by Chloe Lang
“I am.”
“Would you take on a complete newbie like me to teach? I really want to become a pilot.”
“Lucky for you I have my instructor’s license,” Josh told her. “Of course I would love to teach you. But you’ve only taken off in a plane. You might want to wait to decide until after we land. Descending is quite different. In fact, we are ready to start our descent now.” Josh radioed the Red River tower, and excitement washed over her.
Unlike during takeoff, Josh was slowing the plane’s velocity. The ground below didn’t rush by so quickly. “I’m not scared at all,” she told them both. “This is amazing.”
When the wheels of the plane hit the runway, she didn’t gasp. Josh was in total control. She felt completely safe, thanks to him. She’d gotten to enjoy the entire trip from the airport near Destiny to here without worrying one bit.
When they walked down the stairs out of the plane, she saw a black stretch limo with a uniformed driver standing next to it.
“A limo?”
Josh bowed in front of her. “Your chariot awaits, my lady.”
Jacob put his arm around her shoulder. “It will take us all to the steakhouse.”
“I’ve never been in a limousine before either. I really do feel like a princess tonight.”
The scenery out the windows of the limo was stunning. The vehicle had a fully stocked bar, a television set, and incredible comfy seats.
“You like?” Josh said.
“I like it very much,” she confessed. “I could get used to this very fast.”
Red River, New Mexico, was a small town nestled in a mountain valley. The car stopped in front of the steakhouse, which looked like a giant red barn to Carrie. Then the driver opened the door for them, and they all exited the limo and went inside.
The interior of the steakhouse was rustic and charming, a very clean restaurant with wagon wheels for chandeliers.
The hostess led them to a table by one of the large windows in the front, allowing them full view of the beauty outside.
After finishing the delicious meal, Josh and Jacob took her dancing at a nearby hall. The band played country music and she quickly caught on to the two-step. The guys were good teachers and dancers.
The band took a break, and they left the dance floor for a quiet table. “This whole night has been amazing, but I’m not sure my legs can hold up for more dancing.”
“We got breaks, but you didn’t.” Josh took a sip of his water.
“I didn’t want any breaks. I’ve never enjoyed dancing so much. I really like country music, too.”
Jacob gave her a kiss, and she melted into him. “And now that you’re a champion at the two-step, we’ll be sure to take you as often as you want. I wish we could stay all night, but all three of us have to get back for the big paintball event tomorrow.”
“Yes, we do,” she said. “I’m going to unseat Ethel as champion.”
“If anyone could, sweetheart, it would be you. But trust me, Ethel is quite the competitor. She won’t go down without a fight. What time do we need to leave for the airport, Josh?”
“If you two are ready, I think we should go now.”
Excited to be back in the air, she jumped to her feet. “I call copilot seat.”
They both laughed.
“You got it, Carrie.” Josh put his arm around her shoulder and they walked out of the steakhouse.
Sitting between Josh and Jacob inside the limo, she took their hands. “Thank you for such a fantastic evening.”
“Our pleasure, sweetheart,” Jacob said. “The truth is I’ve never had this much fun on a date in my whole life.”
“Me either,” Josh said, stroking her hair.
She looked out the side window. The full moon illuminated the landscape in a cool blue hue. It looked like a place out of a fairy tale.
“This is my first time in New Mexico. I had no idea how beautiful it was.”
“Not as beautiful as you,” Jacob said, kissing her cheek.
She leaned her head against his shoulder and continued taking in the countryside. The limo passed a small church that looked painfully familiar to Mrs. Kearns’s church. Painted white with a tall steeple. A picket fence surrounding the building. An arched double door that led the members inside.
Her mind flashed back to that painful time, and she closed her eyes, trying to will it away. But it wouldn’t go.
“Everything okay, Carrie?” Jacob said.
“Yes. I’m just a little tired is all,” she answered, not wanting to spoil the good time they’d had together. How could he read her so easily? She didn’t know.
