“Thanks, Mrs. P.”
“I need to hurry. Apparently, there are already three women checked in who will probably give birth tonight during my shift. So don’t worry if I’m home later than usual.”
“I won’t, mom.”
“Have fun. Oh, and there are some DVDs in the living room if you want to watch a movie.”
Well, the guys were all over having some chow and watching a horror movie, so we went to the kitchen where everyone pitched in. We sat at the table and ate, and I almost thought they’d forgotten about the bottle of rum in the garage. But as we were rinsing plates and loading the dishwasher, Brad snuck off, returning shortly after with the bottle. Ethan had only been helping half-heartedly and was off in the corner. It looked like he was texting something. If he was interested in me at all, he wasn’t doing a very good job showing it. Brad, on the other hand, wasn’t doing a good job staying off my radar.
We retired to the living room, and someone put in a horror movie. It looked like just another horror movie, and none of us were really watching. Brad had brought out one of the twelve-packs and the bottle of rum. He’d had Nick help by bringing in five glasses filled with ice. Brad poured rum in four of the glasses and then looked at me. “Sure you don’t want just a little? Just enough to get a little buzz?”
His eyes were so warm, so persuasive. Ethan sat up straight on the couch and leaned over, so close I could feel him. As though challenging Brad, he said to me, “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
But I trusted Brad, and there was something in his eyes that made me want to say yes. So I said, “Sure…just a little, though. I’m the driver, remember?”
He chuckled. “Okay.” So he poured just a tiny amount in my glass, at least two-thirds less than what he’d poured in everyone else’s cup. Then he poured Coke in each one until the liquid almost touched the rim.
Brad slid the glasses to a position in front of each person. “Bottoms up.” All four of the men drank half of their glass in one gulp.
“You shouldn’t have put ice in ‘em, Bradley. It’s harder to drink.” Ethan smirked at his friend.
“I thought, since we were in the company of a lady, that we should show a little restraint.” I felt myself blush a little.
“Yeah. Whatever. Top me off, pussy.”
Brad’s sense of humor seemed to be dissipating. He handed Ethan the bottle. “Do it yourself, cocksucker.”
“Don’t mind if I do.”
At that point, we did start watching the movie. I’d felt a little tense at the exchange between the two alpha males in the room, but as they downed their drinks, their emotions seemed to die down as well.
It didn’t escape my notice that Brad moved to the other side of me on the couch…and he sat close enough that his leg touched mine.
But Ethan kept talking to me, just making fun of the movie, making me laugh. Nick was on the floor in front of the coffee table, and once in a while, he’d catch a snippet of Ethan’s jokes and bust out laughing. He was getting pretty wasted. Zane was in a chair on the other side of the room.
I hadn’t had much of my drink. I guessed I just wasn’t much of a drinker. And that was okay. Ethan sat up and grabbed a Coke, popping it open. He sat back on the couch and whispered. “How about you trade me your drink for a straight Coke?”
I felt a little relief, and my heart warmed to my sweet Ethan. He must have just sensed that I wasn’t comfortable drinking, and he was going to rescue me. I smiled and switched with him. All the ice in my glass had melted, so he slammed it in just a couple of gulps. He licked his lips and looked me straight in the eye. “Best one I’ve had all night.”
Was he just teasing me? He winked and then leaned forward again, this time pouring more rum in his glass but foregoing the Coke.
Nick started giggling. “Oh, shit. This girl’s gonna get killed.”
Zane said, “Yeah…we saw her tits five minutes ago. Of course, she’s gonna die.”
The girl in the film had been jogging through the woods but then discovered she was being followed by the slasher in the movie. It was the same old tired scenario we’d all seen in horror movies, a formula beloved by the many. The girl tripped and started screaming, panicking, and just being stupid in general. I sat up. “Why is it that they always make these girls so dumb? Why does she have to trip and act stupid? Instead of going back the way she came or following the trail, she’s disappearing deeper into the woods where she’s going to die.”
Normally quiet Nick was now Obnoxious Nick. “You have a problem with that?”
Zane said, “I don’t, as long as I get to see her goodies.”
