“Lass, that is fine. This was for ye, nae for me.”
“Couldnae it have been for both? That’s why I sucked on yer finger. Cause I wanted to feel ye in ma hand again. To bring ye pleasure.”
“Brie, ye do bring me pleasure. Every time I see ye. Every time I’m near ye.”
“Alex, that isnae what I mean, and ye ken it. Why didna ye let me help ye find yer release too?”
“Brie, if ye’d touched me, I wouldnae been able to last long enough to enjoy it or to make sure ye enjoyed it too. If I didna come right away, I would have been far too tempted to take yer maidenhead, and that is something nae mine to take.”
“But, Alex—”
“Shh, lass. Let it be. It’s fine.”
Brighde pushed at his shoulder and sat upright. Alex watched the color rise in her cheeks, and he knew it had nothing to do with the pleasure he had just given her. This was anger, and he was about to weather his first storm. What he had seen in the stables was a mere blustery wind in comparison.
“Why dinna ye want me to do it? Is yer desire for release just going to magically dissolve? Or do ye have other plans for how to relieve that cockstand? Aye, I can see ye’re still aroused. Who is going to take care of that?” Brighde pushed up to her feet, grabbed her stockings and shoes before moving toward the slope that would take her back up to the horses. She barely took five steps before she was lifted off her feet and tossed over a hard and unforgiving shoulder that bit into her stomach. A firm hand swatted her backside, but only playfully. Her hair came undone while they rolled about, and now it hung down Alex’s back almost to his knees. She watched as water began to lap around his ankles and then to his knees. The tips of her hair were beginning to trail in the water.
“Alex, what are ye doing? Ye canna go any deeper. We’ll both be soaked.”
“I think that temper of yers could do with cooling off.” She felt him slide her off his shoulder. He caught up the end of her kirtle but lowered her until she was knee deep.
“Alex, put me down. On the shore,” she added as she felt the water rush up towards her thighs. She was surprised that the water was not nearly as cold as she had anticipated. Cold but not frigid. It was relatively bearable.
“I dinna have a temper!” she yelled as she tweaked his ear. “I will give ye an earful if I end up soaked.”
“Nay temper, ye say. What do ye call this? A fit of calm?”
“Alex! I’m giving ye fair warning. If ye dinna take me to shore, I will nae give a flying fig about a soaked gown, and I will kick ye in yer swollen cods.”
To this Alex only guffawed. Brighde tried to swing her legs, but he easily wrapped his around hers and pinned them between his thighs.
“Haud yer wheesht, Brie.” Alex tapped her on the backside again. “What has ye behaving as though ye’ve sat in a bush of nettles? What did ye mean when ye asked who was going to take care of it?”
“If ye dinna want me to touch ye, then ye must have someone else ye would rather have do it.”
Alex was so stunned that this time he did actually let her slip. She landed with a splash, but he was still too shocked to reach out and help her. He felt as though someone had, in fact, just kicked him in the cods. Brighde stood up and pushed her hair out of her face.
“How dare ye? Ye arse! I’m drenched now. Ye have ruined a kirtle that doesnae even belong to me!”
Alex could only look at her dumbfounded. He still could not work through what she had just implied.
“Are ye trying to catch flies or fish with yer gob hanging open?” If Brighde had not been hopping mad about being dropped into the sea, she might have considered Alex’s expression humorous. That was until she looked more closely. She saw surprise, but she also saw hurt and confusion.
“Alex?” she asked quietly.
He shook his head as though to clear his thoughts.
“How could ye possibly think that I want any other woman? That I would leave ye and go to another woman?” he asked hoarsely.
“Everyone kens that men must be kept satisfied, or they will find somewhere else to find their pleasure.”
“Who kens this?” Alex asked through gritted teeth.
“Well,” she shrugged, “everyone. That’s who.”
“That is a pile of tripe. I dinna ken who’s been filling yer head with such rubbish, but ye insult me. I dinna want anyone else! I only want ye, damn it. I canna stop wanting ye. I can barely think of aught other than ye. The thought of any other woman touching me makes me ill.” He turned away and stalked out of the water.
Brighde lifted her skirts up as she tried to catch up to him.
“Alex, wait. Wait, damn it. I canna keep up with yer long legs and nae with these sopping skirts tangled aboot mine.”
