by Mary Pilon
The Mental Illness Happy Hour with Paul Gilmartin (mentalpod.com) likens itself to a patient waiting room and is a great, approachable resource.
Hidden Brain on NPR, an excellent, thorough examination of many issues in and around the mind. (npr.org/hiddenbrain)
WNYC’s excellent Radiolab (radiolab.org) and Death, Sex, and Money (wnyc.org/shows/deathsexmoney).
WBUR’s Dear Sugar (wbur.org/dearsugar).
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES
In case this isn’t already abundantly clear, this book is not a substitute for psychiatric care. Nor is it intended to be the definitive word on what it means to live with mental illness. Instead, the hope is that it will serve as a jumping-off point for a larger conversation about how our minds and the minds of those we care about function.
National Institute of Mental Health (nimh.nih.gov)—The leading federal agency for mental health research.
MentalHealth.gov—The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services portal for access to government mental health resources.
The National Suicide Prevention Hotline (suicidepreventionlifeline.org), 1-800-273-8255—offers confidential, nationwide support for those going through emotional crisis. Additional resources are available for military veterans, youth, Native Americans, LGBTQ+, and disaster survivors, as well as their friends and families.
The Anxiety and Depression Association of America (adaa.org)—Access to support groups, therapists, podcasts, apps, and volunteer opportunities.
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (dbsalliance.org)—Peer-directed nonprofit with educational resources and support for those with mood disorders.
Each of Us (eachofus.eu) and Time to Change (time-to-change.org.uk)—European anti-stigma campaign, with an emphasis on testimonials and changing the language around mental illness.
Shades of Awakening (shadesofawakening.com)—A group Kevin recommends that delves more into spiritual crises, with a robust online community.
The Icarus Project (theicarusproject.net)—With a nod to Greek mythology, the Icarus Project “seeks to overcome the limitations of a world determined to label, categorize, and sort human behavior.”
Project Semicolon (projectsemicolon.com)—A nonprofit committed to suicide prevention through public awareness, educating communities, and equipping individuals with the right tools.
ADDITIONAL GROUPS
The Men’s Health Initiative (mhinitiative.org)—A nonprofit “dedicated to promoting healthy behaviors among our fathers, sons, brothers, and other loved ones while advancing the academic and scientific fields of men’s health.”
Testicular Cancer Society (testicularcancersociety.org)—A survivor-focused support community for those who have been diagnosed with testicular cancer that provides education, awareness, and events.
The Andrew Simpson Sailing Foundation (andrewsimpsonfoundation.org)—A U.K.-based foundation that provides sailing instruction and other opportunities for youth worldwide.
The Joseph Campbell Foundation (jcf.org)—A nonprofit devoted to keeping the work of the iconic mythologist alive.
CLOSING CREDITS: THANK-YOUS AND COFFEE SHOPS
The poet Paul Valéry wrote that anyone preparing to venture into the interior of the psyche had better go “armed to the teeth.”
And armed with a militia of wonderful, kind people, I continue to be. I’m beyond thankful for the cheerleading and support I received in working on The Kevin Show.
First and foremost, I’ve never asked more of sources than I have of Kevin and Amanda Hall. They endured an ungodly amount of interviews, often about the deepest corners of their lives. Kevin especially took a huge leap of faith and entered the strange world of being interviewed by a journalist and trusting someone with his story, no small feat in any case, but particularly impressive considering the subject matter. Through the entire process they were patient, candid, clear, and I can’t express my gratitude enough. That extends to their children, Rainer, Leo, and Stevie, as well as other members of the Hall family who agreed to be interviewed: Kristina and Bud Culbertson, Susanne Lammot, and Gordon Hall before his passing in 2017.
In addition, several other people tied to the story generously offered their time and insight. Thank you to Morgan Larson, Zach Leonard, Richard Feeny, Ray Davies and Emirates Team New Zealand, Sarah O’Kane, Sanda Golopentia, Stephanie Gisondi-Little, Dr. Joel Gold, Michael Rovito, John Rousmaniere and the New York Yacht Club, Dr. Andrew T. Nathanson, Mike Craycraft, Judi Clements and Sophia Graham at the Mental Health Foundation in Auckland, Tim Brown, Emma Mackley, John R. Suler, David Krauss, Tommy Dodson, and many others. Thank you to the research staffs at the New York Public Library and the Brooklyn Public Library.
In addition to Kevin, I spoke with dozens of people who have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, including some who had Truman Show–like symptoms, but wished not to be named. I also spoke at length with many friends and family members of people who have been diagnosed with a variety of mental illnesses. You know who you are. Telling your stories helped me tremendously in developing my understanding. Thank you.
