by Stahl, Shey
There was a lot of threatening punches going on today.
I thought poor Emma was freaking out because she saw how much pain I was in and that Jameson said they weren’t close but come to find out she was freaking out at the gowns they make you wear.
Some days I can’t believe I married into this madness.
Alley sat there comforting me. The more I watched her though, the more I realized something was incredibly different, besides the fact that her hair was back to one color.
“What is up with you? You are all perky and cheerful.”
“Nothing,” She smiled. “This is exciting. You’re having a baby...like really having a baby.”
“So everyone keeps saying that.” I rolled my eyes. “Why are you excited?”
“I’m uh...” she smiled widely.
“You just found out, didn’t you?” Yesterday she had the sneaking suspicion she might be pregnant again.
Alley only nodded with a smile. “But let’s not focus on that right now. Today is about you guys and this little guy coming out of you.”
I didn’t like the phrase, coming out. It reminded me of some kind of alien movie or some shit.
Jameson came back in a few minutes later, looking smug, and a little frightened that Aiden also threatened to junk punch him.
“What happened to you?” I seethed.
“I’m sorry.” His head hung. “I got scared.”
“You got scared? The Jameson I married is a force of nature...passionate, determined and focused, and never second guesses himself.” I had no idea where the words were even coming from just that they kept flowing. I was possessed. “What happened to you? You’ve gone soft on me.”
He leaned over, kissing my forehead as he whispered he was sorry once again, ignoring my silly rant.
I, of course, pumped full of so many narcotics, forgave him.
I was too scared not to forgive him. I honestly thought I was going to die. All I kept thinking about was on top of how bad this all hurt like hell, was that from now on everything would be different. The world no longer revolved around Jameson and me but it would also include another human being that had needs. This wasn’t a hamster or Mr. Jangles. I couldn’t forget to feed him or bath him, he would have real life needs and I was pretty sure I was not qualified for it and neither was Jameson.
Jameson moved closer and sat behind me in the bed so he could wrap his arms around me.
“I don’t think you guys gave me enough crack.” I was referring to the epidural as crack. “I think I may need more of the crack.”
“Just breathe, honey.” Jameson whispered to me when I started pushing.
“No! I will not breathe until I get more crack!”
“We can’t give you any more.” Dr. Sears told me with his head between my legs. I felt like asking him how the view was, but didn’t. “Sway, the baby is crowning. You need to push and breathe.”
I slammed my legs shut, the slap of my thighs echoed throughout the room.
“What the fuck is crowning?” I asked frantically. “That does not sound good. It’s not normal, is it?”
“Yes it is normal.” He told us, and I say us because when Dr. Sears said the word crowning I felt every muscle in Jameson’s body clench in horror. “The baby is ready to come out, just push!”
“No...I don’t want to do this anymore!” I wailed clawing at Jameson.
“It’s a little late for that. Sway, you need to push. If you don’t push, the baby will go into distress. Please push.” He urged.
In a simple gesture to calm me, he rubbed my thigh but Jameson didn’t take it as a simple gesture.
“Do you mind not touching my wife’s leg like that?” he growled.
“I’m only trying to get her to push so your child can be born.” Dr. Sears answered.
“Do that without touching her.” Jameson suggested.
“Physically impossible Jameson,” Dr. Sears shot back. “Now both of you concentrate, the baby is crowning.”
“Stop saying that word!” both Jameson and I yelled together.
The word was just disgusting to me and made me think of...never mind...I won’t even repeat what I’m thinking but use your imagination.
Dr. Sears laughed.
“Do you want to see?” He asked Jameson.
“Uh...no...that’s all right.” Jameson replied timorously.
“I don’t blame you.” I said to him.
People say childbirth is a beautiful thing...another crock of shit in my book. It’s sweaty, painful, bloody, gooey...need I say more? It’s not beautiful to me. It’s disgusting.
I tried to practice my breathing and actually calm myself but I only resembled something out of The Exorcist. At one point, Jameson actually looked afraid of me. If I could just calm down, I could act like a normal version of myself and everything would be okay but I was freaking the fuck out.
Jameson was perspiring like a professional soccer player behind me.
“What are you on?” I asked him in between pushes. “You’re dripping.”
“Sorry...this is intense.” He was panting almost as much as I was as he wiped sweat from his forehead.
I turned a little to look at him. “Hey asshole,” I whispered harshly. “Just imagine what I’m going through.”
He let out a nervous chuckle and ran his hand through his hair.
When I actually started pushing, we had to kick Spencer out for trying to see if he could help since he did in fact have the skills needed to catch a baby with his experience on the pit crew, fucking jackass.
I was absolutely horrified that Spencer might have gotten a view of my crankcase that I threw the closest thing I could find at him. He was now in the ER getting stitches above his eye because the closest thing I could find happened to be a camera. I threw it pretty hard, but could you blame me?
I felt like I’d been pushing for hours when I felt an insane amount of pressure. Dr. Sears pushed on my stomach to turn the baby slightly. Jameson had his head down next to my ear, whispering words of love and adoration, which just annoyed me. His head didn’t shoot up until we heard a cry shriek through the room.
