Upstairs the doctor was ordering Gert out of the way. He bent over Molly and examined her. ‘It’ll soon be over, my dear,’ he said briskly. ‘We’re going to give you something to make things easier for you.’ She thought he looked a strange kind of angel. A rubber mask was placed over her nose and mouth. It smelled peculiar and for a brief moment Molly struggled against it. Then as the pain ebbed she went with it.
* * *
Molly emerged from what felt like a deep, dark well, aware of pain still though it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as it had been. She forced her eyelids to open and saw Cath sitting next to the bed. ‘My baby?’ croaked Molly, throat as dry as the beach on a scorching day.
‘It was a miracle,’ Cath told her. ‘He wasn’t breathing when he came out but somehow he got him started. Or that’s what Gert said.’
‘He?’
‘The doctor Mr Collins brought.’
Molly could scarcely believe it. ‘How did he—?’
‘I went for him, of course. I couldn’t let you die. After the baby was born he sat here for ages with his head in his hands until you came round a bit. Then you drifted off again and Mr Collins left.’
‘When was that?’
‘This afternoon. You’ve been out of it for hours.’
Molly tried to remember what she had said to send Cath flying to Nathan for help and was frightened. ‘Was Ma here?’
‘Downstairs. She arrived with the priest and wanted the baby christened there and then. They nearly came to blows. Mr Collins wasn’t having it and went on about you not being a Catholic. She demanded to know who he was and you’ll never believe what he came up with.’ Unexpectedly Cath smiled.
‘What?’ said Molly faintly.
‘He said he was a vicar. She asked where his dog collar was and he said even vicars had holidays.’ Molly stared at her and Cath giggled. ‘He baptised the baby – and so did the priest.’
Molly thought, I must be dreaming, Cath’s finding that funny. ‘Why didn’t you tell her the truth? Or are you going to hold this over my head to blackmail me into doing something else for you? Perhaps you want money this time?’
Cath went very still. Then she snapped, ‘I find that insulting after I just saved your life. The baby was a breech. I don’t know why I bothered! Frank’s my brother, you know, even if he is a bossy sod and Ma thinks he’s God’s gift to mankind.’
‘I’m sorry – I’m sorry!’ Molly’s face crumbled and she reached out one hand. ‘But you’re only here because you threatened me. What else am I to think?’
Cath gave a tight smile. ‘Perhaps you’re right to think I want something. I’ll continue to keep my mouth shut about you and Mr Collins carrying on if you stay away from him from now on. Cross my heart and hope to die.’
Molly eased herself higher in the bed, wincing as she did so. ‘I am not carrying on. It only happened once. Just before Frank came back from the dead. The baby could be Frank’s or his.’
‘Mr Collins obviously believes it’s his,’ said Cath, pulling a face.
‘Obviously.’ Molly snuggled down in the bed again and closed her eyes. ‘You shouldn’t have gone for him. You should have let me die.’
‘The baby too?’
She sighed. ‘No. But what if Ma goes on about him to Frank?’
‘So what? You just say he was one of those exchange vicars from another part of the country. Although why I’m prepared to lie for the pair of you, I don’t know.’
‘Me neither. Perhaps it’s something to do with Mr Collins being able to put Jimmy out of a job. They’re not that easy to come by,’ Molly was feeling extremely tired by now.
‘You’re more devious than me. I’ll get the baby, shall I?’ Cath’s voice was gentle all of a sudden. ‘For hours he’s done nothing but sleep but he’s awake now, fretting and sucking his fist.’
‘Thanks.’
For several minutes after she left Molly lay, wishing she had been aware of Nathan here in the room. Would he be back? She pushed herself up, gritting her teeth and finding difficulty in moving her legs. She lifted the covers and peered underneath.
‘They’ve tied your legs together,’ explained Ma, standing in the doorway. ‘Real fancy stitching you’ve got down there, according to Gert. You’re to stay in bed and take things easy. Holy Mary, girl, yer still as white as a sheet! Lost a lot of blood according to Gert. You need to get some stout down yer.’
