“If an attack may come with de Soules so close and Gunn as an ally, we need to bring in as much food as we can, so it can be stored, and some of it can begin to be pickled.”
Alex looked around but did not see his sister. There was no way that Brighde or any of the other women could know yet what was discussed in the solar.
“How did ye ken?”
“Ken what? To bring in the vegetables? Isnae it obvious? The warm weather ripened much of the fruit and vegetables, so there is nay harm in gathering them. The only harm would be nae being prepared for an attack. I came out to work, and Siùsan agreed to help. When we told Elspeth and Hagatha where we were going, they sent some of the other women with us. We’ve been here since just after the nooning.”
Alex pulled her in for a quick kiss. Brighde looked up at him and then over her shoulder to see who was watching. None of the ladies were conspicuous, but she knew they watched. She tried to step out of his embrace, but it was like pushing against a steel wall.
“Alex,” she hissed.
“I’m proud of ye, that’s all. Ye are helping ma people, and ye’ve shown ye understand how a lady of the keep leads.”
“Alex, I amnae the lady of the keep, and never will be one.”
“I ken that, but as the wife of a nobleman, even a second son, ye will have responsibilities in any household. Leading the women is always one of them. I’m happy to see ye blend in so easily with them.”
Brighde froze.
As the wife of a nobleman, even a second son...Was that a proposal? Does he just assume that because I agreed to stay that we are going to be married? Does he think ma agreement to stay began our betrothal? That wasna what I meant at all when I agreed to stay. But—would marriage to Alex be all that bad? Of course nae, ye goose. It’s exactly what I want. Why canna I accept that marrying him is what I want? I ken I love him. I just feel so unsettled by this whole situation with de Soules. If only I could ken whether I am pre-contracted with him or nae, then I wouldnae have to worry aboot a marriage to Alex being set aside. That would be worse than never marrying him at all. To have him and lose him is more than I can bear. Who are ye kidding, ye dolt? I have him now. The mon is practically declaring himself. He did as much last night, and yet I keep running away. What is wrong with me?
“Mo ghràidh,” Alex he stroked her arm gently. “Brighde, ye’re somewhere far, far away. Where did ye just run off to? Ye arenae listening to me.”
“Oh? I’m sorry. I was just lost in thought about what needs to be done with the vegetables.” She knew it was a weak answer, but it was all that she could come up with.
Alex knew pressing her would do him no good.
~~~
The fourth day after the Mackays arrived brought heavy rains and thunder with lightning. Brighde awoke to the glass in the window frame rattling. The fire had burned low, and the chamber was freezing despite it being the height of summer. She eased from the bed and quickly padded across the room to pull on a fresh pair of stockings before completing her morning ablutions. She dressed and pulled the Sinclair plaid that she continued to wear around her as an arisaid. The night that Alex had waited for her in the chamber was the last time she had held it. She knew what everyone had been thinking since she had been wearing the laird’s son’s plaid for weeks. It just had not dawned on her just how significant that was. Alex had been offering for her since the beginning. He could have made sure that she received a plaid. The fact that it was his meant that he was staking a claim early on. She was not entirely sure how she felt about that. Part of her rebelled at any note of possessiveness. It rankled and quite frankly scared her. The other part of her relished in knowing that Alex wanted her as much as she wanted him and that he was not shy or embarrassed to let everyone know.
She walked over to the window and pulled back the cover. There were only a few people dashing about the bailey, and the lists were empty. Very few were braving the weather. She suddenly had flashes of memory from the night she arrived. She remembered praying that she would make it to the faint light that seemed to never come any closer. She remembered falling to her knees as she tried to call up to the gate, and she remembered the giant man who came out to meet her. She had thought she was on her way to heaven because an angel came to claim her. She smiled at that memory. Aye, he’s an angel but the devil in disguise too.
When she heard a quiet knock at the door, she called out, “Come.”
