by J. Daniels
“You saved my life,” she states, matter-of-factly. Her lengthy pause has me glancing over at her, which I regret immediately. Even in the darkness, her eyes still hold me with an honesty I can’t deal with right now. It’s the way Tessa always used to look at me, back before she made me doubt everything we had.
She swallows noisily before licking her lips. “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to thank you enough for that. But I promise I’ll try. I know shit’s complicated between us, but…”
I roll back over onto my side, cutting her sentence off. “I need to get some sleep. It’s getting late.”
What I need is to stop talking about this. I don’t want her to know how scared I was, how I wouldn’t have thought twice about killing that asshole if I had been a few minutes too late. How losing her would’ve crippled me, even though I’ve spent the last year wishing I had never met her.
I hear her amused laugh before the mattress shifts. “Luke Evans. Shutting down when things get serious. Can’t say I’m surprised.”
I close my eyes. “Go to sleep, Tessa.”
“Whatever.”
I know I’m getting flipped off right now, and that causes a smile to touch my lips before everything around me fades to black.
***
I rub my eyes with one hand, while my other digs into the counter in front of me. I’m fucking drained after Tessa’s sounds, movements, and sheer presence kept me up last night. If that wasn’t bad enough, I, like a dumbass, forgot how she likes to wrap herself around me when she sleeps. The feel of her tits up against my back as I strained to keep myself from rolling over and sucking them into my mouth had my dick on high alert most of the night.
Sleep wasn’t happening. Not until he calmed the hell down.
I kept thinking I would’ve been better off staying on that shitty couch, but even with those thoughts filtering into my fantasies about what I wanted to do to her in that bed, I didn’t get up and leave. I stayed, enduring every shift of her body against mine, and somehow managing to keep my hand off my dick. If she had fucking clothes on, it wouldn’t have been that bad.
Panties. That’s all I was asking for. Jesus Fuck. Give me at least some sort of a barrier.
I hold my hand up, silencing the ramblings of the dipshit in front of me. “What do you mean, she has to pay for it? This is an apartment. You take care of maintenance issues, right?”
The manager behind the counter smiles, and flips through the contract in front of him. “Yes, we take care of maintenance issues that aren’t the direct result of something brought on by one of our tenants. If she broke her door, she will have to pay for it.” He turns the documents on the counter and shoves them across to me. “If you’d like to read the guidelines that every tenant signs as part of their contract, go for it.”
I don’t bother glancing down. If I read what he’s spent the last five minutes explaining to me, I’ll rip this shit up in front of him before I drag his ass over the counter.
“Aren’t there clauses in that contract? She was attacked last night. It’s not like she decided to take an axe to it ’cause of shitty management.”
The older man glares at me over the top of his glasses, halting the odd stroking of his mustache that I’ve had to endure since I walked over here. “Excuse me?”
I lean in, flattening my hands on top of the documents I don’t bother reading. “I broke her door. I had to get to her, and that shit was in my way. You can either replace it for her, or face a lawsuit when someone walks in to her very unsecure apartment.”
He straightens up, a cunning grin smearing on his bloated face. “It clearly states in the contract she signed that I’m not responsible for anything her or a guest destroys. There will be no lawsuit, so don’t stand there and threaten me with one.” He slips the papers out from underneath my hands and tucks them in a folder. “Maybe you should pay for it, since you’re the reason she no longer has a working one.”
He turns away from me, sits back down in his chair, and raises the volume on the small TV that’s sitting on the counter. I’m tempted to knock it off, to drag him out of here and watch as he replaces that door for her, but I know he’s right. He doesn’t have to pay for it. Money isn’t the issue. It’s not why I’m here. I have no problem buying Tessa a new door; I just can’t handle her watching me while I install it.
Or me watching her while I install it.
I go to the nearest hardware store in town, hauling ass to get there. I left Tessa still in bed this morning, and I know she likes to sleep in, so I might be able to get this done before she wakes up. That’s the only way this shit will work out in my favor. Get in and out before she engages me. I can do that.
