Dear God,
If she forgives me, I promise not to hurt her again.
But my small prayer doesn’t work because more tears appear in her eyes. “You never miss the water till the well runs dry,” a voice inside says to me, or maybe it was God Himself.
“Goodbye, Bryce.”
I look around in a panic to see Hope still sitting in her car, watching everything unfold. I plead with my eyes for her to get out and tell Ava how everything was all a lie, a stupid fuckin lie to push her away so that I could better myself for us.
What the hell was I thinking?
Hope glares my way then she gives me the middle finger. I don’t blame her, though, since I fucked her over. Payback’s a bitch.
My feet feel as if they’ve been bolted to the ground because I remain where I am and watch Ava get in her car.
I’ll give her time to cool off then I’ll go after her I tell myself, but the dread coursing through my body lets me know that I’ve totally fucked up this time.
Then just how David Copperfield made the Statue of Liberty disappear, Ava’s gone, and Hope trailed behind her soon after.
Now, Ava has moved on with Ray, which is short for Raychel. From looking at the comments and pictures Ava’s posted on all her social media pages, they’ve been together six months, yesterday. They were celebrating in New Orleans, enjoying the nightlife while dancing and kissing under a weeping willow tree decorated with Mardi Gras beads.
I snap away at the thick rubber bands. Thwack, thwack, thwack. I hiss from the pain. Just the thought of someone else exploring my wonderland drives me fuckin’ insane.
But you fail to remember that she’s not yours anymore, fucker!
Since Ava, I’ve put my dick on lockdown until further notice. A self-lesson to prove to myself and anyone else that gave a damn about my sex life. That I didn’t need sex to fill the voids in my life. Not anymore. My hand and a little coconut oil are all I needed to exorcise the sexual demons in my life. Thwack, thwack, thwack, thwack.
“Okay, that’s enough.” Bridget smooths a hand over my thigh then she runs her hand down to my knee and squeezes gently. “Why do you keep torturing yourself?” she whispers my way.
I keep my eyes trained on her hand still on my knee after seconds tick by.
“All right, that’s all for tonight,” our group therapist, Don, announces before standing up. I follow his lead, feeling relief when Bridget’s hand falls from my knee.
“Hey, are you hungry?” Bridget sidles up beside me as I’m walking toward the exit.
“I’ll eat something at the house. I have some studying I could be doing.”
“I do too. But we can do that after we eat.”
“Bridget—“
“Bryce, please. It’s my treat.”
I glance her way.
“As friends,” she adds.
We step outside the building, and I feel trickles of rain against my skin. “Fine,” I concede. “We can grab a bite to eat. Then afterward, I have to get my ass home and study.”
Bridget smiles up at me then combs her fingers through her long blonde bangs to brush them away from her forehead. “Great. I’ll drive.”
“Gosh, if I’d known this place would be this packed on a rainy Thursday night, I would’ve taken us somewhere else.” She holds her umbrella that’s big enough to cover both of us. “If you want, we can go somewhere else.”
We’ve been standing outside of Osaka, one of the most popular hibachi grills in town for thirty minutes, waiting on our handheld device to start buzzing so that we could be seated inside. “We’ve been standing out here this long, might as well have a smoke while we wait.” I take out two cigarettes, handing one over to Bridget. I light her tip then mine and take a healthy drag from it.
“Thank you,” she says as she exhales a cloud of smoke.
I nod and flick my cigarette several times before bringing it back to my lips. As I’m inhaling, I look across the parking lot and start coughing uncontrollably.
“Bryce?” Bridget places a hand against my back.
“I’m fine,” I cough out. I look across the parking lot once more and catch a glimpse of Ava laughing beside Hunter as they jog their way up the entrance of Osaka. Fuck! From where I’m standing, I can hear the contagious sound of her laughter, loud and clear even though it’s several feet away. When it comes to Ava, I drown out everything around me and focus on her. With a closed fist, I hit my chest to discharge the remaining smoke that’s lodged in my windpipe.
