by Amanda Cowen
“Hey,” she breathes.
“Good morning.” I drink in the sight of her bare shoulders. “Coffee?”
Dark curls frame her face, and she tucks one behind her ear as she stretches for another yawn, exposing her long neck. I immediately think of sucking little marks into her skin, from her ear to her collarbone.
“Yes, please,” she says. “How are you feeling today? Still nauseous?”
She takes a coffee mug from my hand and pulls back to look at me silently in response. I feel the heat of her hypnotic green eyes and the temptation of her full, pink lips. Sipping her coffee, Quinn blinks away before sitting down on the stool next to me.
“I’m feeling a bit better,” I reply. “I took a few Tylenol when I woke up. And I even made another glass of that terrible all natural concoction and drank it.”
She blinks. I lean in a little and the way she’s staring at my mouth is making my skin hum.
“Wow,” she says, smiling. “I’m impressed.” She takes another sip of her coffee and places it down on the countertop. “Are you hungry?”
I shrug. “A little.”
She tears her eyes from my mouth and looks up at me, lifting her chin and nods toward the stove. “Oatmeal?”
“Don’t burn it.” I wink at her. She rolls her eyes at me with a tiny smirk on her lips. I take a sip of my coffee and watch her press up onto her tippy toes and reach up into the cupboard. “So I guess I wasn’t imagining things when I saw you wearing a labradorite stone in the Dark Room. You got my package, then?”
Quinn blushes. “Yes, I did. Thank you.”
“I knew you would make something beautiful.”
An awkward silence falls between us as she prepares oatmeal on the stove top.
“Have you made anything else with the stones?” I finally ask.
“No, so far only this necklace…” she tells me, turning to face me as if she’s only really looking at me now. “I haven’t had much time to focus on my own collection. My Etsy site has been keeping me busy with making my most popular jewelry pieces for clients.”
“Your Etsy site?” I ask raising a brow.
Nodding she studies me for a breath and says, “Yeah, I’ve been selling my jewelry online.’
“That’s amazing, Quinn. Show me your online shop.”
“No.”
“Why not?” I ask. “What’s your jewelry business called?”
Pushing off the wall, she takes a couple of steps closer to me. “That’s not important.”
“Come on. Tell me.”
The longer Quinn stares at me, the more my chest gets tighter and tighter and tighter.
“Wild Horses Jewelry Co.,” she finally breathes out.
“Like the song?”
“Yeah, like the song.” She blushes again and then looks down at her feet. She fidgets with the pendant. “Listen Cash, about last night—”
“What about it?”
“I’m happy you told me. I know it wasn’t easy for you to let me in and confide in me what you’ve never confided in anyone before. And when you asked me if I could ever forgive you…? Honestly, Cash…I’ve already forgiven you. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget; you know?”
I can see in her eyes that she’s scared of being hurt again. And I don’t blame her, but it’s painful to hear that I’m the reason. I reach out and take her hand. I really need to touch her right now. She trembles as my fingers brush her palm. Her teeth bite down on her bottom lip the same way I want to.
“Quinn, I told you, I don't want to lie to you anymore. I want to be honest with you about how I'm feeling. I still love you.” I step forward, and she turns her face up to me, closing her eyes when I slide my hand along her neck and into her hair.
“Cash, don't do this,” she says.
“And I know that you love me. Deep down, beneath all the anger—”
She shakes her head. “This is not going to work. Regardless, Daniela is still technically your wife.”
“It will work. It can work. I’ll end our arrangement. I know it’s still there between us.”
“Of course it’s still there, Cash.” She takes a step back. “Because what we had was real. What I gave you of myself was real. And I hate it now. I hate the fact that I gave you my all, because you burned me and broke my heart into a million pieces. And now all I want to do is get on with my life. After what you did and hid from me, if I were to let you back into my life, I’d be scared you'd do it again.”
“Quinn…” I say and stop because I’m not sure what else to say. Seeing her so upset is too much right now.
She lifts her gaze from the floor, and I can see desire looming there. Her breathing becomes shallow and her chest heavy. I slip a finger up her palm and caress the inside of her wrist. She trembles from my touch, letting out a quivering breath. I step closer to her and run my hand slowly up her arm, waiting for her to push me away again and put a safe distance between us.
“I’m not going to hurt you again. I swear.” I press her backward until she’s against the cupboards in my kitchen and my chest is inches away from touching hers.
She doesn’t push me off. She remains silent and stares at my chest. Her cleavage in her gray shirt is right under my nose. Rising and falling as if she’s inviting me to touch her, hold her, kiss her. Her body is warm, her skin soft, and she smells so fucking good.
I reach forward and put my other hand on her waist and slowly slide it up her body until my thumb is tucked under her breast. She lets out a tiny moan, and her green eyes lock with mine. I ease my hand up and cover her right breast squeezing it gently. Quinn moans again and her head falls back and her eyes close. With my other hand, I cover her left breast and run my thumb over her firm nipple.
“Oh God, Cash,” she moans, opening her eyes and staring at me through her lowered lashes.
“I love you, Quinn,” I whisper in her ear.
“Cash,” she breathes and pushes her chest harder into my hands.