My phone starts ringing the minute I step out of my truck. I look down at my screen, cursing at the name that flashes across it.
Goddamn it.
“Yeah?” I answer with zero interest in this phone call as I walk into the store.
“Hey, it’s Jolene. Are you home right now?” Her overly flirtatious tone does nothing for me. It never has, but she plays it up anyway because she thinks I’ll fuck her again.
I won’t. I made that mistake four months ago. She caught me at a desperate moment when I couldn’t shake Tessa from my thoughts and I needed a distraction. It was bad timing, really, and all Max’s fault. If he hadn’t needed to go outside at that exact moment, when the only thing I could think about was getting my dick wet, it wouldn’t have happened. Not with her.
Don’t fuck your neighbor unless you plan on continually fucking her. Trust me. It’s not going to end well for you.
“No, I’m not home, and I won’t be for a while. Why?”
She makes a soft pouting sound in my ear as I pay more attention to the door choices in front of me than anything coming out of her mouth. “I was wondering if I could come over and borrow your washing machine for a few hours. Mine is doing that weird thing again where it doesn’t want to drain the water out of the drum. And I need to do laundry. Today. I have, like, zero panties left, Luke. I’m not even wearing any right now.”
I’m sure that last line was added for my benefit, but I don’t react. I hold the phone between my ear and my shoulder as I work the locks on the door I’m examining, inspecting them for any defects.
“Luke?”
“What?” I twist the bolts again, clicking them into place. Five locks may seem excessive, but not to me. Not after last night, and if Tessa wants to bitch about it, she can go pick out her own door and do this shit herself.
She sighs in my ear. “I asked if I could use your washer. I can get by with just a few loads, so I won’t even need to be that long. Can you just call me when you get home so I know when to come over?”
Hell no. Having Jolene in my house only leads to her throwing herself at me, and I’m not in the mood to watch her mope after I reject her again. But I don’t want to be a dick about it. She’s a nice girl; she’s just clingy as fuck and wasting her time on me.
I grab the door and lean it against the wire racks before reaching up and gripping the phone in my hand. “Just go over and do it now. There’s a keypad on the side of the garage. Enter the code 1533. It’ll let you in the house.”
“Oh… okay, I guess I can do that. I just thought maybe we could hang out or something while I waited.”
I frown at the obvious disappointment in her voice. “Jolene…”
“Yeah?” she replies eagerly.
“I don’t wanna hang out with you.” I flinch at my own bluntness, but I don’t know how else to spell this out for her. Forcing her hand off my dick sure as hell doesn’t seem to be clear enough.
A soft tsk sound comes through the phone before her suddenly irritated voice. “You can be so conceited, you know that? I didn’t mean I wanted to hang out naked.”
“Really?” I ask, unconvinced.
“Yes, really.”
“So the whole I’m-not-wearing-panties comment, what the fuck was that?”
She pauses briefly bef
ore responding. “Well, I mean, if we ended up naked, I’d be okay with that.”
“Just lock up when you leave. All right?” I’m done with this conversation, and this chick. Thank fuck that detective position will require me to move. I can’t deal with this shit much longer.
“God, whatever. Thanks a lot.”
I hang up and slip the phone into my pocket before grabbing the door and taking it up to the register.
***
Tessa’s car is gone when I get back to her apartment. This scenario is actually better than the one I was hoping for. Now I don’t even need to worry about waking her up while I do this, and not having her naked down the hallway should help me focus and get this done before too long. I’ll just need to meet up with her later to give her the new key, or I can leave it with that prick I talked to this morning.
That seems like the best idea. After what I allowed to happen yesterday, and the way I felt last night as I lay next to her, I need distance.
Lots of fucking distance.