I rolled my eyes. “Real girls aren’t like that.”
Brad sat up next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “Know what, Val? You’re cool. Ethan has class when it comes to women.”
I wasn’t sure where he was coming from, but I couldn’t believe he was putting his arm around me right in front of Ethan.
“Correction,” Zane interrupted. “Remember Mary…the mouth?”
“Oh, fuck, yeah!” Nick broke out into laughter and fell on his back.
Ethan said, “Can we change the subject?”
“I kinda liked her mouth,” Zane said.
“I just wanted to say Val was cool. I didn’t want to get you guys started talking about Ethan’s old girlfriends.”
Ethan slammed his straight rum and poured another. Zane said, “I want a girlfriend like that.”
“Shut the fuck up, man.”
Zane sighed and shrugged, then downed his drink. Brad seemed to be in his own little world. I’d tried to ignore his arm around me, and I certainly didn’t want to draw attention to it nor encourage it. But he started talking quietly, so no one else could hear. “I’m glad you and Ethan are friends.” I couldn’t ignore him anymore, and I turned my head to look at him.
Holy Christ. The look in his eyes was undeniable. He wasn’t drunk, no. He might’ve been loosened up, but he wasn’t trashed. He looked…sexy, and I had no idea why he liked me so much, but the feeling was mutual.
I heard Nick laughing at something on the TV, and Zane said, “Holy shit! That bitch can bleed!” I hoped no one else was paying attention to me.
Brad asked, “So…are you and Ethan dating or not? Are you boyfriend and girlfriend? He won’t say dick about it, and I can’t tell.”
God…how should I answer that? Honesty…always the best way. “I…uh…don’t think he considers us that.”
Still…I really cared for Ethan, and nothing was set in stone. Until I knew for sure, I didn’t want to encourage Brad’s behavior. I took a deep breath and tried to smile. Then I stood up. “I…um…need a glass of water. Can I get anyone anything?”
Brad shook his head, and everyone else ignored me, so I walked to the kitchen.
I was so glad I hadn’t had anything to drink. In the past, I’d been around friends who’d lost all their inhibitions too quickly thanks to alcohol, and I knew I’d just escaped a precarious situation.
I’d come to the kitchen to get my bearings. I stood at the refrigerator for a good two minutes, just staring at the handle. Finally, I opened the door so I wouldn’t look pathetic and lost, but that’s really what I was. I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted, and it made me angry. No, that wasn’t entirely true. My head wanted one thing, my heart another. I needed a few minutes alone to just think.
A few deep breaths and I was starting to feel normal again. I shut the refrigerator door and turned around, ready to go back to the living room. But just as I did that, he appeared in the doorway. Brad…the man who’d made me question everything. And he just stared at me with those smoldering eyes as if to say he knew everything I was thinking.
Like a deer caught in headlights, I froze. I was paralyzed. I felt my heartbeat speed up, as though a locomotive were driving it. Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. I could hear it in my ears and nothing else. And then he started moving across the kitchen, closing the g
ap between us until it was nonexistent. I could hear as each one of his boots hit the floor step by step, but I was helpless to move. I felt a jolt in my bloodstream as my brain flooded it with chemicals, and yet I still couldn’t move.
Brad stopped just millimeters away from my body, and my eyes stayed locked on his. The thudding in my chest hadn’t receded, and there was no way I was getting away. I drew in one deep breath through my slightly parted lips, then another. Neither of us said a word. And then I felt something inside decide that it would be okay. Honestly, I knew there was nothing between Ethan and me, just some stupid stalkerish emotion that made me feel like I loved him. And that’s when I decided I wanted to give in to whatever had gripped me, whatever it was inside me that was drawn to Brad. My breathing slowed just a little, and I noticed his head tilt down as though he was going to touch my lips with his. Yes. It was okay. Maybe.
No. I wasn’t ready for this. Not yet. I closed my eyes as though in slow motion and tilted my head to the side. That would be okay, right? But deep inside I knew it wouldn’t be, and I didn’t care. If he had been a vampire, I would have been offering my jugular to him. Still I didn’t care—he could have it.
