I simply stared at her with a disgusted look on my face. “Good, then you know how I feel almost each and every time I let you touch me!”
I made the mistake of turning my back on her after saying that and the next thing I felt was her hand wrapped around my ponytail and my neck being yanked back. If there was anything that I would never go for, it was the people I allowed to share a bed with me to put their hands on me. She must have quickly forgotten who the hell I was and what hood I grew up in. Fighting was in my blood. I didn’t go around starting them but I damn sure loved to finish them. Growing up on Staten Island in Killa Hill had afforded me the luxury of learning how to defend myself at any cost. I turned around and quickly reminded her of just who the hell I was. The only difference between her and me was that I remembered she grew up in Flatbush. That meant I would not be foolish enough to underestimate her. The details of the fight I won’t give. Let’s just say I left there with no intentions of ever returning and I knew I was lying to myself.
You have no idea how much I really hated that woman at times and, then, there were times when I loved her. It was a complicated thing to explain and even after all of that, I lay there and let her pleasure herself at my expense, let her use her tongue, hands, and fingers to bring herself to an orgasm like only I could give her. Not even her husband could make her come the way I could and sometimes, most times, I didn’t even have to touch her. It’s the kind of relationship we had. I don’t even think it bothered her that I simply lay there.
All of that led to me sitting in class, frustrated, with tears rolling down my face. My lover was intent on making my life a living hell and if I wasn’t careful, I would end up letting her. She had some kind of control over this situation that I didn’t like. I didn’t even participate in class like I wanted to because I couldn’t get myself together long enough to do so.
“Ms. Dixon, can I get you to stay after class for a few minutes today?” Mr. Rodriguez asked me to my total surprise.
I looked up at him and nodded. “Sure.”
“Good. The rest of you, I will see you all tomorrow and I want to thank you all for being my best class this semester.”
A couple of cheers and a few students later we were all alone. I watched as he perched on the corner of his desk, one hip sitting on the desk with one foot on the floor. He looked at me with a smile, his dimples playing on both his cheeks.
“Is there any reason my best student wasn’t participating in class today? I see you seem to be a little down. You’ve been that way for the last couple of days. Everything okay?”
I smiled to myself, and although things with my lover had been rough, I had no idea it would play the man I wanted right into my hands. I’d be sure to thank her later.
I nodded, taking the time to wipe my eyes. “Just going through some things at home, and relationship issues. You know, life.”
“I understand that, but let’s not let it get in the way of school. Like I said, you’re one of my best students and your last two assignments have garnered you Bs when I know you could easily have As.”
I watched as he stood and walked around his desk, pulling his briefcase up and preparing to leave.
“I know and I’m sorry. Sometimes, I just get so caught up in things ...”
He looked up at me. “Is there anything with the assignments you need help on? Even though the answer is probably no, it seems as if for the past couple days you’ve only been doing enough to get by. I don’t want those Bs to drop to Cs. I take pride in my students and my work.”
I stood, grabbing my purse and my laptop bag. “Well, actually, there was this one thing that keeps confusing me—”
He cut me off as he looked at the time on his watch. “Look, right now I have to get out of here and pick my wife up, but, how about meeting me at Barnes & Noble tomorrow at seven-thirty? I meet with a couple of students in a study group to help them with homework and whatever else they need. Only thing is, you have to be there on time because once I start I don’t let anyone else in. It’s not fair to the other students that I have to start over because one was inconsiderate and late.”
Watching him as he picked up his briefcase and ushered me out of the classroom, I made sure to get as close to him as I could. “Okay, I’ll be there, and thank you again.”
For the second time that day he smiled while looking down at me. “Good, and don’t be late. Like I said, you’re a great student and I don’t want to see you fall by the wayside because of issues unrelated to school.”
After a few more words of encouragement from him, our conversation ended and I smiled, knowing I was one step closer to getting my man. A few minutes later, I walked into my mother’s home to her and my stepfather having one of their famous arguments. He wanted another child and she didn’t. My mom was adamant about keeping her womb closed and off limits.
