‘It is oil paint,’ he said, with a little laugh. ‘Thank you, Charlotte - you treat me, I see, like one of your charges - like a little boy who bears the remains of his meals on his face. I have some turpentine in my room; that will remove it.’
‘Well, it is late.’ I rose to my feet. ‘Has Marianne been sleeping soundly? You have made no mention of any disturbance.’
He assured me that she had, that Juliana’s bed was made up in her room and that I could retire to my own; and we parted for the night. As soon as I had unpacked my few things, looking with some bemuse-ment at the scarlet blouse, which I consigned to a hanger at the very back of my wardrobe, I felt overcome with tiredness, almost too weary to prepare for bed.
Although I slept heavily, I was awake at my usual early hour, my mind very much occupied. Full of purpose, I washed and dressed. With my new resolution strong in my mind, I must lose no time.
Since my revelation on the beach at Eastbourne, in all the hours I had spent worrying and brooding, I had concluded that Samuel must, after all, marry Juliana. It was abundantly clear now that Mr Farrow had brought him to Fourwinds with precisely that end in view. No doubt there would be considerable enticements: Mr Farrow would provide Juliana with a generous dowry, and would build Samuel’s reputation as a painter. Juliana’s objections to such a marriage could, I felt, be overcome, if she believed Samuel to be genuinely attached to her. Samuel, for his part, would not marry Juliana unless he came to love her; but this, I felt, could be brought about, with a little unobtrusive guidance from myself.
Unless I broached the subject at the first opportunity, I should be assailed by doubt. After breakfast, having arranged with Marianne that her studies would recommence at ten o’clock in the morning room, I went to find Juliana where I could speak to her alone. Having slept in the bed made up for her next to Marianne’s, she had returned to her own room to dress her hair.
‘So, my dear, how are you?’ I began. ‘I was so pleased last night to see you in better spirits than when I left.’
She was seated at the dressing table, hairbrush in hand. ‘Maybe a little,’ she replied, with the smallest of smiles.
‘Please, let me.’
She turned to face the mirror; I stood behind her, and with gentle strokes took over the brushing. Such straight, silky hair she had, the colour of ripened wheat; so delicate in its fineness, each strand so easily broken. I must take great care.
‘Mama used to do that for me, when I was a little girl,’ Juliana said, half drowsily, soothed by the sweep of the brush. ‘Do you remember your mother, Charlotte?’
‘Hardly at all.’
‘You tell us so little about yourself!’ Her eyes in the mirror met mine. ‘What do you remember? Surely you must have happy memories of her?’
‘None that I can recall. I was so young when she passed away.’
‘Poor Charlotte!’ Her gaze in the mirror was warm with feeling. ‘To have lacked a mother’s love! And yet you are so kind, almost motherly yourself. You ought to marry, and have children of your own.’
‘I see no possibility of that,’ I said brusquely; this was not what I wanted to discuss.
‘Do you not, Charlotte?’ Her reflected glance flicked up at me, almost mischievous. ‘Do you not have tender thoughts of someone very near? Do you never let yourself dream?’
She was referring to her father, of course; I was disturbed by her supposition, but she could hardly be more wrong. ‘I don’t know who you can mean,’ I prevaricated, ‘but, I assure you, I am far too sensible to do anything of the sort.’ Picking up a hairpin, I held it between my teeth, while I twisted and coiled a lock of hair. ‘Before I left for Eastbourne, you remember that we talked about Samuel.’
‘Yes?’ She looked at me alertly.
‘You spoke of your concern,’ I reminded her, ‘that he might wish to marry you.’
‘Marry me?’ As though the subject had never been mentioned between us, she gave me another quick upward glance, then cast her eyes down. ‘Yes. Of course I remember,’ she replied; I saw the faint colour that rose to her cheeks, and knew that I had material to work on. She continued, ‘Samuel is a good man, Charlotte - too good for me. At the dinner party, he could hardly have been kinder or more attentive. He saw my unease, and did all he could to smooth my path. I cannot express the gratitude I felt.’
‘I hope you have told him?’ Securing the strand of hair, I began brushing out the next.