As if she can hear me coughing up a lung, Ava turns her head and the tether between us snaps into place. Everything around us pauses, and it’s just the two of us. Our eyes roam over one another’s. It’s like we’re strangers seeing each other for the first time.
“Bryce.” Bridget stands in front of me, holding up the little device buzzing in her palm while blocking my view of Ava. “Our table is ready,” she says, trying to get my attention.
I look around her, swearing to myself when I don’t see Ava anywhere in sight.
Chapter 30
Ava
The erratic way my heart beats whenever Bryce is in my presence slowly begins to calm down. It’s been over two years since we’ve seen each other; just handwritten letters from him, and every cell in my body still craves him. I reach for my sake and throw it back, wishing that it was something much stronger.
“Are you all right?” Hunter is seated across from me and is examining me as if I’ve lost my damn mind, considering that I’ve down my sake then reached across the table and snatched his tequila shot out of his hand and made it disappear in one gulp.
I slam the glass on the table. “I’m great.” I fan myself, feeling hot all of a sudden. “I just need another drink is all.” I look around, in search of our waitress and as I’m doing so, I discover a pair of sage eyes on mine, several tables over at a hibachi grill. The blonde sitting next to him leans into his arm. He tilts his head so that he can hear what she’s saying, nodding then laughing, but his eyes remain on me. Even when he takes a sip from his beer.
Just in that brief second, my skin becomes flushed all over; my nipples rise then harden, and I find myself crossing my legs beneath the table just so that the crotch of my jeans can rub against my pussy to ease some of the delicious ache. I clear my throat to stifle my moan.
A tall girl wearing a collared shirt with the restaurant’s logo stops at our table and interrupts my stare-off with Bryce. “Hello, my name is Melissa. Josh had to leave for an emergency, so I’ll be taking over as your server.” I can’t help but focus on her fake lashes that looked unnaturally long and fuzzy like baby tarantulas fluttering over her cheeks. I knew as soon as she walked away from our table, Hunter was going to plan a head-to-toe makeover for her. “Can I get you two something else to drink?” She addresses both of us, holding pad and paper in hand.
“I’ll have another sake,” I tell her.
“Uh, no she will not.” Hunter changes my order.
I narrow my eyes at him.
“Ava, you’ll thank me later. We’ll have two waters,” he tells the server. “What do you think Ray will want?” he asks me.
“Ray?”
“Your girlfriend.” He quirks an eyebrow and talks to me as if I’m a foreigner that doesn’t understand the English language. “Yeah, you’ve already reached your drink limit,” he huffs. “Let’s make that three waters.”
“All right. Any appetizers?”
I slump in my seat and start fiddling with my napkin-wrapped chopsticks.
“We’ll pass on the appetizers,” I hear Hunter say to the server. “Girl, what in the hot hell has gotten into you?” he asks as soon as our server walks away.
“Ray isn’t coming.” I dart my eyes up at him.
“What do you mean? I thought that’s why we were meeting for dinner. So I can meet her?” His gray eyes soften. “Ava, what’s going on?”
I unwrap my chopsticks then separate them. “She left this afternoon. The club t
hat she co-owns supposedly made the front page of the Atlanta Herald this morning. There was a shootout inside the club, leaving several injured and one dead. She has to meet with her lawyers and insurance company and fill out some other paperwork that requires her attention.”
“Omigod! Why didn’t you tell me? Shit, why are you still here and not in Atlanta with her?”
I shrug. “She insisted I stay, visit with my parents—and friends.” I smile over at Hunter, and he reaches across the table and gives my forearm a gentle squeeze.
“Oh, honey. Well, when do you plan to leave?”
“I don’t know yet. I still have a couple of cities to see, but I think I’ll stay in town for a while. I don’t know. Gonna take day by day.”
“Hey, I understand that. So, are you staying with your parents?”
“Ha! Yeah, right. My parents are finally accepting that I’m in a relationship with another woman.”
“Well, welcome to my neck of the woods. My mom is all for me being gay, but my dad…” Hunter stares ahead in deep thought. “You know what? Fuck him. He’ll never come around. We don’t even talk anymore.”