At the reminder of having dropped her into the water, Alex did pause. As shocked, hurt, and now angry as he was, he had not meant to drop her. Brighde caught up to him and stepped around him, so she was facing him.
“Alex, it’s what I was told ever since I arrived back at ma father’s clan. Ma stepmother, his former mistress, said that’s why he didna want ma mother and why she was better than ma mother. Ma grandmama said that most men will go for the willing and easy catch and that I should prepare for ma future husband to have a mistress too. It’s just the way of men.”
“It isnae the way of the Sinclair men.” Alex looked down at her as her teeth began to chatter. He took her wrist in his hand and tugged her back towards their abandoned picnic. He yanked another plaid from the basket and wrapped it around her. He lifted her hair from beneath the blanket before taking a deep breath. Her innocence and naivety hit him fully as she looked up at him with tears threatening.
Alex pulled her into his arms and rested his cheek on the crown of her head. He liked that she fit so perfectly, tucked under his chin. He stroked her back to warm and comfort her.
“I’m sorry I dropped ye, but ye shocked me. I wasna expecting such a question or accusation. I didna ken that’s what ye’d been taught about men. Leannan, nae all men are like yer father. Is that how yer grandda treated yer grandmama?” He felt her shake her head. “See. Yer grandmama may have been wise to warn that some men behave that way. But nae all, leannan. I would never do that to ye or any woman. And if that doesnae reassure ye, ken that ma da would skelp me within an inch of ma life if I ever did something so dishonorable. I amnae a fickle mon. I would never lead a woman on like that, nor use any woman like that. I dinna ken what is worse. Ye thinking that I would toy with ye, or that I would seek out another woman and use her to slake a lust created by someone else.”
Brighde leaned back and saw the concern in Alex’s face. But she also saw the steadfastness that saved her life when she fought a fever that kept pulling her under, that took her to his mother’s garden every day just so she could feel the sunshine on her face, that organized a picnic she now ruined.
“I’m sorry, Alex,” she whispered, “I just didna ken. It hasnae been ma experience to see men so honorable. Other than ma grandfather and uncle, I havenae been around too many faithful or honorable men.”
Alex scooped her up and sank down to the sand. He kept her bundled in the plaid.
“Brie, I think it is time that ye finally told me yer past. We canna continue like this. The secrets are only going to cause us trouble. I canna fight ghosts. I canna fight demons I dinna ken to look for.”
“It isnae yer responsibility to fight ma demons.”
“Canna I decide what responsibilities I take on? I chose to make ye ma responsibility the moment I brought ye inside the gates. Brie, who are ye?”
Brighde looked out to sea for so long Alexander doubted she would ever answer the question. He was about to give up when she finally spoke.
“Ma full name is Brighde Mairi Kerr. Ma father is the Kerr laird, and ma mother was a Campbell, but her mother was from Northumberland. Ma grandfather’s mother was also English, but I dinna remember who her kin was.”
“Ye are from the vera opposite end of Scotland from w
here we sit now. How did ye come to be so far away from home?”
“That isnae ma home,” she said with bite. “I mean, that may be where I lived for the past several of years, and that may have been where I was born, but ma father and stepmother made it vera clear it wasna ma home. Ma home was with the Campbells until ma grandparents and uncle, along with his wife and ma wee cousin, all perished. There wasna aught left for me there. The new laird wasna a member of the old laird’s immediate family. I was far too young to marry off, so I was just another mouth to feed in a clan that had just lost half its people to disease. I was more a burden than a blessing. Seems to be a common occurrence in ma life.”
Brighde rested her head against Alex’s chest while he took in all she told him. This story sounded all too familiar after what he knew of Siùsan’s life before she came to Castle Dunbeath to marry his brother. Alex was not so sheltered that he could not understand that life was hard for a woman who had no protector or family, but he took that for granted when he thought about how his sister was a cherished member of his family and his clan. He could not imagine ever neglecting a daughter or sister, but he could see that it was all too frequent an occurrence. He held Brighde just a little tighter.
“Ma father decided about a year ago that I was too old to stay at home, and I was overdue to be married off. He began searching for someone who would be willing to pay a small fortune as a bride price and not expect a large dowry in return. Needless to say, such a mon is hard to come by. During the early part of this past spring, ma father finally found someone who would agree to marry me under ma father’s conditions. The mon was the bastard son of Nicholas de Soules, Randolph de Soules.”