Her mind is fighting her body, but the hooded look of desire in her eyes gives her away. She misses me too. I’ve never been this turned on in my life. Seeing Quinn like this—the desperation in her eyes—something feels different in the way she wants me. She’s almost frantic. I can sense her fear, but her want is stronger.
“Cash…” she starts again.
I pick her up and put her bottom on the counter and cover her mouth with mine. I run my hands through her hair and nudge her legs open with my hips as I step forward. I’m already hard and the feel of the warmth of her entire body against the denim over my cock is enough to have me moaning against her mouth, pushing my hips forward.
Quinn kiss is soft and tender and deep and as desperate as I feel. I bite down on her bottom lip and pull her tongue into my mouth. I can’t get her close enough. She presses into me and I slide my hand between us, reaching to touch the soft warmness between her thighs. She gasps and grabs me by the shirt, pulling me closer.
Fuck. I’m so hard it’s all I can do to not reach for my fly, pull out my dick, and slip inside her, but instead I grab her hips and feel her unbelievably soft body. I have no idea what this kiss between us means, but I want her like my next breath. I always have and I always will. Water bubbling and splattering onto the stove top causes her to break our kiss and turn her head toward the element.
“Shit,” she says and pushes me back a fraction. I follow her eyes to see the oatmeal boiling over. She hops off the countertop, sprints across the kitchen, turns off the element and removes the pot.
My heart feels crushed from the loss of her touch. We stare at each other in an impenetrable silence. She shifts her feet nervously. I don’t like how she’s suddenly nervous. Like she’s come to her senses and remembers how much she doesn’t want me anymore.
“Quinn—”
“You should go lie down while I clean this up,” she says as she turns on the tap and rinses out the pot. She refuses to make eye contact with me. “It’s probably best.”
<
br /> Shit.
“Quinn, look at me.” She pauses and turns off the tap. I swallow hard as she braces her hands on the countertop and stares out the window. I still love her. I need her. “Quinn, please look at me,” I beg.
Turning, she takes a deep breath then lifts her eyes to meet mine. Sadness is mixed with something else. Guilt? Fuck. I reach over and cup her face with my hand. “I’m sorry, okay. Should we not have done that? I thought…”
“No. Don’t… don’t apologize.” She drops her eyes from mine again. “This whole situation is confusing. I’m leaving tomorrow and…and… I need to tell you something.”
“Okay,” I reply, nervous as hell to hear what she needs to suddenly tell me.
“When I told you I’ve been trying to move on, it’s not solely with my studies and new life in Boston. I’ve been kinda-sorta seeing Aiden.” Having her stab at me in the chest would be less painful than hearing this. “And you”—she pauses and motions her hands between us— “this unlikely circumstance…it doesn’t change anything between us. I really need time to think. I need to be able to process it all and everything you’ve confided in me with a clear head. We shouldn’t have kissed.”
I want to pull her to me and bring her to my bedroom, claim her as mine and insist she can’t leave me. If she leaves and goes back to him…I can’t even think about it.
I let my hand fall from her face, and I step back to give her space. Quinn lifts her face to look up at me again. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Don’t go back to him.” My voice comes out a lot shakier than I expected it would. “Stay the rest of the week with me. Please. It’s spring break, right?”
She whimpers, choking out. “I can’t. I’m sorry – “
“Tell me you will, please.”
Quinn glances away from me and out the window. It feels like forever until she finally responds. “One extra day. That’s it.”
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll take what I can get.”
Chapter 13
Quinn
I’m in a bad way, hard up, feeling things I shouldn’t, and I’m not even bothering with denial anymore. Being near Cash, especially after he opened his heart to me, obliterates any other wariness I had of his past, and being trapped with him in his condo makes me want to fall back into his warm familiar embrace. I can smell his sweet familiar scent—honey and cinnamon and the peppermint toothpaste on his breath. I can feel his eyes on me as I tidy his condo and make us lunch.
After he takes some Tylenol and lies down on his bed because he’s feeling weak and dizzy, I lie on his couch, thinking about our past, present mess, and maybe future. I think of how much he hurt me, but how much I’ve missed him too, and wonder if I could ever give him a second chance. I think about him pouring his heart out to me last night and then the two of us falling asleep together on his bed. After all, without Cash my sleep has been restless. God, I’ve missed the way he spoons me. While he naps, I find myself antsy and pacing around his condo, so I leave and head to Annie’s Teahouse, my favorite spot when I come to Santa Anna.
Through the front windows, I can see the tall wooden shelves filled with canisters of loose leaf tea, and the rustic counter with the same purple-haired, tattooed girl working at the till.
I’m clearly needing an escape. Somewhere to clear my head and be Cash-free. But what did I really expect would happen once I was alone with him? That somehow between six months ago and now, everything would be forgotten and we’d be back to how things once were between us?
He lives in Santa Anna. I’m in Boston. He needs to deal with the mistakes of his past, with his “wife” and their arrangement, and he needs to focus on his professional hockey career. I need to be focusing on my studies, jewelry making, and I need to stop living in a fantasy world and start being honest with myself when it comes my relationship with Cash. I love him, I do. I just don’t know how we would ever work.
