by Avril Ashton
He did stop, long enough to pour some more oil on the other thing he’d gotten from the fridge. Then he pressed the cold cucumber to Reggie’s ass.
“Oh fuck!” Reggie’s nails scoured the surface of the table, leaving thin scratches behind. “Is.”
Israel licked him, the inside of his left thigh, nosing him, inhaling as he went to work, fucking Reggie with the cucumber almost as thick as his wrist. It took a minute to get it in there, but once it breached that tight ring, Reggie flinched, legs trembling, head knocking against the table, body writhing.
Israel fucked him hard. Punishment, he had to take that shit out on someone, and Reggie volunteered. Israel focused on him, loving him, needing him, unable to think about anyone and anything but Reggie. Them.
“Fuck me.” Reggie’s voice, man. Need, agony, and lust. All wrapped up tight in those two words. “Go deeper.” He pulled his knees up, held himself there, and Israel pushed the cucumber all the way, until only his fingers were visible. “Ung. Is.” His eyes rolled back. “Don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop.”
Who they were. The trust they had in each other. Israel took advantage of all of right then, removing his fingers and leaning forward. He put his mouth on Reggie, on his hole, licking the very end of the cucumber, tongue swirling. Under his touch Reggie’s skin pulsed hot, contracting.
The cucumber appeared and Israel pulled on it.
Hard, pulling it out and dropping it at his feet.
“Ah God!” Reggie screamed, body bowing up, off the table. He panted, eyelids riding low. “Is. Please.”
“Tell me.” First words he’d spoken in what felt like hours, and his throat was for shit.
“Take what you want.”
He rose to a crouch over Reggie. “I want you.” He reached below, pushed two fingers in and twisted. Reggie tightened around him. “Only thing I’ll ever want.”
Reggie’s jaw ticked. “Then fucking take me.” He pushed back on Israel’s fingers. “Take me. Fuck me. Use my body.”
Cock in hand, Israel did just that. He brought his dick to Reggie’s entrance and dipped inside.
Reggie’s head fell back. Ecstasy written in every line of his body. Israel pulled out.
“Fuck.” Reggie fought him on that retreat. Grabbing his ass, wrapping his legs around Israel. “Is. Need you.”
“I need you more,” Israel whispered. “I need you more.”
“Give it to me.” Reggie sank his fingers into Israel’s ass cheeks. “Deep as fuck, Is. Let me feel you in my bones. Everything. You and me.”
Israel pressed in again, and he didn’t stop, not until he was all the way inside that heat. All the way lost in there. But he stared into Reggie’s eyes and found himself at the same time. Amid all that pain and pleasure, he found himself.
“You and me,” Israel whispered. “Always.”
“Take what you need.”
He reared back and slammed in. They both cried out. The absolute agony of Reggie’s clasp on him was fucking everything. He closed his eyes, every sensation registering as he pounded away. Reggie gave him everything, legs around his waist, hands on his ass, urging him on and faster. Body taking him deeper, holding him tighter.
They fucked on the table, dirty and raw.
Fucking heaven.
Israel bent his head, Reggie met him halfway and they were in each other’s mouths, tongues and teeth clashing, licking, biting as they grunted and groaned, while the table rocked and groaned under their weight.
“Ungh.” Reggie’s teeth clamped down on Israel’s tongue. His ass got tighter. “Right there. Yess.” He hissed. “Is. God, right there.” He grabbed Israel by the nape. “Stay on that fucking spot.”
Like he’d stop. As if he could. He drove in and out, break-neck speed, and Reggie slammed up onto him, riding Israel, fucking him, too. Fighting for closer, too.
Israel had to blink to clear the arousal from his gaze. Quick enough to catch that expression on Reggie’s face. His eyes were closed, head tilted back as his Adam’s apple moved up and down. His lips were parted and wet as he panted. All that hunger on his features.
“You take my breath,” Israel whispered. “You take my fucking breath, Reg.”
Reggie’s eyes flew open. Gaze unfocused. “I love you.” He clamped down and around Israel.
Inside him, Israel’s cock jerked. “Swear to God. You know what you do to me.”