As they entered the plane, she still couldn’t shake off the memory of Bronte, Texas. Willie had been the one to con those people, not her. And yet she felt responsible in some way. What could she have done? Nothing. She had only been a little girl. But knowing the facts was different than feeling the past.
“I’m going to start the pre-flight. You two relax.” Josh left her alone with Jacob.
“Are you thirsty, Carrie?” Jacob opened the little fridge. “There’s bottled water. You want one?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
He handed her the water and gave her a sweet kiss.
She felt tears well in her eyes.
How can I be so selfish with him and Josh? I’m no good for them. This can’t end well. Bad things follow me. They always have. They always will.
“What’s wrong, Carrie?”
“Oh Jacob, this is so wonderful. It’s just that…I’ve been running from darkness for a very long time. It’s all I’ve known. And since I came to Destiny, since I found my brother and a whole new family, and since meeting you and Josh…I’ve never experienced such happiness. I’m just afraid this will all end.”
“I promise you everything will be all right.”
“How can you know that?” Carrie looked into Jacob’s eyes, wanting so much to believe him.
“Because I know darkness, too. It nearly destroyed me.” He grabbed her hands, squeezing them, giving her comfort. “When I was a kid my biological mother stayed high. She was a drug addict—cocaine, meth, heroin. Whatever she could get her hands on.”
“Oh my God, Jacob. How horrible.” Her heart broke for him.
“I don’t remember my biological father. He left three months after I was born and never came back. Afterward, my mother went through men just to get money for drugs. When I was seven, I came home from school and found her passed out in the bathroom with a gash on her forehead. I called Aunt Melissa. They’re sisters. She and Uncle Hiro came and pulled me out of the squalor and got my mom in rehab.”
She realized his life had been hell, too.
“Once my mom was clean, I went back to live with her. But it didn’t last. Never. She would relapse and then go back in rehab, time and again. Finally, she married a guy who seemed nice at first and I had big hopes I would finally have the family I’d always wanted. But in a very short time I learned that wasn’t going to happen. Her new husband was a mean drunk. One night he was beating my mother and I tried to stop him. That’s when he turned his rage on me. I ended up with broken ribs. This continued and I never told anyone, including Aunt Melissa and Uncle Hiro. I was just so scared. The only light in my life was the summers I got to spend in Destiny during the school break. Josh tried to get me to tell him everything, and I almost did, many times. He’s like a brother to me.”
“More than like from what I’ve seen,” she said, her heart breaking at Jacob’s tragic story. “You are brothers.”
“That’s true. I trust Josh more than any man I’ve ever known. We might have had very different childhoods, but he has always understood me better than anyone else. I wasn’t always the most pleasant person to be around because my darkness would consume me, but Josh never gave up on me, even when I didn’t want to talk to anyone. He would just be there. Never pushing me. Just waiting quietly until I was ready to open up.”
She wondered if Josh would underst
and her darkness as much as he had Jacob’s.
“At sixteen, I left and never looked back. My life was so much better, and then my mother was killed and I started having nightmares.”
Her eyes welled up with tears. “Who killed your mother?”
“Her bastard husband, the drunk. According to the police report, he had downed a bottle of whiskey and then beat her to death.” Jacob’s voice lowered and his hands curled into fists. “I kept thinking if I hadn’t left I might have saved her. That’s what gave me the nightmares.”
She felt the tears fall from her eyes. “Jacob, how did you survive?”
“With help.” He cupped her chin. “You and I know what pain is, Carrie. Real pain.”
She nodded.
“Like me, you had to learn how to live on your own, how to rely on what you could do and no one else. But that isn’t really living, is it?”
“No.” She looked into his eyes and saw her own reflection in the darkness of his pupils.
“Even living with Aunt Melissa and Uncle Hiro, I still couldn’t get over my nightmares. They encouraged me to see Sam O’Leary. You met him at lunch the other day with Ethel and Patrick.”