I stretch my arms above my head as my eyes adjust to the light streaming in through my window. I’m on Luke’s side of the bed. No… not Luke’s side. Jesus. The other side of the bed that he just so happened to occupy last night. A thought filters through my mind that has me sucking in a sharp breath.
Oh, God. Did I cling to him like I used to do? Seeking his warmth and the feel of his skin against mine was something I craved, even in sleep. I’d always end up scooting closer, never realizing I did it until I’d wake up with my body practically embedded in his. Wanting that connection to him at all times, even when I didn’t do it consciously. But did I do it last night? Naked?
I cover my face with my hands and groan into them as I roll over onto my side.
You did, Tessa. You know you did.
But if I did, what did he do? Did he cuddle me back? Did he even look at me anymore after he abruptly ended our conversation? Luke was never one for PDA, but in bed, he indulged in tiny acts of affection. Even though he was probably only doing it to get comfortable, while I claimed as much of him as I could. Thinking it meant anything more to him was dangerous, comparable to handing over your heart and trusting him with it. The problem was, I’d wanted it to be true. I’d wake up with his arm draped over me, and his head buried in my hair, and I’d think… this is it. This is what it’s like to have all of him.
I don’t know if I got that side of him last night. The fact that I’m alone in bed could mean he didn’t even stay with me. And although I’m glad he isn’t how I’m used to seeing him in the mornings when he would sleep over, because that shit would seriously mess with my head, I need to talk to him. I don’t care how much he’s gonna hate it, we’re talking about last night. All of it.
***
I park in front of the garage and take the steps up to the landing, knocking on the door as my mind takes me back to the last time I was at this house. How nervous I was coming over here, thinking I was pregnant and not knowing what his reaction would be to that. In typical Luke fashion, my attempts to have an actual serious conversation were distracted with sex until I finally threw the question out between us that changed everything.
It’s crazy how you can love a person and hate them at the same time. It shouldn’t be possible, but I think the more you love someone, the easier they are to hate. I’m sure a lot of people can flip that switch and go from one extreme to the other, letting themselves forget every perfect moment as if it never happened, and look at the one person they held above everyone else as if they have no right to be on that pedestal. But apparently, I’m not one of those people. I left this house last summer hating the man I loved more than anything. Two emotions that have the capability to destroy me, and for the past year, I’ve let myself feel both.
The door opens and I tilt my head up expectantly, only to lower it a few inches as a slender blonde fills the doorway. She looks comfortable. Too comfortable, like she’s just rolled out of Luke’s bed and didn’t care what little clothing she grabbed before coming to greet me.
What the fuck? Does Luke have a chick living with him? My stomach rolls and drops out beneath me as I process why she would be answering his door.
A perfectly manicured hand goes to her hip where her fingers begin to strum the material of her camisole. She gives my outfit a scrutinizing once-over, pops the piece of hot-pink gum in her mouth, and gives me the look.
You know, the look girls give other girls when they’re staking a claim on a guy. That unspoken threat of “I will seriously punch you in your ovaries if you so much as look at my boyfriend again.” Yeah, that look, and it’s all the confirmation I need as the reasoning behind her presence becomes clear.
That fucking asshole has a girlfriend.
“Who are you?” I ask, concealing all the guilt and hurt I don’t want to acknowledge and only letting myself react to the overwhelming jealousy that’s coursing through my system. It’s a natural reaction I can’t ignore, one that has me sounding entitled to the information she’s about to give me as I mimic her position with a hand on my hip, but doing it in a classy way. I, unlike her, am at least wearing a bra.
Her plum-colored lips curl up sadistically. “Jolene. Who are you?”
“Tessa.”
Her eyes widen with interest. “Really?” She looks me over once more, this time with more curiosity. “So you’re the big regret, huh?”
My hand slips from my side as I stare, stunned and wounded from the sucker-punch she just delivered, because that’s exactly what it feels like. An unexpected blow from a chick who seems to know exactly who I am.
