he begged for relief. Don’t. Ever. Apologize for what that fucking lunatic did. We clear?”
He doesn’t want me to apologize, but I definitely feel like I am in trouble now. How am I going to move past this without hurting Theron or dragging him along with me? He has had enough pain in his life. I don’t need to add more.
“Stop. I know that you’re in that head of yours. Whatever you’re thinking, whatever excuse you are trying to concoct to make yourself believe you’re responsible…it stops now. I told you that I’m keeping you. That means all of you. Every beautiful inch of light and every fucked up shadow that follows you. You can’t hide from me, Eve. I’ve lived with guilt and blamed myself for years for situations that were way beyond my control. The weight almost drowned me, until you came along. You reached out into my dark abyss and pulled me out. All I could see was a beautiful angel coming to save me and I followed you out. I’m not going to let you drown. My shadows still loom around me, but when you’re near, they dissipate from the pure light of your touch. It’s my turn to pull you from the shadows. Don’t hide from me. Don’t apologize for things that you can’t control. Just let me love you. Let me take care of you. Let me carry you when you’re too weak to go on by yourself. I love you.” He leans down, taking my face in his hands and kisses away my tears. The dam around my heart bursts open, as my pain from the last couple of months explodes around me. He doesn’t ask any questions instead he just holds me. I cling to him, as if he is my life raft in a sea of turbulent waves crashing down around us. There aren’t any words to describe the way that I feel, as he saves me from the dark abyss. His word, his touch, his love, wraps me in a cocoon of security. I know anything we face together we will be able to conquer.
He sits with me the rest of the night, as we talk about random things. The conversation is light over dinner, neither one of us bringing up the shadows hiding in the corners. Instead, we relish in each other’s company. As he crawled into bed with me that night, everything finally felt safe. I embraced his hold around my body, his fingers circling my belly, even after he drifted to sleep. My heart soars with love for this man. I close my eyes and eagerly greet my dreams because tonight I know the sooner I get to sleep the sooner I will wake up in his arms again.
“Are you sure?”
“I’m telling you, we have him located and he hasn’t moved. Something’s not right.”
“Fuck. I have to take her to the doctor’s today. I want you to follow, even if you need to locate another vehicle. I don’t want him to recognize you.”
“I understand, Sir.”
I close my eyes, as I hear our bedroom door push open. I can hear Theron’s footsteps. An uneasy feeling comes over me, as I recall their conversation. I am sure they both thought that I was asleep, but I am restless. “Who is Evan watching?”
“What?” Theron stops, his back turned to me. His shoulders tense and it is at that moment that I am sure of who it is.
“It’s Thomas, isn’t it? We haven’t heard anything else from him. The detectives are still searching through his accounts, right? So, if he knows the cops are watching him, why would he try something else?”
“Thomas is relentless. He isn’t deterred easily. In fact, it becomes more of a game to him. We have now become a game in his eyes. He will do anything to make sure that he comes out the winner.”
“But he’s a smart man, surely—”
“I never said he was a smart man, I said he was dangerous. He’s deadly, Eve. I don’t want you anywhere near him. So, today while we are out, Evan will be close behind.”
I don’t say anything else, even if I did, I’m not sure it would make any difference. After everything that has happened, I’d prefer Evan to be close by. I actually find it kind of comforting. Kelly and Theron help me with my shower and get me ready for my appointment. I still can’t shake the awful feeling that I had yesterday, I chalk it up to nerves.
Everything went well at my appointment. The doctor is actually surprised at how well I am healing. I am fitted with a different cast. I can put weight on my foot now, just not a lot. I will still need crutches, but at least now, I will be able to make it to the bathroom without having to call for help. Gray clouds now cover the blue sky and rain begins to fall around us, as Theron helps me back into Badass. It is still the best name that I have ever given anything and this car fully lives up to its name.
I watch the windshield wipers flick away the rain, as we drive home. Evan isn’t too far behind us. We end up losing him at an intersection, but Theron doesn’t slow to wait for him. The rain has turned into a deluge now, and visibility on the road is almost gone. I suggest pulling over to wait for it to let up, but it seems that just my words alone have caused a break in the clouds. The rain eases up, as we pull into the drive.
