by Eve R. Hart
A pained expression crossed his face before he dropped his gaze to the floor. That proved to me that I wasn’t going to get any sort of explanation and I knew that before I’d even asked the question.
“Let’s just start over,” I suggested.
I knew it wasn’t going to be as easy as flipping a switch, but I felt like we had to try. If we were ever going to move forward we had to let go of the past. Though I wasn’t sure what had even happened back then. All I knew was how I felt at the sudden exit he had made in my life. It was almost as bad as how he’d been treating me since I’d moved in.
“It’s not that simple, Gwen. You’re a smart girl, you should know this. There is…” His voice trailed off and if I wasn’t mistaken, he seemed a little emotional. His hand came up and swiped his hair behind his ear.
“Hi, I’m Gwen. I’m a college student, in my last year. I’m majoring in Human Services so that I can work with hospitals to help counsel families dealing with a loved one that has a terminal illness.” I cringed internally at how it came out. But that was the gist of what I wanted to do.
I had an idea that Knight would understand the reasoning behind why I’d chosen it. And when his eyes grew wide at my words, I knew he got it. But it wasn’t something we were going to talk about right then.
His features softened as his eyes roamed my face for a moment before returning back to look into mine. I swallowed hard and pushed on before I could break down.
“I just moved to town. So far I love it. There is a lot to do here. I’m a pretty good roommate. I don’t leave a mess around and I don’t have crazy wild parties…or sex.” I whispered the last part and followed it up with a half smile so he would know I was messing around. He let out a huffed laugh and I knew I’d been successful in breaking the tension.
“I don’t have many friends down here, but I would love it if you would be one of them.” I flashed him my most charming smile, to which, he rolled his eyes.
“Friends?” he asked and I didn’t miss the slight twitch on the left side of his lips. “I think I can do that.”
“Cool,” I said like it wasn’t a big deal. “So, Mr. Tattooed Roommate, tell me something about you.”
“Gwen,” he whispered like I was being completely ridiculous. I fluttered my lashes at him. He straightened up and cleared his throat. “I’m Knight. I don’t often have crazy, wild parties here but sometimes my brothers like to show up randomly to hang out. But they are all pretty respectful.”
I chuckled because it wasn’t like I didn’t already know this. I also didn’t miss how he hadn’t said anything about sex. I did my best not to think about it. It wasn’t like he’d brought anyone home while I’d been here, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t doing things at the club. It wasn’t my business, and if I wanted to repair or rebuild something between us, I needed to push all of that out of my mind.
“I can live with that,” I said as I shot him a playful wink. “So, I was just about to order some Chinese food and watch a movie. Want to join?”
“Yeah, I could eat.” The smile that overtook his face was brilliant. I couldn’t lie and say it didn’t give me some sort of weird flutter in my belly, but I didn’t let myself over analyze it.
With that, we moved out into the living room. I ordered the food then he let me pick the movie. At my selection, he gave me a huge roll of his eyes and my head fell back as I laughed.
This was new, yet not. It was familiar, yet strained. I knew it wasn’t like we could actually forget all the things we knew about each other and just the simple act of me choosing a movie proved that.
The movie had provided a comfortable distraction. We got through it without tension and the moment it was over I decided not to press my luck. So, with a smile plastered on my face to hide my trepidation, I jumped up and started cleaning the mess we had made on the coffee table. After I washed the dishes I came back out to find Knight still sitting in the same position he’d been the whole movie. His body was relaxed into the corner of the couch and his strong arms were spread out wide, one resting on the back of the couch and the other flopped over the arm. His eyes were on the blank TV but I could tell his head was somewhere else.
“Thanks, roomie,” I said as I forced my feet to carry me in the direction of my room. “Night…Knight.” I resisted the urge to giggle at that.
He didn’t say anything or even respond like he had heard me. So, I did my best to shrug it off and move on. As I was about to pass him, his hand snagged my wrist and I froze. I didn’t dare move. I don’t think I even breathed as I waited for what was to happen next. There was no move to look at me or to even let me know that he was aware of what he’d done.
After a long second, his thumb brushed lightly over the inside of my wrist, only once, but it was enough to let me know that he was aware of what he was doing.
“I missed you, too,” he whispered and then I saw his throat bob with a hard swallow.
Then like it was all too much, his fingers slipped away from me. I would have given anything to have his touch again but I knew I wouldn’t get it.
Tears welled in my eyes and I fought hard to hold them back. My throat was so thick that I knew I wouldn’t be able to force any words out. Not that I actually could form any. I managed a timid nod and scooted off to my room as quickly as my legs would take me.
It wasn’t until I was safely tucked away behind the closed door that I let myself fall apart. Knowing that the place wasn’t soundproof, far from it actually, I did my best to keep my sobs silent and control my breathing. It felt like forever before I was able to pull my shit together and stop crying.
Those words. It was a stab to my heart at the same time someone was shocking the stupid muscle back to life. It tore me open and put me back together all at once. I wasn’t stupid enough to think that everything would be alright and all I could do was hope that this meant we could move forward. That we could be something positive in one another’s life.