“Come for me,” Reggie arched his back. “On me.”
“Fuck.” Israel pulled out quickly, hand at the base of his shaft as he straddled Reggie atop the table. He took Reggie’s mouth as his lover palmed his ass, a tight, possessive grip. Israel stroked himself as he fucked Reggie’s’ mouth. All that nasty shit they got up to. All that shit he loved.
“Touch yourself.” His rough voice cracked. He was already gone. “Reg.”
“I’m here.” Reggie jerked himself off. Israel didn’t have to glance down their bodies to know. “I’m here.”
“Fuck.” Head thrown back, Israel groaned. “Coming. Reg. Fuck. Fuck.” He emptied himself on Reggie’s chest and throat, marking his body.
“Shit.” Reggie’s yell echoed as he stiffened and came as well.
Israel collapsed on top of him and the table gave out, crashing to the floor.
Israel pressed his face against Reggie’s, his lover’s arms around him. Their cum glued them together, but they didn’t move. Israel stroked Reggie’s face.
“I love you.”
Reggie nodded. “I know.”
‘Thank you,” he brushed a kiss over Reggie’s lips. “For knowing what I need.”
“Always.”
Yeah. Israel knew that.
Always.
Chapter Nine
Levi crept downstairs the next morning, but saw no signs of Donovan. He told himself that was a good thing, even managed to heave a relived smile.
Until he walked into the kitchen.
Donovan stood over the stove, cooking something that smelled suspiciously like bacon. Wearing black sweats and navy blue t-shirt that showed off his arms. The muscles. And his ass that Levi was trying really hard not to stare at.
“I made breakfast.” Van didn’t even look up, just kept his head bent over the pot.
Levi stayed where he was, in the doorway. He didn’t want to be here right now. This felt too familiar. Gave him that weird déjà vu sensation.
“I was going to bring it up to you…” He glanced over his shoulder then, eyes cautious, as though he didn’t know how Levi would react after last night when he’d allowed his despair and loneliness to rule him.
When he’d gotten on his knees. Gotten fucked.
“Still like your eggs the same?”
With the yoke all runny. He jerked a nod. “Yes.” From day one Donovan Cintron had unarmed him, making it impossible for Levi to push him away. He’d thought for sure their seven years apart would help with that, but no. And really, it wasn’t about the cooking for Levi because it would take a whole lot of bacon grease to fix what the fuck was wrong with them. Donovan’s presence itself, the way he looked at Levi then and now, they remained the same.
Making Levi want to do anything, give everything, to him.
Like last night.
“Come sit.”
He focused on Donovan and found he’d put their filled plates on the table, and stood waiting for Levi to approach.
He didn’t want to approach. He didn’t want to be near Donovan, eat with him, and watch him watch Levi. He might strip naked again. Beg for skin again. Or maybe let Van do some of the begging this time.
He went anyway, because keeping his distance was so Goddamn hard. Which is how he came to be seated opposite the man he’d married, eating breakfast, while pretending the entire thing didn’t hurt as much as it did. That last night didn’t happen when it did. The food was like sandpaper on his tongue for all the attention Levi paid to it.
Such a loud silence and the three of them, Levi, Donovan, and the night before.
<
br /> “I want to talk to Izek,” Van said out of the blue.
Levi froze with the glass of orange juice at his lips. He lifted his head, narrowed his eyes at Donovan. “What?”
“You heard me.” Van leaned forward, chewing slowly. “I want to talk to Izek.”
“Pablo took him to a friend in Costa Rica, but my son hasn’t asked for you in a long, long time, Donovan. He doesn’t remember you.” He tightened his fingers around the glass. “I’m grateful for that.”
“Our son. I’ve got the papers to prove my claim on him,” Donovan said with a gleam in his eye. “Just like I have the papers to prove my claim on you.”
This fucker right here. Levi let his mouth curve. “You still think you’ve got claims on me, Donovan?” He kept his tone low, despite the anger on slow boil.
“I don’t think.” Donovan’s words, the expression on his face, were a challenge. “I know. I know, even though you did all you could to hide from me. Last night when you riding me proved it.”