“I don’t get it. You always say no, but you never give a clear-cut answer as to why,” Frank said to her.
Frank was a nice brother, always had been, but he was not what my mother wanted and that was clear as day to everyone but him. They’d been married for two years, and had met not long after we’d moved to Atlanta almost four years ago. He wooed her, pursued her, and eventually won her over. It was easy to see why my mom had married him. He was a walking bank, a very respectable man, and he had a big dick. I knew because I’d seen him naked. I told him it was an accident, but I walked right in the bathroom on him. The man’s body was to die for and he knew it, but, being the man he was he quickly covered himself. I quickly pretended to be shielding my eyes, while looking at the long, thick, chocolate dick that hung between his legs.
“Frank, I’m not giving you no damn kids! Having Vix damn near killed me,” she said to him as she stood.
“Tammi, that’s real bull, baby. I know it is because I’ve heard you telling some of your friends how she gave you no trouble at all carrying her. Baby, you have a beautiful body so I know it will bounce back if that’s what you’re worried about.”
He knew my mom very well. She was very superficial. I stopped and spoke to them before heading to my room.
“Hello, both of you,” I said.
My mom didn’t speak. She walked past me into the kitchen.
“What’s up, Vix? How was your day?” Frank said to me.
I walked into the front room and bent down to give him a hug. “It was okay. You know how it is with school and all.”
Before he could respond my mom walked back in with a smug smile on her face and her glass of Moscato, which she drank faithfully every night. She kept her eyes locked on me. A message that read she was watching me.
“Vix, don’t let the pressure get to you. You’re a good student. Your mom and I are proud of you.”
I smiled in his direction. “Thank you, Frank. That’s good to hear. Mom, and how was your day?”
She took a sip of her Moscato and looked at me. “It went well, baby, despite a few setbacks at the job. Other than that all is well.”
She pulled her feet up under her on the sofa and leaned into Frank. I smiled and shook my head as his arms wrapped around her and she pointed the remote at the TV. My mom and I had started having a rocky relationship when I turned fourteen. She’d caught me in bed with one of her male friends and had never looked at me the same. It hurt at first, but after a while, I started to care less and less.
“Sorry to hear that, mother dear. Hope things work out better for you.” Pretending to be tired I looked at my watch. “I’ll be in my room if I’m needed.”
I walked over and kissed my mother’s jaw, feeling her slightly cringe away, and then kissed Frank’s jaw close to his lips, just to piss her off, before walking up the stairs to my room. Our relationship was a tricky one. On any given day, at any given moment, we could come to blows, which was why I had to hurry and get my own place again. I could easily go out and find a job, as my resume was job ready, but I liked to have men supply my needs and wants. And, no, there was no shame in my game and
there never would be. Yes, I used my body to get men to do whatever the hell I wanted them to and I was proud of it.
Walking into my room, I threw my purse on the bed and looked around. It was clean, bigger than a one-bedroom studio. All of the walls were white, minus an accent wall that was painted desert red. My cherry-wood California king–sized bed sat against the accent wall, along with my nightstand, and my dresser sat against the wall on the opposite side. The hardwood floor needed to be swept to get rid of strands of hair. It was nice, but no way could I keep bottled up in there. I had to get out of the house and make something happen. It had always been clear that many women would disagree with what I chose to do to get by, but those same women were sitting around broke with no life. Those same women had to worry about how their rent would be paid, or how their children would be fed, or even how any of their bills would be paid for that matter. Not me. At that very moment my bank account sat pretty, way over the amount of an average upper middle-class working woman. Why? Because I made sure any man willing to sleep with me would be willing to open his wallet. If I was to freely give you sex at your demand then you needed to be freely ready to open your wallet at my demand and it was just that simple.