That awful feeling is back, accompanied with my arm and neck hair standing on end. I place my hand on Theron’s thigh, as we enter the gates. Something is off, normally the gates make a grinding sound when they first open, but they were oddly quiet. In fact, I am not sure they were entirely closed. I look over at Theron, but he doesn’t seem to notice. We pull up in front of the house. Theron parks as close as he can to curb of the walkway, so that I won’t have far to go in the rain.
Everything happens as if it is in slow motion. Theron steps out of the car, and I watch him walk around to my side to open my door. His hand pulls on the handle. He stops still, when a figure comes out from behind one of the trees. My heart is slamming in my chest, my lungs burn. It is then that I realize that I am holding my breath. I try to push open my door to open it, but Theron won’t move. He stands in front of it, holding it closed with his body leaning up against the car. The figure slowly walks around to the front of the car. The rain comes to a stop, as my vision clears to see the man standing in front of us. Thomas.
“No, no, no. It can’t be him. Theron! Theron!” I slam my palms against the window, but Theron still won’t move. Thomas is holding something in his hands. It is black and fits comfortably in his hand. It’s a gun. “Fuck! Theron! No! No!” I am screaming, as if my voice is going to save the two of us from the deranged man in front of us.
Thomas is screaming at Theron, but I can’t understand all of it. It is too muffled from inside the car. Theron isn’t buying whatever it is that Thomas is throwing at him. I can hear him perfectly outside my window.
“Just go. What the fuck do you think you’re going to accomplish here today? Waving around that fucking shit in your hand doesn’t make you a man. I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be. You are nothing, but a piece of fucking shit. I’ve taken your business. Your name has been run through the mud, nothing is left of you, but the trash that you are. Get the fuck away from us!”
“Theron! God damn it!” I desperately need out of here. I take my shoulder and ram it into the door, while pulling on the handle. It barely budges. Theron’s fist pounds into the side of the door. I am not giving up. Thomas’ right arm raises into the air at the same exact time that I hear tires screech outside my window. It is enough of a distraction for Thomas to lower his arm, turning away from us. Theron yanks open my door, quickly pulling me from the car. He sets me on the ground behind the car.
“Beautiful, stay down. Fuck. Whatever you do, please stay down. Jesus.”
“I’m not done with you, boy!” Thomas’ feet crunch on the gravel beneath his shoes. Theron stands, turning away from me. He leaves me alone behind the car. I can see Thomas�
� feet get closer, so I try my best to scoot myself around to the driver side of the car. That is when I see, Evan. It was his tires, I heard screech. His arms are raised, as he makes his way around his car. His eyes never leave Thomas, his fingers rest on the trigger of the pistol in his hand.
“Put down the gun!” Evan yells, towards Thomas. Most people would probably cower from a gun pointed directly at them, especially when it is common knowledge that the man holding the gun is a trained marksman. My skin crawls when Thomas releases an eerie laugh.
“Do it. Pull the trigger, and I’ll pull mine. Who should I shoot first? The bastard child who ruined my life, killing my reason for existence, or the whore cowering behind a car, as if it’s going to save her or the bastard child she’s carrying?”
“Put down the gun. I will not say it again. This is your last chance to comply.” Evan’s feet spread to the width of his shoulders, his back straightens, but his aim never changes.
“Comply? Comply? I will never fucking agree to anything you have to offer me. He ruined my fucking life. He’s a murderer! He killed his own mother, and here you are protecting him.”
“I. Did. Not. Kill. My. Mother.”
“Sure you did, son. The moment your waste of a body came out of her, she started dying. You took her strength, leaving behind a weak woman to take care of child who wanted nothing more than to destroy our lives since its very first breath.”
“Fuck you!” I am unable to sit there any longer, listening to this man blame Theron for all of his hate. “Fuck you. You are nothing, but a worthless piece of shit. You are nothing. You have nothing, but that’s too much for you, isn’t it? Your dick is even smaller than your intelligence, both are almost nonexistent, and now you’re angry with the world. You’re trying to overcompensate for what you will never have.”
“And what’s that? What could you possibly know? You’re nothing but a gold digging whore.”
“I know what it’s like to love, and you will never know the joy of having someone to experience that with. She was afraid of you, she never loved you.” Gravel crunches, and I know that he is coming for me.