by Eden Rose
Inside, my world is blown to bits but I will be damned if anyone knew that.
"Vans, oh my goodness! I can't believe that happened! I could kill him!" Anne ran to me as I put my bags down on my desk. "I told Ronnie that this is horse shit and he sided with Vincent! What happened?"
I sat at my desk and slipped my high heels off. "I have no idea. All I know is that now I'm living with my ex husband and in our old marital apartment. Joel has been so sweet and its strangely weird to be with him again."
"Where did you sleep last night?"
"The guest room," I said as confident as possible while taking the files out of my purse. "I want to get some work done now. We can talk later."
Work is horrible. I kept having to leave meetings to dry my eyes. I felt tired and worn out. I keep expecting to wake up and everything be a dream. Sometimes I will close my eyes and hope like hell that when I opened them this is just a nightmare.
No, its a nightmare that is true.
*
When I got home that night, Joel had dinner on the table and a bottle of wine opened. Who knows what he has planned but I know that I'm probably not going to enjoy this.
"Welcome home, Savannah," he gestured at a chair and I sat down at it. "How is your day?"
"Fine, yours?" I took a sip of my wine and I'm waiting for Joel to spill what he is thinking about. We were married for seven years, he doesn't do anything nice without an ulterior motive.
"It is good. I hope you enjoy dinner. I made your favorite."
We ate in silence, and it isn't until I started to walk towards the guest room, I found out what he is thinking.
On my bed is a new teddy and massage oil. I walked into the room and stared at the teddy. It is a silk lacy material and purple. Truly, it is beautiful. However, I didn't want to wear it. Not for him, anyways.
As I slipped off my heels, Joel appeared in the doorway. He is looking pretty good as always, but I'm so confused and full of hate that I didn't want to entertain that idea.
"I bought that for you," he pointed to the teddy and picked it up to hand over to me. "I thought you would like to wear this while I gave you a massage."
My mind spun as I processed what is happening. "Why?" Massages typically turn sexual...
Bingo! He is trying to get me all relaxed so he can get me in bed.
"Just do it." Joel threw the teddy over to me and walked out of the room.
I slipped into the teddy and also put a robe on top. After studying myself in the mirror, I miss Vincent and the way that he held me. This is utterly insane. My eyes started to sting while I remembered him holding me and my leaning on him. The way he always kissed my neck and said he loved me. I hate it here.
But Vincent doesn't want me anymore. Did he ever? Oh man. I want the floor to open up and just swallow me whole.
Joel took a massage table out and set it up. He looked at me and motioned for me to go lay on the table. As I walked past him, he took the ribbon that is holding my robe together and untied it while taking it off. It is an innocent gesture but it reminded me of a lover's gesture.
Oh, no... the tears are starting to form in my eyes.
I laid on the table on my stomach and didn't say anything as he squirted oil on me. His hands started to rub on my back in little circles and the oil heated up.
"Mm, I missed the way your skin feels under my hands," he whispered in my ear as his hands spread across my back and rubbed my arms. "Your body still knows how to respond to me."
I felt very uncomfortable as he touched me all over my back. His left hand ran down my spine and cupped my ass. My skin got goose bumps and I didn't like him touching me anymore as confusion started to flood through me.
His touch felt good. I shouldn't be getting turned on right now. This is my ex husband. Man, I'm so twisted.
Joel adjusted his left hand to travel over my ass and under the teddy. I shivered as his finger touched the lip of my sex. Want and need rushed through me and I wanted him to make me feel good.
"Do you remember how good it felt?" He whispered in my ear.
For a brief second, I entertained the idea of having sex with my ex husband. However, it would just be me trying to replace my feelings for Vincent into meaningless sex. This is not a good idea.
I pushed my body off the chair and grabbed my robe. "Joel, I'm not ready. Please don't." I jumped off the table and started to walk away.
"I can make you feel ready. When you want it again, let me know." When I slammed the door, he muttered something.
*
I wish I could say with out lying that the massage table isn't the only time where he tried to have sex with me. After the third time of him sneaking into the room, I stopped sleeping and started drinking coffee all night to stay awake. It isn't that I'm afraid of him, I just knew that if he wanted it he would take it.
**********
It took about four weeks for everything to settle in my mind. I stopped feeling like a shell and concentrated on putting some order into my life. My business is picking up and I felt phenomenal about that. Also, I found a new apartment in the village, and I'm waiting to hear about whether or not I got it. The apartment isn't anything significant. However, it will get me out of my living arrangements.
Since Anne still lived at Vincent's house, I only saw her at work. I'm dying to ask how Vincent is, but I'm worried he found someone else. Is that even possible? No! He could do it because he dumped me.
"Savannah Cavanough, how may I help you?" I said as I answered my ringing phone.