Brighde knew she shocked Alexander without looking at his face or hearing a word. The tension radiated off him and practically pulsed through every nerve.
“Aye, that de Soules family.”
“But how?”
“Sir Nicholas was willing to pay the bride price on behalf of his bastard because his legitimate sons were beginning to grow angry at Sir Randolph’s privileges within their father’s house. Even though Randolph is the oldest, William is the legitimate heir and wanted Randolph as far from him as possible. The talk is that William isnae right in the head. He is easily brought to a rage, and he has been kenned to kidnap and abuse local girls. Apparently, Randolph isnae any better. Randolph admitted to killing his first two wives who did not produce sons for him. I wasna willing to make him a widower thrice. I was not adverse to the idea of marriage until I found out who I was to marry. When ma father announced who he planned to marry me off to, I tried to run away. I made it almost two days before his men tracked me down. The bruises that ye saw that were closest to healed were from him beating me before locking me in ma chamber for two days. A day locked away for each day that I ran away. On the third day after I was returned, we rode out to meet the de Soules in Liddesdale. Ma father set a grueling pace and wouldnae stop each day until the horses were nearly dropping out from under us. We were about two days away from Liddesdale when we were attacked, but it wasna like any attack I could imagine. I mean I assume every battle is some form of chaos, but this was far too orchestrated. The men rode into the clearing where we just set up camp. It was dark, and half the men hadnae returned from hunting. Looking back, I ken that it was odd so many men went hunting when all we needed were a few hares and maybe some squirrels. I never saw ma father fight. He wasna even there. There were only about five men who attempted to defend me. The rest just melted into the woods. The men who attacked far outnumbered us, so most of them did not even engage. Three of these men found me hiding behind a tree and pulled me into the center of camp. One of them threw me to the ground, and” she took a breath to collect herself, “tried to rape me, but I kept a dirk in ma boot and stabbed him in the neck. When the other two tried to hold me down, I slashed at them as I scrambled to stand up. I think the others were too stunned to move at first. I dinna ken if I killed them, but I think I did. Nae mon came to help me. Instead, they and Randolph de Soules watched. When de Soules grabbed me, he threw me to the ground and landed on top of me. He started pawing me, pinching and squeezing. I truly thought he was going to be the one to succeed. I tried to fight him off, but he was so much larger than me, and all it did was anger him and made him more vicious. One of ma father’s men who had been with me since I first went to ma grandparents was able to get me away from him and on ma horse. I rode as far and as fast as I could, but I was followed by Sir Randolph himself. One of his archers shot ma horse, and I was thrown. I rolled off a ledge into a ravine. It was too dark for them to see me, so I laid still until I hadnae seen anyone for at least an hour. I did hear the men talking aboot me just after I stopped falling.
“What I heard them say was enough to make me want to run, but I forced maself to wait. I could hear them say that they wouldnae risk their own necks by going down to retrieve me, that ma body would still be a tangle whether they dragged me out then or when the sun rose. Randolph laughed and said this was the easiest purse he ever earned. I strained to hear and understand what he was talking aboot. I could only catch snippets, but I heard enough to understand that he and ma father conspired to do away with me, so ma father could keep ma dowry, and Sir Randolph would make off with the bride price he carried that was supposedly for ma father.
“Ma father hadnae signed the betrothal papers yet, but I wouldnae doubt he has since then. Aught to make it legal for him to allegedly receive the bride price, but without a marriage, he wouldnae have to surrender the dowry if I was dead first.
“I waited that hour before I even checked to see if I could move. When I was sure that I hadnae broken any part of ma legs, I stood up. I nearly fell back over. The pain in ma ribs was so severe that I retched. I was terrified they would hear me and then find me. I forced maself to take one step at a time until I could orient maself. I kenned that Liddesdale was only miles from the border, but we were still at least a day and a half away. Ma father purposely aligned himself with a family that has nay loyalty to Scotland and enjoys the prosperity that comes from selling themselves to the Sassenachs. Anyway, I forced maself to find moss on the trees around me and headed in the opposite direction until I made ma way out of the ravine. I traveled south until I was sure I created a trail long enough to lead the men in that direction. I barely managed to pull maself up onto the opposite side of the ridge and doubled back, praying they wouldnae find ma second trail. When I was back to where I started and directly across from them, I was sure one of the men on guard spotted me. The sky was starting to lighten, and I worried he saw the motion, but he was only getting up to pish, which he blessedly did facing away from me. I forced maself to walk as quickly as I could while remaining silent. Once I was a mile or so past them, I forced maself to start running. I have never felt pain like I did that day. That first day of running with battered ribs nearly defeated me. I could barely see straight as there were stars dancing in front of ma eyes for hours, but I ran and ran, and when I thought I couldnae go any further, I remembered what I heard about Randolph’s two previous wives, what Randolph said when he thought I was already dead, and that ma father disappeared when we were attacked. I ran because I didna ever want to see either of them again, and I ran because I kenned that if I ever did, I really would be dead.
