I hated the idea of a night in the hospital, but I could hardly argue. I had just had a flight down a set of stairs.
My arms ache where I must have hit them, my hip smarts when I shift in the bed but it’s my head that is still throbbing and if I look around the room too fast, it starts to spin. Maybe a night here where I know I’ll be looked after should anything go wrong won’t be so bad.
I place my hand to my belly, feeling like a huge weight has been lifted now that people know about my little secret.
I hadn’t even registered that my period was late while I was in the center. It wasn’t until I’d been there three weeks and realized that I hadn’t had one for ages that I started to panic. Turns out I was right to because when I did the test, it almost immediately turned positive.
I panicked for about two minutes as I sat there on the closed toilet seat, but as I thought about it, I soon realized that it might not be such a bad thing. Yeah, I was young, I’d only celebrated my eighteenth birthday the week before, but I knew I could do it. I could be a mom. I might not be able to look after myself at the best of times but even in those few moments, I knew that I loved the small person growing inside me more than anything.
I’d lived through hell as a child. I could be a better mother than the one I was forced upon. I could give a child a better start in life than that bitch gave me. Hell, I’ve already done a better job seeing as no drugs or alcohol have passed my lips since I found out. I’m sure that’s more than she could have said during any of her pregnancy with me.
I have no idea how much time has passed before I come back to again. The sound of people milling around outside the curtain fills my ears. It’s so loud at times I wonder how I slept through it, or the pain that’s still pounding away in my head.
Knowing that it was the pain that woke me, I reach out to find the buzzer for the doctor to see if I can get some more Tylenol. When I don’t immediately find it resting on my pillow where I left it, I drag my eyes open to look for it.
“Fucking hell,” I gasp, not expecting to find someone staring at me. “You’re turning into a stalker,” I snap, my heart racing in fright.
His eyes burn into mine. There’s an intensity within them that makes me panic.
Fuck. Does he know?
My heart races so fast that my head begins to spin.
I quickly locate the call button and press my finger on it.
My stomach turns like I might be about to puke and my mouth waters.
“Are you okay? Can I get you anything?” He sits forward in the chair and reaches for my hand.
My entire body locks up. I can’t do this. Not now and certainly not here.
“No, and you shouldn’t be here.”
“W-what?” he asks, his eyes widening in shock.
“Shane.” I suck in a breath and focus on the curtain in front of me. If I so much as look at him, I’ll break and I can’t afford for that to happen. “What I need is for you to leave.”
“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he says, getting closer but I hold my nerve despite the scent of him filling my nose and begging me to turn to his green eyes that I know are going to be dark like when he’s hungry or well… hungry.
I blow out a shaky breath and pray that he doesn’t notice.
“Thank you for coming to check on me. As you can see, I’m fine, but I need you to leave.”
His entire body tenses before he moves even closer. The heat of his breath hits my cheek and my traitorous body shudders with his proximity.
“This is the last time you’re going to get to send me away, Chelsea.” His voice is low and angry, and it has a ball of emotion crawling up my throat. “You make me walk out now and I’m not coming back. Ever. I’ve tried to be nice, to reach out to you when others dismissed you, but you’ve turned me away every time. Well, this is it.” He holds his arms out. “You tell me to go now and we’re done.”
Every single part of me wants to break down and tell him to stay, to be honest about everything and be brave. But I can’t. I’m terrified that he won’t want me. Won’t want us. And I can’t allow that to happen. I’ve been rejected over and over my whole life. That needs to stop now, so I’ll send him away before he gets the chance.
I might have wanted to see him when I first came back but he’s proved to me that anything between us wouldn’t be a good idea. I’ve got to focus on me right now, not everyone else. I’ve got something more precious to look after.
My fists clench, my nails digging into my palms as I try to muster up the strength to say the word I need to.
“G-go.”
An unamused laugh falls from him as he takes a huge step back from the bed.
“You know, I thought you were different from what they all said. I thought it was all an act. I thought that beneath it all you were different. That you didn’t mean to hurt people, that all that shit was just you being hugely misguided, but it seems that I’m the idiot because they’re all right, aren’t they? You really are just a bitch who doesn’t care about anyone but herself.” At those words, my eyes search his out. I regret it instantly because the green is darker than I’ve ever seen and they’re full of unshed tears.
Fuck.
“Whatever this was. It’s done. Goodbye, Chelsea.”
Without a second glance in my direction, he disappears through the curtain. I swallow the sob that erupts from my throat because I need to know he’s gone before I fall apart.
Curling in on myself. I wrap my arms around my belly and cry. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” I whisper to my baby. “It’s for the best, I promise.”
It’s not until the next afternoon that I’m finally discharged and able to leave the hospital. Everything is still fine and finally they’ve got the pain in my head to subside a little.
Mom insists on holding on to me all the way out to the car as if I’m going to drop to the floor any moment. She tried to get me to sit in a wheelchair. I wasn’t having any of that. Everything is fine, I’m just a little sore with a bump to the head, there’s no need for the mollycoddling.