She did not need to turn around to know it was Alex. The shiver that raced up her spine had nothing to do with the weather or the lack of fire in the room. Alex stopped sleeping outside the chamber door shortly after his brothers returned. He began sharing a room with Tavish, and while he never complained and put up with Tavish’s teasing, Brighde felt guilty that he had been displaced for so long.
She sighed as she felt his arms slip around her waist. It felt so natural to have him nearby. If she did not allow herself to think about the future, she was able to enjoy the closeness she shared with Alex.
“This weather reminded me of when I first arrived. I remembered a little more just now. I can recall praying that I would reach the lights that I saw coming from the wall walk and that I thought ye were an angel sent to take me to heaven.”
Alex chuckled softly beside her ear.
“Funnily enough, I thought ye looked like an angel with the way yer hair shone in the lightning cracks.” He placed a soft kiss on her crown and squeezed gently. “Are ye ready to go below stairs to break yer fast?”
“Aye.”
As they left the chamber, Alex entwined their fingers together. They could see Tavish was reaching the bottom of the stairs as they approached him.
“Alex, I feel badly ye have to share a chamber with Tavish. It really is time for me to move up to a guest chamber. I canna keep occupying yer chamber forever.” The moment those last words left her mouth, she wished she could swallow them. She was not in the mood for a discussion. She cringed at Alex’s next words.
“I dinna see why ye canna occupy it forever.” Brighde was surprised when that was all he said. She expected him to press the issue again, even if only subtly.
Alex knew Brighde became uncomfortable when he hinted at a future together. He felt her freeze the day before when he mentioned being the wife of a second son. He had been hurt that she still was not willing to consider a future for them. He was not ready to give up, but he also did not want her to agree simply because she relented and gave in to him. Badgering her into marriage was the last thing he wanted. He wanted her to desire a life with him just as much as he desired one with her. He wanted an equal partnership like he saw with his parents and as he saw now for his brother and his sister.
They arrived in the Great Hall, and he escorted her to a seat. He had begun to sit across from her when she started taking meals with the family. That morning, though, he needed some space. Being near her flooded his mind and his senses, and he needed time to breathe after yet another rejection. He moved down to sit between Magnus and Tavish. He saw the question spark in her eyes, so he gave her a small smile. He knew she saw it was half-hearted, but he could not dredge up more to give.
After the meal ended, he retreated to his father’s solar. They had not planned to meet that day as most of the possible plans that could be made had been. He knew it was too early in the day to drink, but he poured himself a dram of whisky and found a book. It was not often that he felt reclusive, but he enjoyed time to himself more than any of his brothers. Mairghread was the only one who was like him in that. He had been in the solar for about two hours when the door quietly opened. He smelled the lavender his sister preferred before she joined him by the fire.
“I thought I might escape for a while too.” She pulled a book from the shelf and quietly sat in the chair next to him. They both faced the fire and watched the flames dance. She opened the book and would have been quite content to begin reading.
“What are ye escaping from?”
“Wee Liam is napping, an
d Tristan is driving me slightly mad. The mon can find just aboot aught to talk about just to fill the silence. Normally, I dinna mind. I enjoy talking to him, but Liam didna sleep well with the storm, and I just need some quiet.” She looked at him from the corner of her eye. “Why are ye hiding from her?”
“I didna say that I was hiding, and ye’re the one who said we were both trying to escape. I wanted to catch up on a book I started ages ago and havenae had a chance to finish.”
Mairghread looked at him and simply waited. He looked back and was prepared to wait it out too. While Mairghread had always been closest to Magnus because there was such a small age difference, her personality often tended to be most similar to Alex. They were both introspective and could sort out the finer details from within the grander scheme of events.
“Ye didna have to. Ye may want to finish that book, but ye want to hide more. What has happened between ye two? She looks lost and isnae sure what to do with herself, and ye’re being a recluse in here.”
Alex had a momentary pang of guilt and responsibility for Brighde, but in a keep full of people, she was bound to find something to do.