“I remember him.”
“He’s a psychiatrist. I balked at the idea at first, afraid what a shrink might unearth in the dark reaches of my mind, but I eventually went to him. Sam showed me that there wasn’t anything I could’ve done to save my mother. She was on a path of self-destruction of her own choosing. And the son of a bitch is in prison for the rest of his life. My nightmares are gone. All of them. Carrie, I encourage you to see Sam. I truly believe he can help you, too.” Jacob leaned over and pressed his lips tenderly to hers. “Carrie, I’m glad I got all this out because I want you to know how much I trust you.”
“And I trust you,” she said, leaning into him. Hearing about his childhood had made her feel even closer to him.
“Sweetheart,” he said, stroking her hair. “I don’t want there to be any secrets between us. I care for you, Carrie. I care for you deeply.”
Her heart seized in her chest. “Jacob, there’s still more I need to tell you and Josh.”
Josh came into the cabin. “Why the serious looks on your faces?”
“I told her about my past,” Jacob said. “It was important to me that she knew everything about me. And Carrie says there’s something she wants to share with us.”
Josh moved to the chair beside her and took her hand. “Carrie, you can tell us anything, no matter what it is. I’m here for you and so is Jacob.”
“I believe you.” She looked into his eyes, thinking about how he’d helped Jacob out of the pit of darkness. “I need to tell you. I want to tell you. But it is very hard. I’ve never shared this with anyone before.”
Josh nodded and kissed her. Then he leaned back, keeping hold of her hand. He didn’t push her, but just sat there waiting, like he’d done with Jacob before.
Waiting for her courage to build, she said, “Maybe Jacob is right. Maybe Sam can help me.”
“Are you having nightmares, too, sweetheart?” Jacob asked.
“No. I used to about the fire, though in the bad dream I could only smell smoke. I always woke up screaming.”
Jacob put his arm around her. “But no more?”
“No. Not in a long time.” She took a deep breath, ready to tell the two men she trusted most in the world her darkest secret. “I’m not sure how to say this. My mind isn’t normal. It’s broken. I have entire gaps in my past, voids that I cannot get to. The only thing I remembered about Matt was the color of his eyes, and even then I wasn’t sure that memory was real.”
“You were only three when you last saw him, Carrie,” Jacob said. “It’s a wonder you remembered anything about him at all.”
“It’s not just that, Jacob. You both remember that list I kept of all the churches?”
They nodded.
“I remember some of them, but most of the names of the churches I don’t recognize even though I’m the one who wrote them down on my list. Crazy, I know. The few memories I do have are not good. Having to put on a smile when all I wanted to do was cry. Willie beating me, over and over, until I passed out. He is the only constant memory I have. He and Mrs. Kearns.”
“The woman who taught you about horses and the stars,” Josh said.
“I think she really cared for me. I had even planned on telling her all about what Willie had done, but before I could we were gone. And so was my chance to escape. Guys, I don’t know why my memories disappear, but they do. What happens if I forget you, forget all we’ve shared together?” She leaned back in her chair, hating what she must say next. “You two deserve a woman who is sane, a woman without so much baggage…a woman who is not a mental case like me.” She closed her eyes, feeling her heart begin to rip apart. I can’t ask them to stay. It wouldn’t be fair.
Josh wrapped his arms around her. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes and gazed into his.
“You are not a mental case.”
“But—”
“No buts.” Josh’s tone was firm and commanding, reaching something deep inside her, a part of her that wanted to be cared for, to be protected, to be conquered so she could surrender all her fears.
Jacob touched her cheek. “I’m certainly no expert, but I’ve read that when people have gaps in their memory, it’s often just a defense mechanism. A way to survive and get through very dark times. I’m certain Sam could help you with this.”
“Listen to him, sweetheart. It makes sense what he’s saying. Jacob has been through hell and back,” Josh said. “So have you. You had such a horrible childhood with no one to turn to. But now you do. You have us.”