Okay. So they were going there. “Don’t act like I left you. You let me go. You had a choice and you made it.” He put the juice down got up, took the single step over to Donovan’s side and bent to murmur in his ear “You stood next to that fucking Dutch and you let me go. Own it. You let me walk out that door.”
One of Donovan’s brows lifted. Mocking disbelief. “Really. And if I had asked you to stay?” He stood, and Levi shifted backward, but Donovan got into Levi’s personal space, bumping his chest.
He smelled like Sunday mornings in their house in San Diego. Sunday mornings when they let Izek eat and watch cartoon in his bedroom, and did the same in theirs. Breakfast in bed. Coffee kisses. Donovan smelled like those coffee kisses.
“If I had fought with you, challenged your need to get as far away from me as possible, would you have done it? Given me a chance, that chance?” Donovan asked
Levi didn’t have to think about it. Certain things you know. Certain things you can never escape or forget. Like the flecks of amber in Donovan’s eyes. Still there, still capturing and holding Levi’s gaze. Much like the night they met when he’d stumbled all over his words while staring into those eyes.
He’d stared into them every day after that for three years. Across pillows and dining tables, across rooms. He’d been so sure of those eyes.
Lying eyes.
“Yes.” He walked away, to the sink. Just as he reached to turn on the tap, Donovan’s touch settled on his shoulder. Heavy.
“You don’t get to say yes then walk away.” Donovan spun him around. “You’re black or white. No areas in between for you, so I don’t for a fucking minute believe you would have stayed with me if I’d asked. You don’t do gray areas.”
Levi smiled up into his face. “Guess we’re even then. Because I didn’t know you, and you didn’t know me.”
“I loved you,” Donovan said slowly. “I would have died for you.”
“Before or after you violated my trust, lied to me, and pretended to be somebody you weren’t?”
Donovan flinched. “You didn’t give me a chance to explain,” he whispered. “You didn’t wait for me to tell you why I spent three years with you when it was only supposed to six months, tops. You ran away.” His voice rose. “You ran the fuck away from me, as if I were a threat to you and Izek.”
Shame sent him running, kept him running. But that hadn’t been the only thing.
“Your father threatened Izek if I didn’t leave you for good.”
Donovan jerked, anger and confusion darkening his eyes, turning them black. “If you didn’t leave me? You’d already left me.”
Levi twisted away, giving Donovan his back as he washed his hands, trying to get the words out while putting distance between them. “I was coming back,” he said softly. “I— Gia was gone and I wanted—” He’d wanted his husband. He’d wanted Donovan to make the nightmare go away. Only Donovan had been the one to create the fucking nightmare. Still… “I was coming back.”
“Except you didn’t come back.” Donovan’s breath touched Levi’s nape.
He shivered, and grabbed on to the edge of the countertop.
“You didn’t come back.”
No, he didn’t.
“Dutch told me you’d died from the crash.” All of Donovan was pressed to Levi’s back. He held himself still, not daring to breathe, mentally yelling at his pulse and his heart to slow the fuck down. “I grieved you. You not only let me think you were gone, but Izek as well.” The words rattled at Levi’s nape. “I mourned you. I put my gun to mouth, that’s how bad I wanted to be with you. That’s how bad I wanted you.”
Levi’s mouth opened, the shock of that revelation soundless.
“Dutch stopped me.” Donovan grunted. “But I have been missing you every second of every day for seven years.”
Levi shook his head, unsure of what exactly he was saying no to.
With one hand on Levi’s nape, Donovan turned him until they were face to face. Not that Levi made it difficult for him. His eyes were serious, gaze somber. “I know what you want. You want me to be sorry, to apologize for putting that ring on your finger, but I can’t. Don’t you get it? I can’t.”
Levi backed up, into the cupboard. “What?” Was he for real? “You lied to me, you betrayed me.” And he wasn’t sorry?