“We’ve got your room all ready for you,” she says once I’m settled in the back of the car and she’s in the front beside Dad.
“I’m fine to go back to the pool house.”
“Nonsense. We need to keep an eye on you for a few days at least.”
I catch Dad’s eyes in the mirror and they crinkle at the edges. I know it’s his way of begging me just to comply to make both our lives easier.
I do, but mostly because I’m too exhausted to do anything but.
I spent what felt like all of last night crying after sending Shane away and with the constant noise of the ER outside the curtain, I got hardly any sleep. I would prefer to hide in my pool house, but to be honest, any comfortable bed in a quiet room would be hard to refuse right now.
The ride home is tense. I know it’s because they’re both worried about me and what my plans are now that college is clearly out of the question but they seem to both be avoiding bringing it up, which really is fine by me because I don’t have any answers.
The second we get home, I’m escorted up to my old bedroom and told to get in bed. I do because I’m exhausted, but I really don’t need Mom fussing around me like I’m about to break any moment.
“Mom, I’m really okay. You don’t need to do any of this.”
“I know. I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”
“I just hit my head.”
“Chelsea,” she sighs. “Someone pushed you down the stairs.”
“She didn’t push me and the second I’m back at school I’ll tell Hartmann that. I’m not exactly innocent here. I brought all this crap on myself. I’ve just got to see it through. Everyone will get bored with me eventually and move on to someone else.”
“Do you really believe that?”
I shrug. If I don’t believe it then what hope do I have?
“You’re not stupid, Chelsea. All of this might blow over, but then
what? You’ll turn up at school one day no longer able to hide your secret and you’ll be hot gossip again.”
“What are you suggesting here, Mom?”
“I… I don’t know. I just hate that you’re going through all this.”
“It’s fine. It’s karma.”
She opens her mouth to argue once again. She might be fully aware of my misdemeanors, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to defend me. It’s admirable, but I’d rather she just call a spade a spade. I was wrong. I hurt people that I should have cared about, and I’m just learning my lesson. They’re fighting back, and rightly so. It might be misplaced because the people who should hate me, Amalie, Mason, S-Shane—I can’t even think his name without getting emotional—seem to be fine. It’s those who are fighting for their honor, like Shelly, who seem to have the biggest issue.
“Any chance we could get takeout pizza for dinner?” I ask, attempting to change the subject.
“Of course. Anything you want.” She sits on the edge of my bed. “How have you been, you know, with the pregnancy? Any morning sickness or cravings or anything? Is there anything you need? Prenatal vitamins?”
I smile at her enthusiasm. Why I was ever scared to tell her I don’t know. I should have known she’d be nothing but supportive.
“I’ve felt a little nauseous but nothing much. I’ve been a bit off food to be honest, although I wake up in the night starving some days. I’ve got all the vitamins I need. Thank you.” I take her hand and squeeze it in both of mine. “Thank you for being okay with this.”
“Oh, Chelsea. Sometimes things in life are out of our control. We just have to trust that someone up there has our best interest at heart.” She glances out the window. Over the years, Mom’s battled with her faith. She really wants to believe there’s something out there, but then she’ll remember all the hard times and it’ll make her question everything. She was brought up in a religious household and I know she feels guilty for questioning her parents’ beliefs and the way she was brought up. I just hope she finds the answers she craves one day.
“It’s crazy,” I say, dropping my hand to my belly. “But it feels right. I know everything about it is far from perfect, but it just feels… right,” I repeat, unable to explain it any better. Once the shock wore off, something within me settled. I’ve got something that’s mine. Something that’s going to rely on me and look at me like I’m the most important person in the world. Something to give me purpose, a reason for being. It already fills me with more joy than anything in my previous eighteen years.
“I understand. Being pregnant is a wonderful gift and a beautiful thing. I’m so glad you’ve shared it with me. Anything you need, all you need to do is ask. I’ll leave you to get some sleep.” She drops a kiss to my cheek and leaves the room, closing the door behind her.
Climbing out of bed, I find my purse that Dad dropped to the chair when we first got in here and I dig out my ultrasound pictures. I lay in bed just staring at them for the longest time before sleep eventually claims me.
Everything in my life might be all kinds of fucked-up right now but I’ve got my little one. Everything will be okay.
When I wake again, it’s to a gentle knock on the door.
“Sweetie, are you awake? You’ve got a visitor.” Mom pokes her head around the door as I pull myself up to sit against the headboard.
My first thought is that it’s Shane and hope swells in my chest that he’s ignored my words once again and is going to fight for me. But the second she stands aside and I spot a pair of fishnet-clad legs behind her, I know it was wishful thinking. After what I said, I have no reason to think he’ll ever speak to me again. Although, I guess he’s going to have to because at some point we’re going to have to have a serious conversation.
“Hey, how are you feeling?” Rae asks, walking into the room with a box of donuts in hand.
“All the better for seeing those.”
“I’m glad I could be of assistance.”
“We were going to order pizza for dinner. Would you like to stay, Rae?” Mom asks.
Rae looks to me and I nod at both of them.