I drew in another slow, deep breath, anticipating the touch of his lips. Instead, I felt his breath on my neck, and everything in my body tightened. First, my breath caught in my throat, and then every single muscle in my body clamped down, but where I felt it the most was in my feminine parts, a part of my body that I’d religiously avoided like the plague. But the sensation didn’t feel as sinful as I’d been led to believe. Oh, no. It was a foreign feeling, yes, but it was not unwelcome. On instinct, my hands moved to his neck, and I shoved my fingers into his thick, soft hair.
His breath on my neck was warm and delicious. He brought his lips to my ear, and they barely grazed the tender skin there. He said, “I know you’re into Ethan, and as long as you are, nothing’s gonna happen between us. But I want you to know I’ll wait.”
I didn’t know what to say. There really wasn’t anything I could say that would make it okay. He had to know I was physically attracted to him, or why else would he even feel confident enough to make a move like that? It was in that moment that I realized how intuitive and worldly Brad was. He picked up on things that others usually just overlooked. He knew…he knew how I felt about him, about Ethan. How could he know that?
Either that or he was just drunk.
No…it wasn’t that he’d been drinking. He stepped back as I loosened my grip in his hair. His eyes stayed locked on mine as he just continued backing up, and then, as he got close to the doorway, he turned around and left the room.
I was breathless again. And I was even more confused than when I’d come in here.
* * *
Something had gone wrong in my absence, but I was too stupid to figure out what it was. All I knew is I had come back in the living room with the glass of cold water I’d supposedly wanted, and Ethan was ready to leave. The other guys told him we should stay, that it was still really early, the movie wasn’t over, there was still plenty of booze. But he wouldn’t listen. He was ready to leave. Brad hadn’t said and didn’t say a word.
Zane did, though. “Man, we could stay here all night. We could even crash on the floor. Brad’s mom won’t be home till morning, and she’ll be ready for bed when she gets here. Don’t bail now.”
“We’re leaving in the morning, Zane, so unless you have another ride back to school…”
Zane looked a little pissed but shrugged. “Fine. What time you comin’ by my house?”
“Ten. And if you’re smart, you’ll make sure you’re not hung over.”
Nick was already passed out on the floor. Zane said, “See you in the morning.”
Brad nodded at Ethan. “Take care, man. See you when you get back.”
It was subtle, but I saw Ethan’s jaw clench. He nodded. “Yeah.” Then he looked at me. “Let’s go.” I found my coat and purse on the bench by the front door where Brad had shown me to set them earlier. I told both Zane and Brad goodbye, and I couldn’t see any of the heat coming off Brad then as I had just minutes earlier. It was like a well-kept secret.
It was cold outside, so I zipped up my coat. When we got to his truck, he walked toward the driver’s side. I said, “Didn’t you want me to be your designated driver?”
He just opened the door. “I got this.”
I hadn’t seen how much he’d had to drink, but I was going to trust him. If his driving scared me, I’d ask him to stop and hope I could either find my way back to his house or Brad’s in the dark in this unfamiliar town.
Ethan was silent all the way back to his house. He drove okay, and I was grateful for that. I tried not to be upset, but I was growing tired of Ethan’s continual moodiness. He’d never seemed this out of sorts at school, but ever since he’d gotten home, he’d been a rollercoaster of emotions. I couldn’t keep up.
When we got to his house, he waited for me to get out of the truck before walking to the front door, but he didn’t say a word. I just followed him inside. There was a light on in the kitchen, and I could see two people sitting at the table, but I couldn’t make out more than that. I took off my coat and set it and my purse on the edge of the couch and continued following Ethan to the kitchen.
His mom and a man were sitting at the table. The man had black hair with a little gray. He looked a little older than Ethan’s mother. He was slightly overweight. I didn’t notice until he stood that he was tall. His blue eyes appraised me, and I could tell he was kind and gentle, just like Ethan’s mother.
“Hi, kids,” June said. “Why are you home so early? I wasn’t expecting you until much later.”
Ethan shrugged. “We’re leaving early tomorrow. Next week is finals week.”