Completely drained emotionally and physically, I crawled under the comforter and closed my eyes. I was hesitant and scared of what tomorrow would bring because I wasn’t sure how to do this. How could I be a friend to the man who obviously had control of my heart?
CHAPTER NINE
Knight
I missed you, too.
For a long moment, I sat there and wished more than anything I could have taken those words back. It wasn’t because I didn’t mean them, it was because the look that clouded her eyes both elated and killed me. Even though I wasn’t looking directly at her, it didn’t meant I didn’t catch that shit out of the corner of my eye. I could see that with one simple statement, I had opened the gate to all things emotional.
My only relief was when she walked off into her room without a word.
Being around her was the sweetest kind of torture. Touching her was like being cold and touching the hottest fire. I knew it would burn me, but at the time I didn’t care.
I wanted to go back in time. I wanted to be ten again. I wanted to be playing checkers with a six-year-old Gwen and doing my best to make all the wrong moves. I wanted that childlike giddiness that she held on her face when she thought she beat me. I mean she did, but only because I let her. Because that joy that radiated off of her at the end was worth more than winning.
I wanted our lives to be as simple as they had been back then. Carefree days of hanging out with my best friend in the summer sun. Little moments when we told our secrets to each other when no one else was around. Those times of feeling the closeness that seeped past our skin and into our souls.
When I was younger, I never imagined that life could be so hard. That the choices I made would stick and haunt me for a lifetime. And here I was, not sure if I wanted to try and fix my mistakes of the past or hammer that decision in harder.
As much as I wanted to push Gwen away, I knew I’d never be able to. So, I had a choice to make and this time I had to be sure because either way, there was no going back from it. There would be no
fixing it. No do-over, so to speak. This would carve our destiny in stone.
As I lay in bed later that night, my hand inching its way to my throbbing, hard cock in search of some relief, I couldn’t help but wonder if I really even had a choice in the matter. That there was just no way in hell I’d ever be able to let her go.
“Oh, fuck,” I whispered in a harsh breath as I gave into my fantasy.
The one where Gwen pushed her way into my room, wearing only those thin cotton shorts and barely there shirt. I could almost see her perky little tits attempting to peek out of that shirt, her nipples hard peaks beneath the flimsy fabric.
As I pushed the waistband of my boxers down I knew there was no going back. My fist wrapped around my hard length, squeezing just a little tighter than necessary. I didn’t care. I tugged as I imagined how hot and tight her pussy would feel around me. I heard her damn breathy moans as if they were right in my ear.
I heard myself grunt a little less than quietly but I was too far gone to care. Imagining what her breasts would look like as she rode me like there was no tomorrow, had my balls drawing up. My hips bucked with a sporadic rhythm as I fucked my hand trying to find my release.
I was so close I could feel it. I fisted myself harder, tugged a little faster. Every muscle felt locked tight in my body. My heavy pants of breath filled the room. Then I saw her fucking amazing smile in my mind and I came, calling out her name on a strangled whisper.
My bones melted into the mattress beneath me and though my dick was deflating and sensitive, I didn’t release it. My free hand slapped against my bare chest right over my heart. I felt the fast pounding slow to a normal rhythmic beating. Releasing a long, drawn-out breath, my hand finally slipped free of my cock.
The feeling of my cooling cum had me getting to my feet and making my way into the shower. The hot water pelting down on my skin did nothing to ease the tension that had returned to my muscles. As I washed, I couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to shower with her. I wondered what it would be like if she was here right then. The stupid thoughts had me hard again in seconds.
I slammed my hand against the cold tile and my head soon followed. I stared down at my cock and shook my head as it mockingly pointed up at me.
“Fuck,” I breathed out in a harsh breath.
There was no way in hell I was going to stand there and jack-off again. I had to regain some damn control at some point, and I swore to myself that it was going to start right then.
Without another thought about Gwen or how sexy as fuck she would look in the shower with me right then, I flipped the handle all the way to cold and stood there until I could no longer pound nails with my damn dick. Which took a long fucking minute.
What the hell was wrong with me?
Gwen. That was what. I couldn’t be around her yet, I had no choice but to be. And now, with this new friendship, shit, I felt like I was locked into actually being nice. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be, it was that it was really hard to walk that thin line between friendly and want. Because let’s just face it, I wanted her like I’d never wanted anything or anyone before.
I shut the water off with an angry flick of my wrist. Then dried myself off until my skin felt sensitive even to the soft touch of the towel.
The night went by in a blur of images and thoughts. Maybe I should just explain everything to her. I knew this ‘forget the past’ thing wasn’t going to work but then again, it was almost like I was given a second chance. Bringing up what I’d done and why I’d done it would only snatch that gift away. Was I really ready to throw it all away?
While I was smart enough to know that this would all come back to bite me in the ass, by the time morning greeted me, I had decided to make the most of it. I’d take this second chance, this new beginning, and fucking run with it the best that I could.