"Savannah, its Annabeth," the voice answered me back. "Please don't hang up on me," she begged.
I took a deep breath and wondered what she wanted. "Yes, Annabeth. How have you been?" I asked as politely as possible. Talking to her is like reopening a wound and rubbing alcohol in it.
"Fine. You?"
"I think we both know how I have been. What can I do for you?" I again asked as politely as possible.
"What are you doing tonight?" Annabeth asked with an air of caution.
" I'm planning on leaving early and going to the country club. You?"
"Do you mind if I meet with you? I can meet you at your building and we can go to the club together. I have membership at all of them in Manhattan."
"Why do you want to meet me?" I wish Anne were here but she is at a lunch function with Ronnie.
"I will meet you at two. Does that work?"
I looked at the clock at it said it is noon. That gives me two hours to sit and stew. "I suppose. See you at two."
At exactly two pm I'm walking down the hallway from the elevator and is greeted by Annabeth and Bethany. Great. I'm going through a heart break and now I have two of the ladies from Lucky's in my path. I fidgeted and straightened my jacket and secured my purse while I walked up to them.
With a fake smile on my face I approached them. "Hello."
Each of them hugged me separately and kissed my cheek.
"Come on, let's go to the club," Bethany linked her arm through mine and we all walked out.
" I'm not going to lie, but I never expected to see any of you again," I said as politely as possible. "Please don't think I'm being rude. I just thought that all of you would just leave me like..." I took a deep breath. It is still weird to say his name. "Vincent."
We walked to the club and they were catching me up on how business is doing. Annabeth's store is rising and so is Bethany's. As we got into the club, we walked into the locker room to change into our swim suits.
The changing rooms were similar to the club: opulent. You had to have money to get a membership and you had to have money to keep that membership. Gold plating surrounded the walls and the room was a light tan with lighting. The floors were heated and so were the towel racks.
How did I score a membership? Easy. It just so happens one of my clients in the co owner of this club and gave both Anne and I a year ticket. I doubt I will be afford this after my year is up, but I'm going to utilize it while I have it.
Out of common curiosity, I scanned the girls bodies. They were beautiful but I wanted to see what made them so strong to be in a relationship with one of those kind of guys. My eyes fixated on a pair of lucky dice on their shoulder blades.
"Um... Excuse me for being nosy..." I started and they turned to look at me. I pointed to their tattoos. "Vincent has that tattooed to him too. I thought it is a member thing. Why would you guys have one too?" I tried to ask nicely and not be bossy about my questions, but I thought it is weird.
"Well, we have the dice tattooed because it is a membership thing. Our dice means we belong because of who we are with. If you look, Johnny's name is shaded into it and so is Vinny's on Annabeth's design."
"Well, how do you get it?" I knew it is dumb to ask because I'm no longer with Vincent, but by seeing those dices it a made me miss him. Well, I always miss him but I have been doing a good job at placing him in the corner of my mind so he isn't starring in all of thoughts. Just a majority of them.
"You have to be asked," Bethany said as if it were so simple.
"That is such an adorable swim suit," I said to Annabeth as she slipped on a red bikini. We were in dire need of a change of topic, so a compliment is a sheer way to do it.
"Thanks, you look so good!" Annabeth said to me as I pulled on a black bikini. I have put a little break up weight on from the stress eating so it felt good to he complimented even if I knew it were a lie!
I look like a whale next to these two and they shouldn't lie to me.
"Come on ladies, let's get a good spot at the pool," Bethany said as we walked out of the locker room to the outside pool.
"It is so beautiful outside. I'm so glad we are here," I stated as I laid my towel out on a lounge chair. Really, the chairs are so comfy its like sitting in a recliner. Its not metal or that uncomfortable plastic. Its a gauzy material that hugs your body.
"Yes!" They both answered at the same time. They followed my suit and I sat in the middle of them.
"May I bring you lovely ladies something to quench your thirst?" A cute and young waiter asked us. He could have easily been eighteen and more than likely Italian.
"Yes, we will have a round of mimosas!" I said as I handed him my card.
The waiter looked directly at me and winked. I felt self doubt. I'm no longer wearing any of my jewelry along with my heart being ripped apart by a different Italian, and the way he looked at me scared me.
The waiter stood there and stared at me. This is strange. "You know, we would probably get our drinks faster if you place the order," I said.
He looked down at my card and his smile immediately dropped. "Certainly, Ms. Cavanough." He ran off to the bar while looking around his sides.
"What is that about?" I asked the girls.
"I hate to tell you this, but even though you are not romantically linked to Vincent, the under world still considers you to be. How is everything with Joel?" Annabeth asked me.
"What did they tell you?" I asked as I readjusted my self to be directly in the sun. "I know you probably heard something. Hell, I don't even know what happened." Again, I'm fishing for information and I so badly want to know what happened.