“You want me to say I’d do shit differently if I could. But I won’t. Because I’d do it all the same. Everything. I’d go through it all again. For you.” He grabbed Levi’s chin tight and pinned him in place with his gaze. “To have you look at me liked you did back then, when I was yours. When I was just yours and you, you were just mine.” He bent, lips hovering right…there, breath hot and intoxicating against Levi’s chin. “I’d do it all over again, if it means I get to do this, touch you and hold you like I did back then. Like I did last night.”
“No.” Levi shook off the stupid drugging effect Donovan had on him, and ducked away. “I can’t—” Levi couldn’t go there again. He couldn’t think past this, now.
“You left me,” Donovan said behind him. “And as I watched you walk away I couldn’t stop wishing for one more.”
Levi glanced over his shoulder. “One more?”
“One more lazy morning staring at you from across the pillow.” Donovan’s mouth twisted. “One more ‘Van, pick your shit up off the floor’.” He chuckled then. Warm and real and nostalgic, but short. Way too short. “One more ‘stop eating all the goddamn ice cream’.” His eyes got heavy, sad, lost. “One more day of us.”
Levi missed those days too. Back when he lived in oblivion, and shared a bed and a home with a stranger. He’d been happy. Admitting that wasn’t the easiest thing, but he’d been goddamn happy living that lie, fucking that stranger, building that house of cards. When the strong wind blew and scattered everything he thought he knew, everything he loved, that loss sank bone deep.
Beyond.
Heartbreak smelled like Donovan’s naked skin, fresh from the shower. The ensuing anguish tasted like Donovan’s kisses. And the devastation of their relationship? Felt like Donovan’s arms, strong and tight around him. The man before him personified the wreckage of what used to be. Levi couldn’t divorce himself from that reality. There’d be no getting close without remembering. No kisses. No touching.
No repeats.
“I remember us,” Donovan whispered. “I remember how long you made me wait before I got up in it.”
Not as long as Levi had planned, for fucking sure.
“And I remember the first time I went down on it, put that destroyed look in your eyes.” Donovan sidled closer, his body heat and words inflaming Levi who stood rooted to the spot, trapped in the past and its memories.
So good. Those memories, they were so good. They made Levi want and wish and lust for that time, that man. “I remember things, too.” Levi cleared his throat. “I remember when my heart broke. When I learned you’d betrayed me. I remember the date and time, down to the second, that I realized you we
re a fraud and a liar. And I remember…” His voice trailed off as he took a step back, away from the temptation Donovan Cintron would always be. “I remember when you destroyed me, and you weren’t even on your knees with my dick in your mouth that time.”
Regret came and went in Donovan’s eyes, but right now Levi didn’t want apologies. He didn’t want the stilted regrets. He wanted all the things Donovan promised, but never intended to deliver. Mostly he wanted oblivion, for the memories to fade. The hurt to stop. Anything to control the bleed.
“I loved you.” Donovan said it like those three words were supposed to wipe it all away, that pain. He spoke the words like they would magically right the wrongs he’d committed, erase the lies.
Levi cocked his head with a snort. “That why you hurt me, ’cause you loved me? Is that why you chose your job and the despicable Dutch, because you loved me?”
“You wanted to go.” Donovan stepped forward again, and this time Levi refused to retreat. He held his ground. Lifted his chin and folded his arms.
“I wanted a lot of things,” he said softly. “You didn’t bother giving me any of them.”
One of Donovan’s eyebrows shot up. “No? You wanted to be free to fuck Castillo. I didn’t come kicking down your doors, did I? I gave you that.”
Levi’s eyes widened.
“Yes. I knew about you and him, and that house in Philly.” Donovan took another step and was instantly in Levi’s face, chest to chest, breath blasting, body hard, stance aggressive. “I knew where you were, and who you were doing in that three-story brownstone.”
He knew? Levi stumbled backward and twisted away, but Donovan grabbed his arm, shoving him face first into the wall, and trapped him there, his front to Levi’s back.
Body to body.
“I stood back and listened while he touched you.” Donovan’s voice was a snarl, his hold on Levi pinching, painful, but Levi didn’t move or make a sound. He held himself stiff, forehead against the wall, struggling to breathe.
Everything about Donovan made that shit hard.
Everything about Donovan made Levi hard.