Flares, bullet sparks, Molotov Cocktails… Everything Mercy saw horrified her. Repeatedly, endlessly, she reminded Ethan not to let them get hit, not to drive into anyone, and to not stop. She was forgetting where she was, why this was happening, or even what was happening. She could only see the horror, like literal drowning from noise. A nightmare happening with her eyes wide open. She was pushing and smacking the door to wake up from this…
Up ahead, she saw the broken border, and multiple totaled and flipped cars surrounding it. People were hurt simply trying to plow through it. Ethan kept driving, though. Though they were out, the chaos had not ceased still. The hostility was toned down, though. Mercy sat up and looked back. They were out, at least. She didn’t want to leave anyone behind, but she wouldn’t waste her energy trying to tell Ethan to turn the car around. When there were no remaining hostiles to drive through, Mercy’s terror continued in her mind…
Finally, there was silence. Haley was calm, but her tears covered Mercy’s hand. Mercy looked down and saw she had been shedding her own tears, which soaked Haley’s head.
“I can’t hear them…” she whispered. Utter shock befell her. “I don’t hear anything.”
She let go of Haley, but Haley didn’t move either. Their bodies were completely limp. The world was still.
Someone came into the house, she heard. Her heart began to beat again, and life returned to her body as she listened closely. Whoever it was, they called out for survivors. Haley started to push, but Mercy held her in place. The voices did not belong to any of their family. Mercy’s heart sank once again.
When night fell, Mercy finally released Haley, stood up slowly, and silently walked to the stairs…
Ethan pulled over shortly after getting on Highway 26. The road was clear, and the surrounding land was empty. Mercy was shaking more uncontrollably. She clutched the door handle and her knee, forcing herself to breathe slower. She could only manage by holding her breath for seconds at a time, which only gave her the sensation of suffocating.
“Close your eyes and lower your head,” Ethan instructed. Mercy listened. Ethan looked to his daughter. “Are you okay?” he asked, but she didn’t answer. About a minute later, he asked Mercy, “What about you?”
“I’ll be fine.” She breathed in deep then reached back to Theia. “You’re okay, right? Yeah? Hanging in there, sweetie? You look okay. You’re not havin’ a … a nervous breakdown like me, so that’s good. You’re strong. You’re indestructible, ha-ha. So… So strong. Strong and beautiful. You know, Theia, I think you and Haley would have made great friends. If I had a daughter, I would have hoped she’d be just like you. Ethan, aren’t you proud of her? Of course you are. You live for her. I wish I could be as committed to something as you are committed to your baby girl. I envy you; both of you. I always wanted a family. I still do. But at what cost? Losing the one I already had? Fucked up, isn’t it?”
Ethan spoke sternly. “You should calm down, Mercy. You’re rambling.”
“No! Not rambling. I’m being serious. I’m speaking my mind.”
“You need to–” said Ethan reaching to hold her still.
Mercy smacked his hands away. “NO! Look, I don’t know… I don’t know how you think you’re going to fix your problems, but you know what I think? I think it’s a choice. Nothing else. You gotta choose to change. Running away won’t do it. Kicking and screaming and always … always fighting… That won’t fix anything. There’s so much fucked up shit in this world. Nobody forgives, nobody forgets, nobody just moves on.”
“Mercy!”
She had turned and opened her door, spilling onto the side of the road. Ethan got out. He lifted her back onto her seat, and she began to cry bitterly, wrapping her arms around him. “They’re dead! Everyone’s dead! They were good people! They were good people! And Haley was so young. She just started her life!”
From the back seat, Theia was putting a hand on Mercy’s shoulder. “What’s wrong with her?” she asked Ethan.
“I think she was triggered…”
Their bodies covered the kitchen floor. The smell was fresh, the air was still warm… Mercy heard Haley coming up from the basement, asking what she was seeing. Mercy ran back to her. “Don’t look! You can’t see this!”