Josh and Jacob were the heroes she’d been searching for her whole life, two knights to rescue her from Willie, from the nightmares of dark smoke, from the horrors that had taken away her memories.
Josh kissed her, filling her with hope. “We won’t leave you. We won’t let you down.”
Jacob squeezed her hands, and the darkness fled. “Whatever you need, we’re here.”
Chapter Sixteen
Josh saw the light return to Carrie’s hazel eyes.
She got up on her tiptoes and offered him a kiss. He leaned down and devoured her mouth, tracing her lush lips with his tongue. He deepened their kiss and pulled her soft body in close.
He’d thought it best to go slow with her, to give dating a try. Dating? That wasn’t something he and Jacob had ever done with any woman. Not in the traditional way at least. But they’d both known Carrie deserved their best effort. And she was so much more than even they’d imagined. The pain and suffering she’d survived would’ve sent most into an asylum, or worse to suicide. But she’d survived a desperate past. The only scars left were the memories she’d lost. She was strong, but she saw herself as broken.
When he released her lips, he saw her cheeks turning a deep pink. When she smiled he knew her dark mood had vanished. “I want you, Carrie.”
Jacob kissed the back of her neck. “I want you, too.”
“And that’s what I want.” Her admission of desire took hold of him and his insides began to burn. “I need both of you.”
“God, you’re so perfect.” He kissed her again. “It’s us who needs you.” Every dominant part of him wanted to rip her clothes off and demand her sweet submission. But she wasn’t in the life. She hadn’t been trained. They hadn’t even discussed BDSM with her. He turned to Jacob. “Vanilla, right?”
Jacob nodded. But it was obvious he was struggling to keep his Dom side at bay.
“Vanilla?” Her smile alone thrilled him to no end. Whatever it took to make sure she was happy he would do. “Guys, I know what you mean when you say ‘vanilla.’ Traditional sex.”
He was shocked to hear her words. “Who told you about ‘vanilla’ sex?”
“Jena. She gave me a book about BDSM. I only had time to read a few chapters before our date, but I did learn a lot.” She grinned.
“Jena also told me you two are resident Doms at Phase Four, the BDSM club in Destiny.”
“Oh she did, did she?” Jacob used his Dom tone.
She giggled. “Yes, Masters. She did.”
By the look on Jacob’s face, he was clearly just as happy as Josh was at her excitement.
“We are Doms, sweetheart,” he told her, also using his most commanding voice.
It clearly had an impact on Carrie, as she looked down at her feet and continued smiling. She was delightfully nervous, and that pleased him very much.
He cupped her chin. “Look at us.”
She instantly obeyed, and Josh felt his cock and balls stir in his jeans. He so wanted to play with her at the club, teach her all about the life, help her to see how amazing and wonderful she really was, not broken at all. But he was glad their first play was here, on the plane, where he felt in control more than anywhere else. He was captain and Jacob was co-captain. She was their passenger, and tonight they would take her on a most intimate flight.
“So, little sub, you’ve read a few chapters in a book,” Jacob said. “We made love to you at our picnic, taking little tastes of your sweetness, discovering what you respond to, what turned you on, so we could give you pleasure. BDSM goes beyond anything you’ve ever done before. You want to take this ride?”
“Yes, Sir. I want to learn everything.”
“Everything?” Jacob turned to him. “Damn, she’s killing me, and we haven’t even started.”
His cock pulsed and stretched at her admission. “Jacob, is she pure heaven or what?”
Jacob kissed her deeply, like a man dying of thirst. “She’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of, Josh. An angel.”
“Our angel.” He gazed into her gorgeous hazel eyes.
“Guys…I mean Masters…I’m a bit nervous, even more than I was about flying, but I’m also excited.”
“BDSM is all about pleasing you, sweetheart. A Dom’s ultimate satisfaction only comes when his sub is able to trust him completely to guide her into a state of blissful release. What did that book tell you about safe words?”