CHAPTER TEN
Gwen
I wished I could have said that everything was roses and rainbows after Knight and I had decided to put the past behind us and start fresh, but it wasn’t. That wasn’t to say that it was horrible. I had wondered if Knight would revert back to the cold, distant man I’d come to know lately. And while he did seem to pull back a little, it wasn’t anywhere near what I expected.
After a few weeks, we’d found ourselves in sort of a roommate routine. I’d wake, make us coffee and breakfast, then he would clean up the mess as I darted out the door to class. We even sat together and ate. And, believe it or not, we carried on conversations like we were friends.
The night after Knight had run Tara off, I apologized to her over and over. She seemed to accept it but I could tell she still wasn’t all that fond of him. Matter of fact, she would always ask if he was at the apartment before she came over. While I couldn’t excuse his attitude that night, there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it. I had hoped that he would come home one day and right that wrong. I knew once he showed Tara his true personality that she would like him.
In truth, the real Knight, past and present, was a perfect balance of fun and protective. He laughed—and it didn’t slip past me that he did so often around me now that the tension had eased a bit. He was serious when he needed to be, or more so when he knew I needed him to be. He took time to hang out with me, but also made sure I was keeping up with my studying. He wouldn’t ever let me slack off. Not even a little.
I felt like we were finally in a good place, or if not there exactly, we were headed on our way there.
But my life wasn’t all about Knight. I made sure that I didn’t completely isolate myself with only his friendship. Here I had what I’d craved while I was in Cali but I also made sure not to become dependent on that one side of my life. The club, while it was awesome and the brothers were great, wasn’t the entire existence I wanted for myself. If I was going to make my life like I had set out to do three years ago, then I was going to have to have a well-rounded balance of everything.
I was still currently trying to find the best balance. It would have been easy for me to rely on the guys, especially because it seemed like every time I turned around one of them was there. And I wasn’t stupid, I knew this was my dad’s doing. Or maybe Knight’s. Okay, it was probably a combination of both of them, but I wasn’t about to take it for granted.
“Alright,” I said tossing down my pen on the coffee table. “I think we’ve done enough for one night. Besides, all these words are starting to blur together.” I leaned back on the couch and glanced over at Tara who looked about as done as I felt.
“Yeah, no arguments there.” She let out a little laugh as she snapped the book closed that was sitting on her lap.
That was the moment the front door burst open and an uproar of manly chaos filled the apartment. Five of the brothers walked in with bags hanging from each of their arms, Knight pushing his way in very last.
“I should, um, go,” Tara said at the sudden intrusion. While I didn’t want her to feel like she had to run every time we weren’t alone, the last thing I wanted was for her to feel uncomfortable.
“No, stay,” B-ry said before I could even get a word out. “We’re making nachos.” He flashed Tara a charming smile then ducked into the kitchen.
“We may look big and scary,” Mouse said walking into the room and tossing his arm over my shoulders, “but we’re pretty much giant teddy bears.”
I rolled my eyes and smacked him on the stomach with the back of my hand. Then I resisted the urge to shake off the sharp pain that radiated through my fingers at the collision with his hard abs.
Shit, when did he get so fit?
“Speak for yourself!” Sketch yelled from the kitchen.
Sure, he may have been a prospect, but I could tell he was already in tight with the guys. He’d been working at the tattoo shop that the club more or less owned since it opened. He had a connection to someone in the South Carolina club and when he got wind of the new chapter opening up a tattoo shop here, he didn’t hesitate to bring his skills to the table.
> Branded In Ink was pretty much named after Brand. He was from the Moon Hill chapter but from what I’d picked up, had only been there a few years. I’d met him a couple of times and he seemed like a pretty fun guy. Sketch had told me that Brand wasn’t the one to actually name the shop and when Brand had shown up to the shop after the sign was up, he seemed less than thrilled with the business’ title. I got the feeling that Brand wasn’t one to hog the light. While he had a boyish, playful air about him, he seemed like he could be a bit shy at times.
I had yet to meet Blade, the other guy that worked there. He not only did tattoos but he was the shop’s piercer. From what I’d heard he was huge, like muscles on top of muscles. He sounded like someone I definitely wouldn’t want to get a hole put in me by. And the name didn’t help either. He wasn’t currently part of the club or even prospecting, but by the way the guys talked about him, I could tell they still considered him part of the family.
“So, you like nachos?” Mouse asked Tara after she didn’t respond to anything that anyone had said to her.
“Um, yeah, okay,” she managed to get out.
I remembered her being shy the first time she approached me in the coffee shop. It seemed that once she warmed up to someone she was a completely different person because now she could talk my ear off. Not that I minded at all. It was nice to have someone to talk to, especially one that understood what it was like to be a girl. I had no doubt that once she hung around the guys for a bit that she would relax around them and come out of her shell.
“Well come on then, sweet thing. Tell me what you want on ‘em,” Mouse said as he moved toward her, tossed his arm around her shoulders, then walked her to the kitchen.
Knight passed them and gave Tara a small chin lift but didn’t say anything. In fact, he didn’t even look at her for longer than a flicker of his eyes. I knew he wasn’t being dismissive on purpose, it was more like his eyes couldn’t help but to lock onto mine.