“After that first day, I slept most of the next when I found a cave tucked into a small hill a mile or so from the road. I’d spent the time traveling through woods with the road just barely visible to help me keep ma bearings. I was terrified that I would find a snake or rodent in there. I kenned it wasna large enough for a mountain lion or wolf because I could barely move once I was inside. It was all I needed. I awoke just before dusk the next day. From then on, I slept during the day and traveled at night. I constantly feared running across lawless men, but by traveling in the dark, I kenned I was far less likely to be spotted or tracked by anyone. The quiet of the night made it easier for me to avoid people whether there were campfires or villages. I di
d this for the two weeks that it took me to travel north.”
“Good God, what did ye eat? How did ye manage the mountain passes? How could ye travel that far in only two weeks if ye were on foot?” Alex was struggling to make heads or tails of what Brighde was telling him. He did not have any trouble believing that a de Soules would be deceitful or dangerous. The family was known to play both sides of the field when it came to their loyalties. They were also well known for having a cruel and mad streak that ran wide. Alex simply could not imagine this woman traveling alone so far and for so long. He would not want to undertake such a dangerous journey on his own let alone without a horse and supplies. He knew she could not have known her way, so he was rightly impressed by her navigation and survival skills.
“I hunted when I could, and cooked ma catches just as the sun came up or before it set, so ma campfires couldnae be seen. I kept them small and only burned them long enough to cook the rabbit or squirrel or fish. When I made it to Douglas territory, I found an inn I stayed in several times with ma grandparents when we traveled. Blessedly, the innkeeper remembered me. One look at me and she didna ask any questions. She arranged for me to ride in a hay wagon with a farmer to Campbell territory where I knew I wouldnae be turned over. I walked for a day until I found a village where I was recognized. I tried to stay hidden, but I collapsed in a pasture I tried to sneak through. A farmer who had been a warrior when he and ma grandfather were young took me in. His wife fed me and packed food for me. I told them only what I had to. That I wasna safe with ma father, and I had to get away. They could see from the state I was in that I wasna exaggerating. The farmer’s wife bound ma ribs, and the next day, the farmer put me in his wagon and took me to Loch Lochy where I hid aboard a fishing boat that was headed further north toward Loch Oich. I met the young son of the boat’s owner and convinced him to hide me. He was barely older than I was when I left the Campbells. I managed to stay hidden under a large tarp behind several barrels for nearly three days. I only moved the smallest bit at night when the crew slept, and the boy brought me food or shielded me when I needed to relieve maself. It was calm at night, so there often wasna anyone awake but the boy and me. When they docked just before Loch Oich, I scrambled over the side and then walked until I was able to find another boat to take me most of the way up Loch Ness. I traded ma mother’s ruby necklace I stitched into a hidden pocket in ma gown before I left Clan Kerr for passage to Inverness. Before I left Kerr land, I had an overwhelming feeling that I would need something of value if I was to survive. I just hadnae imagined it would be to flee ma own father. I was able to travel all the way to Inverness. I then walked from Inverness to here. I dinna even remember when I lost ma shoes, but they fell apart at some point. The innkeeper and the farmer’s wife both offered me clothes, but neither could afford to spare them. They were already doing so much including risking their lives to help me. I just couldnae take more. Being able to travel along the lochs saved me weeks of walking and hiding. I dinna think I would have survived if I hadnae been able to sail most of the way. Nae only did it keep me moving quickly, it gave me time to rest and kept me out of the rain for several days. But it rained almost every single minute that I walked from Inverness to here. I would be happy if I never saw another raindrop in ma life.” She finished with a weak laugh. “I’m sorry I didna trust ye and questioned yer honor when ye keep proving to me ye’re the most honorable mon I ken.”
His Highland Prize (The Clan Sinclair Book 3) Page 10