“I think ye are hiding because ye arenae satisfied with how things stand between ye two, and she isnae willing to commit yet. Ye’re frustrated and disappointed.”
“Ye think all that, do ye? And how did ye get to be so wise, little sister?”
“By listening to ye, of course, big brother.” They looked at each other for a long minute before both began to laugh. They had the same color of chestnut hair and similar features, but where all the brothers had inherited Laird Sinclair’s brown eyes, Mairghread had inherited Lady Sinclair’s blue-grey ones. She strongly resembled their mother, and Alex found it reassuring to spend time with Mairghread. She had also inherited their mother’s fire and feistiness. It made her a fun sparring partner in a war of words. She kept him on his toes.
“In all seriousness, is that what troubles ye?”
“Aye. She doesnae believe me that she can stay here and that everything will be alright. She agreed to stay. For now. But I think that once the immediate threat from de Soules is gone, she will still try to go to Iona. She worries that she is a danger to the clan. Once the danger is gone, she will probably argue that she has been a burden to the clan. I ken she cares about me. She even claims that is the reason why she must leave, and I believe she believes that wholeheartedly. I just dinna ken why she cannot see that her fears may be reasonable but dinna have to dictate her future.” Alex tilted his head back and closed his eyes.
“What was her life like before she ran away from a mon who would sell her to a beast like de Soules? She must have had a terrific model of what married life is like. I’m sure that is why she is so excited to enter into it.”
“Yer sarcasm is noted and nae at all needed, though ye do have the right of it. Her father was involved with a mistress who bore him two sons before he married Brighde’s mother. He continued the relationship with this woman even after his marriage, and she bore him another son. When her mother died, he married his mistress and shipped Brighde off to her mother’s parents. She lived there for nearly ten years while her father went on to have three more children with his new wife. I dinna ken how much of this she told ye when ye were children. When her grandparents, uncle and his family died of an illness that ravaged their clan, she was forced to return to the Kerrs. Her father mistreated her and beat her. When she found out who he planned to betroth her too, she tried to run away. She managed to evade him for a few days but was caught. He locked her in her chamber until they left to meet de Soules. While on the way there, their party was ambushed. Brighde watched her father run off and leave her behind. She saw de Soules and knew that he and her father planned this. They were prepared to leave her for dead, so her father could keep the bride price and de Soules kept the dowry. I suppose her father needed the coin to pay off debts, and de Soules wanted the land that must have been a part of the dowry. De Soules is known far and wide to be dishonorable. He’s already had more than one wife, and his fealty is with the king of England nay matter what he might swear to now. Kerr sounds like a piece of shite from the way he treated her even before this betrothal business came up.”
“Hmm. Can ye blame her for fearing marriage? Her father mistreated her mother and flaunted his affair by marrying the woman and making her his daughter’s stepmother. He packed her off as a wean to her grandparents with whom she had less than ten summers. She then returned to a household that didna want her and saw constant reminders that marriage isnae a sacred bond to everyone. She hasnae exactly had the best examples of how to trust men and to believe in marriage. Mayhap she doesnae want to risk the same fate.”
“How can she believe I’m anything like her father!” Alex stormed as he rose from his chair. He tossed the book onto the chair behind him and went to lean his elbow on the mantel.
“I dinna think she does. I think that is why she is so conflicted. She kens ye are naught like her father, and that’s why she wants so desperately to protect ye. At the same time, she isnae sure that marriage is for her. Whether she admits it or nae, I would imagine she fears history repeating itself. And what if de Soules shows up with proof of a betrothal. She would be considered pre-contracted, and any other marriage could be set aside by the church. Could ye imagine being married to her and then having her ripped from ye? I dinna ken if she’s strong enough to go through that. I ken I couldnae do it if someone tried to keep me from Tristan.”
Mairghread came to rest a hand on his shoulder. She pulled gently until he looked up.