‘Yes, I have thanked him,’ she said, still flushing; ‘inadequately, I am sure.’
‘He is, as you say, so good-hearted, so considerate, so affectionate - I should think any young lady would think herself lucky to be escorted by him,’ I told her.
Juliana was sharp enough to see my purpose. ‘Charlotte! What I have just said - I meant only to commend his qualities, nothing more. Surely you cannot be taking Papa’s side - conniving against me? You cannot!’ She turned her head away, so that the mirror showed me only her profile. ‘Not when you have promised me your help!’
Kneeling by her chair, I looked into her face. ‘Juliana - please believe me, when I tell you that your interests are dearer to me than anyone’s. I am thinking of your happiness when I say this - that if you could only give Samuel some encouragement—’
She closed her eyes and shook her head rapidly. ‘No! Don’t ask it of me, Charlotte, please - don’t speak of this again! If, truly, you care for me, you will not.’
It was impossible to dissemble any longer; I must speak more directly. ‘Dearest,’ I said softly, still on my knees, ‘I believe I have guessed your secret - I think I know why you said, just now, that Samuel is too good for you, though you are wrong - quite wrong! If you tell me that - that what I believe to be true, is true, I think you will find your mind eased - we can talk together, you can unburden yourself. It has drained you, nurturing this secret for so long - I am only sorry it took me so long to divine the truth.’
So still was she, that for a moment I thought she had stopped breathing.
‘I am right, am I not,’ I said gently, ‘that little Thomas Dearly is - is your own child?’
Still she seemed arrested in shock, and I doubted that she could have heard me. Although I did not want to, I was about to repeat what I had said, when she turned away from me with a flinging motion, and covered her face with both hands. As I embraced her, a sob broke from her, shaking her frame.
‘Juliana, my love! It is not your fault, what has occurred - most emphatically not your fault!’ I murmured. ‘Gideon Waring - that wicked man -ought to be taken out and shot, for abusing you so! And Eliza Dearly - I know she calls herself your friend, and she has the care of the boy - but she too has most appallingly misused your trust. My poor girl - what terrible torment you have suffered!’
For long moments she was unable to speak at all. Deep, soundless sobs racked her; she seemed to struggle for breath. Alarmed lest she should collapse, I was almost relieved when she began to weep openly, inconsolably. After fetching first a fresh handkerchief, and then a glass of water, I soothed her while she sobbed. At last, when she had quite exhausted herself, I urged her to lie down on the bed, and rang for a pot of tea, which I intercepted at the door so that Alice should not see her distress and wonder at the cause of it.
‘Charlotte,’ Juliana said at last in a broken voice, huddling into herself like a small child, ‘you are very kind, and I am half glad that you know. But it is impossible for you or anyone else to help me, so please don’t attempt it.’
‘I won’t believe that!’ I cried. ‘You must not blame yourself! You were hardly more than a child yourself. Blame him - blame them - never yourself. It was seeing that woman last week - seeing the child - that has brought it all freshly back to you. Oh, Juliana, if only I had been your companion then, instead of her — how different things would have been! But you must think of your own happiness now - your own future…’
‘I have no future,’ Juliana said, in a low, flat voice. ‘Only to spend the rest of
my life in contemplation of what cannot be changed or put right. Only to carry on as I am. Yes, you are right, I have suffered - I suffer every day and every night in the knowledge of what has happened; and I can see no end to it, for the past cannot be undone.’
‘But, my dear, here is a chance of happiness - you must seize it with both hands!’ I exclaimed. ‘Here is Samuel, who will surely come to love you, if he does not already—’
‘No!’ Fretfully, Juliana turned her head away and put a hand over her eyes as though finding the daylight too much to bear. ‘Can’t you see - his presence here only adds to my anguish? Yes, if things had been different - yes, I could love him - maybe I do love him. But I am not worthy of him - never, never! Don’t you see, Charlotte, what you are suggesting? That I should deceive a good man into marrying me, concealing the fact that I have borne a child? Are you truly proposing that he should be kept in ignorance? That lies and deceit should be the basis on which my marriage is to be built?’