“That would be great, thank you, Mrs. Fi—”
“It’s Honey,” Mom says with a smile.
Rae walks into the room but waits until Mom has shut the door behind her before she drops down onto the end of my bed and places the box between us.
“So…” she starts. “You’re pregnant.”
“Can I at least get some sugar in me before you start on the hard stuff?”
She laughs, pulling the lid off and giving me first choice.
I fight a moan of delight when the sweetness explodes on my tongue. It’s a million times better than the crap they gave me in the hospital.
“You can come again,” I mumble around a mouthful.
“You might change your mind in a minute, I want all the details. Tell me everything. How did it happen?”
It doesn’t escape me that we only met on Monday and yet this feels like the most natural conversation I’ve ever had with another girl despite the fact I really don’t want to talk about this.
“Well, I spent the night with this guy. Now, I don’t know what you do with Ethan but he stuck his pen—” One of the cushions that was on the bed gently hits me in the shoulder.
“That wasn’t what I meant. I don’t need all the ins and outs.” We’re both silent for a beat before we simultaneously bursts out laughing.
Tears fill my eyes and joy fills my heart. I can’t remember the last time I laughed like this, and it feels so incredibly good.
Once the giggles subside, a silence falls around us and Rae blows out a breath. “I might be way off the mark here but…” I look up at her, my breath catching as I wait for whatever it is that she thinks she’s figured out. “It’s Shane’s, isn’t it?”
I gasp in shock. I barely know this girl, we’ve spent no more than a few hours together, how has she figured this out?
“Um… how... um… what makes you say that?” I ask, trying and failing to sound like she hasn’t just knocked my world off-balance.
“There was just something he said while you were away that stuck with me. Then I saw his reaction to you on Friday night. He was meant to be focused on the game, but at every opportunity, his eyes searched you out.” My heart starts to race. Surely, she must have been imagining things. “Then we saw him at the hospital. He made up some bullshit excuse about having an appointment. I think Amalie might have fallen for it, but I saw right through his lie. He came to see you, didn’t he?”
I swallow nervously as I try to come up with any words to answer her.
“Y-yes.” I hold her eyes as she absorbs that one simple word. Mine fill with tears whereas hers brighten with accomplishment. “You don’t need to look so pleased with yourself.”
“When I was a kid, I used to imagine what it might be like to be a detective.”
“Well, congrats, Sherlock. You seem to have this case all figured out,” I mutter, reaching out for another donut just to give me something to do instead of stew on the admission I just made.
“Fucking hell, it’s really Shane? I thought the idea was a little left field, but… fuck.”
I shrug, what is there to say.
“He’s…” She trails off, trying to find the right words. “He’s different from the rest of the guys. He seems more… sensible, thoughtful, kind.”
A lump forms in my throat and tears sting the back of my eyes, desperate to be released.
“H-he is. He’s a really great guy, actually. Just… don’t tell anyone I told you that.” I laugh, but it’s far from the joyous one that fell from my lips not so long ago.
“But you’ve still not told him?”
I shake my head. “I can’t. What if he doesn’t want us?”
19
Shane
“Here, drink this,” Zayn says, shoving a bottle into my hand.
“Doesn’t Ethan have anything stronger?”
&
nbsp; I’m in a bitch of a mood. Have been since she sent me away from the hospital like a fucking spare part on Tuesday evening.
By the time I go home, Dad had somehow discovered that I’d skipped school and ripped me a new one, claiming that I had no idea how good I had it and that I should appreciate everything he’s given to me. As per usual, there was no mention of anyone other than him. I have no idea how Mom puts up with his bullshit. Anyone overhearing would think he was a fucking single dad who had to do everything alone. Truth of it is that he was absent for most of my childhood while he swanned around the country chasing fame and fortune. Mom was the one to bring me up, he just supplied the money in an attempt to make up for his absence.
Asshole.
“Vodka?” Zayn asks.
“Yes.” Reaching out, I take it from his hand instead of the beer.
I’m not in the mood for a party but Zayn insisted that I show my face and at least attempt to enjoy myself while drowning my sorrows with the copious amounts of alcohol Mr. Savage always supplies for Ethan’s parties.
“Cheer up,” he says, falling down beside me. “So she blew you off? There’s plenty of other pussy here tonight to distract you.”
“Who said she blew me off?”
“Uh… have you seen your face?” I’m assuming he doesn’t mean the bruises that Luca left behind.
“Fuck off,” I grunt, twisting the lid of the bottle and lifting it to my lips.
The vodka burns as I swallow a shot, but I welcome it. It’s better than the ache in my chest that’s been consuming all my thoughts since I walked away from her.
Part of me thinks I should have fought, should have stood my ground and made her hear me out for once, but then another part of me thinks it’s probably for the best. If she’s not interested now, then why should I bother?
Zayn falls into conversation with Justin who’s sitting beside him and they both ignore me as Ethan’s house fills with more and more kids ready to see in the weekend in style.
FIERCE: A High School Enemies to Lovers Romance (Rosewood High Book 4) Page 14