I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower, needing to give myself a way to relax. Damn, I miss my old apartment, I thought as I stepped into my walk-in shower. I smiled to myself, excited about the fact that the next day my plan to seduce my teacher would go into effect. No, he didn’t have the pockets that normally attracted me to a man, but my taste was versatile. Mr. Rodriguez was finer than words could explain and I’d never had Latin dick. It would be a first.
I laughed as I turned the shower off and stepped out. Even the cold air hitting my nipples excited me. Maybe I should have gone to see a doctor. My love for sex could have easily been classified as an addiction. I shrugged and walked over to my window, pulling the curtain wide. I knew most of my neighbors had gotten used to the show I would put on for them. I was very free with my body. I didn’t care who saw it, but to touch it was a different thing all together.
I squealed and jumped when my door came open.
“Oh shit. Oh. My bad, Vix. I ... I ... Your mother told me to come in here and get something for her. She said you were in the guest room. I’m so sorry.”
I laughed to myself once I realized it was Frank. The look on his face was priceless. His eyes had bugged out and he quickly turned around like he’d laid eyes upon Jesus. I loved it. I walked from around my bedpost and leaned in front of it, still naked and wet.
“Well, what did she need, Frank?”
“Um. She said something about a black bag in the closet.”
I giggled and walked over to my walk-in closet. It was fully filled with designer clothes, coats, jackets, shoes, boots, purses, and accessories, courtesy of my female lover. I bent over and Frank must have turned back around.
“Oh, my fucking God. Vix, put some damn clothes on,” he bellowed out.
I shook my head and walked over to him. He’d turned his back again.
“Why, Frank? It’s just ass, pussy, and breasts. Geez. You act as if you’ve never seen the three before.”
I dropped the bag behind him so he’d have no choice but to turn around and face me to pick it up.
“Vix, put something on, okay? I’ve known you since you were—”
“Since you started dating my mom.” I stepped closer and placed my breasts against his back. “Tell me you’ve never thought about how good this pussy could be,” I whispered in his ear as my hands came around and stroked his dick through his slacks.
He gripped my wrists tight and quickly turned around; his eyes blazed red in anger as he shook me hard once and pushed me away from him. I stumbled back but caught my balance, my breasts swaying hard against gravity.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, girl?”
He looked like he wanted to hit me, but caught himself. I watched as he snatched the black bag up from the floor and stormed out of the room. I laughed to myself and lay back on the bed. He could pretend as if he didn’t want it, but I felt the way his dick stirred around when I touched him. He wanted it. I laughed again and went to press play on my iPod. Lil’ Kim’s “Big Momma Thang” came blasting through the speakers. I danced around my room, window open, simply not giving a damn. I heard my mom asking Frank what was wrong and why he was angry. Next thing I heard was the front door slamming and I got to my window in time to see Frank drive off. The man next door stood slack jawed in his window as he caught a glimpse of my bouncing breasts before I snatched the curtains closed. Living in a nice neighborhood didn’t mean you didn’t have perverts. It just meant there were more of them.
It didn’t take long for my mother to come charging up the stairs. She shoved the door open and came right for me, snatching me by my hair, slinging me on the bed. I screamed and kicked my feet to get her off of me. A kick landed in her stomach and made her fall back.
“You get your shit and get the fuck out of my house, Vix. You will not keep disrespecting me.”
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” I lied.
She walked over and sent my iPod crashing to the floor before going to my closet, snatching clothes out, and throwing them on the floor as she yelled.
“You’re a damned liar. Frank told me that shit you pulled with him. Sick of you, Vix. You’re trifling and you don’t give a shit about nobody but yourself. You have to get the hell up out of here before you make me kill your ass.”
For some reason, I didn’t panic, because I really didn’t think she would throw me out. My mom had never turned her back on me for anyone, even when we had our fights and even when she caught her male friend in bed with me before. She’d gone upside his head and, yes, she and I had fought, but she still never turned her back on me. So there was no reason for me to think she was serious at that moment, especially not after all she’d done to me.