“Here he is!” Dr. Sears announced holding him in the air. “It’s a boy!”
And there, flailing around like our tiny adorable flailing spaz was our son, covered in the most disgusting gooey mess I’d ever seen. This just confirmed my thoughts in the beginning of the pregnancy of him being a parasite. He actually looked like one.
I burst into tears as I turned to see the shock on Jameson’s face as he looked at him. I couldn’t get a good view at the baby yet. All I saw were arms and legs flailing. I thought he’d be crying but after the first couple cries, he stopped.
My heart sank thinking something was wrong with him.
“Is he okay?”
Jameson’s nervous eyes followed our little boy until they brought him to rest in his arms. Jameson turned to show him to me as he pulled the blanket down off his head. “He’s fine, honey.”
It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen in my life. Even with the goo still coating him in spots, I could see the shock of silky rusty hair lying on his head in an unruly mess of waves. He wasn’t a parasite after all.
“Sway, look at him, he’s beautiful. He blinks and everything,”
The tears in Jameson’s eyes said it all as he placed our infant son in my arms.
Despite this beautiful image, I kept focusing on the fact that he didn’t understand that babies blinked.
What did he think they did?
I wonder what he will do when he finds out they poop too.
Those concerns disappeared when Jameson brought his free palm to my face.
“I love you.” We both whispered together feeling the moment.
We stared in awe at this tiny creature that was now ours and the nerves, fear, exhaustion and medication set in and I vomited all over the place.
Bell Housing – Jameson
Relief swept over me the mome
nt I was positive everything was okay. When I looked down at him, I could see so much of Sway in him but there was no denying that color of hair, my hair, my mother’s hair.
Sway shooed me away to take pictures of him before he was whisked away to the NICU for some tests. I got pictures of him being weighed and measured. Then a nurse took a picture of me holding his hands and kissing his tiny feet and forehead. As I snapped photos, I noticed that he also hand my long fingers and my exact lips. It was like looking into a mirror.
When they took him away, Sway begged me to go tell our family the good news. I went out to the waiting room to find them all waiting anxiously.
“Well?” Emma ran over to me. She looked happier.
At least she calmed down after her little emotional breakdown. I still kept my distance from her just in case she felt the need to hit me again.
“He is fine. He’s in the NICU for now, but if he does well he’ll only be there for a couple of days.”
“We want details!” Alley shoved my chest.
“Okay, Jesus.” I got them to all sit down as I began to recount the delivery including the parts where Sway freaked out.
I looked to see my mom and Andrea wiping a few tears from their cheeks.
My dad, while rolling his eyes, passed a nearby tissue box to her, and then she passed it on to Alley and Emma who were apparently having issues as well.
“He is little at five pounds two ounces and seventeen inches long. They do have him on a little bit of oxygen, but the doctors say it’s probably just temporary.”
I handed the camera off to mother who sat in between Emma, Andrea and Alley. They cried over each picture, and I noticed Charlie sitting quietly off to the side.
I went sit next to him and nudged his leg. “You happy dad?”
He smiled and nodded.
“Yeah, I’m just so...relieved,” he shrugged and looked down at his feet. “I’m relieved I was here and they are both doing good.”
“I know what you mean.” I was about to say more until Emma spoke up.
“Hey Jameson, what’s his name?” Emma asked looking up from the pictures.
I smiled. “We haven’t decided yet.”
Everyone had been asking for weeks what we’d name him but we had yet to agree on one. I knew what I wanted but I wasn’t so sure Sway would be okay with it.
Lane snuck on my lap.
“He cute?” he asked curiously.
“Yeah he’s pretty cute.” I smiled at him. “Are you excited to have a cousin?”
“Sure am!” he announced. “I’m gonna get him a gift.”
He then grabbed Spencer’s hand and walked toward the gift shop.
Spencer glanced down at him as they waited for the elevator. “You can get him anything you want just no cougars. His dad will go apeshit.”
“Noted,” Lane said nodding.
A few hours later, I sat there quietly watching my beautiful wife sleep as I rocked our newborn baby. He was handsome, no surprise there and perfect. His features reminded me of myself but I could see Sway in there as well. He was a perfect mix of the two of us, blended together.
He seemed to have my exact hair color and texture with loops that flung out at the ends. You couldn’t tell what his eye color would be but I assumed he’d have green since both of us had green. One thing he did have that I found particularly adorable was Sway’s nose. Sway had an adorable button nose, which our son now had. Our son.
It felt almost anomalous to think I was now a father.
He looked up at me and in that moment, I knew just like his mother I could never deny him of anything. Sway was everything to me and I never knew that I could love anything as much as I loved her until our son was placed in my arms.
He instantly had me wrapped around his finger; my reason for existence had just doubled. In that moment, nothing else matters more than these two. Not racing, not the championship, nothing.
I gently rocked him, humming softly. Soon he wormed his way closer to me, just as Sway always did, and fell asleep.