‘Give me him here.’ Molly held out her arms for her son.
With obvious reluctance Ma handed him over. ‘I suppose our Cath’s told you about his baptisms? I’ve never heard of such a thing in all my born days.’
‘She didn’t say what you’d named him,’ murmured Molly, searching her son’s face anxiously for similarities to Nathan. She stroked the corner of his Cupid’s bow mouth and his lips puckered.
‘George Francis,’ said Ma.
‘Nice.’ Molly began to undo the buttons on her nightgown. She could not tell by looking at him who his father was. His hair was scanty and white blond. His eyes were dark but that didn’t mean anything. His face was puffy so at the moment she could not say he was the handsomest of babies, but for all that her heart ached with love for him. He was her son and that was what counted at the moment.
She was aware of Ma, sitting on the bed gazing adoringly at George, and thought, If she can feel such love for this child, who am I to hold her faults against her? After all, I’m as much of a sinner as she is: a liar, a thief and an adulteress. God forgive me! As the baby began to suckle she tried to imagine Frank’s face when he saw him.
* * *
‘I knew you’d have a boy,’ said her husband jubilantly, standing close to Molly, one hand caressing her shoulder as she cradled the baby. ‘He’s not a bad-looking little fella, is he?’
‘He’s a beautiful baby and he’s baptised and everything,’ said Ma proudly.
‘So you were saying. Twice. That’s crazy, but what’s it matter? I must thank both of them.’
‘Mine’s gone back down south,’ said Molly swiftly.
Ma dropped a soiled nappy in a bucket. ‘D’yer want me to wash these for yer, Moll?’
She smiled. ‘I think you’ve done enough. Your Josie’ll be wondering where you are.’
‘Ma’s in her element.’ Frank kissed the top of Molly’s head. ‘You don’t know how it makes me feel, seeing the pair of you together. We’re a proper little family now.’
‘And little is how I want it to stay, Frank,’ said Molly as his mother disappeared into the back kitchen.
‘Here, Moll, let me hold him?’ He held out his arms for George.
‘Did you hear me, Frank?’ Her voice trembled.
He rocked the baby gently. ‘Look! His eyes have opened. He’s staring straight at me.’
‘Recognises his dad, that’s why.’
‘Dad! I’m a dad,’ he crowed.
‘Yes. And dads have responsibilities. I don’t want any more children. Are you listening, Frank?’
‘I’m listening but I’m not believing you. Women always say that after giving birth. I’ve heard other blokes talking about it. You’ll love the kids, though, once you’ve got them.’
Fear made her persist, wanting this sorted out before another day passed. ‘This has nothing to do with me not loving children. It’s to do with me nearly dying.’
‘So you had a hard time? I’m sorry about that, luv.’
‘Sorry?’ She almost choked on the word. ‘Sorry? You don’t know what it means. I’ll say it slowly, Frank. I-nearly-died. You- could-have-been-coming-home-to-my-funeral but for your Cath who fetched a doctor.’
He stared at her. ‘How much did that cost?’
Molly almost burst into tears but instead decided to lose her temper. ‘Is that all you care about – money? Your son and I could have been dead!’
‘He cares but he doesn’t believe you both nearly died.’ Ma stood in the doorway of the back kitchen, sleeves rolled up, hands red with scrubbing, frowning
at Frank. ‘You listen to your wife, me lad. She’s lost one baby and she nearly died having this one. Two babies in two years. How much suffering d’yer think a body can take? You just keep yerself to yerself for a while and give her time to get her strength back.’
He looked uncomfortable. ‘When you say it like that, Ma, I get what you’re saying. I’m sorry, Moll. We’ll wait a bit.’
‘Thanks. I’m glad you listen to your ma.’ And she meant it too. There was a lot more she could have said but it could wait until another time. Frank’s ship was on turn around and he would be back at sea tomorrow.
* * *
In the weeks that followed Molly found a certain contentment. The birth was behind her and Frank was keeping a rein on himself when he was home. She knew it was not easy for him but every time she thought about her confinement it was as if a dark cloud enclosed her, filling her with terror. She had not seen Nathan and tried not to think about him, but she could not help asking herself what had got into him that he should risk being in the house at such a time, never mind pretending to be a vicar? She could not help admiring such ingenuity.