My family is the best. Huge thanks to my dad, Myron, my older brother, Andy, and my nephew, Quint. My late mother, Carol Morse, was a family psychologist and without a doubt planted all this interest in mental health and what makes humans tick in me at a young age. Additional thanks are owed to: Aunt Ronda Pilon and Uncle Bob Roschke, Aunt JoAnn Morse, Michael Morse, the Guernsey family (Carol, Daniel, Aidan, and Owen), Aunt Linda Renfro and Uncle Guy Renfro, Uncle Jim Pilon and Aunt Carol Ashley, Grandma Maxine Pilon, Auntie Jan and Uncle Steve. They provided everything from meals to couches to ears and understanding.
Deborah Schneider, my power literary agent at ICM, continues to be a force and I’m indebted to her for her insight and support. Thanks are also owed to Will Watkins, Josie Freedman, and Melissa Orton at ICM, as well. My lawyer, Kim Schefler, is a badass.
Once again, I can sing the praises of Bloomsbury. A huge thanks to the entire crew there, including Nancy Miller, Sara Mercurio, Sara Kitchen, Callie Garnett, Lea Beresford, Laura Phillips, Christiane Bird, and George Gibson.
The Wall Street Journal and the New York Times newsrooms taught me how to be a journalist and I thank them for that and the continual friendships I have there. A special thanks to Andy Lehren, my friend and colleague at the Times who first tipped me off to Kevin’s story.
Thank you to the newsrooms who have also embraced me as a freelancer these last couple of years and my “Kevin Show” deadlines: the New Yorker, Esquire, Bloomberg Businessweek, Wired, Vice, NBC Sports, the New Republic, Reuters, ESPN, Bleacher Report, Entrepreneur, and others. During my reporting of this book, Gawker.com died, but it will forever be alive in my heart.
There were many friends to me and this book. They include Samantha Wolf, Ben Ryan, Oliver Wolf, Jillian Goodman, Jason Feifer, Emily Steel, Clarissa Williams, Elsa Kaminsky, Maya Lau, Travon Free, Jason Zweig, Pip Ngo, Colleen Clark, Jeremy Greenfield, Elle Reeve, Seth Porges, Diane Nabatoff, Irma Akansu, Anna Karingal, Pam Capalad, Dramatic Dyalekt, Christina “Lopez” Lipinski, Francine Dauw, Jon Levy, Jan Messerschmidt, Wendy Frink, Steve Eder, Hamilton and Rufus Pug, Lauren Perlgut, Carrie Sin, Will Martin, James Andrew Miller, the NBC Sports Olympics crew, Natti Vogel, Lauren Giudice, Jeremy Redleaf and Ben Bechar and our magical Mystery Dinner guests, the various Pierces, Jennifer Wright, Maricor Resente, Susanne Craig, Taylor Katai, Suzanne Zuppello, Jenny Li, Eric and Raven Stralow, Salman Somjee, Rana June, Philip Green, Carla Correa, Bob Sullivan, Troy Pospisil, Dorna Moini, Ron Lieber, Vanessa Livingston, Adam Spiegel, Halley Theodore, Caitlin Burns, Alex Amend, Dara Rosenberg, Peter Feld, Barry Newman, Lindsay Kaplan, Richard Blakeley, Rachel Fershleiser, Rob Dittler, Nick Douglas, Cole Stryker, Hugo Lindgren, Lauren Ruff, Ryan McNeil, Aviva Slesin, Matthew Williams, Nick and Julie (and Malou!) Koch, and Fry and Anthony Miale. Thank you to the Invisible Institute, my awesome book club, Forward/Story, Cave Day, Croissant, and the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism. A hu
ge gracias to Alicia Marvan and the Guapamacataro fellowship y mis amigos en Michoacán. I still miss David Carr, but am glad that his wise words about journalism, books, and life still dance around my mind.
Then, there were the saints who agreed to read early versions of the book: Kari Ensor, Lauren Appelwick, Charles Schaeffer, Annie He, Irma Akansu, Kas Ghobadi, Erin McGill, Sophia Muthuraj, Jen Simonian, Liz Stork, and Aviva Slesin. Thank you.
Thanks are owed to the Apple Store employees at the World Trade Center and Fourteenth Street locations in Manhattan, who, without judgement, replaced up to five of my laptop keys at a time when I broke several during the writing of this book.