“It isnae that she doesnae care. Just the opposite. I think she loves ye vera much. But she’s scared.”
“I ken that. What I dinna ken is how to convince her or to allay her fears. I dinna ken what to do.”
“Patience.” Mairghread stretched to give her brother a kiss on the cheek and then quietly slipped from the room.
Chapter Fifteen
Brighde felt at a loss for what to do. Siùsan had not been feeling well that morning, so she retired to her chamber with Callum. Tavish and Magnus were sitting together playing knucklebones and basically entertaining themselves by telling one outlandish tale after another. She definitely did not feel like she belonged joining them. Laird Sinclair had braved the weather to go out with his second, an older man named Kenneth, to check on various crofters’ homes to make sure their roofs were in a fair condition to not only weather this storm but the coming winter. Tristan was in his chamber with a sleeping Liam while Mairghread had sought out a book. She had no idea where Alex was. Feeling adrift, she made her way into the kitchens. The other women were accustomed to both Siùsan and her coming to work there. Mairghread and her mother before her had always helped with various tasks in and around the keep. Not all the clan had been prepared for outside women to do the same. It took a while for them to become used to Siùsan working alongside them. By the time Brighde was well enough to move about, the idea of a lady helping in the kitchens, buttery, or with the laundry did not seem so outlandish.
Elspeth was in the midst of directing her crew of women as they prepared for the noon meal. In a clan so large and a keep so big, one meal was prepared immediately after the previous one was served. There was little respite for those who worked for the head cook. Brighde looked around and found a pile of potatoes that needed peeling and chopping. She picked up a knife and began to work. She had been at it for a number of hours before she realized that time had actually flown by. She finished the last turnip that she was peeling, having finished the potatoes and carrots already. She put down the knife and stretched out her back. It felt good to stand upright after hours of leaning over the chopping table.
Brighde heard Elspeth speaking to one of the older girls about going out to the chicken coops just beyond the kitchens. It was still pouring, and the girl was not wearing an arisaid since it was usually far too warm in the kitchens to wear the extra layer of wool.
“Elspeth, I can go. I dinna
want her to get drenched. I already have a plaid on.” Before anyone could object, she snatched a basket from beside the door and went outside. The air smelled crisp and clean even though the rain was still coming down in droves. She lifted her skirts above her ankles and carefully picked her way around puddles until she got to the coops. With such a large clan, it was more like a small shed than just stands for the chickens to roost. She opened the door and stepped into the dimly lit space. As she went from nest to nest, she heard voices approaching. She did not recognize them, but she was able to hear every word they said.
“If she hadnae come here, we wouldnae be in danger. First, she lies about being English. As though that didna make us dislike her. Then, she’s going to bring the Gunns down upon us. She maynae be an English bitch, but she is still a bitch.”
“Aye, a right dog in heat. Have ye seen the way Lord Alexander is sniffing after her? Ye’d think she was the king’s gold. Everyone in the clan kens where she sleeps each night. In his bed. And they arenae even handfasted. At least Lord Callum didna try to hide Lady Elizabeth. We all kenned what she was and why she was there. As though pretending to sleep outside the door or now in Lord Tavish’s chamber is fooling anyone. She isnae aught more than a whore, but she traipses around in Lady Mairghread’s gowns as though she is part of the laird’s family.”
“And if ye ask me, there must have been a reason that her father was willing to trade her to a mon like de Soules. He must really hate her to marry her off to that bastard. Do ye ken that he’s killed off his three wives?”
“I heard it was the last four.”
“Either way, it would be a small price to pay, so we dinna have to worry. And ma Andrew says that he’s going to work in the fields in the morn and the evening to help harvest food that’s needed for when the Gunns attack. As though he doesnae already have enough to do working in the armory. Now, this. She never should have come here. We would be a far sight better off if she’d made it to the Sutherlands or fallen off one of the cliffs than to darken our doorstep.”
His Highland Prize (The Clan Sinclair Book 3) Page 17