She now felt fit enough to resume sewing and asked Jimmy to inform Mrs Arkwright. ‘Are you sure?’ he had the nerve to say to her.
‘Mind your own business,’ said Molly, tight-lipped. ‘You just remember who’s employing you.’
He said no more and next time she saw him he brought her a letter from Nathan, along with a plain oak cradle and more embroidery work.
She was delighted with the cradle, stroking the smooth wood with quivering fingers, imagining Nathan’s hands touching the same places. But Frank would want to know where the cradle had come from. She needed to give some thought to her answer.
She opened Nathan’s letter. It was short and to the point.
Dear Molly,
Jimmy informs me you’re looking a lot better now, otherwise I would, not allow Mrs Arkwright to send you work. The cradle is, of course, for George. How I wish I could see you, that things could be different and you were my wife.
Yours Nathan
‘Yours, Nathan’, she thought with a sigh, sinking into a chair. But of course he wasn’t hers, and never would be in the present circumstances. She threw the letter on the fire, knowing she had to put him out of her mind.
Her days settled into a pattern as she healed and gained strength, her life revolving round her son and her work.
Frank came and went and seemed satisfied with Molly’s explanation that her stepfather had sent the cradle for the baby. Her husband was patient and kind but as the months went by and she was still reluctant to allow him near her, she became aware of his mounting discontent. She began to have nightmares about being buried with an unnamed child – only they weren’t dead! She would wake, retching, with the taste of soil in her mouth.
Molly’s horror of childbirth grew so bad that she went so far as placing a pillow between Frank and herself when next he came home. He was furious, picking it up and swinging it at her. It caught her a glancing blow on the side of the head and she screamed, lost her balance and fell off the bed. The baby woke, crying. Frank told her to shut him up. Shaken, Molly picked up George and began to hush him.
Cath came dashing into the room. ‘What’s going on?’ She glanced at Molly, seeing how distressed she was.
‘None of your bloody business!’ snarled Frank, shoving her out of the room and slamming the door on her. To Molly’s surprise he dragged on his trousers. ‘What are you getting dressed for?’
‘I’m getting out of here. You want me to keep my distance so I will. That’s what you want, isn’t it? To be rid of me? It’s not enough that I’m at sea more than I’m at home.’ He looked at her as if he hated her and that shocked Molly. Until now she had taken his love for granted.
‘You can’t really believe that?’
‘You’re not bloody denying it, are you? I tell you, if you had another fella I’d throttle you.’
‘You’re crazy.’ She didn’t know how she kept her colour down and her voice steady. ‘Talk sense, Frank. I’m scared silly of getting pregnant. Do you think I’d let anyone else touch me?’
He didn’t answer but left the room, slamming the door. The baby started crying again. Molly soothed him and took him into bed with her, wondering when Frank would be back.
He did not return until morning. He did not say where he had been and she dared not ask. He looked dreadful and she felt sorry for him and filled with guilt, telling herself it was all her fault because of her cowardice.
Tm off in a minute.’ He glanced at her as he drained his teacup. ‘When I dock next time, Moll, things had better be different or you’ll regret it.’
The threat stifled her sympathy as well as scaring the life out of her. She went upstairs to see to the baby who was teething and when she came down again Frank had gone.
‘I’m not going to ask what that was all about last night but can’t you try and make him happy?’ said Cath in a plaintive voice, resting her elbows on the table.
‘I don’t want another baby, that’s what it’s all about,’ murmured Molly, rubbing her forehead where it ached.
‘The next birth could be easier. I heard Ma say so. Surely this has more to do with your being in love with Mr Collins?’
‘You’re wrong!’ Molly could not stop herself from blushing, though. ‘You saw the way I was.’
‘Of course I did.’ Cath reached for her coat. ‘But God help you, that’s all I can say. A man must have his oats.’