‘No, I did not think that,’ I ventured, though this part of the plan was hazy in my own mind.
‘Then you have hardly thought at all. How can you have, Charlotte?’ Juliana remonstrated. ‘If you think such a - a hindrance - can be easily put behind me, you have no comprehension of my torments, for all you claim to understand me. How can you begin to know? I have hidden my feelings so very cleverly, have I not? Well enough to keep you in ignorance, you who thought you knew me? But how can I live, otherwise - without keeping my feelings in suppression? When I must spend every day in the knowledge that I have a darling little boy I can only be allowed to glimpse, and whom I hate as well as love - and when I know, know beyond all doubt, that I killed my own mother—’
‘Killed?’ I echoed. ‘How, killed? Juliana, what are you saying?’
She had sat upright to say this; her red-rimmed eyes almost glittered as she gazed at me. Almost in fear, I shrank back, and she gave a humourless laugh.
‘Oh - I don’t mean that I pushed her to her death. I am not a murderer. But I killed her all the same -she died because of me. The shame and disgrace were too much to bear. I told her! I told her - and she took her own life in the shock of that knowledge. I often think that the only course left open to me - if only I were brave enough - is to follow her by taking my own.’ Her face contorted as though for a fresh bout of weeping.
‘Juliana, my love!’ I implored her. ‘You must not think so, not for a moment - it is a - a dreadful distortion!’ I moved towards her; but swiftly she regained her self-control, rose from the bed and surveyed her face in the mirror. Fiercely she began to work at her half-complete hairstyle, tugging at the brush, wincing.
Aghast, I watched. Her reddened eyes caught mine in the mirror; at first her gaze flickered away, then returned to meet mine, unafraid. ‘Leave me now, Charlotte,’ she commanded. ‘I must be left alone.’
Outside, I stood by the door in indecision and dismay. My plan, designed to bring her comfort and hope, could scarcely have gone more badly awry. What mischief had I wrought, all unintending?
Chapter Twenty-three
Mr Ernest Farrow to Mrs Matthew Dearly
Fourwinds
3rd July, 1898
Dear Mrs Dearly,
To my consternation, I have recently discovered that your husband has taken employment with Mr Vernon-Dale, and that this has brought you back from Petersfeld, where I had thought you were settled. I am surprised that you have not had the consideration to inform me of this move.
I am most concerned that my daughter should not come into contact, whether accidentally or by intention, with yourself or with the child She is, as you know, of a nervous disposition, and such a meeting would cause her unnecessary distress. I must therefore ask you never to come near Fourwinds or to enter its grounds, and if you should chance to see my daughter in Staverton or its environs, to take every means of avoiding an encounter.
The payments will continue, under the terms of our agreement, on the assumption that these conditions will be met. As you probably know, I am a close acquaintance of Mr Vernon-Dale, and could if necessary take measures which would render your husband’s employment insecure. I am confident that you will take heed of my request and avoid any such unpleasant eventuality.
I trust that you, your husband and the boy are in good health.
Yours sincerely
Ernest Farrow
Chapter Twenty-four
The Hand of the Sculptor
Artists, as I was discovering at every social encounter, cannot quite be taken seriously unless they exhibit signs of a volatile temperament. Plenty of my fellows at the Slade did their best to live up to this model; as for myself, I could not change my nature, and saw no reason for adapting my behaviour. If anyone mistook my quiet nature for dullness, why, let them - my inner thoughts were my own, and I did not find myself dull company.
Now, though, I found myself consumed by a passion large enough to match anyone’s expectations of artistic instability. I could not rest - could scarcely trust myself to speak to anyone in the household -until I had been to Chichester and sought out that villain, Waring.
I informed Mr Farrow that I wished to spend a night away from Fourwinds. Although puzzled, he did not question me further; and when I explained to Charlotte, I avoided telling an outright lie by saying, ‘I have had a letter from my friend Chas, from the Slade. He has asked me to join him and another mutual friend in Brighton.’
‘I see,’ she said. ‘I suppose you are tired of our company here.’