Ethan stepped away from the car as tears continued to stream down Mercy’s cheeks. Her eyes were bloodshot red, stinging, and nearly impossible to see through. Theia climbed over to the front again, sat on her lap, and wrapped her arms around Mercy fiercely. “Forgive him,” Mercy said to her. “Please forgive him. Nobody will ever love you more than he does.”
Theia didn’t say anything, but it seemed she was uncertain, not still angry.
Ethan came back to the car. “There’s a couple cars coming,” he said. Theia climbed down and stepped out, then Mercy. “If they’re ours, we should ask them what happened back there.”
The approaching cars parked nearby. Ethan searched the car a moment and found a flashlight. Then, he met with the other arrivals and they exchanged what they knew. Mercy stood nearby, holding Theia as they watched. The group approached them as well, but neither Mercy nor Theia said much to them. Everyone agreed to wait in the woods nearby until more people turned up.
A campfire was made. By that time, three more cars stopped.
Mercy and Theia held each other, keeping warm under a blanket. Ethan sat on the opposite side of the fire. He explained to the twenty-some others what the Corwins had planned for the evacuation, from food and housing details to long-term goals for the community. He told them that he was Tyson Corwin’s head of security, which is why he knows the details that Fallon never had a chance to divulge.
“Warm enough?” Mercy asked Theia.
“Mhmm,” replied the little one. “How are you?”
“Thinking straight, at least.” Theia leaned her head back and smiled. “Sorry about my behavior back there.”
“It’s okay. You felt like you were dying. I’ve been there before.”
Mercy squeezed Theia tighter. “You’re only eleven. You’re too young to get that close to death.”
“Yeah, but anybody can die, anytime. People die before they’re even born; some people die when they’re over a hundred years old.” She paused. “I just hope my time to die doesn’t come soon.”
“No. I don’t think so. You have a long life ahead of you.” She stroked Theia’s hair, soaking in the warmth of the campfire and the peaceful chatter in the background. She was happy to be away from the noise, hopefully once and for all. When thinking about what Theia just said, she chuckled. “You know… You have an interesting thought process for someone your age. Did you talk about philosophy with your dad?”
“Sometimes,” she said, becoming quiet. “I like to read. It helps me learn things and figure things out. It just … you know … hit me a long time ago. What’s the word for it, when an idea hits you out of nowhere?”
“I think you’re looking for the word ‘epiphany.’”
“A-pifanny?” she tried to pronounce. Mercy sounded it out for her, laughing. When Theia finally got it, she used it as intended. “So yeah, I was just reading and I epiphany-ed something big.”
Mercy laughed. She chose not to correct Theia’s grammar.
“Everybody dies. That’s what hit me out of nowhere. Everybody dies, no matter how long they live. It’s one of those things that I already knew, but … didn’t really know at the same time. Do you know what I mean?”
“Of course. That’s because most people don’t have the courage to think about death from time to time. Or, ever. It’s depressing. People believe it sucks the joy out of life. I believe it’s healthy. Thinking about death can teach you to appreciate all you have in life. It can teach you what’s really important. All the petty fighting people do… Thinking about death occasionally, it… It makes you realize how petty the things we fight about are.”
“Do you think that’s why the war happened?” asked Theia.
“I don’t know
why it started. Except, I think it’s just a sad fact that human beings never want to coexist with those that aren’t like them. I think America was bound to fall apart someday, because we’re the first major country to … to even try to be so mixed. Different races, different religions, different ideologies… It was a 200-something-year experiment, and I’m surprised it lasted as long as it did. Human beings, man…” She smiled. “We’re savages at heart.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” said Theia.
Mercy squeezed Theia again. “You’re very smart, Theia. You’re smart, and you’re kind, and you’re reasonable. Most people don’t have all those things. Hell, some people don’t have any of those things.” She looked Theia straight in her bright-blue eyes. “Promise me you’ll make good use of them! Okay?”
Theia smiled. “I promise!”