‘It’s nice to know you care.’ Molly’s laughter was forlorn.
‘I do, believe it or not,’ said her sister-in- law fiercely. ‘I love Jimmy and I know what it’s like wanting someone but having to resist. But you must know you could twist our Frank round your little finger if you wanted to. Just try and work something out. I don’t want to find your battered body at the bottom of the stairs.’
‘You think that’s likely?’ Molly’s tone was flippant despite the chill about her heart.
Cath forced a smile. ‘No. But there must be a way of keeping him happy. Have a word with some of the women at the wash house.’
‘They’d only tell me what I know already. Abstain on high days and very holy days and get him to be careful.’
‘Try it then. Knowing what I know, I could make your life even more difficult than it is now.’
‘And your saying that could get Jimmy the sack,’ retorted Molly, hurt and dismayed, having come to believe she and Cath were becoming more like sisters these days, laughing at the same things and caring for each other. But maybe she was fooling herself, blood being demonstrably thicker than water. She watched a tight-lipped Cath reach for her coat and leave the room.
Molly picked up the poker and riddled the fire vigorously. She felt mean threatening Cath in such a way but it was only tit for tat. Still, she was going to have to think of a way of keeping Frank content or Cath might call her bluff.
The next time he docked Molly welcomed him with a kiss. ‘Good trip?’
‘Hmmm!’ He pulled her against him. ‘That was only a little kiss. Give me a proper one – and loosen up, Moll. You’re too stiff.’
‘Sorry, luv. It’s my back. It’s aching from carrying the baby around. I need a pram.’
‘Well, buy one. Here.’ He dug into his pocket and brought out a fistful of coins, stuffing them down her cleavage. Then he drew her back into his arms. ‘I’m not an unreasonable man. There are ways and means of preventing you from getting in the family way again too soon.’
Surprised, she touched his cheek gently. ‘You’ve been talking to your mates again,’ she teased. ‘You amaze me, Frank. What would the priest say?’
‘I go to sea, don’t I? He’ll put it down to that if we don’t have another kid for a couple of years. I’m not blind, Moll. I’ve seen women in Bootle dragged down, old before their time through having too many kids.’
She was touched and relieved. Tm glad to hear you talking like this, because I wa
nt something more for George. I want him to make his way in life and for that he needs to go to college. And children take a lot of money.’
‘Hold on, Moll!’ protested Frank. ‘He’s still only a tot and we don’t want him looking down on us. Where is he, by the way?’
‘Asleep upstairs.’ She put her arms around her husband. ‘Don’t let’s fight anymore. We must think of him. He’s the most important thing in our lives.’ She kissed her husband, twining her arms round his neck, fear making her determined to keep control of what went on between them. It wasn’t easy but Frank went back to sea a happier man than when he’d docked. It was obvious to Cath whose manner towards Molly thawed overnight.
* * *
It was sometime since Molly had seen her daughter due to her decision to keep her distance from Nathan but Doris kept her informed of Jessica’s well-being. But the day came when Molly could stay away no longer. She decided she must see her daughter for herself and took the train to Blundellsands.
She realised as soon as she saw Jessica that her daughter was well past the baby stage. Her hair had grown almost shoulder-length.
She was also capable of having a simple conversation and was able to show in no uncertain terms that she objected to George’s presence. She pulled on his arms and blew in his face until Doris told her to stop. ‘She’s getting a real handful, doesn’t like sharing the limelight,’ she said apologetically.
‘Does Mr Collins spoil her?’
‘No, he’s quite strict with her. Not that he has much time to spend in her company. He’s always doing something. Never seems to be still for a moment.’ Doris bounced George on her knee, smiling soppily at him and rubbing noses.
‘You mean, to do with the business?’ said Molly wistfully, knowing she would enjoy being more involved.
‘Not just the factory. He works in the garden. I told him he should get himself another gardener since the last one died but he said he enjoys raking up the leaves and all that. He’s planning on having a big bonfire when he’s got a minute.’ Doris shook her head dolefully. ‘Have yer ever heard the like? I told him he was keeping someone out of a job.’
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