“Well, I guess he’ll never get to find out just how wonderful of a person you turned out to be.”
Hunter smiles sadly then removes the chopsticks from my hands and grips my hands in his.
“Well, if you want, you can stay with me, but I have to warn you that my new boy toy stops by on the regular.”
“Oooh…boy toy? Do tell.” I bring his hands together in mine.
Hunter’s face turns a light shade of pink. “His name is Michael.”
“Go on,” I giggle.
“He’s…“ Hunter's voice trails off dreamily. “I don’t know, Ava. I really like him.”
My mouth slacks open. “Are you in love with him?” I squeeze his hands tight.
“I don’t know, but I really like having him around.”
“Hunter is in love,” I start to sing quietly to him, causing him to laugh. “Well, whatever it is, I hope it works out for you.”
I say the words, meaning them, but internally, I’m drowning.
Hunter exhales a calming breath. “Thanks, Ava.”
“You deserve it.” I glance away, in search of the guy who used to make my body flip flop and lose my mind. Still does. My heart goes into hiding when I see him laughing it up with the blonde sitting close to him. Bridget. The one he’s told me about in his letters. So much so that I feel like I already know her personally. I look away. “I’m going to run to the restroom; can you order my usual?”
“Spicy Tuna Roll with vegetable tempura on the side.”
I wink at Hunter. “You got it.” I grab my small, black hexagon-shaped purse and rush to the bathroom. I head straight to the sink and just stare at myself in the mirror, mentally giving myself a pep talk on why I shouldn’t be occupying my head with thoughts of Bryce. The bathroom door opens, and two women step inside. I give them a smile then wash my hands to kill time. I dry my hands off then reach inside my purse to pull out my fiery red lipstick and apply a fresh layer.
My phone buzzes in my purse. I pull it out to see several missed calls from Kennedy. “Mrs. Richardson, why are you calling me when you should be enjoying your honeymoon?” I close my purse and exit the bathroom.
“Ava,” Kennedy sighs on the other end and starts sobbing.
“Kennedy, what’s wrong?” My feet stop moving when I see Bryce leaning lifelessly against the wall across from me with a pained expression on his face. He reaches out and pulls me forward, gathering me in his arms. He holds me tight at the exact moment Kennedy tells me that Clayton’s older brother, Kyle, committed suicide.
“Oh my god. Oh my god,” I chant into the phone.
Bryce drops down on a small bench positioned against the wall, presses his face into my chest, and continues to hold me. I ignore the curious glances shot our way from people walking by.
“I’m out with Hunter; let me tell him what’s going on, and I’ll stop by,” I tell Kennedy.
“No. Clayton isn’t up for company. I just wanted to let you know what was going on. It happened late last night, and he and his family are now reaching out to other family members. It’s worn him out.”
“Okay. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call. I’ll be in town indefinitely, so I’m here for you.”
“Thank you, Ava.”
“Try and get some rest, and I’ll talk to you later.” I glance down when Bryce tilts his head back and rests his chin against the middle of my chest. “Bye.” I end the call with Kennedy and slip my phone into the back pocket of my jeans. I stare into Bryce’s wet, red, sage eyes, gently placing my hands on his face.
His hands unlock from around my waist and move to my hips then up to settle on my ribs. His thumbs rub along the soft, sheer, lace fabric of my black lingerie-style bodysuit that I paired with light blue high-waist jeans and a sheer black kimono. At this moment, it feels as if things didn’t end between us. That we fought, made up, and communicated by mail like distant lovers being reunited.
“That was Kennedy. She told me everything.” My eyes drop to his lips. “I’m sorry to hear about your cou—“
“Bryce?”
I immediately let go of Bryce’s face, and I turn to find Bridget’s eyes bouncing from Bryce to me. The irritation on her face matched the tone in her voice.
“What’s going on?” she asks.
Bryce slowly withdraws his hands and stands up. On instinct, he reaches for me, but I step back.
“I have to get back to Hunter,” I say to Bryce.
His lips part as if he’s about to say something but then nods in understanding. I quietly tell him goodbye then walk away.