Robert Caro probably doesn’t remember randomly meeting me on the Upper West Side, but his offhand writing advice to me changed my approach to this story and the way I write forever. Thanks for that.
I’m a proud graduate of New York University and Winston Churchill High School in Eugene, Oregon. (Go, Lancers!)
COFFEE SHOPS
Whatever you’re tipping your barista, it’s not enough. I’m thankful to these places for giving me caffeine and comfort during the writing of The Kevin Show.
NEW YORK
Kos Kafe, Konditori (multiple locations, but 5th Ave Park Slope receives a gold star), Venticinque (RIP!), Gorilla Coffee (Bergen and Fifth Ave. locations, RIP to the latter), Brooklyn Roasting Company, Hungry Ghost, Postmark Cafe, Cafe Regular (all locations), COFFEED (Sixth Ave and 16th), Gregory’s Coffee, Root Hill Cafe, Bryant Park, Grounded, Tilda, 61 Local, Uptown Roasters (South Slope), Budin (Greenpoint), Oren’s, Think Coffee (various locations with a shoutout to 8th Ave and Mercer St.), the Bean (on Broadway), Culture Espresso, Cafe Reggio, the coffee shops at McNally Jackson and Housing Works, as well as the Ace Hotel, Soho House, and The Uncommons
EUGENE
16 Tons, Allan Brothers (both South Eugene and 5th Street locations), Perk (gold star because the baristas yell to everyone in the shop when “the parking meter lady” is afoot and their wifi password is a Devo reference), Vero, Wandering Goat, Espresso Roma, Coffee Plant Roaster (West 11th)
PORTLAND
Stumptown, the World Cup Coffee and Tea at Powell’s. Powell’s continues to be my Vatican. Thank you.
SEATTLE
Victrola (Beacon Hill), Fremont Coffee, The Conservatory (Georgetown), Arsenio Coffee, Little Oddfellows in the Elliott Bay Book Company
SAN FRANCISCO/BAY AREA
Spasso (Oakland), Cup a Joe Coffeehaus (Sutter St), Papillon (Lafayette), Cafe Sapore
LOS ANGELES
Kaldi Coffee, Collage Coffee (Venice Beach), Rise N Grind (Hollywood), Stories LA (Echo Park), H Coffee House, Urth Caffe
HOUSTON
Slowpokes (bonus points for the sloth theme)
ATHENS, GA
Jittery Joe’s
LOUISVILLE
Quills
WASHINGTON
Filter
KEY WEST
Sippin Coffee House
AUCKLAND
Vanilla Cafe, The Coffee Club, Henri, the Corelli Club
CANADA
Locomotive Espresso (London), Nova Cafe (London)
MEXICO CITY
The Urban Corner
REYKJAVIK
C is for Cookie, Reykjavik Roasters, Kex Hostel, Stofan Cafe, Cafe Haiti, Cafe Babalu
THAILAND
Rocket Coffee (in Silom, Bangkok), Archers (Chiang Mai), Pakhinai Cafe Chiang Mai, Nes Coffee (Chiang Mai), Tiamo Cafe (Ko Samui)
CAMBODIA
One More (Phnom Penh), TJ Cafe (Phnom Penh), Bun’s Baguette (Phnom Penh), Artease (Phnom Penh), the Foreign Correspondents Club (Phnom Penh), Joe to Go (Siem Reap), Cafe Central (Siem Reap), Missing Socks (Siem Reap), which receives bonus points because I got my laundry done there at the same time.
An assortment of the Coffee Bean, Starbucks, Au Bon Pain, and Pret a Manger locations were in the mix, too.
If I forgot anyone, I apologize. And I love you!
NOTES
PROLOGUE
had snapped at once Kevin Hall author interview, January 23, 2015.
Kevin and his teammates Adam Fisher, “What Went Wrong in the Deadly America’s Cup Crash,” Wired, May 9, 2013, https://www.wired.com/2013/05/americas-cup-crash/.
$140-million Artemis The $140 million number is an estimate for the cost of mounting the campaign. Eric Sorenson, “The Cost to Compete in the 34th America’s Cup,” Scuttlebutt, September 26, 2013, http://www.sailingscuttlebutt.com/2013/09/26/cost-compete-34th-americas-cup/.
dwarfed by the Artemis San Francisco Police Department. Incident Report number 130 318 063. Matthew J. Mattei and Keith R. Matthews, reporting and responding officers. San Francisco Police Department, May 9, 2013, 83 pages.
PART I: MEET KEVIN HALL
Kevin wasn’t especially well coordinated Kevin Hall author interview, February 11, 2016, and emails to author about backstory of The Show, February 2016.