June looked at the man across from her. “Jason, you’ve met Ethan. This is his friend, Valerie Quinn.”
“Nice to meet you, Valerie.”
I said, “You, too,” not knowing what else to say.
“C’mon, Val,” Ethan said. He walked out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. Why was he acting so strangely? Of course, he’d been doing nothing but act strange for the last twenty-four hours.
I said bye and hurried up the stairs to catch up. By the time I joined him in his room, he was already sitting on his bed taking his shoes off.
I sat next to him. “What’s wrong, Ethan?”
“Nothing.”
I took a deep breath. “Does it have anything to do with what you didn’t want to tell me earlier.”
His voice was cold, and he wouldn’t look at me. “No.”
“Don’t you want to talk about it?”
“No.” His jaw clenched. “Let’s just say I needed to leave Brad’s when I did, or Fully Automatic would already be disbanded.” He blinked a few times and turned on the bed. “Next weekend when I come back, it’ll all be cool.” I nodded but didn’t know what else to say, so I chose to say nothing. And in the back of my mind I wondered if he had seen Brad’s near kiss. Well, I guess I really didn’t wonder. His reaction and his words were confirmation. He grabbed a guitar pick off the nightstand and fingered it, still avoiding eye contact. “I guess I’ve been kind of pissy. Sorry. You come home with me, and I’m probably not showing you a good time. I, uh…after mom told me Jason was moving in here, I had to think things through. So I had to leave for a while.” He sighed and his voice was quieter, but he looked at me. I’d never seen Ethan looking that vulnerable. “She must love him a lot. She’s never asked a man to move in with her before. Jason’s an all right guy, but…I didn’t know if he’d treat her right.”
His eyes returned to the guitar pick. “My mom has been through hell. Let me just say this.” His eyes clouded with that never-ending look of hatred, the one I’d seen in his eyes way too many times before. “My father was a real son of a bitch. He treated my mom wrong. I don’t ever want her hurt again. So…after mom told me about Jason, I drove around town for about an hour, just thinking about t
he situation. And then, after I cooled down, I went to see Jason. I just talked to him. I wanted to see if he loved her. And I told him if he ever hurt her, he’d have to contend with me. He said he loved her more than anything. But I don’t know if I believe him. I mean…my mom’s the marrying kind. She’s said it herself. One time she told me she wouldn’t share herself with a man who wasn’t willing to marry her, and yet Jason doesn’t seem like he does. What gives?”
“Maybe he’s not emotionally ready for that kind of commitment yet, Ethan. Give him time.” Kind of like Ethan seemed to be too. He should be able to relate to that. But I didn’t say it. I felt a little uncomfortable, trying to give Ethan advice, and I had barely met Jason, but he seemed like a nice enough guy. I touched Ethan’s forearm with my hand.
It didn’t bother Ethan, but he didn’t really seem to notice either. “That’s what he hinted at. And I figure as long as mom’s happy, she can do what she wants. But if he ever hurts her…” His knuckles turned white, and his teeth clenched. Finally, he said, “He’ll have hell to pay.”
The silence returned. Ethan’s eyes eventually returned to normal, with only a mild look of anger dwelling in them. What had his father done to June that made Ethan so overprotective of her? I wanted to ask, but I wasn’t about to push it. Ethan had already bared his heart for me and it made me love him more.
I fell asleep in his arms again that night, right there on his bed, surprised that neither his mom nor Jason separated us. Nothing happened, but I felt like I was the comfort Ethan had needed on that cold, dark night.
Chapter Seven
Present
MY SECOND TRIMESTER was rough. Ethan was on the road with the band while I was left at home. My doctor had told me I could travel, but I knew the road was stressful. That wouldn’t be the right place to be pregnant. So I did what I imagined most expectant moms did—I went shopping. I bought baby clothes, bottles, a crib, blankets, and every little thing the expecting your first baby books recommended. I bought neutral baby clothes, because—unlike all other women I knew—I wanted the baby’s sex to be a surprise. I didn’t want to know what I was having until he or she entered the world.
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