“Mom, you’re not serious right now.”
“Like hell I’m not,” she said as she stormed past me and opened dresser drawers, repeating the process she had done to my closet while I ran over to try to stop her.
“Mom, what are you doing? You can’t put me out. I have no place to go.”
She snatched away from me and pushed me back. “You should have thought of that before you disrespected me in my home. That’s my damn husband!”
I looked at her in disbelief. She didn’t even want Frank. She just wanted a man to have one. Frank was all for show for her perfect life. After running away from the demons of her past in New York, she came to Atlanta and made a whole new life for her and me, but still, some of those very same demons she’d run from followed us to Atlanta.
“You don’t even want your damn husband and you’re mad at me for wanting him? He’s only here for show, to paint the perfect picture of this life you want.”
“Vix, get out of my damn face before you make me hurt you.” Her chest heaved up and down as her fist balled at her side.
“We both know the real reason you’re mad and it has nothing to do with Frank.”
She slapped me hard enough to draw tears, but I stood my ground.
“You can be mad at all you want, Mama, but sooner or later Frank is going to leave for the same reason my daddy did and, once again, you’ll be all alone. Only this time, I won’t be around to pick your sorry ass up and carry you.”
She slapped me again, but I was used to her slaps and, although it knocked another set of tears from my eyes, I stood firm.
“You have five minutes to get what you can and get the hell out of here or else I’m going to throw you out, and don’t try me, Vix. Please don’t call my bluff.”
She turned and stormed out of my room, slamming the door behind her. No matter how hard she ran or how far she ran she would still be a hood bitch. No matter the image she painted for the outside world, our demons would always chase us.
I quickly pulled on a tight-fitting sweat suit and slid my feet into
a pair of sneakers, no socks, and grabbed what I could carry with me to a hotel. By the time I finished packing, I heard Frank walk back in the house. His and my mama’s voices could be heard traveling up the stairs through my closed door as they argued. I threw my duffle bag over my shoulders, picked up my purse and cell, then made my way down the stairs. Frank’s eyes were the first thing I saw. At first he averted them like I made him uncomfortable, then he kept them locked to mine. I had no idea what he was thinking and I wasn’t going to stick around and find out. I walked out of my mama’s home and never looked back.
Chapter 3
The next day found me in a hotel room off of Southlake. I didn’t even bother to travel far. I had plans to go to my lover’s place, but she’d been more of a headache than it was worth as of late. I skipped all my classes and stayed locked away in the suite I’d booked at Hampton Inn. I only needed a place to lay my head for the night before figuring out what it was I’d do next. To be honest, I never thought my mom would let me walk away, let alone kick me out. I guess Frank meant more to her than I thought, although I doubted it. She was the type that didn’t want a man but wanted no one else to have him either.
I rolled over in bed and looked at the time. Realizing that I didn’t want to check out, I called down to the front desk and booked the room for an extra day. Afterward I simply closed my eyes and went back to sleep, not wanting to think about the fact that for the first time I was homeless. Another reason I didn’t have my old place was because I’d let my lover talk me out of keeping it. She wanted me to be done with the man I’d been seeing, period. And, because she’d told me that she’d purchased that condo for us, I’d agreed to it. I’d probably end up at her condo, but just needed the time at the hotel to clear my head and get my thoughts together.
I was young in age and had been through a hell of a lot, shit most people wouldn’t survive. The one thing I’d never forget was watching my daddy try to kill my mama. That day, I’d thought he’d end her. My daddy was a good man, too. He’d never raised a hand to me or my mother, and he let me get away with anything. He’d loved my mama, too, but my mama had demons, real bad ones. Since the day Daddy found out just what my mother liked to do when she wasn’t with him, he’d never been the same. He left and never looked back. He tried to take me with him, but I couldn’t leave her. She begged me not to leave her and I couldn’t. She’d always taken care of me, never done any harm to me, which was why I was shocked that she actually kicked me out.
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