But all the obstacles—the ones I thought would destroy us only months ago—don’t seem that relevant anymore. Somehow since we’ve been pushed back together, we’ve found some sort of easy peace between us. Plus, I believe him when he tells me about Daniela and how she came into his life. I sympathize with the fact that he felt the need to protect her after he lost his brother, Cory. Cash’s family is something he’s loved, lost, and been trying to protect his entire existence. And for him to finally tell me everything and help me understand his world, it’s everything I’ve wanted from him since the moment I met him.
The little bell rings when I push through the door.
“Quinn?” Vaughn’s familiar voice startles me. I look up and see her sipping a cup of tea in the back corner.
Oh crap.
She waves over at me. The look on her face both intrigued and probing. I’m busted. Now I’ll have to pretend I’m here for a surprise visit to see my father, because why else would I be in Santa Anna? Regardless, Vaughn is going to tell Lyndsey she saw me. And Lyndsey is going to be pissed I didn’t tell her I was only three hours away over spring break. She’s also going to read through my bullshit and know I’m here for one reason and one reason only…I take a deep confidence-building breath: I can do this.
Vaughn puts her cup of tea down and grabs her purse, walking toward me. “Lyndsey didn’t mention you’d be in California.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “Busted.”
My pulse accelerates thinking about Lyndsey finding out about me staying with Cash. She’s not going to be exactly pleased with my decision, but I feel a half-hearted spike of irritation that she thinks she knows what’s best for me. Ugh, I sound pathetic. I’m torn over Cash, but I know Lyndsey would tell me to run for the hills before I ever let him in my life again. And she doesn’t even know the half of it.
“Aren’t you on spring break?” Vaughn asks.
“Yes,” I tell her, and order my tea from the purple-haired girl at the cash register. “I’m leaving tomorrow. What are you doing in Santa Anna?”
“I came for the day to get some shopping done,” she says, smiling.
I look up, startled when Fisher, one of Cash’s old team mates from the Bruiser’s appears behind her and places his hand on her lower back, smiling at me. What the—?
“Hey Quinn,” he says, and kisses Vaughn’s cheek. I didn’t know they were together. “How’s it going? It’s been awhile.”
I open my mouth to respond to Fisher, when Vaughn interrupts with, “What brings you to Santa Anna anyway?”
“Just visiting.”
“Who?” she asks a little too quickly for my liking.
But before I can respond, Fisher pipes up. “Hey, did you hear about Cash?”
For a beat, I’m panicked, but Vaughn doesn’t look even a little surprised. Either she didn’t hear Fisher, or Aiden’s already told her and she knows exactly why I’m here. But if she knew, wouldn’t she have told Lyndsey? And if she told Lyndsey, my phone would be ringing off the hook.
“What about him?” I ask, playing along. “Did something happen?”
“Yeah, I heard he was injured,” he says, and he looks like he genuinely is concerned and not trying to break me.
When I look over at Vaughn, she’s watching me like a hawk, her eyes narrowed and lips in a fine line.
“He took a big hit at a Boston game,” Fisher explains, “and apparently he has a bad concussion. I’ve tried reaching out to him, but nothing. Cash has always been that elusive secretive type, but I don’t know. I’m guessing you probably haven’t talked to him since that night anyway.”
The way he refers to that night makes my stomach turn. The memory of pounding into Cash’s penthouse to find him drunk and high with some tramp, and having Fisher and Louis drag me out with a fight replays in my mind. How could I ever forget?
“Regardless, I’m sure Cash is doing fine and will be back on the ice in no time.” Great. Now I sound like I know something. Vaughn gives me a questioning glance. “At least that’s what I would assume.”
Vaugh
n frowns. “Quinn doesn’t want to hear hockey talk, Fisher. And you’re right. She and Cash aren’t together anymore. She’s dating our friend Aiden, right Quinn?”
I feel like Vaughn is toying with me, and I don’t like it. “I wouldn’t put a label on it.” I decide to start slowly, keeping it about anything else other than Cash. “But, hey, I didn’t know you two were together?”
Fisher winks. “Yeah, but I wouldn’t put a label on it.”
Vaughn frowns and smacks him in the arm.
“Miss? Your tea is ready,” the purple-haired girl calls from behind me.
I turn around and take my take-out cup from her. “Well, it was nice to see you. But, I better get going.”
Vaughn studies me, running her finger under her lower lip. “Hey, if you’re going to be in Santa Anna for another night, we should meet up later.”
“I have plans,” I lie, feeling my face heat.
“With your dad?” she asks, laughing. “I mean who else would you have plans with?”
I tilt my gaze to Fisher, still standing obliviously beside Vaughn. “Well,” I say, and take a sip of my tea, “like I said, I already have plans. And even though I would love to meet up with you two and be your third wheel, I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“You wouldn’t be imposing,” Vaughn insists.
Fisher scowls. “Geez, Vaughn. If she has plans, she has plans. Why are you being so pushy?”
“It was really nice seeing you,” I tell them. When she looks offended, I say, “It’s not personal Vaughn. I really can’t tonight.”