GHOST
OCTOBER 2000
Andrew parked the car in the driveway, which was only long and wide enough to fit one vehicle. Aunt Nat isn’t home, thought Ethan. He could bring Kayla into the house without opposition, at least. Once Andrew turned off the engine, Ethan grabbed Kayla’s arm as he opened the car door.
They drove to West Linn, miles south of Portland. A relatively quiet community, where most of the houses were built on hills and slopes. It was perfect, and made even better by the fact Phoebe’s sister Natalie resided there.
“What are you doing? Let go!” screamed Kayla.
Ethan pulled her out despite her resisting. Grabbing the seat had helped nothing. She started to cry for help, but Ethan muffled her mouth with the bend of his right arm. She then attempted to bite him, but he pushed his arm against her head, forcing her mouth to remain open, but still keeping her inaudible.
“The door’s locked,” said Andrew as they reached the front door.
“There’s a key to the back door,” said Ethan. Around the house and down the slope, they made it to the back yard where Nat kept a secure metal box. “Zero, six, twenty, fifty-two.” Andrew entered the code and opened the box, finding nothing but a key inside.
Entering the house, Ethan rather angrily threw Kayla off him, as she had been continuing to dig her teeth into his arm. She kept her balance, but was now hunched. “What the fuck are you doing to me?”
“Saving your life,” said Ethan.
“It’s my life. I’ll do what I want with it.”
“You’ll thank me later.”
“Let me go. I’ll scream.”
“You can’t scream. You can’t even stand up straight.”
For the umpteenth time in just the past few days, Ethan was scared for his life. His aunt entered through the front door, holding her purse in one hand and a plate of seemingly leftovers in the other. She saw him and Andrew immediately, and gasped.
“Ethan! What are you doing here?”
He didn’t hesitate, and he couldn’t lie. “Kayla’s here. She’s… Did you hear … anything?” Nat shook her head. “Well, she needs help. She got into drugs.”
“Heroin,” added Andrew.
“So, what’s she doing here?” asked his aunt, squinting as if having figured it out, and starting to be angered.
“Some of Phoebe’s enemies are hunting me because I beat up Kayla’s pimp. Then I brought Kayla here. She needs to get off the drugs.”
Nat angrily set her plate on the dining room table next to her. “Ethan, how could you?” she virtually screamed. “Everybody knows where I live!”
Over-dramatic, Ethan internally commented. “No,” he said, “just the family knows. Just Phoebe, Phoenix, and me and my sister. Oh, and Aunt Scarlet. But that’s it. Dwight doesn’t know. Even Michael doesn’t know.”
“ETHAN!” she screamed. Andrew jumped, but Ethan was unfazed. “They’ll find you here. This is why I stayed out of my sister’s affairs. I like my peace of mind!”
“Phoebe won’t protect me. She told me herself. She’d never risk a war for the sake of one person, even her own kid. She won’t protect me, but she will protect you. Only if you let us stay here, though…”
Nat stormed didn’t reply. She stormed off. Before she could locate Kayla, Ethan sprang up and rushed. He found Kayla off the bed. Her wrist was red, and she was sweating. With more strength than he thought she had, she was pulling on the bed as she continued trying to break free. Ethan picked her up, gently set her on the bed, and laid on top of her. Nat found them like that.
“You’re holding her HOSTAGE?” his aunt screamed.
“She needs help!” countered Ethan. Andrew had entered the room when he added, “I don’t care if she wants it or not. I’m not letting her kill herself.”
Nat was finally starting to calm down. “Ethan,” she said endearingly, “it’s not your choice to make.”
Ethan scowled. “I don’t care.” In his heart, he was prepared to do literally anything it took. Anything necessary. He would even beat his aunt unconscious if she tried to call the cops, then run off with Kayla to the middle of nowhere. Fortunately for everyone, he received the response he wanted.
“If my sister provides me bodyguards, the two of you have no more than a month. Andrew, you can’t stay at all. Clean or not, you’re out of here in a month, nephew. Do you understand?”
“Yeah. Yeah, I understand.”