My eyes focused on Sway again. Her lips were pushed out into that adorable pout she had when sleeping, her cheeks flushed from the exertion she put forth today. She was beautiful and she had just given me the best Christmas gift anyone could have possibly given me.
She had made me a father. Winning the championship this year had nothing on this feeling.
Bell Housing – Sway
“You know kid,” Charlie said holding the baby against his chest. “Your parents are stupid sometimes but the smartest thing they did was bring you into this world.”
“Wow dad, thanks...I think.” I adjusted the blanket surrounding me to hide away the funbags.
“Sway, it’s not the destination you choose. It’s the journey you take to get there.”
“What does that even mean?”
“Fuck if I know. I saw it on a commercial...I think. Or maybe it was a billboard?” His brow furrowed in confusion. “Or maybe it was in a fortune cookie?” Charlie’s memory was fading these days so I wasn’t surprised he didn’t remember. “Regardless, it seemed like a responsible bit of wisdom.”
Just then, the baby sneezed and Jameson’s frantic eyes met mine. “He sneezes, like a tiny human.”
Charlie’s looked over at me, concerned. I felt the need to explain.
“Apparently Jameson thought we were having a non-human baby that doesn’t sneeze or blink.”
Charlie’s response, “You two should take a class or something. Maybe a book would help.”
Alley and Spencer, along with Lane, were the next to come in along.
Watching Lane with his cousin was adorable. He tried to be so gentle with him when Spencer just tried to toss him around. This also caused a brawl between Jameson and Spencer that Aiden had to separate.
I was distracted by the size of my funbags to care about their stupid brawl. It was like magic, the funbags seemed to have grown in a matter of hours. “My boobs are huge!” I announced to no one in particular. “Like really huge...is that normal?”
“It’s awesome.” Jameson replied gawking at them as Alley held the baby.
Alley snorted. “You won’t think it’s awesome soon...she’ll kill you if you touch them.”
A few hours later, it was just Jameson and I with the baby. It was nice to finally be alone with my boys, on Christmas.
I loved thinking of the idea that we had a child together.
To some people it may just be a baby. But it was more to me. Just his tiny presence in our world was a big deal for us. We had been through so much in these last nine months and to finally have him here, healthy, was such a relief. I also took comfort in the fact that I was no longer Jameson’s pit lizard. I was his wife, his wizard. And together, under not so ideal circumstances, we created another life that brought us closer than ever. We were one person.
There are so many words I would use to describe what Jameson was to me, most of which wouldn’t do us justice. We had a bond that never wavered or faltered. Sure we argued relentlessly at times about things as insignificant as muffins but we had a bond. It was a bond that had been built on friendship, love, tragedy, loss and so much more. He had become my soul mate. The other piece of my heart’s puzzle.
I once did a project in college on soul mates, cheesy I know, but I believe they exist.
There’s a mythology story about Aristophanes in Plato’s Symposium. It was thought by them that humans consisted of four arms, four legs, and a single head with two faces. Zeus feared their power together and separated them, splitting them in half, condemning them to spend the rest of their lives searching for the other half to complete them which was said to be their soul mate.
I found my missing pieces that Zeus ripped away. Jameson completed me in ways I’d never felt before and now he completed me in a way I’d only dreamed about, he made me a mother—something I didn’t know I was looking to be.
Jameson sat there quietly holding the baby looking over the book Dr. Sears
gave us on caring for him and I daydreamed about fairytales.
“Jesus Christ, it’s like a gremlin, he comes with instructions Sway.” He tossed the book aside and focused all his attention back on our son. “You’re adorable little buddy.” He cooed focusing back on the baby.
Charlie was right. We need to take a class.
“We should decide on a name.” Jameson murmured brushing his fingertips over our son’s flushed cheeks.
“I know what you want to name him.” I whispered watching the two of them together. Watching my husband holding our newborn son was enough to send me into another round of complete emotional hysteria but I held back.
Jameson laughed and let out a whoosh of air. “Am I that transparent?”
“No,” I smiled reaching for his hand. “You forgot we share a brain.”
“You’re okay with it?”
“I think it’s a perfect name for him.”
He maneuvered his way into the bed with me, placing the baby in my arms.
“Merry Christmas honey,” He whispered before placing a tender kiss on my forehead and leaning down to kiss the baby.
My heart nearly stopped when he said our son’s name for the first time.
3. Corner Weights – Sway
Corner Weights – This is the distribution of a car’s weight among the four wheels. Managing corner weights is very important to handling. This weight is usually adjusted through raising and lowering each corner by rotating a threaded spring perch on each shock absorber or at some other point in the suspension linkage.
“And Merry Christmas to you too...Axel Charles Riley,” Jameson placed another kiss on his tiny forehead.
Axel let out an adorable little whimper and snuggling closer to me.
The nurses had taken off his oxygen so we finally were able to cuddle him without tubes in the way and all I wanted to do was snuggle with my boys on Christmas.
My Boys.
When I looked back at my life this time last year, everything about it was different.
I wasn’t lying in the arms of my dirty heathen and I wasn’t holding our newborn son. Even though it’d only been a year, a lot can and had changed in that year.