"All we heard is that you moved out and left with Joel. Did you leave Vincent?" Bethany asked me as she pulled up her sunglasses and the glasses pulled up the hair on her face. Her short hair wrapped around her glasses but several pieces managed to sneak away from the grip of her glasses.
"No, I didn't. We had amazing sex in the morning and then all of a sudden he threw me out of the door. It is so weird."
I'm lost in thought of that memory when I heard someone take a deep breath like they were about to say something. "Savann-" Bethany started but couldn't finish because she is interrupted.
"Hey ladies!" Anne hollered as she hustled to us from the other side of the pool. " I'm so happy we are playing hookie!" She sat on the other side of Bethany.
"Hello, beautiful ladies!" The waiter came back with four goblets on his tray. "I seen a fourth so I brought her a mimosa too." He handed out the goblets and then locked eyes with mine. "Could you please sign this?" He handed me a receipt.
"Yes, why didn't you just keep my card on file? I'm sure we will want a few more rounds," I smiled at the girls and then addressed him again.
He stared at me some more. I would be lying if I said I'm not about to snap at him. I didn't because it is not his fault that I'm going through these problems. "Someone else is taking care of you. Thanks. I will get those rounds ordered," he scurried off and I'm beginning to wonder who would pick up our tabs.
"So, how is everyone?" Anne asked as she laid out her towel and adjusted her swim suit before sitting down. "What are you talking about?
"About how guys suck," Annabeth retorted with a giggle.
"Yeah!" Bethany and I agreed in unison.
"I take it you still haven't spoke to him?" Anne asked me.
"Who?" I said giggling with a gulp of my mimosa. It is impossible to forget about him but in these moments I didn't want to be the woman who had her heart thrown into the garbage disposal.
The waiter came back with another round. "Anne Rossi? You have a phone call."
Hearing her married name was like getting stabbed in the side.
She lifted herself off the chair and walked to the main club house.
"Thanks for bringing us these drinks. Who picked up our tab?" Annabeth asked as she accepted her new goblet swallowing the rest of her old and handing it back to him.
"He wishes to remain a secret," he turned and left us after winking at me.
Anne came back with a big smile. "Sorry, girls!" She took her seat again and we all started to small talk.
The waiter came back with our third round and finally talked to me. "Savannah? I know you probably have heard this a lot.... I think you are absolutely beautiful."
"Um, thanks," is the only thing I could think of saying. This kid looked so young that I probably babysat him in high school when he was still in diapers.
"Maybe... we can," he took a deep breath and looked down. He looked back at me and smiled nervously, "go out sometime."
"She is actually very much taken. Could you please bring me a Bud Light?" Ronnie said as he sat down next to Anne.
I tried to hide my annoyance that Ronnie crashed our girls' day. If he is here, who else knows who is watching. Maybe Vincent is here, too, and is watching me. In the case that he is, I decided to put on a show by flaunting myself as happy. That would really be a stab at him. Even though I'm broken, no one has to know that besides me.
I felt my face get red and hot. "Oh, I'm taken now?" I threw back at him. Bethany and Annabeth looked at me and looked down.
"Savannah, don't be a dumb ass," Ronnie said to me.
Um, what an asshole. "Why are you here? This is supposed to be a lady date."
"I came to make sure that everyone is going to come to the gala this weekend."
"What gala?" Annabeth asked.
"You know, the fashion collection show?" Bethany asked.
"Oh that sounds like fun," I said quietly. I didn't want to go. There is a big chance that Vincent would be there.
"Yes, we should all get together and go get a spa day!" Anne replied and giggled. It is so nice to see her so happy.
We drank some more and chatted for about an hour. The sun is losing its harshness, and my buzz is wearing off.
The three girls went to order some food and Ronnie moved to the seat next to mine.
"So, Ronnie. How are you?" I asked while fiddling with my hands.
"You can ask me, I know what you want to talk about."
I looked away from him and tried tried to find something to ask. "How is he?"
"A wreck. He would kill me for saying that to you. He isn't sleeping in you two's bedroom. Vincent has been sleeping in the room with the couch. Why haven't you called him?"
The fact that he is having such a hard time should make me happy, but it made me feel miserable that he is fee
ling bad. "Why would I call him? He threw me away to my ex husband."
Ronnie reached over and patted my hand that is resting on the lounger arm rest. "Listen-" he started but is interrupted by the return of the girls. "I will talk to you later." Ronnie moved down to his seat and everyone else took theirs.
*Chapter 42*
I felt as if someone were watching me when I approached the building that I now resided in. It is eerie and unsettling. I looked around the building to see if anything is out of place and when I noticed the black car again, I started to run up the stairs for the door to get inside.