Chapter 31
Ava
I’ve been to a lot of funeral services, and most of them haven’t affected me as much as this one has. I look around the gravesite at everyone who showed up for Kyle Richardson’s homegoing service. All friends and family members are dressed in white since it was Kyle’s favorite color. I didn’t know him personally, so I wore a simple, traditional black dress. After everyone started to disperse from the gravesite, my parents and I stopped by the Richardsons’ Farm to pay our respects to the bereaved family.
“Your dad preached a wonderful sermon today. I’m sure my aunt and uncle appreciate it so much.” Morgan embraces me in a tight hug. “It was so good seeing you again, Ava.”
“It was good seeing you too.”
“I know we talk from time to time, but I just miss seeing your face. With me living in London now, I hardly get to see friends and family anymore.”
A tangle of guilt swirls in my stomach. Several months ago, she asked me to come and visit her, all expenses paid, thanks to her boyfriend Tyler.
“Just don’t be a stranger, okay? Call or text me anytime.”
“I will.”
She sniffs. “Well, I need to find Tyler so we can head back to the hotel before this storm rolls in. We have an early flight tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Ava.”
“You, too, Morgan.” I pull her into another hug.
I walk through the kitchen that’s packed with Tupperware, aluminum tins, and glass containers filled with food that guests have dropped off for the family. There are so many of them that I’ve lost count. As I’m walking out of the kitchen, my mom stops me to let me know that we’ll be leaving in a few minutes. I agree to meet them at the car momentarily. I search around the first level of the house for Kennedy. She wasn’t feeling well earlier when I saw her. On the night she called me about Kyle’s suicide, I ended up meeting up with her as soon as I left Osaka. We prayed together then she told me that she was pregnant.
I stop near the stairwell, debating if I should go upstairs. She’s probably up there resting with Clay because I haven’t seen him either since leaving the gravesite. I turn away from the stairs and freeze when I see Bryce looking as handsome as ever, standing off to the side speaking with his mom. Earlier during the closed-casket ceremony
, I spotted him sitting with her, Morgan, and Bridget, who I have yet to meet officially, and his other family members, minus his dad. The last I heard, after Bryce’s parents divorced, his dad moved across the United States to start a new life that didn’t include a relationship with his children.
My eyes travel over the more mature version of Bryce since I didn’t have the pleasure of doing so three nights ago when I last saw him. He seems taller and leaner with more muscle definition. His face is chiseled, and his hair is much shorter and looks darker. He smiles at something his mom says, making the dimple in his left cheek appear, and the butterflies building in my stomach flutter straight to my clit. A reaction that I thought was lost on me when it came to Bryce, but being in the same space as he has conjured up those sensations that I tried to lock away to never surface again.
When I left for college, I tried to forget about Bryce, but that was somewhat hard when my dad forwarded every letter Bryce wrote me. At first, I didn’t read them; I just let them pile up in a basket I kept in my closet, not wanting to throw them away. I eventually broke down one Wednesday around the time Kennedy moved back to Tennessee to be closer to her dad since his cancer returned. I sat on the floor and arranged each letter by the postmark, reading them all in one sitting. In the letters, I learned about him finding help on his own and never going back to my dad.
He attended group therapy twice a week and was a full-time student at Middle Tennessee after taking a year off to help with his mom's recovery. Once she was back on her feet, he decided to take a couple of classes online, and one on campus, while holding a full-time job as a bartender. Bryce moved into a trailer, and his mom moved into a one-bedroom apartment that was affordable with the disability check she received once a month because she could no longer afford the mortgage payments even after they adjusted the rate and lowered the payments. Soon after, the house went into foreclosure.
Bryce’s letters made me laugh, cry, and even sad most of the time after reading them. The ones that had me bawling my eyes out were when he wrote about us, which only brought up feelings that had me missing him more and more. When I finally decided to respond to his letters, they suddenly stopped coming. I stopped writing back, and eventually, we lost all contact with each other, and I moved on.
F*ck Perfect (MindF*ck Book 2) Page 18