‘Not at all,’ I told her. I had come to find her in the garden, where, in a rather becoming straw boater, she was snipping rose-stems for the dining table. Their sun-warmed scent was around us as we spoke, and a turtledove crooned from the cedar’s shade. I could not resist adding, ‘You have only just returned from the seaside yourself! You cannot begrudge me the same pleasure.’
She straightened. ‘My trip was not for pleasure, Mr Godwin.’ I noticed the return to formality. ‘Do you imagine I have been cavorting in the waves, or playing with bucket and spade?’
‘Well! Since you have told us almost nothing, you must pardon the mistake,’ I told her.
‘It’s possible that I might have confided in you.’ She flicked an earwig from its rose-petal nest. ‘But your sudden haste to leave makes private conversation impossible.’
‘I am at your service,’ I said, pantomiming listening, hand cupped to ear.
‘No, no.’ She bent again to select a tightly furled bud. ‘Don’t let me detain you from your friends.’
‘Charlotte,’ I said, urged by some rash impulse, ‘let me be honest with you. I misled you just now. I’m sorry. It’s true that my friends have invited me to Brighton. But I’m not going there.’
‘Oh? You have some secret assignation?’ She still sounded disapproving.
‘Not an assignation - but a quest.’ I looked around to check that no one was within earshot. ‘I am going in search of Gideon Waring.’
‘Gideon Waring?’ Charlotte seemed to receive the name as a blow; her eyes, round and startled, gazed at me from beneath her hat brim. ‘You cannot mean that!’
‘I can, and I do. I have been making enquiries, and believe I know where to find him. It appears he is in Chichester, and must have travelled from there that day I saw him by the lake.’
‘In Chichester! So close!’ Charlotte said, though Chichester was half a day’s journey away. ‘I must urge you to abandon your plan - go to Brighton, if you will, meet your friends, but don’t waste your thoughts, or your time, on Gideon Waring! That man is a brute-believe me, for I know more than you do. What can you hope to gain by meeting him?’
Here I faltered, for I could not tell her my true purpose - if, indeed, I knew what that was. The truth was that the sculptor both intrigued and repelled me; but delicacy forbade me to mention Marianne’s drawings, or what I suspected. At the very least, I wanted to extract a promise that he would never again come near Fourwinds, or Marianne; but I knew too t
hat when I confronted Waring, I should scarcely resist laying violent hands on him.
‘I have my reasons,’ I told her. ‘However regrettable his conduct has been, his work is fascinating. I want to meet the man who shaped our three Winds-to talk to him. I want to discover what has happened to the fourth. You know how much it would put Marianne’s mind at rest, if the West Wind could be found, and put in position.’
‘Yes,’ said Charlotte, ‘but you are taking too much upon yourself - interfering in Mr Farrow’s concerns, and without his permission. Mr Waring’s departure from here was acrimonious, and whatever brought him here that morning cannot have been above board. To be perfectly frank, it is no business of yours. Mr Farrow will find another sculptor in good time.’
‘Maybe he will,’ I said obstinately, ‘but I am intent on going, and nothing you say is likely to sway me.’
‘I urge you, do not go!’ Charlotte repeated. ‘Don’t go near the man! He has proved himself untrustworthy - he will lie to you - he will turn you against Mr Farrow, against all of us!’
‘I repeat - you may protest all you like, but my mind is quite made up that I shall go. And, as you told me, you have never met Mr Waring, so how can you be so sure?’
‘I have my reasons,’ said Charlotte quietly.
‘And I have mine. You must permit me, I think, to do as I please with my spare time? You are governess to Marianne - not, though, to me.’
I had ventured too far. Charlotte faced me with an audible humph, her eyes blazing. In her efforts to cut the best blooms, she had ventured off the lawn and into the flowerbed, treading carefully on the dry, crumbled soil; she now began to extricate herself, lifting her skirts, and would, I suspected, have marched off and left me. However, the fabric of her dress had snagged itself on a rose thorn; turning to examine the impediment, she only succeeded in entrapping herself more thoroughly. Pulling herself free would badly rip her clothing.
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