“Because no one remembers the past.” Joan Didion, Slouching Towards Bethlehem (New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1968), 4.
a Canadian by birth Susanne Lammot author interview, March 27, 2016.
a slump in the early 1980s The early 1980s recession in the United States began in July 1981 and ended in November 1982, and it had further lasting impacts, particularly in the world of banking and lending.
studying a second language Kevin Hall author interview, November 6, 2014.
completely disintegrated Susanne Lammot author interview, March 27, 2016.
coming out of nowhere Kevin Hall author interview, November 6, 2014. Kristina Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.
debts from the boat business Kristina Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.
sometimes resulting in a win Gordon Hall author interview, April 28, 2016. Kevin Hall author interview August 12, 2014. Richard Feeny author interview, October 27, 2015.
with him every day as teammates Richard Feeny author interview, October 27, 2015.
Bob Dylan song lyrics Ibid.
attended class consistently and punctually Sanda Golopentia author interview, June 28, 2016.
renderings of complex algebraic equations The student’s name is Cassidy Curtis, according to Kevin, confirmed here: www.math.brown.edu/~banchoff/BHE.pdf.
more practical than French literature Kevin Hall author interview, February 11, 2016, and emails to author about backstory of The Show, February 2016.
Kevin eagerly signed up Sanda Golopentia author interview, June 28, 2016.
“have to get away from where you are” Marguerite Duras, The Lover (London: Harper Perennial, 2008).
entered his head before college Kevin Hall author interview, February 11, 2016, and emails to author about backstory of The Show, February 2016.
bad case of herpes zoster Kevin Hall author interview, January 31, 2016, and emails to author about backstory of The Show, February 2016. Confirmed by his sister, Kristina Hall, in an interview with the author, January 31, 2016.
probably would fail at something Kevin Hall author interview, November 11, 2014.
locked in an intense dance Alison Wood Brooks, “Get Excited: Reappraising Pre-Performance Anxiety as Excitement,” Journal of Experimental Psychology 143, no. 3 (June 2014).
regaining control of the room Kevin Hall author interview, July 5, 2015.
sounded like a good idea Ibid.
a way of thinking Ibid.
PART II: THE HIGHS
gift from a source beyond Kevin Hall author interview, February 11, 2016, and emails to author about backstory of The Show, February 2016. Given the nature of the event, tracking some eyewitnesses was virtually impossible. Also based on interviews with Kristina, Susanne, and Gordon Hall.
couldn’t have been more excited Ibid.
the ro
le he was to play on The Show Ibid.
the right choice to be the star Ibid.
the setting of the hit television show Cheers The actual Cheers bar, used for exterior shots, is the Bull & Finch pub in Beacon Hill.
a homeless man had frozen to death Pine Street Inn. http://www.pinestreetinn.org/about_us/history
Beacon Hill, a historic neighborhood Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbits (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015).
love interest of Prince Hamlet Kevin Hall, “William Shakespeare: Hamlet,” October 24, 1986. Generously provided by Kevin Hall.
go find Ophelia together Kevin Hall, Black Sails White Rabbit, (Createspace Independent Publishing Platform, 2015), 19.
The Dead community embraced her Kristina Hall author interview, January 31, 2016.
a new, thirtysomething boyfriend Ibid.
birthday weekend with her mother Kristina Hall author interview, February 2, 2016.
with no beginning and no end Kevin Hall journal entry, December 26, 1989.
also known as bipolar disorder I’ve stewed over which term to use in this book, “manic depression” or “bipolar disorder.” I use them both throughout, as various people have told me their preferences either way, but will largely default to “bipolar disorder,” per the National Institute of Mental Health: nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/bipolar-disorder/index.shtml. The objections to either term make sense, as often people complain that the term “manic depression” can set folks off with the charged word “manic,” but others complain that “bipolar disorder” sounds too technical, detached. Jamison and Hall both prefer “manic depression.”
between 1 percent and 2.6 percent Colby Itkowitz, “Unwell and Ashamed,” Washington Post, June 1, 2016, http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/local/2016/06/01/unwell-and-unashamed/?utm_term=.c035d48be469. Whitaker, and others, have questioned the ballooning numbers for bipolar diagnoses. See chapter nine of Anatomy of an Epidemic, titled “The Bipolar Boom,” in which Whitaker writes: “Although the quick-and-easy explanation is that psychiatry has greatly expanded the diagnostic boundaries, that is only part of the story. Psychotropic drugs—both legal and illegal—have helped fuel the bipolar boom.”