I struggle to keep my breathing steady, to seem unaffected by this, but I fear I’m failing as the air leaves my lungs in a shuddering rush. This shouldn’t upset me. I shouldn’t care what he labels me, but this, what I’m feeling right now, this is different, and I can’t act like I didn’t just hear those words slip past her fake-as-shit lips. I’m used to feeling certain emotions involving Luke, no matter how hard I’ve tried to push them away, but right now, my chest is pulsing with a new pain, something unlike anything I’ve ever felt, and I know it’s because the man that never once shared any of his feelings with me has apparently confided in this woman. She’s staring at me like she knows everything; all the secrets he kept from me, the parts of him I wanted that I thought were off-limits to everyone. Believing that made it easier, acceptable, at the time. But maybe it was just me, standing alone on the other side of the wall he put up.
I was the only one he wanted to keep out.
“Shocked he told me that?” She pops her gum again, looking almost proud of herself for knowing that information. “You know how guys like to open up after sex. Put ’em between your legs and they’ll tell you practically anything. And he had a lot to say about you.”
I could sulk right now, focus solely on the throbbing discomfort that’s causing my heartbeat to slow as if it’s struggling as much as I am. But the entitled look on this chick’s face, the way she’s practically begging me to cut her down to size—that I’m more than happy to put all my energy into. I’ve yet to meet a bitch that can outwit me, and I seriously doubt this gum-smacking bimbo is about to take that title.
“You sound happy about that,” I state, before shaking my head. “I’d hate a guy to be balls deep in me while they’re talking about another woman. Unless of course that other woman is actually participating.” I arch my brow suggestively. “You must be rather boring.”
Her sly demeanor fades in front of my eyes as she straightens up in the doorway, the obvious distaste for what I’ve just said hardening her features. “He only mentioned you after he was satisfied. By me.”
Wow. She’s not making this difficult for me. I almost feel bad for what I’m about to say.
Almost.
I smile, ready to silence this bitch. “If Luke can remember any name but yours after you’ve satisfied him—” I accompany my sarcasm with a delicious set of air quotes, “—you’re doing it wrong. Let me
know if you want me to show you how it’s done.”
“I know what I’m doing. Thanks.”
“Clearly.” I tap my chin with my finger. “What’s your name again? I forgot, and Luke didn’t bring you up last night.”
Her eyes narrow in on mine as she grips the doorknob, ready to shut me out. “When he comes home, I’ll have him call you while I’m riding him. He’ll be saying it a lot.”
“Your name’s Tessa’s too?” I ask, obnoxious smile accompanying my fake enthusiasm. “That’s crazy! We should totes hang out sometime. I can show you this move I like to do with Luke that drives him completely nuts. Trust me. He’ll be screaming my name so fucking loud when you do it to him, the entire state will know who I am.”
Her mouth drops open, displaying the hot-pink wad of gum she stopped popping like an idiot once I got my shit together and put her in her place. She tries to regain her snotty self-control, but I don’t miss the way her knuckles turn white as her hand grips the doorknob.
“Whore,” she finally says after being shocked into silence for a good minute.
I shrug. “I prefer lady of the evening, but I understand if your vocabulary is a bit limited. That high school diploma is a bitch to get.”
I see the anger in her boil to the surface, flushing her cheeks. “I’ll be sure to tell Luke you stopped by, after I’m done fucking him.” She backs into the house, slamming the door hard enough that it causes the glass panel to rattle.
My face falls, and I drop the victorious smirk I’m wearing as I step off the landing.
I should feel good right now. I just schooled that bitch and I did it without breaking much of a sweat. But now I have nothing distracting me from the wound that’s commanding my attention.
Thunder claps overhead, and I glance up at the sky that’s now ten shades darker than the light blue color I noticed stepping out of my apartment. I get into my car just after the first drops of rain hit my shoulder, wetting the thin material of my tank top. Pulling out of the driveway, I head down the street I never want to be on again. The one I should’ve avoided today.