Nat walked away immediately. The silence that followed highlighted the fact that Kayla didn’t make a sound during that entire altercation. She was awake, breathing just fine, but hadn’t moved.
“Well,” said Andrew. “Good luck with everything. I guess I gotta go.”
“Thank you, Andrew. Really, man, I mean that.”
Andrew only smiled before walking away. When Ethan heard him leave through the front door, he turned toward Kayla. She was looking at him, apparently too tired to move. But with her eyes, she was signaling a message. A message of loathing; almost threatening. Now that the situation had gone his way, and Kayla was now fully his responsibility, he felt comfortable removing the handcuff.
“I know you hate me,” he said to her. “I love you, though. And I promise I’ll protect you.”
–––––––
Ethan had been in the living room after spending the evening talking to his aunt, filling her in on the remaining details leading up to that day. She was significantly more patient than she had been earlier, for which he was thankful. On occasion, he got up to head downstairs and check on Kayla, who had seemed to be asleep. Until … half an hour after Nat fell asleep, Ethan heard something from down the hall.
He knocked on Kayla’s bedroom door, but heard nothing. He opened, immediately seeing the window open and Kayla not present. The hill was several feet below Kayla, who hung from the window frame panicked. Without hesitation, Ethan took an arm and used all his strength to lift her back inside.
“Kayla!” he exhaled. “What were you thinking?”
“It hurts, Ethan! Everything hurts!” cried Kayla. Her breathing was labored, and she couldn’t keep even a remotely straight posture. Her eyes were swollen, seemingly from crying or perhaps from the beginning of withdrawals, and the bruises around them were darker. All her body was even worse than it was before. “I don’t want to be here! Let me go!”
Ethan held her firmly, partly supporting her weight. “I’m not letting go. This is going to hurt for a while, Kayla.” She fought him, but he didn’t let go. This lasted for several minutes, until Ethan finally threw her against the bed. She was unharmed, but shocked. Her ferocity calmed. To Ethan, she didn’t seem to have had a change of heart about the situation, but had given up opposing him in any way. “I know you want to change,” he said while thinking of what to say. “You… You don’t need to treat me like this. I’m trying to help you. Don’t you get that?”
“I didn’t ask for your help,” said Kayla, coldly.
“Yeah, you probably never would. But I still helped you anyway. We’re family. Do you really think I’ll just let you kill yourself like this?”
“Everyone else did. Why not?”
“Well,
if your family abandoned you, then … they’re assholes. This is what I think family should do. It’s our job to … to … interfere when somebody’s hurting themselves, and … stand up to each other if that’s what it takes to protect each other.” He felt his resolve strengthening as he spoke. Kayla didn’t reply. She seemed to be falling asleep, while also glaring at him. “Can I make a deal with you? I’ll promise you something.”
Kayla rolled her eyes. “…What?”
“If you sober up… And you still want me to leave you alone… I’ll leave you alone. Even… Even if you relapse.”
Kayla inhaled deeply, opening her eyes just wide enough for him to see her pupils. “Fine,” she said. “You swore.”
–––––––
“Someone at the door for you, Ethan,” said Nat.
He had been sitting on the floor in Kayla’s room, absentmindedly watching her while she took her second nap of the day, and it was only noon. Ethan rose, taking one more look at her to make sure Kayla was asleep before he left. When he went upstairs to the open front door, he found Lilith standing there alone.
They stepped outside. Lilith said the first word. “Well, this is different, even for you.”
“Do you need something?”
“No, but you do.”
Lilith paused, for some reason. “I’m not in the mood for guessing games. Just say why you’re here.”
“Well, Mom’s pretty upset with you … again. Turns out, Roland has ties to one of the families.”
“What’s your point?”
“My point,” sighed Lilith, “is that tensions are high right now. You disrupted the peace. Normally that gets you killed. Lucky you, though; you’re a boss’ kid.” She smiled with obvious sarcasm. “Still… Not good enough. Roland put a bounty on your head and promised to lift it if you return his girls.”
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